[maybe it's good that keigo doesn't know what dabi has been up to while here. although, he can't exactly blame the former villain, given what he's been through. even keigo feels like he should lose himself with enough alcohol to properly cleanse himself.
rather, maybe he really needs to lose himself to dabi's warm arms. maybe in due time, he tells himself.
the apology stirs something within keigo's chest. it makes him appreciative, glad to have heard it, despite that he told dabi it wasn't needed. his former lover pressuring that it did matter only gets keigo to keen. it means more than he expects.]
Thank you.
[he whispers out, keeping the apology dear to him. he would have never expected to receive it, given what he's done, what he's deserved to be placed where he's at. yes. it definitely means a lot more than he ever expected.
hearing his name does get keigo to drop his arm from his wet eyes. he's so tired of crying. he just wants to smile and laugh with dabi again. to tease, bicker, and jest. to be happy again. he would give anything to curl up with his former lover again, whispering breathless words that always placed a smile at his lips.
keigo is almost taken back when dabi's knees spread open and then his arms are urged forward, a move the former hero doesn't fight. he eagerly comes forward, wanting nothing more than this.]
Dabi...
[he breathes his old lover's name, nosing against dabi's collarbone while his arms circle around the thin waist. his fingers take to the back of dabi's shirt, gripping tightly, afraid to let go. he wants to cry. he wants to smile. but instead, all he does it breathe in his former lover's scent.]
I'll do anything for it, anything for you. I want to feel your warmth again.
[ it's definitely good that keigo doesn't know what dabi's been up to while he's been here. it hurts him to his core. he can't imagine it would hurt keigo any less. for a long while he thought all of what keigo had said was a lie. that he didn't care about him at all and that it was only a job.
it's hard to believe that now, though, especially once keigo told him everything. no one would go through all that for someone who was just a job. while it still hurts that keigo betrayed him anyway, he still wants to hold on to the rest of what it meant.
the rest? he has to try and let go of if they're going to try and make something work. he knows both of them deserve more than just an apology, but he hopes it's a good start.
once keigo is in his arms, dabi wills warmth back into his body like he used to have. he knows he isn't like that anymore, but he can make it a part of himself again, can't he? just like when he decides to have his scars. having keigo in his arms feels like the biggest relief imaginable. it feels like coming home. dabi closes his eyes and holds him tightly, burying his face into keigo's hair. it's been so long. too long and it makes him tear up. without his scars it's as if he can't seem to stop.]
We gotta figure out a way to fix this.
[not just the thing with endeavor's hold, but between them too. everything around them is broken.]
[it really is like home, being right here in dabi's arms again. keigo never wants to leave them again. he knows he can't get too comfortable, given that his former lover is working hard to forgive him. he doesn't want to pressure dabi at all.
whatever the other man graces him with, keigo will greedily accept it. just being able to talk with him again, it's so perfect. dabi was everything keigo needed and wanted. he would do anything for this man.
for now though, he'll greedily take in basking in the warmth dabi's body provides. it's not quite like before, but there's warmth here, and if keigo desired it, he would fold his wings around their bodies like he used to. it's just so difficult to do so with the fake ones provided in this simulated world. he's...grown accustomed without them, as sad as that was.
his tears come to finally dry up as he clings to dabi. it'll be painful to leave this, even for a short time, all in order to get whatever they needed set into motion. he'll return as fast as he can though, to spend eternity here with dabi. it's all keigo wants now.]
Yeah. [he agrees softly into his former lover's shirt, before he finds himself nosing against dabi affectionately on instinct.] We still have time.
[ there were so many nights he'd cry himself to sleep, longing for this. to be able to hold keigo again feels like a dream. he knows this is close to one, but he can still feel it. keigo is tangible in his arms. he's something that can hold him right back. it's exactly like the real thing.
he lets himself be greedy, not wanting to let go. he's suffered enough and he knows he needs to let himself have this. they both have suffered so greatly through this. ]
In a little bit, then.
[they dont' have a lot of time, but they have enough of it to let themselves indulge. he realizes that he's never quite felt keigo nuzzling at his neck because of his scars, but now he can feel it. it makes him shiver lightly and hold keigo a little tighter.]
I still think about this a lot. No matter how angry I was, I always would.
[just to have dabi be greedy, keigo doesn't mind it one bit. dabi could do anything to him, and the former hero would appreciate it. he can keep this in mind, these warm arms wrapped around his body, when he returns. and, if endeavor is waiting for him, he'll replay this moment on a loop.
he desperately hopes the number one isn't there though. maybe he'll be pulled out onto a call or filling out paperwork. as long as he's busy, that's all keigo would need.]
A little bit.
[keigo agrees with a whisper, far too comfortable to move anyway. the time would fly, he's aware of that. especially after he's only thought and dreamed of nothing but this.
a soft sound escapes when he feels dabi's grip tightening around him. he returns the same gesture, fingernails biting a little into the fabric of the other male's shirt. a small smile graces his lips to dabi's words though. if he still had his wings, they would flutter in excitement.]
Thinking about this, about you...kept me alive. I could endure anything for you. I still can.
[ dabi doesn't want keigo to leave again, no matter how he might still feel about everything that has happened. keigo being here instead of stuck in that shit real world... he realizes that if keigo was here, maybe this place wouldn't feel so terrible for him either.
there's so much they need to talk about, so much he wants to say, but he's waited this long. he can wait a little longer. he just wants to stay like this for a while longer. ]
You don't gotta endure shit for much longer, alright? You're gonna be here with me after this.
[he lifts a hand to comb through keigo's hair. it still feels the same as he remembers. it even smells the same.]
Hey... you wanna get up off'a this floor, though? We can go lay down. The bed I got here... it's... it's like the one ya had at your place.
[keigo doesn’t want to leave dabi either. he wants to quickly sign away his right to die and be uploaded to this world, just so he can remain at dabi’s side. to wake up and live each day, sleep at the other male’s side, that’s what he needs.
if only he could do it without having to return to the real world.
for now, he’ll cherish this and think about it when he slips off and dies in the real world. maybe having natsuo at his side will make sure he’s definitely uploaded. he doesn’t really doubt they’ll keep him from san junipero, given how desperate everyone is to upload him there. still, keigo wants to be positive he’ll return to dabi.]
