[It feels like his stomach is being dragged through a pit of broken glass. Each word threatening to slice or stab him right in the gut. The final blow never comes though, and he eases up on the tension building inside of him just a tiny bit. Still, even with this relief, Dabi's words are a lot to take in.]
Shut up. [He says softly without the usual malice.] Kiss me. Please.
[ Dabi tries to rationalize things- to make them more manageable. But Shigaraki needs more tangible things and Dabi should probably know that by now. He does know it, but he doesn't want to push anything more on Shigaraki.
But kissing he can do. Kissing he can always do, especially when it comes to the person in front of him. He shifts a little to get a better angle and leans in, pressing his lips against Shigaraki's, touching his fingers lightly along his jaw. ]
[He closes his eyes and focuses on pushing his anxiety away, trying to use the kiss as a distraction. It works. At first it's only Dabi doing the kissing, with Shigaraki struggling to return the feeling and pressure. But he manages to work his way there slowly. Unfortunately he does end up scratching a harsh line down from the top of his shoulder. There's no blood but it'd happened, and a single tear escapes his tired eyes from the taut tension.
When he's finally able to kiss back and match Dabi for the pressure he brings. He lingers there, waiting to make sure he'd dusted away the brokenness of his feelings before he pulls away.]
[ Dabi kisses Shigaraki softly at first, easing him into it. He doesn't want to push too much, but he wants to give him the distraction he needs. It's not long till he presses deeper into the kiss, waiting until the other kisses back. When he does, Dabi keeps it steady, working with each breath and heartbeat.
He breathes out softly agains Shigaraki's lips, hand still at his face even as they part. These feelings are brimming with fear, it's true, but there's also a lot more behind them and Dabi wants both of them to get to the point where they can feel the goodness in it too.
[Between this bought of anxiety and the bathtub massage, he feels exhausted. Even more so then when he woke up with Dabi. Maybe he hasn't quite got himself put together but he doesn't want to leave Dabi, or for Dabi to leave him.]
[He kisses Shigaraki again, then slowly starts to untangle, even though he really doesn't want to move away even the slightest. It's good. The longest he's ever stayed like this. But more so, the longest he's ever been able to give Shigaraki comfort as well, even if it all seems messy right now.
There's more to be cleaned, but they can get to that later, tomorrow, whenever they're feeling up to it. As long as Dabi can get them mostly functioning for now.
He stands up, helping Shigaraki up with him and grabs a towel, wrapping it around the other man's shoulders, rubbing gently. When Shigaraki has gotten a hold of his own towel, Dabi grabs one for himself as well, draping it around his shoulders before he steps out, helping Shigaraki out of the tub.]
I'll grab you something to wear, okay? Something clean.
[He kisses back out of instinct, not really thinking about what's going on or even where he is. So he lets himself be herded out of the bath. Normally he'd fuss and bitch about being coddled like this but he's still strung out from anxiety, from the build up of his emotions these past two days. Dabi says something but he doesn't entirely comprehend what he's talking about.
Instead of waiting for Dabi to get him clothes, he stumbles towards the bedroom. Perfectly content with laying down in the nude. He does too, flopping onto the mattress while he's still dripping wet.]
[ Dabi doesn't like the lack of bitching. As much as he normally scowls and bitches back, it's better to see Shigaraki like that, because he's more himself. Dabi doesn't know how else to break Shigaraki out of this trance he's in. He wishes he were better at this. He wishes he knew what to do.
He's not surprised when Shigaraki doesn't listen to him about clothes, but he goes to grab them anyway. Dabi dries off quickly and pulls some clothes on that he had left here in Shigaraki's room for 'emergencies' and then heads back over, grabbing the towel and drying Shigaraki off a little better, before pulling the blankets up around him.
He pauses, pushing his wet hair back off of his face, then gets up and goes to grab some of the medical things he's stored away, finding some cream for the wounds. He's not sure if Shigaraki will even let him, but he knows it'll help and he has to have a firm hand in this.
But when he comes back over, he sets it aside and sits, crossing his legs under him so he can move Shigaraki's head into his lap. ]
I can make those wounds feel better if you'll let me.
[It's a good thing he's laying down because Shigaraki feels dizzy and lightheaded. He blinks while staring up at Dabi, shaking his head no. He doesn't want the wounds to feel better. The better they feel, the more likely he is to scratch.]
No. I just need to lay down. [I'm ok. He wants to say when he knows he's not.]
You're already laying down. I'm gonna put this on some of them at least. You need it.
[Dabi isn't going to let him scratch anymore. Not like this. And he's going to make sure the wounds Shigaraki has don't get any worse. Firm hand, doing what's necessary, while running his fingers through Shigaraki's hair.]
