creamation | (no subject)

[ dabi got stuck in this place without any knowledge of what this was or what was going on. no knowledge of him being dead. he thought maybe eventually he'd get out of this, or they'd let him wake up and at least talk to one person in the real world, even if he was in prison.

but now? now there's nothing, and keigo took the last of it, even more so than dabi could have ever imagined he would. it feels like his insides are burning to ash, and not in the way they used to. this is far worse.

but keigo expects him to just be okay with this? to just get over everything that happened in an instant? if so, then maybe it really is better he never come back, because that won't be possible. keigo isn't going to get any understanding from dabi. not like this. he doesn't even care if keigo tries to manipulate him with his name. this is never the way he wanted to hear it. ]

Don't ever come back.

[he says without thinking much about it, then turns and pushes his way through the crowd again. he wills his scars away but keeps his black hair in hopes of blending in. his scars always did make him stand out.]

[it's all keigo needed to hear. it's all he didn't want to hear either. but, he tells himself, he never expected it to go back to before. there's more words on his tongue, three of them. he tries to will them out, to tell dabi the last of it, but the former villain is gone.

he can't find scarred flesh in the crowd. he could try hard to search, but there's no point to it. it's over and done. he gave it his all, and he knew when to back off.

keigo remains in place until the clock strikes midnight, sending him back to the real world. when he snaps out of the blur, he can feel far more wetness at his eyes. he had cried harder here, in reality.

so. it was all over. the least keigo can do is tell endeavor what he's been up to, and how dabi was doing. it was against protocol, but keigo didn't care. nothing mattered. maybe endeavor would give dabi the death he so desired. somehow though...keigo doubted it. the number one wanted to make up for everything he had done, apparently.

maybe dabi would come to enjoy san junipero. one could only hope.]

[ for some reason dabi still expects keigo to come after him and find him. but no... he doesn't want that. not anymore. there isn't a single damn thing he wants anymore.

dabi still keeps an eye out for him the next night and the night after that. a week later and he still doesn't see keigo... maybe out of the corner of his eye. he gets tired of random blonde's sucking him off in hopes of getting back at that traitorous bird some more. he doesn't feel anything anyway.

there's nothing that can ever make him feel that way again.

eventually he stops going out altogether. he stays inside and wastes away on his bed, only getting up to try and kill himself again. he always wakes up right back in bed, and then he just stays there all over again. he figures maybe eventually they'll notice something like a glitch in the system or however this shit works, and just shut him down.

it doesn't happen.

when he does start going out again, it's back to the quagmire. it's not like he's ever gotten help for anything, least of all his mental state. this is where he feels the most like himself. dirty, wasted, good for nothing. he lets men use him and then he goes back home and cries.

the worst nights are when he misses keigo, though. he wishes he could sneak up to that penthouse apartment and just flop into their bed. keigo's bed. it was never his bed at all. he wishes he could hear that groan and that flutter of wings before a cool body pressed against his far too heated one, wing curling around him as the other man nuzzled and cuddled into him so obnoxiously.

at first his annoyed and frustrated sounds were real, but then they were all just for show while he'd smirk and snake his arms around the other man just as easily, pulling him closer.

he knows he'll never have that again. hell, he didn't even really have it back then, either. it was all a lie.

that, and he told keigo never to come back. he wonders now if he would have said anything differently if he had known how he'd feel now. it's just loneliness he reminds himself, and knowing that he truly is dead. ]

[there were plenty of times keigo wanted to leap right back in. every saturday night for a month were the hardest to get through. but he never returned. instead, he would curl in the empty bed, crying himself to sleep. there was no dabi. and there were no wings.

dabi's scent was on his pillows though. he tried to find comfort in them, but they were fading. he could smell it again, if he ever chose to live in san junipero for his after life choice. he won't though.

he tells himself that, yet...

how many months has it been? the first evening he returns to this simulation, he sticks to the shadows of alleyways, just eying the atmosphere. contemplating. the second week, he works up the nerve to enter tuckers, but stays hidden in the dark. dabi wasn't there though. the third week, after confirming his former lover wasn't within the bar, he tries to have a little fun. drinking and dancing.