I hope you’re prepared to have a needy bird on your heel.
[he teases lightly. there’s truth to it though. it might be awhile before he could properly leave dabi’s shadow. but there’s no reason to leave in this world. no heroes. no modeling. only dabi. and that’s all he wants.
it’s hard to not lean up into that hand though. he rubs against it, causing him to nuzzle dabi’s neck further. not that keigo minds. it gives him a chance to breathe in his former lover’s scent again.
although, he does force himself to pull back a bit to dabi’s words. a bed like his old one. their bed, his mind supplies. he doesn’t need to be told twice, even if it’s so hard to pull away from dabi.]
[ when he woke up this morning he never thought this was going to be his day. only in his dreams did he think he could lay in this bed with keigo again.
he doesn't want keigo to go back either, not even for a little bit, but they need to finish this madness once and for all. that's the only way to ensure their safety. they'll finally be able to be away from it all. all it ever would have taken was endeavor's death. ]
S'been a while, but I think I can manage a needy bird.
[he hasn't smiled since the last time he was with keigo in the real world, but now he can't help the small one on edge of his lips. feels good to have him so close like this again, feeling the new sensation of goosebumps all long his neck as his ex lover keeps nuzzling into him. he's almost disappointed when keigo lifts his head, but there's still that smallest smile on his face.
he nods, letting his hands slide away from keigo to close the bottle of alcohol. he doesn't feel like drinking himself into oblivion anymore. he just wants to go lay with keigo.]
[it’s almost like this is an all too perfect dream. he didn’t wake up earlier expecting to reunite with his old lover. to get to lay together in bed again, he’s never looked forward to anything like it in so many months.
there’s something that sits inside him when dabi comes to repeat the nickname. he always was weak to them before. of course now, he was flightless. still, those names were always given to him by dabi and nobody else. they were precious to keigo.]
I’ll try not to nip your heels too much.
[he’s glad dabi is up for the challenge.
keigo catches that smile and his chest warms up from it. he wants to pull more of those out like before. he wants to make dabi happy. as happy as the former villain makes him.
keigo finds it endearing to see that the alcohol isn’t needed any longer, that he’s more important or able to provide more than the liquor could.]
Alright. Show me.
[he offers another smile, eager to bask back in that familiar warmth again. he yearned so much to wrap arms and legs around dabi like before.
a part of him does want to take his former lover’s hand though. but, he’s not sure if dabi is ready yet, and keigo doesn’t want to appear extremely needy, despite being so. even though they’ve held each other and intended to do so in bed. hand-holding was always more...intimate between them.]
[ dabi doesn't know how keigo would feel about those nicknames anymore, now that his wings are gone. for the first time since it happened, he starts to feel guilty about it. at the time he felt like keigo deserved it, and maybe he still does, but those wings were a part of keigo either way.
it's something he's sure he'll dwell on more later, even once keigo is gone. another intense feeling that'll overtake him, but maybe he deserves to feel that way.
for now though, he just wants to enjoy what he has in front of him, even if they only lay together under the covers. it's all dabi really needs and he's sure keigo needs it too. he doesn't take the other man's hand as he heads towards the bedroom, glancing over at keigo as they move through the house. there are little things here that keigo might recognize, like the mug, a painting on the wall that keigo used to have that dabi always liked. some of the furniture is the same, and the clothes strewn across the floor are keigo's.
for a moment he's embarrassed, not because of the mess, but because so much of keigo is still here in this house, even though he swore he hated his former lover. ]
I uh... I got used to your stuff, I guess.
[he tries to explain, once he knows keigo has seen it all. right down to the bedroom which looks almost identical, and the big, comfy bed.]
[maybe in due time keigo will ask for those nicknames. despite the loss of wings, he was still dabi’s bird.
he doesn’t want to think of his loss with the wings though. keigo has already come to terms that he deserved it. he had been more depressed over Dabi’s death anyway. and, it’s not like he would be able to bring them here, even if he still had them.
following behind his former lover, keigo comes to take in the small details of dabi’s home. there’s small things that are obvious hints, things that were in his penthouse. it’s significantly warming the former hero up, a light dusting coming to grace his cheeks as he gives a small smile.]
I like it. It feels homely.
[he wouldn’t mind teasing his old lover, but keigo desires getting on that bed more. he slips past dabi, giving a gentle tug to the other male’s shirt before continuing on to the bed. climbing on all fours, it feels so familiar to his own. it really was the same.
but it’s not perfect unless with dabi. so, over his shoulder, keigo motions for the other male to follow him.]
[ maybe keigo really will always be dabi's bird. he doesn't want to lose this again. that kind of pain was too much.
he knows neither of them can really make up for what they took from each other, but maybe this will open up the chance for them to at least try. dabi wouldn't have thought he could do it before, but things might be different now. he wants to at least try.
it's funny how keigo seems to be the one blushing, but then once dabi thinks about it, he can feel the heat on his cheeks as well, when keigo says he likes it. it's far more visible now without his scars. he isn't really sure if keigo likes it or not, though. ]
Still hasn't felt all that much like home.
[because there was one thing missing. the stuff has helped a bit, because he could just pretend, but he could only pretend for so long.
dabi stops at the edge of the bed even once he's tugged, just watching keigo climb onto the bed. it hits him hard how many times he yearned for this very thing. to come home and flop onto the bed and just curl into keigo, forgetting about everything else... and now he's about to do just that. he feels his stupid emotions welling up again as he climbs into bed. he was going to keep some space between them, but he can't help but do what he's been dying to do all this time.
he lays on the bed once keigo does and curls into his middle, wrapping his arms around his waist. he buries his face into keigo's waist as well, and there's immediately wetness on his face. this is all he's wanted.]
