[ in the end that's what he had wanted. he was so scared of it, but he knew deep down he wanted keigo to stay with him when he was alive.
even in death. there are just so many more obstacles to climb. but he needs keigo to know. he's worth more than that. he's more than just what that monster has put on him. he just doesn't know how to show it. he doesn't even know how to say it.
this is the only way he knows how.
he holds keigo just as tightly, and maybe now they can finally be one. he'll do anything to keep endeavor away from keigo. keigo is his. ]
We gotta figure out a way we can be sure'a that. Ya can't just go back there and let him... I won't fuckin' let that happen.
[he knows it's a stupid thing to say because he's dead, and he can't go back there with keigo, but they'll figure something out. they have to. he doesn't pull back, not until he absolutely has to look at keigo again.]
M'sorry. Sorry. This place makes me fuckin' crazy.
[ it isn't the place that makes him feel crazy, though- it's always been endeavor.]
[this close, keigo can breathe and drown himself in dabi's scent. it only reminds him how real this is. dabi was right there, holding him tightly. it's not just a figment of his imagination.
it's truly unfair to be forced to go back to his hell when he has heaven right there, holding him tightly. he wants dabi to never let him go. he belonged to dabi. not endeavor.
not trusting his voice to speak for a few seconds, keigo nods his head. he tries to come up with a solution. it was up to him to stop endeavor while dabi was here. he can't trust prison to keep the man. besides, the hero commission would gladly keep the number one in the spotlight, no matter what keigo did.]
I don't want to go back.
[he admits truthfully and softly. with dabi not pulling back, keigo doesn't either. to be close like this keeps his mind and emotions calmed. he doesn't drown in dark thoughts. all he sees and feels is dabi.]
It's okay. I'm sorry too. I won't ever say that again.
[he apologizes, coming to comb a hand through dabi's hair.]
[this whole thing feels like a nightmare, but maybe it doesn't have to end that way. they have each other, even if it's only for bits of time for now. if Keigo wants to, he can join Dabi here for even longer than that. they just have to figure out how to get rid of endeavor.
Dabi knows he'll still get mad about this. he'll lash out and fall into a hole more than once. he knows he has to get over it but that's easier said than done. he just hopes Keigo understands.
there are times it might get even darker like tonight... but like always, Keigo is able to pull him out of it. maybe one day Dabi can be that for Keigo too, but right now he's just too messed up in his head.]
Don't want you to go back either. This'll be the last time, ok? We'll figure somethin' out.
[they need to talk about it. they can't ignore this any longer. maybe if they come up with a plan this won't seem so desperately painful.]
It ain't all you're good for, Keigo. You better fuckin' know that, alright? He doesn't fuckin know you. I do.
[More than anyone, he hopes.]
I'm yours. I'll always be yours.
[which is why he wanted to talk to Keigo about what he's been doing here, but they got so off track. maybe Keigo doesn't need to hear it though. maybe it doesn't matter anymore.]
[dabi's anger would return. keigo is aware of that. it may never even go away. he may also see dabi in that previous state of hurt too. keigo accepts he would have to do his best to help dabi through it, to try and handle he anger that would come his way. if he wants to be with dabi, it's these sort of things he has to be willing to handle.
he's not sure if his own trauma would surface or if he that earlier fear would shine bright in his eyes again. but he also would rather be here for dabi than think about that. he wants so much to remain in these arms and, for once, it's all real here, the way it should have been.]
Okay.
[keigo agrees in a small voice. the last time, dabi says. keigo can handle that. he can do it. how they do it is still lost to the former hero. he wishes the answer was clear and simple, of what steps he had to take in order to get him back to dabi without endeavor ever showing up in their lives again.
his head on dabi's shoulder does lift up a bit to bury into the other male's neck when those following words come. he nods again, tears wetting his eyes.]
No one knows me like you do.
[it's the truth. he's never opened himself up quite like he did with dabi, despite the lies and betrayal. he had been honest with his love and intimacy. with endeavor, keigo had shut down and never gave an ounce of adoration or affection, and, maybe pitifully, he had believed the man to his words.
but, he has dabi here, reminding keigo of his worth.
he can only cling tighter though, hearing dabi agree that he belonged to the former hero. he sure that would please his jealous streak, but it's only the two of them here. it makes him feel at peace to hear such words though.]
I have...I have something for you. In the weeks, or months, or years, whenever you're ready, there's something special I want to give you.
[ if they were back in the real world maybe dabi would be able to get help for his anger, his trauma, his pain. or maybe he wouldn't have ever agreed to any of that unless he was forced to do so. but here there's no hope of it, and while that's not fair to put on keigo, he really is the only way dabi can find peace with any of this.
maybe keigo will be able to find some peace too.
they're going to talk about how to fix this once they've calmed down enough to be able to pull away from each other. if they still need to cling, so be it. they've never let themselves do this before. not like this. ]
We ain't gonna let him win. No fuckin' way. We just gotta be smart about it.
[keigo clings to him and dabi lets him. he moves his arms tight around him again just like before. he wishes he could bury his hands in keigo's wings, but that's just another part of them that he ruined and for what? there's that guilt again, bubbling up alongside everything. keigo is his and he's keigo's, and yet they've both hurt each other so much.
he pulls back finally when keigo says he has something for him. something special. he can't imagine what it could be and maybe he doesn't deserve it.]
[maybe there's a form of therapy they can both look into while they reside in san junipero. once everything is over, keigo might look further into it. they had so much trauma together, and could benefit by receiving help for it.
for now though, he'll be that help that dabi needs. if his former lover wants to discuss anything on his mind, tell keigo his darkest nightmares, he'll be there to listen and hold dabi's hand. he'll always bring there to bring dabi back from whatever dark thoughts he has.]
Yeah. We'll..we'll be able to come up with something. I know we will.
