[he yells, then breaks down in tears again, dropping his head back down. he can feel his heart squeezing in his chest so tight, and the heat building up in his body so fast he can hardly control it. the only thing that helps is that keigo is holding on to him right now and he desperately doesn't want to burn his friend.]
Yeah, sure. That's what being a hero is all about. Just like my dad, right? Just like our handlers in this hero program? That's what they want us to think.
No, I’m not! You are stronger than me! You can take me out, Touya! We have a safe word cause you can take me out!
[keigo can feel the heat, and it makes him weak, but his hold doesn’t relinquish. he grips tighter, leaning in closer, even if the words touya says hurts him.]
I’m not like your dad. I’ll never be like him! Even if I’m tortured here or forced to do things I don’t want to do, if it means I can protect people, protect you, then I don’t care!
Just because I can take you out doesn't make me better or stronger! It just means I can destroy. Other people, myself. That doesn't make a hero.
[he curls his shoulders in as if trying to pull away from keigo, but it's mostly just because he can feel his heat and he's scared. even now, he isn't sure if he can be strong enough- not even to tell keigo to get away.]
Well I care! I care what happens to you! You think you're the only one who wants to protect me?? I wanna do that too, but I can't, Keigo. I can't.
[now, more than ever, keigo is confused and lost. why would they never be able to get away? they would eventually graduate and then become heroes, right? that's what keigo has been taught since the day his mother sold him to these people.]
...what more is there?
[his voice is quiet, a little scared even. but, why would there need to be more to the secret training? they just had to be able to do it with their partner of choice and that was it, right?]
I'm talking about how no matter how bad things get, we have to stay. We have nowhere else to go. And when we're done here? I'm just gonna...
[he trails off, letting out another sob, fire sparking through his fingers. he yanks himself away from keigo then, because his fear of hurting keigo overrides everything else.
he wipes at his eyes quickly, angrily, trying to pull himself back together so he can talk to keigo without catching them both on fire.]
They told me... they told me we have to act like villains. We have to be villains. We can practice with each other, yeah, but then... we have to attack other submissives. They have to attack you too. You gotta talk them down and work your way to pleasing them. It's not just gonna be me. It was never just gonna be me. And I have to do that to other kids too. I can't, Keigo... I can't. I don't wanna be like my dad. I don't wanna be a villain. I can't. I can't let everyone else do that to you. They're gonna hurt you! I wanted it to just be us!
[keigo can't find the words to say. stay within this program forever? that sounded insane! he could understand himself, considering they bought him from his mother, but the others here...they weren't bought, right?
they were all supposed to be heroes.
so lost in thought, he doesn't notice when touya pulls away until the other youth begins to continue. and if he thought hearing the fact that they would never be able to escape was insane, what touya comes to admit sends a chill down keigo's spine. he searches his friend's eyes, hoping to see if it's not true, but touya never lies to him. and, even if he did, this would definitely not be something to lie about.
a feeling settles in the pit of his stomach. he can feel his wings trembling.]
Why...would they..? I don't..I don't want that for us. I don't want anyone touching me or you, Touya.
[ he can't help but let his anger show. but he knows it's going to be the truth. they won't just get to be free after this. he's starting to realize that's not how any of this works.
heroes or not, he's still pretty sure whoever is at this program was pretty much given to the people here to use as they please.
he also knows this is a stream of anger and pain and maybe he's not expressing himself the right way, but the truth of it is all still there. he knows what their handlers are going to make them do to each other.]
I knew there was more to it than that. They'd never let us just pick each other and be done with it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Stop thinking like that, Touya! I’m not better.
[he can’t help but feel hurt though, when called stupid. he can’t even hide the look in his eyes.]
It’s not stupid to think like that. I just..That’s what being a hero is all about. To protect.
no subject
[he yells, then breaks down in tears again, dropping his head back down. he can feel his heart squeezing in his chest so tight, and the heat building up in his body so fast he can hardly control it. the only thing that helps is that keigo is holding on to him right now and he desperately doesn't want to burn his friend.]
Yeah, sure. That's what being a hero is all about. Just like my dad, right? Just like our handlers in this hero program? That's what they want us to think.
no subject
[keigo can feel the heat, and it makes him weak, but his hold doesn’t relinquish. he grips tighter, leaning in closer, even if the words touya says hurts him.]
I’m not like your dad. I’ll never be like him! Even if I’m tortured here or forced to do things I don’t want to do, if it means I can protect people, protect you, then I don’t care!
no subject
[he curls his shoulders in as if trying to pull away from keigo, but it's mostly just because he can feel his heat and he's scared. even now, he isn't sure if he can be strong enough- not even to tell keigo to get away.]
Well I care! I care what happens to you! You think you're the only one who wants to protect me?? I wanna do that too, but I can't, Keigo. I can't.
no subject
[the pulling away is ignored. keigo finds himself gasping as he comes to press his forehead against touya's head. it’s so hot.]
I know you do. But I can’t just not protect you. We can’t give up. Please, Touya. You said you wanted to be a hero, didn’t you?
no subject
[his brain is telling himself to pull away, but he can't. his foolish, weak heart won't let him.]
They didn't tell you everything about the secret training, Keigo.
no subject
[now, more than ever, keigo is confused and lost. why would they never be able to get away? they would eventually graduate and then become heroes, right? that's what keigo has been taught since the day his mother sold him to these people.]
...what more is there?
[his voice is quiet, a little scared even. but, why would there need to be more to the secret training? they just had to be able to do it with their partner of choice and that was it, right?]
no subject
[he trails off, letting out another sob, fire sparking through his fingers. he yanks himself away from keigo then, because his fear of hurting keigo overrides everything else.
he wipes at his eyes quickly, angrily, trying to pull himself back together so he can talk to keigo without catching them both on fire.]
They told me... they told me we have to act like villains. We have to be villains. We can practice with each other, yeah, but then... we have to attack other submissives. They have to attack you too. You gotta talk them down and work your way to pleasing them. It's not just gonna be me. It was never just gonna be me. And I have to do that to other kids too. I can't, Keigo... I can't. I don't wanna be like my dad. I don't wanna be a villain. I can't. I can't let everyone else do that to you. They're gonna hurt you! I wanted it to just be us!
no subject
[keigo can't find the words to say. stay within this program forever? that sounded insane! he could understand himself, considering they bought him from his mother, but the others here...they weren't bought, right?
they were all supposed to be heroes.
so lost in thought, he doesn't notice when touya pulls away until the other youth begins to continue. and if he thought hearing the fact that they would never be able to escape was insane, what touya comes to admit sends a chill down keigo's spine. he searches his friend's eyes, hoping to see if it's not true, but touya never lies to him. and, even if he did, this would definitely not be something to lie about.
a feeling settles in the pit of his stomach. he can feel his wings trembling.]
Why...would they..? I don't..I don't want that for us. I don't want anyone touching me or you, Touya.
no subject
[ he can't help but let his anger show. but he knows it's going to be the truth. they won't just get to be free after this. he's starting to realize that's not how any of this works.
heroes or not, he's still pretty sure whoever is at this program was pretty much given to the people here to use as they please.
he also knows this is a stream of anger and pain and maybe he's not expressing himself the right way, but the truth of it is all still there. he knows what their handlers are going to make them do to each other.]
I knew there was more to it than that. They'd never let us just pick each other and be done with it.