[But he's too weakened to really fight with Dabi physically. It helps that Dabi's even going the extra mile to be soothing by running his fingers through Shigaraki's hair. Which feels even greasier after the bath being cut so short.]
[Dabi counters, opening the cream up anyway. It's hard though, when Shigaraki says please. It's not a word used all that lightly between them and Dabi stops, letting out a long sigh.]
Why do you want me to stop? It'll feel better, it'll help them heal. [He frowns] I know you don't want them to feel better or heal, but that's not gonna help any of this. Stop punishing yourself. Just let me fucking take care of you. Please.
It stings. [Or in other words, it's the wrong kind of hurt. He bristles a little when Dabi uses the word please and tries his best to hold his ground. For a second, he looks like he might relent and let Dabi take care of him. Instead?
It doesn't sting, it's soothing cream. It takes away the sting.
[Shigaraki is frustrating as hell, but Dabi tries to be patient. He always is, even though he's frustrated. When Shigaraki asks him to lay there and kiss the wounds instead, he knows he's going to relent. He can read a lot about Shigaraki now, but Shigaraki also knows how to get to him too. ]
For now. But you have to stop scratching, alright? If you stop, I'll lay down with you and kiss them instead.
[He nods smally in Dabi's lap. They know how to push each other to get what they want. Sometimes what they want contradicts each other. Like now. Shigaraki wants Dabi to leave his wounds alone, Dabi wants to take care of them. There isn't a happy medium because if Shigaraki lets Dabi take care of them- there's still a small risk that he could get upset and reopen the wounds.]
I'm not asking you to promise me, Tomura. I'm just asking you to try.
[He caps the cream and sets it on his side of the mattress, then shifts until he's laid out next to Shigaraki, moving the blanket so it covers both of them. He moves a hand up Shigaraki's bare chest, stopping at his collarbone to rub his thumb gently against one of the older bruises that he left with his mouth.
He thinks of the quiet exchange of words in the bathtub and while it scares him too, he knows it doesn't make the truth of the words any less. The fact that they're so scared only makes it more real.]
When I was younger, I used to go back behind the house and catch frogs with my brother. The frogs would always start coming out at dusk and we would wait for them to start jumping around, watching from the window.
We'd gather a bucket of water and dig a hole, then moisten up the sand so we could build small houses that they could jump around in. We didn't have very many toys, but it was always fine, we didn't need them. We'd get creative when we could. Sometimes my sister would join us and she would always catch a lot more frogs than we would, but she let them go before we could even build anything. My brother would join in, setting the frogs free. That was their favorite part, I think. They were both younger than me.
[He's relapsed in his scratching but it is true that he had been trying harder to curb the behavior lately. It's definitely a small improvement since he's restricted his scratching to the privacy of his own bedroom. No longer does he break down in front of prospective recruits or vendors. He actually has a bit of professionalism going on about the way he manages day-to-day business. But his personal life is still trying to mature as fast as his professional life.
Shigaraki listens to Dabi's story. Between the distraction of the story and the gentle rubbing of his chest, it helps ground him from the prior anxiety attack. Reminds him where he is and gives him something distracting to think about.]
[He's not saying overall, he's not saying try harder. He's saying right now, in this moment, because that's all they really need to focus on. Everything else is on the side.
The story is meant as a distraction, but also as a show of trust, opening up a little bit more about himself. The other day got him thinking about his past again- something he knows he's been shoving into a dark corner. Along with all the bad memories, he's found pieces of good ones. He doesn't want to cling to them of course, so maybe talking about them can be a good release for both of them.]
Yeah, it was just something to do, I guess. Something we didn't really have to worry about.
[It's the way Dabi teases and pesters him constantly. Relentlessly. Shigaraki's definitely an only child with how spoiled and bratty he acts. It shows. Just like how it shows that Dabi is an older brother.]
[He swallows hard, looking down at Shigaraki's chest as his fingers start traveling up and down along the middle of it. An older brother. It's been so damn long since he's thought of himself as an older brother. Does he even technically count as one anymore? He's sure they barely remember him. Maybe in name only. It used to hurt more, but now that hurt has been replaced with so many other negative emotions that it all becomes a jumbled mess in his head.]
Anyway, they're long gone- but these memories have been coming back to me lately.
You tease too often and too readily. [Like he's had some sort of practice before becoming a villain. No one just naturally acts the way Dabi does without some exposure to using frequent teasing.] I don't have any memories like that.
[He's glad the distraction is working. Shigaraki seems to be coming back to himself a little more, instead of zoning out and staring off into space. If he has to open up about himself a little to do so, maybe it's worth it. ]
I always think I'm over it and then some shit happens. Something that reminds me, even though I've worked so damn hard to forget it.