[as soon as he can clear his thoughts a little bit more. his emotions still were running high, and he was holding dabi so tightly and close. he didn't want to pull away from this. not yet.
he's glad to feel those arms around him too. it gives him comfort that they'll be able to fix this. they just needed one good and solid plan.
dabi pulls back eventually though, but keigo doesn't mind. he keeps his hands gripping onto his former lover's shirt, looking up to stare at those mesmerizing blue eyes. he doesn't see or think of endeavor when he looks into these intense irises. all he sees is dabi. and that gives the former hero comfort.]
I don't mind telling you.
[he just...wasn't sure if this was the right time for it. not after such emotions that stirred both of them up.]
My first time with, um..sex, it wasn't special. The Hero Commissioners sold me to some politician. They wanted to utilize sex as a weapon. Well, they're not here, and when I created this body, there was a function to sort of...rejuvenate or have this body forget what my real body knows. So like, gag reflexes and inside of me, it's untouched.
[the more he explains, the hotter his face gets. he's starting to dodge those eyes he loves so much, looking at where he grips dabi's shirt instead.]
I mean, I know my mind knows what to do, but technically, this body is inexperienced. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, when you're ready, I want you to take my virginity here. And only you can touch.
[ maybe san junipero does have therapy, but it would be hard to get dabi to go. if he hadn't died in the real world, maybe he would have been caught instead and forced into therapy. he would have fought it tooth and nail, but eventually he would have had to do it.
with keigo at his side, maybe he could have been talked into it a little easier. so maybe he would be here as well. ]
We gotta sit down and think this through.
[dabi thinks maybe he's ready to sit down with this. they have to come up with a plan before midnight.]
Only if ya wanna tell me.
[dabi says quietly, but with everything that's happened between them, wondering about it would probably make him anxious so he's glad keigo does decide to explain.
it's definitely not what he was expecting, and his eyes go a little wide. it's hard hearing about what the hero commission did to him. these disgusting men all parading around as heroes. it makes him sick, but he tries not to focus on that part at all. he tries to focus on the rest of it, which is pretty amazing in a way. ]
Didn't know you could even do that.
[he supposes he couldn't have, because he woke up here having been put inside san junipero by his family. he's here with whatever they wanted him to have, and he seriously doubts that disgusting monster of a father would want his body rejuvenated here, even without the scars. his father would want him to remember his first time very well.
the first time he and keigo had sex, it wasn't special at the time either. it was a quick and dirty fuck against the window at one of their meet ups... but damn, it came to mean a lot over time. ]
That's...
[he searches keigo's face, and again he's reminded of the thing he wanted to tell keigo earlier that he never got to say. he hesitates, then looks down, lifting his hands to keigo's wrists, just loosely holding on to them.]
I dunno if I deserve that, Keigo. I've... I've done a lotta shit since I got here. I was hurting, ya know? I was fallin' apart and everythin' my dad always said... all that shit you were sayin' before...
[his face falls again, because it seems endless. all of this pain and hurt and trauma is endless for both of them, it seems.]
I'd go out to the Quagmire and let people fuck me. Eventually I let em use me and hurt me like he used to. I dunno why, it just felt like that's what I deserved. Like I couldn't get out of my head unless they were hurtin' me.
Then I'd come back here and fall into bed and cry... and wished I could just curl up with you here in your arms. I think that's when this place started lookin' more and more like your place.
[he glances up at keigo, looking ashamed.]
Feels kinda fucked up of me to take your virginity here.
[it’s a little embarrassing coming to admit all of this. but keigo needed to tell dabi. he’s known for awhile how special sex can be, given how many times he enjoyed it with dabi. it’s been special. the type of special he should have had for his first time.
even their first time against that dirty window left a strong impression on keigo. dabi made him feel things that keigo never expected. he wanted to be selfish here, if dabi would let him.
keigo listens quietly as dabi starts to respond, and for a brief second, he assumes his former lover was going to be irritated or annoyed. but, it’s not like that at all. of course, he looks curiously back up to search dabi’s eyes and try to understand the type of shit the other male got himself into.
it comes to hurt in a way that dabi admits to seeking out people to fuck with. no. to fuck him. the jealous part of him immediately comes to mind, but keigo forces it back. he had no room to expect dabi to not seek out pleasure after the crap he pulled. dabi could have fucked the entire city and keigo would still need to suck it up. besides, he had seen dabi getting pleasure the one time, so a part of him knew.
eventually he calms his jealousy down because he also realizes then that dabi wasn’t messing around for pleasure. and it pulls at keigo’s heart to realize that. even without endeavor here, dabi had been hurting from that man.
golden eyes look sadly up to his former lover, with one hand coming to cup dabi’s cheek softly. he hurts so much to not being here to hold dabi at night. but that would all change soon. he would soon be here full time to give dabi all of him.]
You deserve it. I want you to have it.
[just another form of showing his affections to this man. he wants to give dabi everything.]
You deserve so much, and I want to give you it all. You don’t need to be hurt like that. And very soon, I’ll be here to curl with you in bed at night. I’m yours and you’re mine. So, take my virginity for yourself. I’m yours.
[ dabi only ever thought it was special when it came to keigo. it was the only time he had enjoyed himself as well. he knew they'd both had fucked up situations when it came to sex, and that maybe the very first time they found something good in it was with each other.
but here, dabi fell into even more darkness, and he didn't think he'd ever get out. didn't think it mattered. hell, he knows he even taunted keigo with it when he first got here, but that's cause he wanted to make the other man jealous. he wanted a fiery reaction and he got one.
none of the rest of it was for pleasure though, and dabi more than made sure of that. it's as if he wanted that stark contrast to everything he and keigo had, because he thought he'd never get it back.
but now?
now keigo looks at him despite everything he's just said, and it's not with disgust or anger. it calms something inside of him that has been aching for far too long. ]
Then I want it. When I'm ready, I want it. I want you to be mine. Every single part'a you.