[the heat that takes to dabi’s cheeks is cute. the former hero likes it. his big bad villain getting flustered is a pleasing sight. it’s far easier to see the dust of pink without the scars. those never did bother keigo in the past, but there’s something addicting about seeing dabi for who he truly should have been.
keigo wants to appreciate every little bit of dabi when given the chance. scars, no scars, the former villain was so damn beautiful.
he nods to dabi’s words. home for the former hero had shifted into this man with him. without having it, keigo has been so depressed. but now, now it’s back in his grasp. he was home.
keigo gets comfortable, hoping dabi joins him closely. he wants to take in the warmth, rub his fingers down dabi’s spine, nuzzle him affectionately. they deserved it. they’ve both been missing this for so long now.
and dabi comes to provide what keigo wants. he gets his former lover pressed against him, feeling dabi’s face against his waist. it gets a content sound from the bird, keigo adjusting to brush a hand through soft hair. oh. he’s deeply missed this. dabi was so warm and-
keigo blinks but gives a small, sad smile when he feels his shirt beginning to dampen. it gets the former hero to curl closer around dabi, wrapping his arms to the top of the spiky hair in a hug. keigo even lays a leg over dabi’s body, just to hold tighter to the other male.]
I’m here, Dabi. And I’m not going.
[keigo whispers, moving one hand down so he can rub soft circles along dabi’s back.]
[Keigo could always get Dabi to do things he wouldn't normally do, like blushing. he felt like such an idiot the first time, but he liked how it made Keigo smile. this time isn't much different.
there were times he used to wonder what he would have looked like as a grown up without his scars. He got them far too young. getting to see his face without them was such a strange thing. he wonders if Keigo likes it, or is weirded out by it. this is not how he's used to seeing Dabi, after all.
its such a small thing. he knows the biggest thing is getting to hold each other again, and they could have had this last time already, but they were too stubborn.
there's no time for that anymore, though and Dabi doesn't want it anyway.
he hugs Keigo tighter, feeling like a stupid, overwhelmed kid. he just can't seem to stop his emotions anymore.]
I missed ya too. I'd get in this bed and try to convince myself you were still at work, still in the kitchen, still on your way home.
[that deep intense ache is a memory now, because he finally gets to lay with the real thing. ]
[dabi deserved to smile more often. keigo liked the feature on his former lover’s face. it made everything all the better too. like nothing else mattered. just them.
it feels so good to be the one comforting dabi. he’s constantly felt like the needy one, the one always crying. the one who couldn’t put himself together. but then dabi is here, and it’s so real and human, and keigo desperately wished that everyone could realize that dabi was human too, not a sinister villain out to mass murder anyone and everyone. that there’s trauma here, and dabi was just as human as they were.
dabi has been hurting. keigo wants to make it all better. a part of him does appreciate that dabi trusts him enough to show such vulnerable emotions. it brings out a protective sense from the former hero.]
Oh Dabi...
[he smiles softly, leaning at hearing such words. holding even tighter, keigo comes to nuzzle the top of the spiky hair.]
I’m home.
[and he wasn’t ever going back out. not without dabi.
a small laugh does bubble up when his former lover refers to himself as the needy bird here. it seems suitable though. they were both needy for each other. keigo begins to comb a hand through dabi’s hair while basking in such loving warmth.]
[ maybe having keigo back will bring more smiles to dabi's face again. it almost feels unnatural now, but not so much when it comes to his former lover. he was the only one who could ever pull a real smile from him, that wasn't sarcastic or sinister.
the fact that keigo is here now, telling him that he's home, that he's here and won't go anywhere... it's something dabi has been longing to hear. even through his anger and all the pain, this is what he had wished for. he was so stubborn about it before, but he doesn't want to be anymore. he just wants to keep holding keigo like this all the time. ]
You're home.
[dabi repeats quietly, his face pressed back into keigo's side as the other man hugs his head. this feels like home now. that heavy, disgusting weight that's been wrapped around his heart seems to unravel a bit and he can breathe. he doesn't want to die.]
You're the prettiest one here. Think that name still belongs to ya too. You'll always be my pretty bird.
[keigo happily hums towards dabi’s response. home. he’s home. living for eternity like this sounds incredibly perfect.
he’s happy. all his worries have left him. for the first time in a long while, he’s at peace. it’s incredibly perfect. not even returning home later worries him, because quickly, he’ll be back here. permanently.
keigo flusters though, to being called prettier. it did always feel different coming from dabi. it’s why he cherished hearing it before, why he even changed his password on his computer to it. this time, it’s no different.]
You’ve always been insanely hot though. I hated keeping my hands off of you.
[keigo begins to persistently tug at dabi’s shirt, trying to get the other male up, so that they could be eye level. he wants to memorize every single detail of dabi’s features. and maybe cuddle a little more infinitely.]
I like you with and without the scars. You’re always so attractive. And sexy. You make me melt.
[ it's so easy to fall back into this with keigo, whether they should or not. what other choice is there, though? dabi is pretty sure he was gone the moment they first kissed. or when keigo invited him back to his place. when he'd get so jealous over the smallest thing that might've taken keigo away from him. but then it became everything else too, and dabi fell so hard. that's why it hurt so much in the end.
but maybe now they can change things. they can do it differently. they still have some things to work through, but they can do that once keigo is safe. once the two of them know they can be here together forever.
they'll work the rest out later, because dabi knows that either way, he still wants to be here with keigo. he wants this to be their home.]
Last thing I ever wanted was you keepin' your hands off'a me.
[he smiles a little more when keigo keeps tugging at him, and now that his emotions have calmed down a bit, he decides it's fine. he wants to look at keigo too. he still wants to take things slow though. very slow. as much as he wants to let certain things go, he can't help but still be wary too.
he believes keigo... but he still wants to make sure.
he does move up to lay in keigo's arms, though, and resists burying his face into keigo's neck so he can properly look at him instead, settling into the space the other man's body creates. it's like a dream, laying here with keigo so close again, and dabi lifts a hand, letting his thumb brush along the black markings under keigo's eye. ]
I thought it'd be weird without the scars. Or maybe that you'd think it was weird. I look so different. But it hurts less'n I dunno... feels kinda freeing to just cry like a normal fuckin' person again.
[not something he'd ever admit to anyone else. he always did admit more to keigo than to anyone else.]
[keigo would spend all of eternity to make up for his betrayal. anything to give dabi the love and adoration he deserved. he’ll do everything to regain any manner of trust. no matter how long it takes. he has the rest of their lives to make up for it.]
Then I guess my hands will be always on you.