it's now his fourth week visiting, and he's again back at tuckers. he's still unsure of being here, unsure if this is what he wants. sure, no responsibility, getting to live life peacefully. it sounds perfect. he never had that. but permanently here. lonely. it makes him scared and nervous. what if dabi came across him? keigo was still broken up about his former lover. all he does in that white bed is cough and cry.

he gave his word to never come back too. the city was big. but it was small too.

he avoids the quagmire like the plague. honestly, he should avoid tuckers too. but, the night air is nice, and the music is perfect to dance to.

to make himself look less out in the open, keigo no longer wears his wings. generally, he keeps his back exposed though, where he purposely has two red wings tattooed in their place. hip bones are constantly exposed, and keigo pretends to like the touches there when he grinds and dances with other people. if they were familiar, belonging to the man within his dreams, keigo would purr and beg for more. but no. none of it was familiar. so he pretends.

but when he's urged back, like now, into a hot, sweaty body, he goes with it. he keeps his eyes closed, trying to forget the hell that was his life now. he never did check the club for dabi's presence. but, he's under the impression he wouldn't come across his former lover at tuckers anyway.]

[ dabi doesn't know why he goes out tonight at all. it's either been wasting away at the beach house or going to the quagmire to get ripped apart, but tonight he just wants something... different. it's funny how tucker's has become that different thing.

maybe he hates it so much because it reminds him of certain times, certain people. on particular person and a life he could never have.

even now it's pointless, but his feet drag him there anyway.

he still has his scars, his black hair and all his piercings. a few new ones here and there, along with black and blue skin almost everywhere else where he's not scarred up. he knows he could change that if he wanted to, but this mess is his own now, he supposes. these marks are the only things he's ever really been able to control in his entire life... or death.

he stays hidden at the bar, hood pulled over his mess of hair. he's on his fifth drink and 3rd plan on just how he's going to kill himself again this week when he spots the blonde in the crowd on the dance floor. he really thinks he's seeing things again, so he downs his drink faster and asks for another. he can't do this again tonight. he can already feel his throat constricting and his insides doing a flip.

he really should have just gone to the quagmire. ]

[the dancing keeps keigo occupied. he likes doing it, he discovers. if his thoughts drifted over to dabi, he would wonder if he could ever get the villain to dance with him. however, he keeps his mind clean of his former lover, to not allow his pain or hurt to take control like it does every other day.

there are a few times he dances with people or switches and does it by himself. sometimes, he's given drinks, and keigo enjoys it. more than he expects. the freedom within this city was better than he expected.

still though, it missed a very important thing for him.

shaking the thought immediately away, keigo has to pull himself finally from the dance floor. his drink is almost empty, so he goes to get it refilled. he's heading to the bar when he feels a body too close to him, and a quick look to see who it is earns a frown at his lips. some wannabe punk that got too handsy with him earlier. keigo wasn't interested though. touching and feeling around was fine, but anything more was out of his books. not to mention, keigo didn't find the guy attractive.

he's whispering something in his ear, about getting a vip booth in the back to share drinks with. his hand is touching along his exposed back.

he hurries even closer to the bar, skin crawling as he feel the same body there. as if the guy wouldn't get the cold hint. the punk talks louder, making more of a show that he bought keigo three drinks earlier and deserved to get his cock warmed up one way or another. it's almost embarrassing when the hero catches a few patrons and the bartender sending them looks.

keigo rolls his eyes, but quickly tries to come up with an excuse. there's a hooded man beside him, empty glass of alcohol with a new one being presented to him by the bartender quickly enough.

taking the opportunity given to him, keigo wraps an arm around the hooded man, getting closer, more cozy, while he shoots a playful, sly look to the punk irritating him.]

Listen, my friend here has been waiting for me. If anyone deserves the VIP treatment, it's him. So, lay off, will you?

[the anger that fills the punk's eyes would be attractive if keigo liked pissing off men more often. but really, he only truly enjoyed irritating one person in particular.]

