creamation | (no subject)

[Using his real name gets Shigaraki to shut up. His name puts him at ease, for a moment. Even the rubbing of his head against his shoulder stops as he peers up at Dabi. There's a reason why Kurogiri and Master always addressed Shigaraki by his full name- it got his attention and was an easy way to reason with him.

Slowly he nods, and with a sigh;]

Alright.

[Realistically he's probably just going to sit in the water and stare at it. Or Dabi. He still doesn't want a bath but the simple fact that Dabi used Tomura and not Shigaraki has him being more open to the idea.]

[ The effect he was hoping for. The effect that he knows it'll have on his... partner. Lover. Whatever the two of them are. They still haven't quite figured that out yet, but Dabi knows now that it's deep.

He also says Shigaraki's name because it makes him feel closer to the other man, and he needs that right now. Any bit of closeness to make up for this drought. ]

Alright. Come on.

[he says gently, letting go of Shigaraki's wrists so he can get up, but then he holds his hand out to the other man. He knows Shigaraki is always careful. From the very start, he always has been.

Realistically Dabi knows that Shigaraki is just going to sit in the water and stare at it, or him. He doesn't mind or care. He's still going to give him a bath. He knows Shigaraki will feel better once the warm water surrounds him.]

[He's always careful, which is why he lifts his index finger up from the rest of his fingers that grasp onto Dabi's hand. After he stands up straight, he sort of awkwardly grabs his arm with his free hand and rubs at it. The itch is still there, bugging him.

Dabi won't have to start completely over with taking down the walls that Shigaraki has thrown up but he'll definitely have a bit of some hurdles to cross over. For today anyways.

He lets Dabi lead him to the bathroom and disassociates when the water gets turned on. Staring glumly at Dabi's back and then at the water coming out of the faucet. Shigaraki sighs again, he should be happier that Dabi's back but it's still a huge wrinkle in their relationship that they have to iron out. Maybe they'll talk about it eventually. When they're both clean and not anxious.]

[ He can deal with hurdles. Dabi has dealt with plenty of them- most unwanted, but with Shigaraki, he can deal. He'll do what it takes. He's not letting go of this.

Once they're in the bathroom he starts the water up, checking on it to make sure it's nice and warm, but not too hot. He can feel this distance between them, and he knows the wrinkle is there, but he's determined to fix it.

He turns back to Shigaraki when the water is set, eying him closely. He reaches out, running his fingers along the other man's face, avoiding all the newest scratches. ]

Can I undress you?

[The fingers jolt him out of whatever gloomy trance he'd put himself. He stares at Dabi with a confused expression on his face. It takes him a while to comprehend just what Dabi asked but when it clicks, he nods- closing his eyes.]

Yeah, yeah.

[He's not a child but he's given up arguing with Dabi. It's awkward standing there, waiting for Dabi to undress him, and while he doesn't scratch at his skin- it's obvious with the way that Shigaraki fidgets that he's dying to dig into his skin.]

[It bothers Dabi, seeing Shigaraki in this state, no matter the cause. But it's even worse, knowing he had a hand in it.

He can see all that fidgeting and he hopes the bath will at least calm some of that.

Dabi doesn't want to treat him like a child, he wants to treat Shigaraki like someone he cares about. But Shigaraki doesn't leave him much choice in how to handle him.

He starts with the top, carefully pulling the hoodie over his head when he lifts his arms, and then his fingers slide down scarred skin to undo his pants.]

What are you thinking about?

Huh? [He's still out of it. Maybe he does need to be handled with the kiddie gloves. At least until his common sense returns.] Oh. Nothing.

[Shigaraki lifts his legs for Dabi to remove his pants. He really isn't thinking about anything, just letting his mind drift without thought. The question changes that nothing into something, he stares at his feet before staring up at Dabi.]

Kurogiri sent you, didn't he?

[ Dabi is doing just that, waiting for some kind of light to flicker back into the other man's eyes, but he knows it'll take a while. He's fine waiting and trying to help it along.