[when that ring comes off of keigo's finger, because he can't stand looking at it. it makes him feel sick to his stomach. he wants keigo to be his.]
[it didn't matter to keigo what dabi sought out in terms of intimacy. he had no standing there, after what he had done to his former lover. but, he hopes now that dabi won't try to find a bed mate to warm himself up or hurt himself with. he wanted to be the only one who touched the other male.
even if it took years upon years to earn that right back.
warmth hits keigo's chest and a small smile takes to his lips with the response he's given. he eagerly nods his head, glad to save himself for dabi. he wanted this body to only know dabi, and no one else.]
It'll all be yours when you're ready.
[keigo breathes out in relief before he finally pulls back from dabi's body. they had so much to think and do now though, before he can work on earning dabi's forgiveness. while he doesn't want to ruin the good mood between them, time was ticking close to midnight. they needed to come up with a plan.
and, something does come to mind...]
I think...I know how to keep Endeavor preoccupied. Without sex. The problem is putting an end to him and getting back here before I'm caught. I can hide his body and quickly sign over my life rights and come here before anyone realizes it.
[ dabi doesn't want anyone else. not after this. all of what he had been chasing after here were just replacements for keigo that could never even compare. even with blonde hair and pretty eyes, they couldn't even come close to what he sees in front of him now.
maybe dabi needs some time, but he knows he won't go fuck around out there anymore as long as he knows keigo will come back. he doesn't have to be this empty shell trying to fuck something into himself ever again. ]
Not it, Keigo. You. I don't just want your body or this thing you're offering me. I want you.
[as much as keigo is his, he's not property. it's something they're both going to have to learn. he squeezes keigo's wrists before he lets go. they really do need to figure this out right now.]
Let's figure out the details. I'm good at details. Let's go sit.
[he can think about this much more clearly now, hopefully. he has something to look forward now. a goal. a reason to make things work. he pushes away from the counter, sliding a hand to the small of keigo's back to lead him to the couch where they can talk.]
[there's a flutter in his chest and a tremble that goes down his spine at the possessive words. keigo can even feel his cheeks heat up to the declaration. it feels so...enthralling to hear those words. to be wanted like that.]
You'll have me. I'll be yours.
[he agrees with a hiding smile. he honestly feels like he's a teenager being recognized by a crush, even though it was so much more than that.
he can't wait for that day then. to be completely owned by dabi.
for now, he'll focus on the here and now, and he nods his head. keigo also leaves the kitchen, being lead to the couch to discuss the details of their plan.
keigo might not prefer to kill, he could do it in this instance. he didn't have dabi to do the honors, so it was on him. and keigo desperately needed to keep endeavor from ever touching dabi again.]
I have a feeling he'll be over me when I wake up. Unless he's been called out for hero work, he's usually at my bed. If I talk with him about you...I can keep his attention off me.
[ dabi wasn't sure how this would work out, but now he knows. he wants back what they lost before. it won't be easy and he knows he'll likely still have a hard time with some things, but he wants it. he wants keigo.
they have to do this shit in order to make it happen. it's frustrating because dabi was so close to doing it while he was alive. he could have gotten rid of endeavor. maybe he and keigo wouldn't have worked out, though. he doubts he would have been able to forgive him then. ]
W... what are you gonna tell him?
[he can't help the waver in his voice at the thought of endeavor being there, being on top of keigo... he has to swallow hard, sitting on the couch near the other man, but far enough away where he can still think.]
I know how you can get him outta there. If you can get in touch with Natsuo, he can help ya. If he finds out what happened, he'll help you, Keigo. You can trust him.
[keigo doesn't immediately answer, trying to think of what exactly he should tell endeavor. as long as it involved dabi in any manner, the man would be inclined enough to answer. he had such a strong fascination towards his eldest son.
keigo isn't sure he could really stomach it too well, but to get back here, to paradise, he would do it. he would do anything for dabi and their future together.]
Just...anything to get him talking. If it's you, he'll tell me anything in great detail.
[it's hard to keep the frown off his lips. but, that monster was disgusting.
keigo perks his head up when dabi brings up natsuo. it wouldn't be hard to reach out to the other male. keigo had messaged him before, in the last few weeks. he's the only one keigo had even been able to reach out with in the todoroki household. rei, fuyumi, and shouto all had their own issues regarding endeavor, him, or the late touya todoroki.]
Are you sure? What if he's suspected in helping me? I don't want him to be punished for my crime.
[ for keigo to get back here, dabi wouldn't care what keigo told him. anything at this point. what does it even matter anymore, as long as keigo can get back here safely? ]
Yeah... okay. Tell him anythin' ya want about me to reel him in. Just not anythin' that'll make him jealous. If he finds out what I've been lettin' other assholes do to me, he'll lose it.
[and he doesn't want keigo to take the brunt of that. ]
You can't do this by yourself. You gotta kill him and hide the body and get back here, ya said. All before someone notices. You gotta have some help.
The last place I was crashin' at. It wasn't far from where ya lived. I barely even stayed there cause I was at your place all the time. But I think I got somethin' there that can help ya kill him.
[nodding his head, keigo quietly pockets the information to himself. he wouldn't try to make endeavor jealous at all. it shouldn't be much of an issue. it never worked out in his favor with dabi, so he was accustomed to trying to keep the peace. as long as he teased information here or there or requested details of dabi when he was younger, he's sure that will be enough to get endeavor preoccupied.
it's hard to not feel guilty about bringing natsuo into all of this. but...maybe the middle son knew more than he let on. maybe it's why he kept in contact with keigo.
dabi is right too. keigo can't do this all by himself. he wouldn't be able to move endeavor's body in his weakened state. curious golden eyes look back over to dabi then.]
What is it?
[endeavor was a hero, after all. he was made to withstand many things.]