[ dabi closes his eyes, trying to keep himself from looking at the blonde in the crowd again. it's not him, he keeps telling himself. it's not him, it's not him, you don't want it to be him.

but that body, the hair, the sliver of skin. everything about him...

it's not him.

he scratches at the scars on his hands anxiously as he waits for the bartender to give him his next drink, but then there's someone up close to him, wrapping his arm around him and getting all cozy. dabi tenses hard- he fucking hates this- until he hears the voice that comes out of the man, going on about how he's been waiting, and to lay off...

oh fuck, now he's hearing things too. he really is going crazy in this place.

but as he turns his head in misery, he freezes up for a completely different reason. Keigo.

it's him, it's him, it's him. it really is him, and all dabi wants is for this handsy piece of shit to get off of keigo, enemy or not. ]

You heard him. Lay the fuck off, or do ya want me to break your neck?

[he says before he can stop himself. no violence allowed at Tucker's, but they'll just have to make an exception if this guy doesn't lay off. luckily the guy takes one good look at his scarred and stapled face, and fucks right off.]

[keigo isn't too scared about this punk, but he doesn't want to get violent and banned either. the anger flashing in those eyes speak volumes how he had no intention of leaving keigo alone.

but, he feels movement where his hand rests, and quietly, keigo pleads and hopes the mystery man would go along with him.

and, oh, does he do much more than that.

not that keigo can concentrate because he freezes as soon as he hears that voice. he about crushes the glass in his other hand, body tensed up. this was not happening. it can't be. no. he's hearing things, right?

but a quick look outside the corner of his eye, and he sees scarred flesh. staples.

no one would wear that look except for one.

keigo's throat is tight. sure, he was bound to run into dabi, especially coming to a club he originally found the villain inside. still though, keigo had hoped it would be...after. how much longer now? a month? two?

he shouldn't feel so protected under that voice, the way it has that punk fucking off finally. but now he's left with a bigger problem. it's one keigo is terrified about facing. he hated breaking his promise, especially to dabi.

quickly, he recovers, forcing out a smile and retracting his hand.]

Thanks for getting rid of him. I should go though. Have a drink on me.

[keigo gets the words out fast and quick, hoping maybe dabi is sloshed enough to not recognize him, enough that the hero can make a clean and quick getaway. he couldn't face dabi with a broken promise.

so keigo pulls away, trying to make his way out of the club.]

[ dabi didn't think he'd see keigo back here ever again, not after that night. that's what keigo had told him anyway.

there are nights he regrets it and nights he doesn't. it's a terrible feeling that has left him empty more often than not.

as the guy fucks off, dabi's eyes are on keigo again, looking at him as if he's still trying to figure out if this is real or not. that hand is gone far too quickly, even though he's still tense as hell, but god he hates that fucking fake smile. ]

Hey...

[he starts, but it's all gone far too quickly, and dabi is left sitting on the bar stool all alone again. he doesn't understand. if keigo is here, didn't he comes looking for him? why would he run away like that?

that's what gets him off the stool and moving through the crowd. a reverse of when he first saw the other man here so many moths ago. he isn't really thinking right now, just acting on pure instinct... and maybe something else. a broken heart that's been wasting away here with nothing and no one.]

Keigo!

[he calls out to him, trying to chase him down, following him out the door into the night.]

Keigo, wait!

[he's fucked. he's definitely fucked it all up. he should have never returned to tuckers. he's not even sure why he would. there were other clubs here. as long as it wasn't tuckers or quagmire, then he would have been fine.

he can start searching for that other club now, actually. let dabi remain within tuckers. sure, he liked the atmosphere, and he liked dancing. there was more clubs that could provide that though.

stupid. he was so stupid.

it hurts all over again, just like always. it's like when he wakes from a dream and dabi is gone. and then reality sets in. sometimes, late at night, he rereads over old text messages, when things were perfect. he remembers when they shared his bed, had fun in his penthouse. like it was just the two of them. like it was fate.

he must be daydreaming too hard because he swears he hears his name as he steps into the night air. but then it's there again, and keigo realizes it's real, and coming from dabi. so much for getting away without being lectured. but, it's his own fault for coming to a club that he knew the former villain to visit prior.]

