[the silence is comforting. more than he expects. it keeps the nerves down in a way. the sounds of the ocean is nice though, of crashing and rolling waves. he wonders how it feels to listen to it at night, with the night air to keep them cool. he really shouldn't think that far ahead though. he needed to take these baby-steps with dabi. to earn that trust back.
it gives him so much hope though. dabi is willing to give him this chance. with plenty of time to think everything over, he knows without a doubt that he wants this more than life itself.
coming inside, keigo brushes off the sand, trying his best to be respectful and not lead any into dabi's home. after, he comes in further, offering a small smile to his former lover's remark.]
That's okay. You've seen the way I kept my home.
[at least, his bedroom. clothes were always thrown around. very soon, his kitchen began to gather one mess after the next when he would have dabi over more often.
quickly, he shoos the memory away, coming to kneel down and help pick up a few bits of clutter that were thrown about due to the table.]
...After the attack at Kamino, my handlers approached me and commanded I infiltrate the League of Villains to get to Shigaraki. They..I couldn't refuse. So I agreed.
[keigo starts off quietly after a brief few seconds, slowly setting the knickknacks back into place.]
I, well, I chose you on my own. I heard you were in charge of scouting for members. The Hero Commissioners wanted me to use someone else.
[he never was too sure of why though. but he never questioned it. his handlers had plenty of secrets that keigo never could discover further.]
I thought you were pretty cool too. Fire quirks always fascinated me. [something he should regret finding an interest in, considering the damage and fear he holds towards it now. but, then he also might have never fell for dabi if that was the case.] I had free range of what intel to give you, no matter the consequences. My handlers told me to do what needed to be done, even if it meant killing someone innocent, including civilians.
[it's hard to not find disgust in that. he hated how easy the hero commission made it sound. no one deserved to die. but at that time, he had been their puppet to utilize.]
I told them in detail of each meeting we had, until..well, our first night having sex. I did that all on my own. I did start it off because I wanted to keep the peace between us, but it escalated, and I became selfishly wanting to keep it between us. From there, everything involving our intimacy or relationship, I never told my handlers. Towards the end though, a week or two before I came to join the Liberation Front, I started to give very little to my handlers. Then after, I hardly talked with them. I told them it was because I had eyes on me all the time, but honestly, I was...
[his breath catches, and he has to pause. his eyes were beginning to wet too, and keigo pulls away from the table.]
...sorry. [it's said quietly, before he clears his throat.] I read that book to Jin, and you know, talking about it in detail to him, I started to..get it. Like, believe in it. Then, I started to think back to my conversations with you, and it just...made sense. No one would believe heroes to be the bad guys, yet so many of them corrupt society. By then though, I had already notified Endeavor when to strike.
[the last part is said on a trembling tongue. it's one of the many greatest mistakes. if only he had been stopped, or if endeavor hadn't been able to know the full extent of the passage.]
A few nights before..that day, my handlers reached out a final time. They wanted another update. I refused. They...the threats started. Small, first. About ruining my reputation. Tossing me to the wolves. I really didn't care. I never wanted to be in the top. But, then they brought my mom into it, that she could be arrested for her petty crimes, and maybe have the chance to live while in prison.
[his breath is coming in low as he tries to fight back the wetness at his eyes. he wasn't going to sugarcoat anything. he had to be honest.]
no subject
it gives him so much hope though. dabi is willing to give him this chance. with plenty of time to think everything over, he knows without a doubt that he wants this more than life itself.
coming inside, keigo brushes off the sand, trying his best to be respectful and not lead any into dabi's home. after, he comes in further, offering a small smile to his former lover's remark.]
That's okay. You've seen the way I kept my home.
[at least, his bedroom. clothes were always thrown around. very soon, his kitchen began to gather one mess after the next when he would have dabi over more often.
quickly, he shoos the memory away, coming to kneel down and help pick up a few bits of clutter that were thrown about due to the table.]
...After the attack at Kamino, my handlers approached me and commanded I infiltrate the League of Villains to get to Shigaraki. They..I couldn't refuse. So I agreed.
[keigo starts off quietly after a brief few seconds, slowly setting the knickknacks back into place.]
I, well, I chose you on my own. I heard you were in charge of scouting for members. The Hero Commissioners wanted me to use someone else.
[he never was too sure of why though. but he never questioned it. his handlers had plenty of secrets that keigo never could discover further.]
I thought you were pretty cool too. Fire quirks always fascinated me. [something he should regret finding an interest in, considering the damage and fear he holds towards it now. but, then he also might have never fell for dabi if that was the case.] I had free range of what intel to give you, no matter the consequences. My handlers told me to do what needed to be done, even if it meant killing someone innocent, including civilians.
[it's hard to not find disgust in that. he hated how easy the hero commission made it sound. no one deserved to die. but at that time, he had been their puppet to utilize.]
I told them in detail of each meeting we had, until..well, our first night having sex. I did that all on my own. I did start it off because I wanted to keep the peace between us, but it escalated, and I became selfishly wanting to keep it between us. From there, everything involving our intimacy or relationship, I never told my handlers. Towards the end though, a week or two before I came to join the Liberation Front, I started to give very little to my handlers. Then after, I hardly talked with them. I told them it was because I had eyes on me all the time, but honestly, I was...
[his breath catches, and he has to pause. his eyes were beginning to wet too, and keigo pulls away from the table.]
...sorry. [it's said quietly, before he clears his throat.] I read that book to Jin, and you know, talking about it in detail to him, I started to..get it. Like, believe in it. Then, I started to think back to my conversations with you, and it just...made sense. No one would believe heroes to be the bad guys, yet so many of them corrupt society. By then though, I had already notified Endeavor when to strike.
[the last part is said on a trembling tongue. it's one of the many greatest mistakes. if only he had been stopped, or if endeavor hadn't been able to know the full extent of the passage.]
A few nights before..that day, my handlers reached out a final time. They wanted another update. I refused. They...the threats started. Small, first. About ruining my reputation. Tossing me to the wolves. I really didn't care. I never wanted to be in the top. But, then they brought my mom into it, that she could be arrested for her petty crimes, and maybe have the chance to live while in prison.
[his breath is coming in low as he tries to fight back the wetness at his eyes. he wasn't going to sugarcoat anything. he had to be honest.]
...they threatened to kill you next.