[ keigo's right about that. if keigo asks endeavor about when he was younger, he's sure to keep the old man going. those were probably the best days of his life. he lost it when dabi supposedly died.
dabi knows keigo is worried about natsuo, but the kid is smart and he knows how much natsuo hates his father too. between the three of them, they can pull this off, even if dabi can't physically be there. ]
Natsuo knew I was Dabi. He helped me out at times. He kept my secret. They won't suspect Endeavor's son.
[especially natsuo. he's so quiet when he needs to be. he's kept everything inside. he knows this is his only hope. natsuo, and this thing he has.]
I've got one'a your feathers. Stashed away. If ya get close enough to it, you can still use it, right? Still part'a your quirk. You can kill him with that.
[it would be sickening to listen to, but keigo could muster through it all. he'll have to keep this place and dabi in his thoughts, that he would be back here to spend all of eternity.
keigo does find it curious to know how much natsuo was aware regarding dabi. in a way, he's glad that his former lover had that stability. it must have been lonely for the eldest todoroki son. keigo doesn't want dabi to ever be lonely again.]
Okay. I trust you.
[he says honestly with a smile. he does trust dabi. and if dabi believed natsuo could help keigo, then he would reach out to the middle todoroki son.
it's hard to not get a little flustered though, as dabi comes to admit about owning one of keigo's feathers. he always assumed he'd give one anyway to the hothead, as a sort of token of affection. it does help their situation though.]
Yeah. I should still be able to use my quirk.
[he states thoughtfully. he hasn't had the chance to try in a long while, but the technique was unique to him. it was like trying to forget a piece of him. it'd be impossible to not remember how to use his own quirk.]
As long as I keep him distracted, I can take him down with it.
[ dabi was wary about natsuo finding out at first. he wasn't sure just how much he could trust his younger brother after all this time, but they had always had that connection with each other. natsuo had been there for him as much as he could have been, even though dabi knew it was wearing him down over time.
now he's thankful he had been able to get through to natsuo, because he knows this might be the only way. ]
He hates the man almost as much as I do. As much as we do.
[dabi tries not to get flustered himself. he thought maybe keigo knew that he had snagged one of his feathers, or that he had probably left one behind to spy on the league anyway. but even then he had wanted to keep something of his pretty bird with him and now he's glad for his small bout of sentimentality.]
He won't see it comin' so you've got more of a chance. He won't be expecting you to use one on him. I know how fast you are. Just channel that into this. Go for the heart, or the back. I know how damn precise you are too. He deserves it.
He does, huh? That explains why he continued to check up on me.
[maybe with natsuo's help, as soon as endeavor is taken care of, the middle todoroki son can take keigo to sign away his rights to life. the former hero didn't need or want to see the fallout with the number one gone. he just needed to get back to dabi as soon as possible.
in this instance, keigo never did expect dabi to have one of his feathers. maybe if the prior villain had played around with it, keigo would have known. or suspected him. the feathers were always so sensitive, along with his wings. he could feel each and every one of their movements and each time someone touched them.
he kind of wished he had that same ability here. he would love to feel dabi touch him without touching him. or just having something he could give the other male. maybe...he could think of something like that. later on, when this was all fixed.]
He shouldn't expect anything if I keep him talking about you. I'll aim for his heart, through his back.
[as dabi says, his precision is impeccable. keigo wouldn't, no, couldn't lose.
a look to the clock on the stove, and keigo sees their time is run down to ten minutes left. he's nervous, but, ready too. with a small sigh to release the nerves, he looks to dabi with a small smile.]
I'll be back here as soon as I can. Hopefully before you wake up in the morning.
If he knows you're on my side now, he'll stick by ya even more. Just... just tell him... tell him I'm sorry. Tell him I said thanks. For eveythin, especially when we were younger. He did what he could and I never really got to thank him.
[it's shitty that he's only thinking of it now and that he never even got that far when he had seen his brother again. his head was so filled with other things though, he didn't really think of it.
he should have thought of natsuo, at least.]
Lure him there if ya gotta do that. I don't got a lotta stuff, but what was left is still at that place. Tell him you wanna give him the last'a my stuff. It's an old, fallin' apart abandoned warehouse. Get rid'a the body there and no one'll even know.
[easier said than done, but he knows keigo can do it. his former lover has enough anger and disgust and motivation to get rid of that monster.
dabi glances at the stove as well, his throat suddenly feeling tight. he reaches out, nuding keigo's fingers with his own, not quite yet able to hold his hand, but still wanting contact.]
Take your time, Kei. You'll get it done but ya gotta stay calm. I... I died cause I let my emotions overtake me. I'll still be here waitin' for ya no matter how long it takes.
[keigo can only offer a small, sad smile as he hears the apology from dabi to natsuo. he wishes natsuo could hear it himself. maybe one day the other todoroki son would be able to pay them a visit here, where dabi can see his younger brother again.]
I’ll tell him.
[he promises. it’s a shame he can’t get more details of dabi’s life, the good times that maybe natsuo could tell him. that was okay though.
for now, he needed to focus and take care of endeavor.]
Okay. That should do it with Endeavor.
[he’ll need to get creative about getting rid of the body. burning it would quickly get rescue on the way. keigo is sure he can come up with something. maybe with natsuo’s help too.
keigo does shiver when he feels dabi’s fingers nudge his. the former hero almost takes the hand, but knows it’s not yet time for that. he will take the gesture given to him for what it’s for, holds it close to his heart and keep him going forward.]
I know. I just...want to be right here, with you. I’ll try not to take too long. And I’ll be careful. I promise.
[ maybe eventually natsuo could come here. he could visit them when this whole nightmare is over. dabi would be ashamed of a lot of things at first, but maybe he'd get over it if he could speak to his brother again.
for now though, he trusts that keigo will tell him, and gives him a small nod. this really does feel like the final... everything. the final time he has to be without keigo, too.
it's frustrating that he can't be there to help keigo, and he can't help but let it show in his features, and the hard line of his lips. he's frustrated and angry, but he tries not to let it bubble up inside of him. not now.]