I'm sorry.

[keigo quickly gets out, turning to face dabi while taking a step back.]

I'll go somewhere else. I promise, I won't come back here.

[he'll give dabi the space he promised before.

it's so hard though, keigo realizes. even after all this time, his chest warms up, knees weak just by getting a glimpse of his former lover. he's exactly the same of when keigo dreams of him. it's just not fair.]

[Dabi doesn't fucking get it. So maybe Keigo is stalking him or something, but still.

Still... it's been so damn long. He wanted Keigo gone but did he really think the irritating asshole would stay away? Dabi knows that deep down he went searching for him too, from time to time. he never thought it would tear him apart so much not to have it, though. he really was starting to fall, before Keigo flipped it around and turned on him.

but he isn't thinking about that at the moment. not fully, anyways. the hurt will always be here, but his curiosity is getting the better of him now.

at least Keigo stops and looks at him. Dabi yanks his hood down, eyes boring into him. he doesn't understand.]

Weren't ya lookin' for me? Ain't that why ya came here in the first place? Where're you goin?

[the lecture doesn’t exactly come. but keigo is left feeling weak and exposed as dabi lifts up that hood and those intense eyes are on him. it’s completely unfair to look and not touch.

but that was his price to pay. he can’t ever have what he once did. that perfect life was gone now.

keigo tenses up to dabi’s words. immediately, he shakes his head. he never came back here to bother the villain again.

he wanted to see dabi. gods did he ever. but he wouldn’t subject his former lover to the hell he’s been put through.]

No, I...I was trying to stay away, like you wanted.

[keigo fidgets, rubbing his wrist.]

It’ll be midnight soon, so I’m going to leave and find somewhere else to go.

[and he forces out another smile. fake. they were always fake now.]

Thanks for earlier though, hot stuff. Really scared the pants off the guy.

Midnight... what's that gotta do with anything?

[he doesn't know. there's so much he doesn't know. He's just been here so aimlessly, hurting himself in one way or another.

he did want Keigo to stay away though, didn't he? he said it that night but everything was so painfully fresh. now he truly does feel like the walking dead, especially standing here in front of Keigo.

he hasn't forgotten just how beautiful his ex lover is, but right now he looks even more beautiful somehow. breathtaking in a way, even without the wings. maybe it's just that Dabi hasn't seen him in so long.

he's still so angry and he still feels so betrayed, but he remembers all those painful nights when this is all he longed for. He's so tired, he wants all of this to be over. He's so tired of doing this night after night without Keigo.

and then there's that fake smile again and Dabi can feel the annoyance building up inside of him. all this time and he still hates it so much when Keigo is fake with him. ]

Ya didn't come here for me? Then why the fuck are ya even here?? Is there someone else?

[the question almost catches keigo off guard. right. he didn't finish explaining the details to dabi.]

At midnight, I have to go. I'm a tourist, so I can only visit once a week.

[why he can't visit any longer was beyond him. he was told that it had something to do with stirring up the head, but honestly, his mind was already fucked up with all the trauma he's experienced.

and why did it matter? it wasn't like-

it's hard to not feel a tremble down his back at dabi's sharp words. keigo can't tell if it's jealousy to those words. dabi and jealousy never mixed too well, despite how keigo cherished being labeled as dabi's property.]

No, of course there's no one else. I'm here because of me, because I'm d-

[immediately, he snaps his mouth closed. too close. that was too close. he can't say it. he doesn't want to believe it. swallowing, keigo tries again to recover.]

A..Anyway, you probably want me gone now, right? You should really try dancing in Tuckers. You might like it.

[probably not his greatest recovery, but he hopes dabi doesn't notice.]