[within reason. he wouldn’t want to make dabi uncomfortable, after all.
dabi comes up with his persistent tugging, earning a small smile from the former hero. to be able to see the other male clearly, it fills his stomach with butterflies.
keigo doesn’t intend for more, doesn’t expect it. he’s not going to push his old lover into anything he’s not ready for. this isn’t a relationship built on pure sex any more. keigo wants to do this right. dabi deserved all the love keigo can give, slowly but surely. they would go at dabi’s pace, and keigo was more than happy to do so.
his smile grows, a little wider and purely genuine, as dabi lays in his arms. it’s so pure here, getting to see the other male perfectly clearly. it gets a small flush at his cheeks with how beautiful dabi is before him. briefly, his eyes close in the innocent touch to his marking beneath his eyes. it was so pure.]
No matter what you look like, I’m attracted to all of you. I see only you. There’s nothing weird here.
[he whispers quietly, eyes reopening while he leans closer to bump their foreheads together affectionately. his hand continues to comb through soft hair while the other runs slow circles at dabi’s back.]
However you present yourself, I won’t lose my feelings or attraction. I want you to be comfortable. But, you are beautiful when you cry. And I mean that in a non sadist kind of way.
[maybe they'll be able to fix things now that they're away from everything and everyone. hopefully they'll be. dabi doesn't want to think about what'll happen if they can't get rid of endeavor, but even then they'll figure it out. they have to. ]
Bet they will be. You've always been so damn clingy.
[he says with a small smirk. there was a while when boundaries were an issue, he remembers, but then after that keigo had always made sure to ask. no one else ever had before, and it was important to him. dabi had always been used all his life... another reason the betrayal was so soul shattering. he felt used all over again by the one person he had started to trust.
he tries not to think about that right now, though. he doesn't want to over think this. they still have some time together, but not enough. not yet. he wants what they have in this moment to be as peaceful as possible. something keigo can hold on to no matter what.
when keigo opens his eyes and looks at him, it makes him feel warm again. the kind of warmth he hasn't felt in what feels like forever. he slides his fingers into the other man's hair when their foreheads bump and oh, he wants to kiss keigo so badly, but he can't. not yet. it still hurts too much when he thinks about it, even when he tries not to. ]
Thanks, Keigo.
[he says quietly, and then he has to close his eyes as well, because it's a lot. all of this is a lot. eventually he has to pull away to lay on his back, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. it's not as easy as he thought this was going to be. ]
Can't help it. It's like they have a mind of their own.
[he teases lightly. despite his words, he wouldn't touch without permission. it was very important to keigo that he provide safety and consent to his old lover, just like before. he wouldn't push any sort of boundaries, no matter what.
but, at least right then, he's getting to hold onto something so dear to him. to touch softly of the most important person to the former hero.
it's good to see dabi smirk though, even as small as it was. in a way, it gives keigo hope to get the other male back to his old self. although, if he's being honest, he likes this gentle, soft side of dabi just as much. it's like they're so honest and open with each other, despite everything that happened. it pulls his heart to witness, and keigo wanted nothing more than to hold this dear to his thoughts and memories.
with their heads bumped, he can feel dabi's breath near his. what he would give to feel those lips over his. but he doesn't give in. not yet. even he realizes that they're still working through their thoughts and feelings, and he wants dabi to be the first to make any sort of move. it was keigo's job to earn them back.
he doesn't mind when dabi pulls away either, because it was a lot for the two of them to come this far. yet, he does get a little worried to have the former villain lay on his back while covering his eyes.
once he catches the apology, keigo gives a small smile and comes to lean over, one arm wrapping protectively around dabi's head. he comes to half lay over the other male's shoulder, so his free hand can comb the hair out of his old lover's face. after a few brushes of his fingers, he gently places one over dabi's hand.]
Is it too much?
[he needed to know to back off. he also didn't want to pull away if dabi needed him either.]
[ dabi has been a lot of things here at san junipero. his old self, his self before that, a self he's never really seen before. a solitary self, a lonely self like the way he always felt when he was younger, and a quieter self that got ripped away from him when he was far too little.
so much has happened, he's not sure who he is anymore. he's not sure who he even can be. what he was as dabi was filled with anger and resentment, and what he was as touya was fear and pain.
what he was with keigo was entirely different from all of that, and maybe that's the person he was meant to be, without everything else in between. he wants to be open and honest with keigo, but he needs to make sure he can have that openness and honesty from keigo too. he also knows he can't rely on keigo completely. he needs to figure out who he is for himself, too. so far he's been doing a terrible job of that.
keigo follows his movements and dabi swallows hard. he wants to be held and he wants keigo's body against his, but so much has happened that they need to work through. ]
It's too much.
[he says, moving his hands from his eyes and moving keigo's hand from his along with them, but he grabs his wrist before he can move it away completely and just lays in on his chest instead.]
It's not too much. But it's a lot. I want ya here but I need some time.
[with all the different appearances of dabi, keigo isn't sure whether to call the scarred self by the prior villain's name and his non scarred flesh by touya. he's only referred to his former lover as dabi. he wasn't even sure if the true name was on the table or if dabi preferred it.
keigo had always liked his own natural name, but became well accustomed as the hero alias hawks. his situation was far more different than dabi's though. he figures dabi would tell him what he preferred.
hearing how it's too much for his former lover gets a brief, quick sad look but keigo quickly covers it up, smiling apologetically and acknowledging the other male. he had a feeling it was too much. and keigo desired consent far more than anything else. he wasn't going to push dabi into anything uncomfortable.
he goes to move away, to give dabi his space. honestly, he wouldn't mind looking through the room, to see what the other male has done to make it his own. keigo wanted to be close enough to talk and keep an eye on dabi. their time was so limited already. he wanted to spend it becoming comfortable, not forming any uneasiness.
but, as he sits up a bit, he feels dabi take his wrist and move it to his chest. it earns a soft look from the former hero, who rests on the bed, but remains close by. he keeps his hand in dabi's grip, a small smile coming to take his lips.]
Take your time. I'll wait for you forever.
[because they have eternity here. time wasn't of the essence.]