Fuckin' hate that I can't be there with ya. That I can't do this.
[but as long as it gets done and keigo can get back here, it'll be worth it. dabi has a new goal now.]
I want ya here with me too.
[he pauses for a moment, glancing at the clock, then tugs at keigo's fingers and leans back on the couch so keigo can cuddle in his arms if he wants to.]
[keigo would like the chance to see and talk to natsuo if the opportunity arises for the todoroki to visit here. he’s sure they would get along well, given what they’ve spoken about before. he can see how much natsuo cares for his siblings.
the frustrated look doesn’t go unnoticed by keigo. he can only offer an apologetic look of his own. he wishes he could have dabi there with him too. it would keep these nerves at bay, that’s for certain. and, he knows how important it was for dabi to make this move and decision all on his own.]
I know. I would do anything to have you there.
[he’ll be sure to keep dabi in his thoughts during the entire time. it would be like he was channeling the todoroki in a way.
a smile does take place at his lips though, to hear dabi state such comforting words. very soon, he tells himself. he’ll be here soon. to be with dabi forever.
golden eyes blink up through long lashes when he’s tugged by his fingers. keigo doesn’t need to be told twice when prompted, immediately slipping close, resting his head to dabi’s arm.]
[ keigo and natsuo probably would get along pretty well. the betrayal part probably doesn't sit right with natsuo at all, but he knows his brother would understand. he still has that good in him that dabi thinks he lost long ago.
at least keigo knows what needs to be done now, and he's willing to do it. he wishes keigo would have understood back when he needed him to, but they can't go back to any of that. this is all they have now. ]
At least ya know what needs to be done now. At least ya understand now.
[and that's a pretty big thing for dabi, too. if keigo can go after endeavor with half the rage dabi has, he knows the other man will succeed hawks are birds of prey, after all.
with keigo in his arms again, dabi lets out a soft breath. he rests his chin on his former lover's head, closing his eyes as his arms wrap around him.]
Wish I had known about the whole once a week thing in san junipero before. There were times I tried to find ya. I thought maybe you'd come back. I still feel like I know nothin' about this place.
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even in death. there are just so many more obstacles to climb. but he needs keigo to know. he's worth more than that. he's more than just what that monster has put on him. he just doesn't know how to show it. he doesn't even know how to say it.
this is the only way he knows how.
he holds keigo just as tightly, and maybe now they can finally be one. he'll do anything to keep endeavor away from keigo. keigo is his. ]
We gotta figure out a way we can be sure'a that. Ya can't just go back there and let him... I won't fuckin' let that happen.
[he knows it's a stupid thing to say because he's dead, and he can't go back there with keigo, but they'll figure something out. they have to. he doesn't pull back, not until he absolutely has to look at keigo again.]
M'sorry. Sorry. This place makes me fuckin' crazy.
[ it isn't the place that makes him feel crazy, though- it's always been endeavor.]
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it's truly unfair to be forced to go back to his hell when he has heaven right there, holding him tightly. he wants dabi to never let him go. he belonged to dabi. not endeavor.
not trusting his voice to speak for a few seconds, keigo nods his head. he tries to come up with a solution. it was up to him to stop endeavor while dabi was here. he can't trust prison to keep the man. besides, the hero commission would gladly keep the number one in the spotlight, no matter what keigo did.]
I don't want to go back.
[he admits truthfully and softly. with dabi not pulling back, keigo doesn't either. to be close like this keeps his mind and emotions calmed. he doesn't drown in dark thoughts. all he sees and feels is dabi.]
It's okay. I'm sorry too. I won't ever say that again.
[he apologizes, coming to comb a hand through dabi's hair.]
...you're mine too, right?
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Dabi knows he'll still get mad about this. he'll lash out and fall into a hole more than once. he knows he has to get over it but that's easier said than done. he just hopes Keigo understands.
there are times it might get even darker like tonight... but like always, Keigo is able to pull him out of it. maybe one day Dabi can be that for Keigo too, but right now he's just too messed up in his head.]
Don't want you to go back either. This'll be the last time, ok? We'll figure somethin' out.
[they need to talk about it. they can't ignore this any longer. maybe if they come up with a plan this won't seem so desperately painful.]
It ain't all you're good for, Keigo. You better fuckin' know that, alright? He doesn't fuckin know you. I do.
[More than anyone, he hopes.]
I'm yours. I'll always be yours.
[which is why he wanted to talk to Keigo about what he's been doing here, but they got so off track. maybe Keigo doesn't need to hear it though. maybe it doesn't matter anymore.]
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he's not sure if his own trauma would surface or if he that earlier fear would shine bright in his eyes again. but he also would rather be here for dabi than think about that. he wants so much to remain in these arms and, for once, it's all real here, the way it should have been.]
Okay.
[keigo agrees in a small voice. the last time, dabi says. keigo can handle that. he can do it. how they do it is still lost to the former hero. he wishes the answer was clear and simple, of what steps he had to take in order to get him back to dabi without endeavor ever showing up in their lives again.
his head on dabi's shoulder does lift up a bit to bury into the other male's neck when those following words come. he nods again, tears wetting his eyes.]
No one knows me like you do.
[it's the truth. he's never opened himself up quite like he did with dabi, despite the lies and betrayal. he had been honest with his love and intimacy. with endeavor, keigo had shut down and never gave an ounce of adoration or affection, and, maybe pitifully, he had believed the man to his words.
but, he has dabi here, reminding keigo of his worth.
he can only cling tighter though, hearing dabi agree that he belonged to the former hero. he sure that would please his jealous streak, but it's only the two of them here. it makes him feel at peace to hear such words though.]