[Shit like the other day, taking him right back to the very place he never wanted to be in again, with Shigaraki getting a full view of it all. ]
[He shifts a little, looking over at Dabi. Red eyes are no longer frantic or vacant, he's definitely come down from wherever distant world he sent himself off to. He quietly listens to what Dabi says, focusing on the sound of Dabi's voice.]
Sometimes it's more damaging to forget. [Not like Shigaraki has better coping techniques with his abandonment issues and all that.] Yeah? I'm pretty obvious about being an only child.
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zvi and
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Date: 2018-08-02 02:44 am (UTC)Shut up. [He says softly without the usual malice.] Kiss me. Please.
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Date: 2018-08-02 02:49 am (UTC)But kissing he can do. Kissing he can always do, especially when it comes to the person in front of him. He shifts a little to get a better angle and leans in, pressing his lips against Shigaraki's, touching his fingers lightly along his jaw. ]
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Date: 2018-08-02 03:07 am (UTC)When he's finally able to kiss back and match Dabi for the pressure he brings. He lingers there, waiting to make sure he'd dusted away the brokenness of his feelings before he pulls away.]
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Date: 2018-08-02 04:21 am (UTC)He breathes out softly agains Shigaraki's lips, hand still at his face even as they part. These feelings are brimming with fear, it's true, but there's also a lot more behind them and Dabi wants both of them to get to the point where they can feel the goodness in it too.
For Shigaraki, he would. ]
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Date: 2018-08-02 04:37 am (UTC)[Between this bought of anxiety and the bathtub massage, he feels exhausted. Even more so then when he woke up with Dabi. Maybe he hasn't quite got himself put together but he doesn't want to leave Dabi, or for Dabi to leave him.]
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Date: 2018-08-02 05:03 am (UTC)[He kisses Shigaraki again, then slowly starts to untangle, even though he really doesn't want to move away even the slightest. It's good. The longest he's ever stayed like this. But more so, the longest he's ever been able to give Shigaraki comfort as well, even if it all seems messy right now.
There's more to be cleaned, but they can get to that later, tomorrow, whenever they're feeling up to it. As long as Dabi can get them mostly functioning for now.
He stands up, helping Shigaraki up with him and grabs a towel, wrapping it around the other man's shoulders, rubbing gently. When Shigaraki has gotten a hold of his own towel, Dabi grabs one for himself as well, draping it around his shoulders before he steps out, helping Shigaraki out of the tub.]
I'll grab you something to wear, okay? Something clean.
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Date: 2018-08-02 05:27 am (UTC)Instead of waiting for Dabi to get him clothes, he stumbles towards the bedroom. Perfectly content with laying down in the nude. He does too, flopping onto the mattress while he's still dripping wet.]
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Date: 2018-08-02 05:37 am (UTC)He's not surprised when Shigaraki doesn't listen to him about clothes, but he goes to grab them anyway. Dabi dries off quickly and pulls some clothes on that he had left here in Shigaraki's room for 'emergencies' and then heads back over, grabbing the towel and drying Shigaraki off a little better, before pulling the blankets up around him.
He pauses, pushing his wet hair back off of his face, then gets up and goes to grab some of the medical things he's stored away, finding some cream for the wounds. He's not sure if Shigaraki will even let him, but he knows it'll help and he has to have a firm hand in this.
But when he comes back over, he sets it aside and sits, crossing his legs under him so he can move Shigaraki's head into his lap. ]
I can make those wounds feel better if you'll let me.
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Date: 2018-08-03 04:16 am (UTC)No. I just need to lay down. [I'm ok. He wants to say when he knows he's not.]
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Date: 2018-08-03 04:21 am (UTC)[Dabi isn't going to let him scratch anymore. Not like this. And he's going to make sure the wounds Shigaraki has don't get any worse. Firm hand, doing what's necessary, while running his fingers through Shigaraki's hair.]
Just close your eyes and relax.
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Date: 2018-08-03 04:30 am (UTC)[But he's too weakened to really fight with Dabi physically. It helps that Dabi's even going the extra mile to be soothing by running his fingers through Shigaraki's hair. Which feels even greasier after the bath being cut so short.]
Leave it alone, please?
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Date: 2018-08-03 04:42 am (UTC)[Dabi counters, opening the cream up anyway. It's hard though, when Shigaraki says please. It's not a word used all that lightly between them and Dabi stops, letting out a long sigh.]
Why do you want me to stop? It'll feel better, it'll help them heal. [He frowns] I know you don't want them to feel better or heal, but that's not gonna help any of this. Stop punishing yourself. Just let me fucking take care of you. Please.
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Date: 2018-08-03 04:52 am (UTC)He changes the topic.]
Can't you just lay down and kiss it instead?