He hesitates at the question and considers lying, but they don't lie to each other about shit anymore. Not if they can help it, anyway.]

He did. I'm glad he did. I wasn't exactly thinking straight either. I think he probably knew that.

[Once Dabi is finished undressing Shigaraki, he slowly moves to undress himself, tossing all their clothes into one big pile in the corner of the bathroom.]

I'm not here because of him, though. I want to be here. I missed you.

[He had a feeling Kurogiri was responsible for Dabi's sudden arrival. Kurogiri had a way of knowing. Maybe it was just age and experience or the fact that Kurogiri knew Shigaraki's tics and mannerisms. Someone had to intervene and it may as well been the one person who was avoiding him.]

I know. [He knows Dabi isn't here entirely because of Kurogiri.] I missed you too.

[It shows on his body after all.]

[ He's pretty sure he's never been fully naked in front of Shigaraki before. It's always been one piece of clothing on, or the other. Usually his pants- usually to keep a good barrier between them. The other day he flipped out and now he's undressing completely.

He's not sure if it's smart, but he also feels like once he pulled himself together with Shigaraki's help, a piece that had shaken loose so many years ago slid back into place.

No one's ever helped him before. ]

I won't ever do that again.

[He can see how much Shigaraki missed him. There's crusted blood all over his skin that he can't wait to wash off. He'll be gentle, even if Shigaraki tells him not to treat him like a child. What he really wants to do is care for him. Not only children need to be cared for, he knows that much is true.

He takes Shigaraki's hands, curling his fingers around four and pulls him into the tub with him, sitting down and letting the other man decide which way he wants to sit.]

It's alright. It happens. [Sounds like he's either had a similar experience or understands what Dabi was going through. Still- while he might have helped Dabi slide pieces back together, it chipped a few of Shigaraki's pieces that had taken years to mend. Maybe they were never really mended.

He stands in the water, staring for a moment before lowering himself slowly into the water. Shigaraki sits across from Dabi, staring at the other without purpose. He does manage to notice just how scarred the other is and realizes this is the first time that both of them are completely naked. It's always Shigaraki who's missing the most clothes and now they're both bare for each other to see.

This kind of vulnerability makes Shigaraki withdraw deeper into his shell, as he pulls his knees up to his chest, staring over at Dabi with those ruby eyes of his that are slowly regaining focus.

He's afraid to reach out to the other, or to initiate touch with the other. It's why he sits across and not in front of Dabi.]

I don't want it to. Avoiding you was a shit thing to do and I'm an asshole.

[Which would really surprise no one, but they've been on a different level with each other for a while now. Not showing his face for days, when he knew how much it killed them to be away from each other for even one? It really was a shitty thing to do. He had his space, he could have dealt with the rest with Shigaraki instead of toiling in his own misery and making Shigaraki do the same.

He hates this. He really hates the way the other man pulls into himself, away from him. He wants to reach out and yank him close, tell him to cut this out, but he can't. He shouldn't.

Instead, he slides a little closer, spreading his legs so Shigaraki's can fit between his, and he curls his fingers around his ankles, leaning in to kiss one of his knees.]

It's okay. Nothing bad is gonna happen.

[He leans closer to kiss the top of Dabi's head as he kisses one of Shigaraki's knees. At Dabi's reassurance, there's a small hesitancy before he moves. Shooing Dabi's hands away gently, he stands up just high enough to maneuver himself. He ends up sitting with his back facing Dabi. This position would be more comfortable... with Dabi holding him close and Shigaraki capable of staring off into the distance.

It's not like he didn't want to see Dabi or anything but this would be nicer.]

Are you sure?

[He sounds so uncertain but he doesn't want to touch the other without permission. So he stays frozen in place until either Dabi answers him or pulls him closer.]

[ Dabi moves back enough to let Shigaraki move. He would have tried to hold onto him any way he could no matter what, but this is better. He waits for Shigaraki to settle in before he slides his arms around him, very slowly pulling him closer.