I have...I have something for you. In the weeks, or months, or years, whenever you're ready, there's something special I want to give you.
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maybe keigo will be able to find some peace too.
they're going to talk about how to fix this once they've calmed down enough to be able to pull away from each other. if they still need to cling, so be it. they've never let themselves do this before. not like this. ]
We ain't gonna let him win. No fuckin' way. We just gotta be smart about it.
[keigo clings to him and dabi lets him. he moves his arms tight around him again just like before. he wishes he could bury his hands in keigo's wings, but that's just another part of them that he ruined and for what? there's that guilt again, bubbling up alongside everything. keigo is his and he's keigo's, and yet they've both hurt each other so much.
he pulls back finally when keigo says he has something for him. something special. he can't imagine what it could be and maybe he doesn't deserve it.]
That mean you're not gonna tell me what it is?
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for now though, he'll be that help that dabi needs. if his former lover wants to discuss anything on his mind, tell keigo his darkest nightmares, he'll be there to listen and hold dabi's hand. he'll always bring there to bring dabi back from whatever dark thoughts he has.]
Yeah. We'll..we'll be able to come up with something. I know we will.
[as soon as he can clear his thoughts a little bit more. his emotions still were running high, and he was holding dabi so tightly and close. he didn't want to pull away from this. not yet.
he's glad to feel those arms around him too. it gives him comfort that they'll be able to fix this. they just needed one good and solid plan.
dabi pulls back eventually though, but keigo doesn't mind. he keeps his hands gripping onto his former lover's shirt, looking up to stare at those mesmerizing blue eyes. he doesn't see or think of endeavor when he looks into these intense irises. all he sees is dabi. and that gives the former hero comfort.]
I don't mind telling you.
[he just...wasn't sure if this was the right time for it. not after such emotions that stirred both of them up.]
My first time with, um..sex, it wasn't special. The Hero Commissioners sold me to some politician. They wanted to utilize sex as a weapon. Well, they're not here, and when I created this body, there was a function to sort of...rejuvenate or have this body forget what my real body knows. So like, gag reflexes and inside of me, it's untouched.
[the more he explains, the hotter his face gets. he's starting to dodge those eyes he loves so much, looking at where he grips dabi's shirt instead.]
I mean, I know my mind knows what to do, but technically, this body is inexperienced. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, when you're ready, I want you to take my virginity here. And only you can touch.
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with keigo at his side, maybe he could have been talked into it a little easier. so maybe he would be here as well. ]
We gotta sit down and think this through.
[dabi thinks maybe he's ready to sit down with this. they have to come up with a plan before midnight.]
Only if ya wanna tell me.
[dabi says quietly, but with everything that's happened between them, wondering about it would probably make him anxious so he's glad keigo does decide to explain.
it's definitely not what he was expecting, and his eyes go a little wide. it's hard hearing about what the hero commission did to him. these disgusting men all parading around as heroes. it makes him sick, but he tries not to focus on that part at all. he tries to focus on the rest of it, which is pretty amazing in a way. ]
Didn't know you could even do that.
[he supposes he couldn't have, because he woke up here having been put inside san junipero by his family. he's here with whatever they wanted him to have, and he seriously doubts that disgusting monster of a father would want his body rejuvenated here, even without the scars. his father would want him to remember his first time very well.
the first time he and keigo had sex, it wasn't special at the time either. it was a quick and dirty fuck against the window at one of their meet ups... but damn, it came to mean a lot over time. ]
That's...
[he searches keigo's face, and again he's reminded of the thing he wanted to tell keigo earlier that he never got to say. he hesitates, then looks down, lifting his hands to keigo's wrists, just loosely holding on to them.]
I dunno if I deserve that, Keigo. I've... I've done a lotta shit since I got here. I was hurting, ya know? I was fallin' apart and everythin' my dad always said... all that shit you were sayin' before...
[his face falls again, because it seems endless. all of this pain and hurt and trauma is endless for both of them, it seems.]
I'd go out to the Quagmire and let people fuck me. Eventually I let em use me and hurt me like he used to. I dunno why, it just felt like that's what I deserved. Like I couldn't get out of my head unless they were hurtin' me.
Then I'd come back here and fall into bed and cry... and wished I could just curl up with you here in your arms. I think that's when this place started lookin' more and more like your place.
[he glances up at keigo, looking ashamed.]
Feels kinda fucked up of me to take your virginity here.
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even their first time against that dirty window left a strong impression on keigo. dabi made him feel things that keigo never expected. he wanted to be selfish here, if dabi would let him.
keigo listens quietly as dabi starts to respond, and for a brief second, he assumes his former lover was going to be irritated or annoyed. but, it’s not like that at all. of course, he looks curiously back up to search dabi’s eyes and try to understand the type of shit the other male got himself into.
it comes to hurt in a way that dabi admits to seeking out people to fuck with. no. to fuck him. the jealous part of him immediately comes to mind, but keigo forces it back. he had no room to expect dabi to not seek out pleasure after the crap he pulled. dabi could have fucked the entire city and keigo would still need to suck it up. besides, he had seen dabi getting pleasure the one time, so a part of him knew.
eventually he calms his jealousy down because he also realizes then that dabi wasn’t messing around for pleasure. and it pulls at keigo’s heart to realize that. even without endeavor here, dabi had been hurting from that man.
golden eyes look sadly up to his former lover, with one hand coming to cup dabi’s cheek softly. he hurts so much to not being here to hold dabi at night. but that would all change soon. he would soon be here full time to give dabi all of him.]
You deserve it. I want you to have it.
[just another form of showing his affections to this man. he wants to give dabi everything.]
You deserve so much, and I want to give you it all. You don’t need to be hurt like that. And very soon, I’ll be here to curl with you in bed at night. I’m yours and you’re mine. So, take my virginity for yourself. I’m yours.