[ dabi isn't sure what he wants to be called either. he isn't sure about anything.
telling keigo his real name ended up being so much more of a violent thing than he initially intended it to be. he only meant for it to be violent with endeavor, not keigo. but that's how things ended up.
he had thought about telling him before that so many times, but he didn't want to risk it. everything he had been working towards was building up to his great reveal. now? now he hates how it all went down. of course he does. endeavor won and he died, and now keigo is dealing with the heavy consequences of his actions. he still wants to shake the other man sometimes, to ask him why he fucked it all up like this. maybe endeavor would have been dead instead, and things would have been fine. now they'll never know, and he knows keigo regrets it.
dabi needs his space, but he also needs keigo close, and he's relieved when keigo gets it. his former lover keeps his hand at his chest but he moves away a little, and it gives dabi a moment to be able to think. ]
There's some stuff I gotta tell ya.
[he starts, looking down at their hands. it's stuff about back then, it's stuff about now. maybe the stuff that's happened at san junipero doesn't matter anymore because he's dead, but it feels like it matters to him. he wants keigo to know it all before he died and ends up here full time, if that's what he decides to do. ]
Maybe I don't, I dunno. But... I feel like you should know. If we're gonna be honest with each other about everythin' from now on, we should tell each other everythin', right?
[they can't change the past, as desperate as keigo would like to do so. but, he doesn't want to live with regrets either. he wants everything out in the open. if dabi has a question for him, keigo wants to answer earnestly and honestly. no more lies.
it was so violent and passionate in a bad way when everything went down. it shouldn't have gone down like that. he should have stayed by dabi's side through it all. he'll continue to show his former lover that he means to do that now, that no matter what, he'll be on dabi's side.
in any case, he is glad to know dabi's real name. he can understand why the prior villain kept it to himself. it might not have been how dabi intended on him finding it out, but if the other male ever wishes to go by it, keigo will use that moment then to make it special.
keigo perks his head a bit as dabi speaks, coming to rest his chin on his other arm that was folded under him.
he doesn't answer for a brief second, letting the prior villain get his thoughts in order. he catches those blue eyes staring at their hands. it gets another small smile from the former hero.
dabi speaks again, and keigo returns his golden eyes onto his old lover's face.]
Tell me what's on your mind, Dabi.
[he offers while squeezing the hand that holds his for a brief few seconds.]
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rather, maybe he really needs to lose himself to dabi's warm arms. maybe in due time, he tells himself.
the apology stirs something within keigo's chest. it makes him appreciative, glad to have heard it, despite that he told dabi it wasn't needed. his former lover pressuring that it did matter only gets keigo to keen. it means more than he expects.]
Thank you.
[he whispers out, keeping the apology dear to him. he would have never expected to receive it, given what he's done, what he's deserved to be placed where he's at. yes. it definitely means a lot more than he ever expected.
hearing his name does get keigo to drop his arm from his wet eyes. he's so tired of crying. he just wants to smile and laugh with dabi again. to tease, bicker, and jest. to be happy again. he would give anything to curl up with his former lover again, whispering breathless words that always placed a smile at his lips.
keigo is almost taken back when dabi's knees spread open and then his arms are urged forward, a move the former hero doesn't fight. he eagerly comes forward, wanting nothing more than this.]
Dabi...
[he breathes his old lover's name, nosing against dabi's collarbone while his arms circle around the thin waist. his fingers take to the back of dabi's shirt, gripping tightly, afraid to let go. he wants to cry. he wants to smile. but instead, all he does it breathe in his former lover's scent.]
I'll do anything for it, anything for you. I want to feel your warmth again.
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it's hard to believe that now, though, especially once keigo told him everything. no one would go through all that for someone who was just a job. while it still hurts that keigo betrayed him anyway, he still wants to hold on to the rest of what it meant.
the rest? he has to try and let go of if they're going to try and make something work. he knows both of them deserve more than just an apology, but he hopes it's a good start.
once keigo is in his arms, dabi wills warmth back into his body like he used to have. he knows he isn't like that anymore, but he can make it a part of himself again, can't he? just like when he decides to have his scars. having keigo in his arms feels like the biggest relief imaginable. it feels like coming home. dabi closes his eyes and holds him tightly, burying his face into keigo's hair. it's been so long. too long and it makes him tear up. without his scars it's as if he can't seem to stop.]
We gotta figure out a way to fix this.
[not just the thing with endeavor's hold, but between them too. everything around them is broken.]
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whatever the other man graces him with, keigo will greedily accept it. just being able to talk with him again, it's so perfect. dabi was everything keigo needed and wanted. he would do anything for this man.
for now though, he'll greedily take in basking in the warmth dabi's body provides. it's not quite like before, but there's warmth here, and if keigo desired it, he would fold his wings around their bodies like he used to. it's just so difficult to do so with the fake ones provided in this simulated world. he's...grown accustomed without them, as sad as that was.
his tears come to finally dry up as he clings to dabi. it'll be painful to leave this, even for a short time, all in order to get whatever they needed set into motion. he'll return as fast as he can though, to spend eternity here with dabi. it's all keigo wants now.]
Yeah. [he agrees softly into his former lover's shirt, before he finds himself nosing against dabi affectionately on instinct.] We still have time.
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he lets himself be greedy, not wanting to let go. he's suffered enough and he knows he needs to let himself have this. they both have suffered so greatly through this. ]
In a little bit, then.
[they dont' have a lot of time, but they have enough of it to let themselves indulge. he realizes that he's never quite felt keigo nuzzling at his neck because of his scars, but now he can feel it. it makes him shiver lightly and hold keigo a little tighter.]
I still think about this a lot. No matter how angry I was, I always would.
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he desperately hopes the number one isn't there though. maybe he'll be pulled out onto a call or filling out paperwork. as long as he's busy, that's all keigo would need.]
A little bit.
[keigo agrees with a whisper, far too comfortable to move anyway. the time would fly, he's aware of that. especially after he's only thought and dreamed of nothing but this.
a soft sound escapes when he feels dabi's grip tightening around him. he returns the same gesture, fingernails biting a little into the fabric of the other male's shirt. a small smile graces his lips to dabi's words though. if he still had his wings, they would flutter in excitement.]
Thinking about this, about you...kept me alive. I could endure anything for you. I still can.