He's not going to be an idiot about it this time. ]

If it starts to get too much, I can move. I won't force myself to try and ride out the discomfort like last time. I tried to ignore all the shit inside myself instead of dealing with it.

Even with our touch sessions I always try to escape it instead of facing it. I was drunk on top of everything... I lost control.

I pushed you. It's my fault.

[At least thats what Shigaraki has convinced himself of. It's a change in pace from his usual line of logic. Usually he'd be more than willing to let Dabi shoulder the blame for the meltdown. But this time he isn't as selfish.

He lets himself be pulled closer, and cautiously he leans into Dabi's chest, tilting his head back so that he could look at the other.]

I'm sorry.

[For a lot of things. But he's never felt this guilty before. Sure it was frustrating and stressful that they'd been separated like this. The days had been a whirlwind of emotion. Part of his scratching had been a reflection of that. The other part? Well. It was his own sort of punishment for pushing Dabi like that.]

It's not your fault. I kept going with it too. I wanted to.

[He just pushed himself too hard, too fast and he wasn't thinking. He wanted to be with Shigaraki so much and just let himself be free of his issues for one night. But it doesn't work like that.

Except now, maybe his mind knows he's safer with this man in front of him. He knows he has someone to reach out to without a doubt. When Shigaraki's head falls back, Dabi leans in and kisses his temple, then further down his face where he was scratching last night. He wants to kiss all these damn wounds.]

It wasn't your fault, Tomura. You always respect me when I say no.

[Shigaraki knows it'll be a back and forth battle of who gets the blame. He wants the blame, Dabi won't give it to him or let him have it. This battle isn't worth fighting over. Not in his current state of mind and so;]

Can we change the subject?

[He dips his hands into the water, hissing lightly as the warmth washes over the raw skin. Everything hurts if he thinks too hard about it. The pain wasn't helped by the bath. Instead, it felt more like a wet weight on him.]

Hm. Yeah... but I need you to know it wasn't your fault. I wanted to be with you, to let go of it all and just be completely close to you. I forced myself, you didn't force me. You helped me. And now look, you're sitting back against me and it's alright.

[He won't stop stressing that until Shigaraki gets it through his damn head. He doesn't want him to be stuck in this state, thinking all of it was his fault.

It's the opposite of what Dabi wants. The water is supposed to be soothing, washing the pain away. The water shouldn't hurt that much and Dabi wonders how much of that is in Shigaraki's head as well. He moves his hair aside and starts kissing along the back of his neck, then carefully brings warm water up his hands to pour on him before grabbing the soap to start washing his back.

Circular, soothing motions as he presses his legs a little tighter around him, cocooning him closer.]

[There's no response from Shigaraki as Dabi continues on with the subject he desperately wanted to drop. He's still going to beat himself up over this situation but he'll move on eventually. It'll just take time, as things always do with Shigaraki.

The kisses are a gentle distraction from his self depreciating thoughts and he leans forward slightly for Dabi to give him more. At that moment, Dabi pours water over him and the feeling shocks Shigaraki as he jolts a little. But then Dabi's there with the soap on his back and it feels calming. His body starts to visibly relax, the tension in his muscles slowly releasing. He lets out a soft sigh as the warm water becomes soothing. There'a still a dull ache in his wrists and where the water washed over fresh cuts however it isn't bothersome.

He's even able to play in the water a little, one hand idly swirling at the water with languid movements. The other hand carefully touching Dabi's leg with three fingers. Eventually he draws his legs closer, letting Dabi cocoon him even more, and moves to rest his head on his knees. He continues with his slow movements and touches on Dabi's leg with a bit of uncertainty.]

[ Dabi knows that as impatient as he might be to make things right, it will take time. He also thinks it would help more if they talked about it, but he won't push right now. It's all too fresh, ripping into Shigaraki like the wounds on his skin.