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but here, dabi fell into even more darkness, and he didn't think he'd ever get out. didn't think it mattered. hell, he knows he even taunted keigo with it when he first got here, but that's cause he wanted to make the other man jealous. he wanted a fiery reaction and he got one.
none of the rest of it was for pleasure though, and dabi more than made sure of that. it's as if he wanted that stark contrast to everything he and keigo had, because he thought he'd never get it back.
but now?
now keigo looks at him despite everything he's just said, and it's not with disgust or anger. it calms something inside of him that has been aching for far too long. ]
Then I want it. When I'm ready, I want it. I want you to be mine. Every single part'a you.
[when that ring comes off of keigo's finger, because he can't stand looking at it. it makes him feel sick to his stomach. he wants keigo to be his.]
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even if it took years upon years to earn that right back.
warmth hits keigo's chest and a small smile takes to his lips with the response he's given. he eagerly nods his head, glad to save himself for dabi. he wanted this body to only know dabi, and no one else.]
It'll all be yours when you're ready.
[keigo breathes out in relief before he finally pulls back from dabi's body. they had so much to think and do now though, before he can work on earning dabi's forgiveness. while he doesn't want to ruin the good mood between them, time was ticking close to midnight. they needed to come up with a plan.
and, something does come to mind...]
I think...I know how to keep Endeavor preoccupied. Without sex. The problem is putting an end to him and getting back here before I'm caught. I can hide his body and quickly sign over my life rights and come here before anyone realizes it.
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maybe dabi needs some time, but he knows he won't go fuck around out there anymore as long as he knows keigo will come back. he doesn't have to be this empty shell trying to fuck something into himself ever again. ]
Not it, Keigo. You. I don't just want your body or this thing you're offering me. I want you.
[as much as keigo is his, he's not property. it's something they're both going to have to learn. he squeezes keigo's wrists before he lets go. they really do need to figure this out right now.]
Let's figure out the details. I'm good at details. Let's go sit.
[he can think about this much more clearly now, hopefully. he has something to look forward now. a goal. a reason to make things work. he pushes away from the counter, sliding a hand to the small of keigo's back to lead him to the couch where they can talk.]
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You'll have me. I'll be yours.
[he agrees with a hiding smile. he honestly feels like he's a teenager being recognized by a crush, even though it was so much more than that.
he can't wait for that day then. to be completely owned by dabi.
for now, he'll focus on the here and now, and he nods his head. keigo also leaves the kitchen, being lead to the couch to discuss the details of their plan.
keigo might not prefer to kill, he could do it in this instance. he didn't have dabi to do the honors, so it was on him. and keigo desperately needed to keep endeavor from ever touching dabi again.]
I have a feeling he'll be over me when I wake up. Unless he's been called out for hero work, he's usually at my bed. If I talk with him about you...I can keep his attention off me.
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they have to do this shit in order to make it happen. it's frustrating because dabi was so close to doing it while he was alive. he could have gotten rid of endeavor. maybe he and keigo wouldn't have worked out, though. he doubts he would have been able to forgive him then. ]
W... what are you gonna tell him?
[he can't help the waver in his voice at the thought of endeavor being there, being on top of keigo... he has to swallow hard, sitting on the couch near the other man, but far enough away where he can still think.]
I know how you can get him outta there. If you can get in touch with Natsuo, he can help ya. If he finds out what happened, he'll help you, Keigo. You can trust him.
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keigo isn't sure he could really stomach it too well, but to get back here, to paradise, he would do it. he would do anything for dabi and their future together.]
Just...anything to get him talking. If it's you, he'll tell me anything in great detail.
[it's hard to keep the frown off his lips. but, that monster was disgusting.
keigo perks his head up when dabi brings up natsuo. it wouldn't be hard to reach out to the other male. keigo had messaged him before, in the last few weeks. he's the only one keigo had even been able to reach out with in the todoroki household. rei, fuyumi, and shouto all had their own issues regarding endeavor, him, or the late touya todoroki.]
Are you sure? What if he's suspected in helping me? I don't want him to be punished for my crime.
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Yeah... okay. Tell him anythin' ya want about me to reel him in. Just not anythin' that'll make him jealous. If he finds out what I've been lettin' other assholes do to me, he'll lose it.
[and he doesn't want keigo to take the brunt of that. ]
You can't do this by yourself. You gotta kill him and hide the body and get back here, ya said. All before someone notices. You gotta have some help.
The last place I was crashin' at. It wasn't far from where ya lived. I barely even stayed there cause I was at your place all the time. But I think I got somethin' there that can help ya kill him.
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it's hard to not feel guilty about bringing natsuo into all of this. but...maybe the middle son knew more than he let on. maybe it's why he kept in contact with keigo.
dabi is right too. keigo can't do this all by himself. he wouldn't be able to move endeavor's body in his weakened state. curious golden eyes look back over to dabi then.]
What is it?
[endeavor was a hero, after all. he was made to withstand many things.]
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dabi knows keigo is worried about natsuo, but the kid is smart and he knows how much natsuo hates his father too. between the three of them, they can pull this off, even if dabi can't physically be there. ]
Natsuo knew I was Dabi. He helped me out at times. He kept my secret. They won't suspect Endeavor's son.
[especially natsuo. he's so quiet when he needs to be. he's kept everything inside. he knows this is his only hope. natsuo, and this thing he has.]
I've got one'a your feathers. Stashed away. If ya get close enough to it, you can still use it, right? Still part'a your quirk. You can kill him with that.
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keigo does find it curious to know how much natsuo was aware regarding dabi. in a way, he's glad that his former lover had that stability. it must have been lonely for the eldest todoroki son. keigo doesn't want dabi to ever be lonely again.]
Okay. I trust you.