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Date: 2018-08-03 05:02 am (UTC)[Shigaraki is frustrating as hell, but Dabi tries to be patient. He always is, even though he's frustrated. When Shigaraki asks him to lay there and kiss the wounds instead, he knows he's going to relent. He can read a lot about Shigaraki now, but Shigaraki also knows how to get to him too. ]
For now. But you have to stop scratching, alright? If you stop, I'll lay down with you and kiss them instead.
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Date: 2018-08-03 05:16 am (UTC)You know I can't promise that.
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Date: 2018-08-03 06:52 am (UTC)[He caps the cream and sets it on his side of the mattress, then shifts until he's laid out next to Shigaraki, moving the blanket so it covers both of them. He moves a hand up Shigaraki's bare chest, stopping at his collarbone to rub his thumb gently against one of the older bruises that he left with his mouth.
He thinks of the quiet exchange of words in the bathtub and while it scares him too, he knows it doesn't make the truth of the words any less. The fact that they're so scared only makes it more real.]
When I was younger, I used to go back behind the house and catch frogs with my brother. The frogs would always start coming out at dusk and we would wait for them to start jumping around, watching from the window.
We'd gather a bucket of water and dig a hole, then moisten up the sand so we could build small houses that they could jump around in. We didn't have very many toys, but it was always fine, we didn't need them. We'd get creative when we could. Sometimes my sister would join us and she would always catch a lot more frogs than we would, but she let them go before we could even build anything. My brother would join in, setting the frogs free. That was their favorite part, I think. They were both younger than me.
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Date: 2018-08-04 09:55 pm (UTC)[He's relapsed in his scratching but it is true that he had been trying harder to curb the behavior lately. It's definitely a small improvement since he's restricted his scratching to the privacy of his own bedroom. No longer does he break down in front of prospective recruits or vendors. He actually has a bit of professionalism going on about the way he manages day-to-day business. But his personal life is still trying to mature as fast as his professional life.
Shigaraki listens to Dabi's story. Between the distraction of the story and the gentle rubbing of his chest, it helps ground him from the prior anxiety attack. Reminds him where he is and gives him something distracting to think about.]
Frogs?
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Date: 2018-08-04 10:08 pm (UTC)[He's not saying overall, he's not saying try harder. He's saying right now, in this moment, because that's all they really need to focus on. Everything else is on the side.
The story is meant as a distraction, but also as a show of trust, opening up a little bit more about himself. The other day got him thinking about his past again- something he knows he's been shoving into a dark corner. Along with all the bad memories, he's found pieces of good ones. He doesn't want to cling to them of course, so maybe talking about them can be a good release for both of them.]
Yeah, it was just something to do, I guess. Something we didn't really have to worry about.
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Date: 2018-08-05 08:19 am (UTC)[It's the way Dabi teases and pesters him constantly. Relentlessly. Shigaraki's definitely an only child with how spoiled and bratty he acts. It shows. Just like how it shows that Dabi is an older brother.]
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Date: 2018-08-05 08:26 pm (UTC)[He swallows hard, looking down at Shigaraki's chest as his fingers start traveling up and down along the middle of it. An older brother. It's been so damn long since he's thought of himself as an older brother. Does he even technically count as one anymore? He's sure they barely remember him. Maybe in name only. It used to hurt more, but now that hurt has been replaced with so many other negative emotions that it all becomes a jumbled mess in his head.]
Anyway, they're long gone- but these memories have been coming back to me lately.
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Date: 2018-08-05 08:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-05 08:56 pm (UTC)[That's what his words say, but his lips are kissing Shigaraki's shoulder instead.]
I'm not sure I teased them all that much, though. There wasn't really any room for it. Maybe that's why I take it out on you instead.
[But... he's getting ahead of himself here. He doesn't want to get into the politics of his household.]
Nothing even remotely good?
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Date: 2018-08-06 05:23 am (UTC)No. I was pretty lonely as a kid and had my own trauma to deal with. [His voice trails off as he says this. Sighing softly.] I'm over it now.
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Date: 2018-08-06 07:53 pm (UTC)[He's glad the distraction is working. Shigaraki seems to be coming back to himself a little more, instead of zoning out and staring off into space. If he has to open up about himself a little to do so, maybe it's worth it. ]
I always think I'm over it and then some shit happens. Something that reminds me, even though I've worked so damn hard to forget it.
[Shit like the other day, taking him right back to the very place he never wanted to be in again, with Shigaraki getting a full view of it all. ]
I can tell you were an only child, too.
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Date: 2018-08-06 08:37 pm (UTC)Sometimes it's more damaging to forget. [Not like Shigaraki has better coping techniques with his abandonment issues and all that.] Yeah? I'm pretty obvious about being an only child.
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