He's said what he wants to say, at least for now. Now, all he wants to do is take care of Shigaraki. He drops more kisses along his back as he washes, keeping his movements slow and steady and soon enough he can feel that tension starting to ebb away. He keeps the water warm, using that as a gauge to make sure his body temperature doesn't raise because of his close proximity to Shigaraki's body. So far so good.

It isn't anxiety he feels in his chest now, but a whole different emotion. Something he hasn't really given much thought about until more recently. It's the emotion that pushed Dabi to want to be closer to Shigaraki in the first place, the other night, but he won't let it be corrupted by his past. ]

That feels nice.

[He whispers close to Shigaraki's ear, before kissing and nipping down along his shoulder. Then, more carefully than he's ever done anything in his life, he starts to wash the dry blood from Shigaraki's skin, trying to distract him with more kisses, his legs just a little tighter around him. ]

Mmhmm. Yeah. [He agrees with a small shiver. Dabi's tender attention is foreign from the brash attention they crave from each other so often. But the tenderness isn't unwanted, it's needed.

He winces when Dabi starts to wash closer to the fresh wounds, squeezing his eyes shut. The three fingers against the other man's leg seizes as his body involuntarily twists to get out of the way. He doesn't get very far, not with the way Dabi has him trapped with his legs.]

That hurts. [It's not Dabi's fault. He knows this. But he wants to go back to the gentleness he's not used to.]

I know. Just a little bit longer. I want to wash the old blood off.

[It's eve crusted around the healing wounds, because of course Shigaraki hadn't taken care of himself at all. Dabi slides his free hand into Shigaraki's hair, moving his fingers lightly against his scalp as he keeps washing his damaged skin, trying to be as gentle and efficient about it as possible.

When he's done, he brings the soap around to Shigaraki's front, drawing smooth circles again as he leans in to pepper more kisses along his back.

After a moment he just rests his forehead down and wraps his arms around the other man, hugging him closer. He feels overwhelmed in a different kind of way now. The kind of way where he just needs Shigaraki to stay close]

[He never takes care of himself. Kurogiri has to constantly remind Shigaraki to take care of himself. Even without this funk he's put himself in, Shigaraki forgets about himself whether it'll be eating, handling his anxiety in healthier ways, or basic things.

Dabi is gentle and firm when he needs to be. When he's finally finished, the skin feels a bit better but still feels sore to Shigaraki. Maybe when they're done with their bath they can properly medicate his open wounds and that should really make everything better.

He lets out a shaky sigh when Dabi finally moves away from the open wounds. It's right back to the tender kisses and massages and he breathes a little harder to ease his mind. But the hugging has him frozen stiff again. Afraid that he's going to fuck this up again so soon. He doesn't move, letting Dabi take control of the intimacy. Seconds pass and nothing happens. Then minutes.

Only when the other shows no sighs of being uncomfortable does he relax into the hug. Shigaraki even brings up a hand to daintly touch Dabi's.]

[ That's why Dabi feeds him, and tries to find other ways to deal with his anxiety, or bathes him. That's why he does all the little things that he's sure no one else notices, like cutting his hair and his fingernails and caring for his wounds when Shigaraki has had a long and stressful day and the wounds are inevitable.

Dabi doesn't mind any of this. He's grown accustom to it in the time they've been together. Shigaraki takes care of him too, in different ways and Dabi doesn't ever think to give him shit about it anymore.

He waits for Shigaraki to relax against him, hoping that after a while he will. When he does, Dabi lets out a long breath against his back. There are so many things he wants to say, but he's afraid that if he opens his mouth his overwhelming emotions might get the better of him. He's not there yet. He's not ready to face such deep emotions that don't involve anger and hatred, but instead, the complete opposite. ]

[Shigaraki eases into this new intimacy. Dabi rarely holds him close for this long. He closes his eyes, breathing softly as he lets the other cocoon him further.]

Dabi?

[He mumbles softly, unsure if this was all just some weird hallucinatory dream.]