[he says honestly with a smile. he does trust dabi. and if dabi believed natsuo could help keigo, then he would reach out to the middle todoroki son.
it's hard to not get a little flustered though, as dabi comes to admit about owning one of keigo's feathers. he always assumed he'd give one anyway to the hothead, as a sort of token of affection. it does help their situation though.]
Yeah. I should still be able to use my quirk.
[he states thoughtfully. he hasn't had the chance to try in a long while, but the technique was unique to him. it was like trying to forget a piece of him. it'd be impossible to not remember how to use his own quirk.]
As long as I keep him distracted, I can take him down with it.
[fire was, after all, his biggest weakness.]
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now he's thankful he had been able to get through to natsuo, because he knows this might be the only way. ]
He hates the man almost as much as I do. As much as we do.
[dabi tries not to get flustered himself. he thought maybe keigo knew that he had snagged one of his feathers, or that he had probably left one behind to spy on the league anyway. but even then he had wanted to keep something of his pretty bird with him and now he's glad for his small bout of sentimentality.]
He won't see it comin' so you've got more of a chance. He won't be expecting you to use one on him. I know how fast you are. Just channel that into this. Go for the heart, or the back. I know how damn precise you are too. He deserves it.
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[maybe with natsuo's help, as soon as endeavor is taken care of, the middle todoroki son can take keigo to sign away his rights to life. the former hero didn't need or want to see the fallout with the number one gone. he just needed to get back to dabi as soon as possible.
in this instance, keigo never did expect dabi to have one of his feathers. maybe if the prior villain had played around with it, keigo would have known. or suspected him. the feathers were always so sensitive, along with his wings. he could feel each and every one of their movements and each time someone touched them.
he kind of wished he had that same ability here. he would love to feel dabi touch him without touching him. or just having something he could give the other male. maybe...he could think of something like that. later on, when this was all fixed.]
He shouldn't expect anything if I keep him talking about you. I'll aim for his heart, through his back.
[as dabi says, his precision is impeccable. keigo wouldn't, no, couldn't lose.
a look to the clock on the stove, and keigo sees their time is run down to ten minutes left. he's nervous, but, ready too. with a small sigh to release the nerves, he looks to dabi with a small smile.]
I'll be back here as soon as I can. Hopefully before you wake up in the morning.
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[it's shitty that he's only thinking of it now and that he never even got that far when he had seen his brother again. his head was so filled with other things though, he didn't really think of it.
he should have thought of natsuo, at least.]
Lure him there if ya gotta do that. I don't got a lotta stuff, but what was left is still at that place. Tell him you wanna give him the last'a my stuff. It's an old, fallin' apart abandoned warehouse. Get rid'a the body there and no one'll even know.
[easier said than done, but he knows keigo can do it. his former lover has enough anger and disgust and motivation to get rid of that monster.
dabi glances at the stove as well, his throat suddenly feeling tight. he reaches out, nuding keigo's fingers with his own, not quite yet able to hold his hand, but still wanting contact.]
Take your time, Kei. You'll get it done but ya gotta stay calm. I... I died cause I let my emotions overtake me. I'll still be here waitin' for ya no matter how long it takes.
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I’ll tell him.
[he promises. it’s a shame he can’t get more details of dabi’s life, the good times that maybe natsuo could tell him. that was okay though.
for now, he needed to focus and take care of endeavor.]
Okay. That should do it with Endeavor.
[he’ll need to get creative about getting rid of the body. burning it would quickly get rescue on the way. keigo is sure he can come up with something. maybe with natsuo’s help too.
keigo does shiver when he feels dabi’s fingers nudge his. the former hero almost takes the hand, but knows it’s not yet time for that. he will take the gesture given to him for what it’s for, holds it close to his heart and keep him going forward.]
I know. I just...want to be right here, with you. I’ll try not to take too long. And I’ll be careful. I promise.
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for now though, he trusts that keigo will tell him, and gives him a small nod. this really does feel like the final... everything. the final time he has to be without keigo, too.
it's frustrating that he can't be there to help keigo, and he can't help but let it show in his features, and the hard line of his lips. he's frustrated and angry, but he tries not to let it bubble up inside of him. not now.]
Fuckin' hate that I can't be there with ya. That I can't do this.
[but as long as it gets done and keigo can get back here, it'll be worth it. dabi has a new goal now.]
I want ya here with me too.
[he pauses for a moment, glancing at the clock, then tugs at keigo's fingers and leans back on the couch so keigo can cuddle in his arms if he wants to.]
C'mere. Just wanna hold ya before ya gotta go.
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the frustrated look doesn’t go unnoticed by keigo. he can only offer an apologetic look of his own. he wishes he could have dabi there with him too. it would keep these nerves at bay, that’s for certain. and, he knows how important it was for dabi to make this move and decision all on his own.]
I know. I would do anything to have you there.
[he’ll be sure to keep dabi in his thoughts during the entire time. it would be like he was channeling the todoroki in a way.
a smile does take place at his lips though, to hear dabi state such comforting words. very soon, he tells himself. he’ll be here soon. to be with dabi forever.
golden eyes blink up through long lashes when he’s tugged by his fingers. keigo doesn’t need to be told twice when prompted, immediately slipping close, resting his head to dabi’s arm.]
Thank you. I’ll miss this until I come back.
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at least keigo knows what needs to be done now, and he's willing to do it. he wishes keigo would have understood back when he needed him to, but they can't go back to any of that. this is all they have now. ]
At least ya know what needs to be done now. At least ya understand now.
[and that's a pretty big thing for dabi, too. if keigo can go after endeavor with half the rage dabi has, he knows the other man will succeed hawks are birds of prey, after all.
with keigo in his arms again, dabi lets out a soft breath. he rests his chin on his former lover's head, closing his eyes as his arms wrap around him.]
Wish I had known about the whole once a week thing in san junipero before. There were times I tried to find ya. I thought maybe you'd come back. I still feel like I know nothin' about this place.
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