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there's so much they need to talk about, so much he wants to say, but he's waited this long. he can wait a little longer. he just wants to stay like this for a while longer. ]
You don't gotta endure shit for much longer, alright? You're gonna be here with me after this.
[he lifts a hand to comb through keigo's hair. it still feels the same as he remembers. it even smells the same.]
Hey... you wanna get up off'a this floor, though? We can go lay down. The bed I got here... it's... it's like the one ya had at your place.
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if only he could do it without having to return to the real world.
for now, he’ll cherish this and think about it when he slips off and dies in the real world. maybe having natsuo at his side will make sure he’s definitely uploaded. he doesn’t really doubt they’ll keep him from san junipero, given how desperate everyone is to upload him there. still, keigo wants to be positive he’ll return to dabi.]
I hope you’re prepared to have a needy bird on your heel.
[he teases lightly. there’s truth to it though. it might be awhile before he could properly leave dabi’s shadow. but there’s no reason to leave in this world. no heroes. no modeling. only dabi. and that’s all he wants.
it’s hard to not lean up into that hand though. he rubs against it, causing him to nuzzle dabi’s neck further. not that keigo minds. it gives him a chance to breathe in his former lover’s scent again.
although, he does force himself to pull back a bit to dabi’s words. a bed like his old one. their bed, his mind supplies. he doesn’t need to be told twice, even if it’s so hard to pull away from dabi.]
Okay.
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he doesn't want keigo to go back either, not even for a little bit, but they need to finish this madness once and for all. that's the only way to ensure their safety. they'll finally be able to be away from it all. all it ever would have taken was endeavor's death. ]
S'been a while, but I think I can manage a needy bird.
[he hasn't smiled since the last time he was with keigo in the real world, but now he can't help the small one on edge of his lips. feels good to have him so close like this again, feeling the new sensation of goosebumps all long his neck as his ex lover keeps nuzzling into him. he's almost disappointed when keigo lifts his head, but there's still that smallest smile on his face.
he nods, letting his hands slide away from keigo to close the bottle of alcohol. he doesn't feel like drinking himself into oblivion anymore. he just wants to go lay with keigo.]
Come on. I'll show ya where the bedroom is.
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there’s something that sits inside him when dabi comes to repeat the nickname. he always was weak to them before. of course now, he was flightless. still, those names were always given to him by dabi and nobody else. they were precious to keigo.]
I’ll try not to nip your heels too much.
[he’s glad dabi is up for the challenge.
keigo catches that smile and his chest warms up from it. he wants to pull more of those out like before. he wants to make dabi happy. as happy as the former villain makes him.
keigo finds it endearing to see that the alcohol isn’t needed any longer, that he’s more important or able to provide more than the liquor could.]
Alright. Show me.
[he offers another smile, eager to bask back in that familiar warmth again. he yearned so much to wrap arms and legs around dabi like before.
a part of him does want to take his former lover’s hand though. but, he’s not sure if dabi is ready yet, and keigo doesn’t want to appear extremely needy, despite being so. even though they’ve held each other and intended to do so in bed. hand-holding was always more...intimate between them.]
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it's something he's sure he'll dwell on more later, even once keigo is gone. another intense feeling that'll overtake him, but maybe he deserves to feel that way.
for now though, he just wants to enjoy what he has in front of him, even if they only lay together under the covers. it's all dabi really needs and he's sure keigo needs it too. he doesn't take the other man's hand as he heads towards the bedroom, glancing over at keigo as they move through the house. there are little things here that keigo might recognize, like the mug, a painting on the wall that keigo used to have that dabi always liked. some of the furniture is the same, and the clothes strewn across the floor are keigo's.
for a moment he's embarrassed, not because of the mess, but because so much of keigo is still here in this house, even though he swore he hated his former lover. ]
I uh... I got used to your stuff, I guess.
[he tries to explain, once he knows keigo has seen it all. right down to the bedroom which looks almost identical, and the big, comfy bed.]
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he doesn’t want to think of his loss with the wings though. keigo has already come to terms that he deserved it. he had been more depressed over Dabi’s death anyway. and, it’s not like he would be able to bring them here, even if he still had them.
following behind his former lover, keigo comes to take in the small details of dabi’s home. there’s small things that are obvious hints, things that were in his penthouse. it’s significantly warming the former hero up, a light dusting coming to grace his cheeks as he gives a small smile.]
I like it. It feels homely.
[he wouldn’t mind teasing his old lover, but keigo desires getting on that bed more. he slips past dabi, giving a gentle tug to the other male’s shirt before continuing on to the bed. climbing on all fours, it feels so familiar to his own. it really was the same.
but it’s not perfect unless with dabi. so, over his shoulder, keigo motions for the other male to follow him.]
Join me.
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he knows neither of them can really make up for what they took from each other, but maybe this will open up the chance for them to at least try. dabi wouldn't have thought he could do it before, but things might be different now. he wants to at least try.
it's funny how keigo seems to be the one blushing, but then once dabi thinks about it, he can feel the heat on his cheeks as well, when keigo says he likes it. it's far more visible now without his scars. he isn't really sure if keigo likes it or not, though. ]
Still hasn't felt all that much like home.
[because there was one thing missing. the stuff has helped a bit, because he could just pretend, but he could only pretend for so long.
dabi stops at the edge of the bed even once he's tugged, just watching keigo climb onto the bed. it hits him hard how many times he yearned for this very thing. to come home and flop onto the bed and just curl into keigo, forgetting about everything else... and now he's about to do just that. he feels his stupid emotions welling up again as he climbs into bed. he was going to keep some space between them, but he can't help but do what he's been dying to do all this time.
he lays on the bed once keigo does and curls into his middle, wrapping his arms around his waist. he buries his face into keigo's waist as well, and there's immediately wetness on his face. this is all he's wanted.]
