[ the fact that keigo had ratted him out to endeavor was one of the biggest blows. after everything.... the one man he cared about the most betrayed him to the one man he hated the most.
maybe he should have trusted keigo enough to tell him, but after everything keigo said about doing the right thing, about betraying him being worth it in the end... it would have been far worse if he had told keigo everything and he did what he thought needed to be done anyway.
he stops talking then, glancing at keigo, then he pushes himself up to sit, leaning back against the headboard. a moment after that, he pulls his hand away completely, wrapping his arms around himself. in a way, it's to keep what happened separate from keigo. ]
I was never good enough for him when I was younger. I used to try so hard at everythin' he put me through, but it was never enough. I'd train day and night, hours and hours on end, pushin' myself out of my own blood and dirt and puke. He'd get so angry. He'd beat me and asked me why I was makin' him do this to me. I thought it was my fault, ya know? I thought... why couldn't I just be better? Be more useful? Why couldn't I just be like him?
[he wanted it so badly back then. just like his father. he wanted to be a hero so badly back then. ]
But I couldn't do it. My body wasn't made for it. My quirk... it was meant more for cold than anythin' else and that's not what he made me for. That ain't what I was created by him for.
When he realizes this, he decided I was only good for somethin' else. When he slammed me down on the training room floor I thought I'd be gettin' the beating'a my life again, but then he ripped my pants off and...
[he stops, drawing his knees up.]
It's the only thing I was ever good for after that. He'd threaten me about my mom, my sister, Natsu. He'd get doctors to come fix me up, just enough so he could keep doin' it over and over again.
Pretty sure my mom knew. But she was scared. She didn't say shit. It just became a normal thing for him to do. Sometimes he'd tell me he'd divorce my mother and marry me instead. He said I looked just like her and he'd keep me there forever with him instead.
I dunno if that's why he said that to ya, or if that's why he wanted... I don't fuckin' know, but it's all my fault. It's all my fuckin' fault.
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maybe he should have trusted keigo enough to tell him, but after everything keigo said about doing the right thing, about betraying him being worth it in the end... it would have been far worse if he had told keigo everything and he did what he thought needed to be done anyway.
he stops talking then, glancing at keigo, then he pushes himself up to sit, leaning back against the headboard. a moment after that, he pulls his hand away completely, wrapping his arms around himself. in a way, it's to keep what happened separate from keigo. ]
I was never good enough for him when I was younger. I used to try so hard at everythin' he put me through, but it was never enough. I'd train day and night, hours and hours on end, pushin' myself out of my own blood and dirt and puke. He'd get so angry. He'd beat me and asked me why I was makin' him do this to me. I thought it was my fault, ya know? I thought... why couldn't I just be better? Be more useful? Why couldn't I just be like him?
[he wanted it so badly back then. just like his father. he wanted to be a hero so badly back then. ]
But I couldn't do it. My body wasn't made for it. My quirk... it was meant more for cold than anythin' else and that's not what he made me for. That ain't what I was created by him for.
When he realizes this, he decided I was only good for somethin' else. When he slammed me down on the training room floor I thought I'd be gettin' the beating'a my life again, but then he ripped my pants off and...
[he stops, drawing his knees up.]
It's the only thing I was ever good for after that. He'd threaten me about my mom, my sister, Natsu. He'd get doctors to come fix me up, just enough so he could keep doin' it over and over again.
Pretty sure my mom knew. But she was scared. She didn't say shit. It just became a normal thing for him to do. Sometimes he'd tell me he'd divorce my mother and marry me instead. He said I looked just like her and he'd keep me there forever with him instead.
I dunno if that's why he said that to ya, or if that's why he wanted... I don't fuckin' know, but it's all my fault. It's all my fuckin' fault.