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keigo wants to appreciate every little bit of dabi when given the chance. scars, no scars, the former villain was so damn beautiful.
he nods to dabi’s words. home for the former hero had shifted into this man with him. without having it, keigo has been so depressed. but now, now it’s back in his grasp. he was home.
keigo gets comfortable, hoping dabi joins him closely. he wants to take in the warmth, rub his fingers down dabi’s spine, nuzzle him affectionately. they deserved it. they’ve both been missing this for so long now.
and dabi comes to provide what keigo wants. he gets his former lover pressed against him, feeling dabi’s face against his waist. it gets a content sound from the bird, keigo adjusting to brush a hand through soft hair. oh. he’s deeply missed this. dabi was so warm and-
keigo blinks but gives a small, sad smile when he feels his shirt beginning to dampen. it gets the former hero to curl closer around dabi, wrapping his arms to the top of the spiky hair in a hug. keigo even lays a leg over dabi’s body, just to hold tighter to the other male.]
I’m here, Dabi. And I’m not going.
[keigo whispers, moving one hand down so he can rub soft circles along dabi’s back.]
I missed you so much.
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there were times he used to wonder what he would have looked like as a grown up without his scars. He got them far too young. getting to see his face without them was such a strange thing. he wonders if Keigo likes it, or is weirded out by it. this is not how he's used to seeing Dabi, after all.
its such a small thing. he knows the biggest thing is getting to hold each other again, and they could have had this last time already, but they were too stubborn.
there's no time for that anymore, though and Dabi doesn't want it anyway.
he hugs Keigo tighter, feeling like a stupid, overwhelmed kid. he just can't seem to stop his emotions anymore.]
I missed ya too. I'd get in this bed and try to convince myself you were still at work, still in the kitchen, still on your way home.
[that deep intense ache is a memory now, because he finally gets to lay with the real thing. ]
And here ya though you'd be the needy bird.
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it feels so good to be the one comforting dabi. he’s constantly felt like the needy one, the one always crying. the one who couldn’t put himself together. but then dabi is here, and it’s so real and human, and keigo desperately wished that everyone could realize that dabi was human too, not a sinister villain out to mass murder anyone and everyone. that there’s trauma here, and dabi was just as human as they were.
dabi has been hurting. keigo wants to make it all better. a part of him does appreciate that dabi trusts him enough to show such vulnerable emotions. it brings out a protective sense from the former hero.]
Oh Dabi...
[he smiles softly, leaning at hearing such words. holding even tighter, keigo comes to nuzzle the top of the spiky hair.]
I’m home.
[and he wasn’t ever going back out. not without dabi.
a small laugh does bubble up when his former lover refers to himself as the needy bird here. it seems suitable though. they were both needy for each other. keigo begins to comb a hand through dabi’s hair while basking in such loving warmth.]
Does this mean I can call you pretty bird?
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the fact that keigo is here now, telling him that he's home, that he's here and won't go anywhere... it's something dabi has been longing to hear. even through his anger and all the pain, this is what he had wished for. he was so stubborn about it before, but he doesn't want to be anymore. he just wants to keep holding keigo like this all the time. ]
You're home.
[dabi repeats quietly, his face pressed back into keigo's side as the other man hugs his head. this feels like home now. that heavy, disgusting weight that's been wrapped around his heart seems to unravel a bit and he can breathe. he doesn't want to die.]
You're the prettiest one here. Think that name still belongs to ya too. You'll always be my pretty bird.
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he’s happy. all his worries have left him. for the first time in a long while, he’s at peace. it’s incredibly perfect. not even returning home later worries him, because quickly, he’ll be back here. permanently.
keigo flusters though, to being called prettier. it did always feel different coming from dabi. it’s why he cherished hearing it before, why he even changed his password on his computer to it. this time, it’s no different.]
You’ve always been insanely hot though. I hated keeping my hands off of you.
[keigo begins to persistently tug at dabi’s shirt, trying to get the other male up, so that they could be eye level. he wants to memorize every single detail of dabi’s features. and maybe cuddle a little more infinitely.]
I like you with and without the scars. You’re always so attractive. And sexy. You make me melt.
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but maybe now they can change things. they can do it differently. they still have some things to work through, but they can do that once keigo is safe. once the two of them know they can be here together forever.
they'll work the rest out later, because dabi knows that either way, he still wants to be here with keigo. he wants this to be their home.]
Last thing I ever wanted was you keepin' your hands off'a me.
[he smiles a little more when keigo keeps tugging at him, and now that his emotions have calmed down a bit, he decides it's fine. he wants to look at keigo too. he still wants to take things slow though. very slow. as much as he wants to let certain things go, he can't help but still be wary too.
he believes keigo... but he still wants to make sure.
he does move up to lay in keigo's arms, though, and resists burying his face into keigo's neck so he can properly look at him instead, settling into the space the other man's body creates. it's like a dream, laying here with keigo so close again, and dabi lifts a hand, letting his thumb brush along the black markings under keigo's eye. ]
I thought it'd be weird without the scars. Or maybe that you'd think it was weird. I look so different. But it hurts less'n I dunno... feels kinda freeing to just cry like a normal fuckin' person again.
[not something he'd ever admit to anyone else. he always did admit more to keigo than to anyone else.]
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Then I guess my hands will be always on you.
[within reason. he wouldn’t want to make dabi uncomfortable, after all.
dabi comes up with his persistent tugging, earning a small smile from the former hero. to be able to see the other male clearly, it fills his stomach with butterflies.
keigo doesn’t intend for more, doesn’t expect it. he’s not going to push his old lover into anything he’s not ready for. this isn’t a relationship built on pure sex any more. keigo wants to do this right. dabi deserved all the love keigo can give, slowly but surely. they would go at dabi’s pace, and keigo was more than happy to do so.
his smile grows, a little wider and purely genuine, as dabi lays in his arms. it’s so pure here, getting to see the other male perfectly clearly. it gets a small flush at his cheeks with how beautiful dabi is before him. briefly, his eyes close in the innocent touch to his marking beneath his eyes. it was so pure.]
No matter what you look like, I’m attracted to all of you. I see only you. There’s nothing weird here.
[he whispers quietly, eyes reopening while he leans closer to bump their foreheads together affectionately. his hand continues to comb through soft hair while the other runs slow circles at dabi’s back.]
However you present yourself, I won’t lose my feelings or attraction. I want you to be comfortable. But, you are beautiful when you cry. And I mean that in a non sadist kind of way.
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Bet they will be. You've always been so damn clingy.
[he says with a small smirk. there was a while when boundaries were an issue, he remembers, but then after that keigo had always made sure to ask. no one else ever had before, and it was important to him. dabi had always been used all his life... another reason the betrayal was so soul shattering. he felt used all over again by the one person he had started to trust.
he tries not to think about that right now, though. he doesn't want to over think this. they still have some time together, but not enough. not yet. he wants what they have in this moment to be as peaceful as possible. something keigo can hold on to no matter what.
when keigo opens his eyes and looks at him, it makes him feel warm again. the kind of warmth he hasn't felt in what feels like forever. he slides his fingers into the other man's hair when their foreheads bump and oh, he wants to kiss keigo so badly, but he can't. not yet. it still hurts too much when he thinks about it, even when he tries not to. ]
Thanks, Keigo.
[he says quietly, and then he has to close his eyes as well, because it's a lot. all of this is a lot. eventually he has to pull away to lay on his back, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. it's not as easy as he thought this was going to be. ]
Sorry.
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[he teases lightly. despite his words, he wouldn't touch without permission. it was very important to keigo that he provide safety and consent to his old lover, just like before. he wouldn't push any sort of boundaries, no matter what.
but, at least right then, he's getting to hold onto something so dear to him. to touch softly of the most important person to the former hero.
it's good to see dabi smirk though, even as small as it was. in a way, it gives keigo hope to get the other male back to his old self. although, if he's being honest, he likes this gentle, soft side of dabi just as much. it's like they're so honest and open with each other, despite everything that happened. it pulls his heart to witness, and keigo wanted nothing more than to hold this dear to his thoughts and memories.
with their heads bumped, he can feel dabi's breath near his. what he would give to feel those lips over his. but he doesn't give in. not yet. even he realizes that they're still working through their thoughts and feelings, and he wants dabi to be the first to make any sort of move. it was keigo's job to earn them back.
he doesn't mind when dabi pulls away either, because it was a lot for the two of them to come this far. yet, he does get a little worried to have the former villain lay on his back while covering his eyes.
once he catches the apology, keigo gives a small smile and comes to lean over, one arm wrapping protectively around dabi's head. he comes to half lay over the other male's shoulder, so his free hand can comb the hair out of his old lover's face. after a few brushes of his fingers, he gently places one over dabi's hand.]
Is it too much?
[he needed to know to back off. he also didn't want to pull away if dabi needed him either.]
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so much has happened, he's not sure who he is anymore. he's not sure who he even can be. what he was as dabi was filled with anger and resentment, and what he was as touya was fear and pain.
what he was with keigo was entirely different from all of that, and maybe that's the person he was meant to be, without everything else in between. he wants to be open and honest with keigo, but he needs to make sure he can have that openness and honesty from keigo too. he also knows he can't rely on keigo completely. he needs to figure out who he is for himself, too. so far he's been doing a terrible job of that.
keigo follows his movements and dabi swallows hard. he wants to be held and he wants keigo's body against his, but so much has happened that they need to work through. ]
It's too much.
[he says, moving his hands from his eyes and moving keigo's hand from his along with them, but he grabs his wrist before he can move it away completely and just lays in on his chest instead.]
It's not too much. But it's a lot. I want ya here but I need some time.
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keigo had always liked his own natural name, but became well accustomed as the hero alias hawks. his situation was far more different than dabi's though. he figures dabi would tell him what he preferred.
hearing how it's too much for his former lover gets a brief, quick sad look but keigo quickly covers it up, smiling apologetically and acknowledging the other male. he had a feeling it was too much. and keigo desired consent far more than anything else. he wasn't going to push dabi into anything uncomfortable.
he goes to move away, to give dabi his space. honestly, he wouldn't mind looking through the room, to see what the other male has done to make it his own. keigo wanted to be close enough to talk and keep an eye on dabi. their time was so limited already. he wanted to spend it becoming comfortable, not forming any uneasiness.
but, as he sits up a bit, he feels dabi take his wrist and move it to his chest. it earns a soft look from the former hero, who rests on the bed, but remains close by. he keeps his hand in dabi's grip, a small smile coming to take his lips.]
Take your time. I'll wait for you forever.
[because they have eternity here. time wasn't of the essence.]
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telling keigo his real name ended up being so much more of a violent thing than he initially intended it to be. he only meant for it to be violent with endeavor, not keigo. but that's how things ended up.
he had thought about telling him before that so many times, but he didn't want to risk it. everything he had been working towards was building up to his great reveal. now? now he hates how it all went down. of course he does. endeavor won and he died, and now keigo is dealing with the heavy consequences of his actions. he still wants to shake the other man sometimes, to ask him why he fucked it all up like this. maybe endeavor would have been dead instead, and things would have been fine. now they'll never know, and he knows keigo regrets it.
dabi needs his space, but he also needs keigo close, and he's relieved when keigo gets it. his former lover keeps his hand at his chest but he moves away a little, and it gives dabi a moment to be able to think. ]
There's some stuff I gotta tell ya.
[he starts, looking down at their hands. it's stuff about back then, it's stuff about now. maybe the stuff that's happened at san junipero doesn't matter anymore because he's dead, but it feels like it matters to him. he wants keigo to know it all before he died and ends up here full time, if that's what he decides to do. ]
Maybe I don't, I dunno. But... I feel like you should know. If we're gonna be honest with each other about everythin' from now on, we should tell each other everythin', right?
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it was so violent and passionate in a bad way when everything went down. it shouldn't have gone down like that. he should have stayed by dabi's side through it all. he'll continue to show his former lover that he means to do that now, that no matter what, he'll be on dabi's side.
in any case, he is glad to know dabi's real name. he can understand why the prior villain kept it to himself. it might not have been how dabi intended on him finding it out, but if the other male ever wishes to go by it, keigo will use that moment then to make it special.
keigo perks his head a bit as dabi speaks, coming to rest his chin on his other arm that was folded under him.
he doesn't answer for a brief second, letting the prior villain get his thoughts in order. he catches those blue eyes staring at their hands. it gets another small smile from the former hero.
dabi speaks again, and keigo returns his golden eyes onto his old lover's face.]
Tell me what's on your mind, Dabi.
[he offers while squeezing the hand that holds his for a brief few seconds.]
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