[ it's shocking to hear that, but it explains so much. it might have saved him so much turmoil if he had known that. all this time he thought keigo had come and gone every day. once a week... that's barely anything at all.

and is he jealous about keigo possibly being here for some other reason than him? maybe. he shouldn't be, because they're more than over, but he still can't help that niggling in the back of his mind.

and really, what other reason would keigo have to be here?

of course he isn't as stupid as most people like to think he is, and he catches that word even without keigo saying the whole thing. he furrows his eyebrows, eying the other man. he had told dabi that he wasn't dead. that he was only visiting here. had something changed? ]

Ya told me you weren't dead. Have you been here all this fuckin' time?

[Same as him, he wonders? had keigo just been hiding out away from him all this time? or is he just lying about it all now too? he ignores the rest of it, because he doesn't need fake, bullshit words.]

Tell me what the fuck is goin' on, Keigo.

[dabi was sharp. sharper than most. it really made things easy before, and if they had actually remained together, keigo would appreciate it. but now, it just leaves him exposed, cold almost, as he's forced to think of things he wants to forget.

after all, this is the one time of the week he doesn't have to think.]

I've been visiting for four weeks now. Every Saturday night.

[keigo admits softly. he hates that dabi can reduce him to this. he wants so easily to put on a fake smile and pretend. it was easier for keigo to play that part. he could hide and not show how scared and anxious he was.]

...I'm dying. A few months ago, I was given the diagnostics. I wasn't going to come back here. Just die and that be it.

[how annoying and pitiful. keigo hated it. really, what rotten luck he had. must have pissed off some deity or something.]

I'm tired of everyone bugging me to upload to San Junipero. So, to get them off my back, I agreed to do the trial run. That's why I'm here.

Four fuckin' weeks?

[four weeks, but only on saturdays till midnight, keigo had said. dabi wished he had known that little detail, but it's not as if he was ready to listen to all of this before when keigo first got here. he knows he probably should have gotten more information, but he was so hurt and angry.

but it's been months now, and he's been drowning. he's been killing himself and hurting himslef over and over again, and in the end all he's wanted is to fall into keigo's bed again and have things be like they used to be before the war. before keigo betrayed him.

how can it ever be like that again though? nothing is the same. he's dead for fucks sake.

but now, hearing that keigo is dying, he can tell there's nothing fake about that. he feels his throat closing up and it's like the ground bottoms out under him. it shouldn't bother him so much, or at all, really... but it does. it really fucking does.]

What kinda diagnosis?

[dabi swallows hard, looking away for a long moment, crossing his arms over his chest.]

Fuck.

Fuck, Keigo. How much fuckin' longer.

I mean, two of them I didn’t do anything but hide and look around.

[he had been trying his best to keep dabi from seeing him, after all. he did given his word to allow his former lover to never see him again.

but if he ever lived here, it would have been bound to happen. and keigo knows he would have felt that urge to contact dabi.

it’s why he’s not considering living here. there’s no point to it. he just had to humor his friends back in reality.

they would understand if he chose not to live here permanently. he did give it a shot.

keigo immediately tenses up to dabi’s following question. he can’t tell him. no. not ever. it’s easier to lie. but dabi always could read him easily.

so he decides to try and shake it off, and hope dabi doesn’t pressure him.]

Just recklessness on my part. Heroes never live long, right?

[he tries terribly to lighten the mood. it’s keigo’s best feature, he tells himself. to play his role as the joker.

he’s not sure when he had averted his gaze, but he catches dabi doing the same and focuses back on his former lover.]

I was told a month. That was six weeks ago. So, any day now, I guess. If I agree to live here, I’m able to get euthanatized. But who wants that, right?

Hide? From what, me?

[Dabi is annoyed by that, though he doesn't quite know why. maybe because Keigo had been here the whole time he's been stuck here suffering. there's a part of him that wishes he would have known.]

Recklessness? What do you mean? What the fuck even happened once I... once I died?

[It's something he's told himself doesnt matter anymore, but he's been desperate to find out. did anything he did even mean something in the end?

he won't let Keigo lighten the mood. he hates it when the stupid bird does that. he knows it's just Keigo trying to hide. then again, did he ever really know anything about Keigo at all?]

Yeah, no point in living in the same place the fool you fucked over lives in. Why would you even bother?

[he can feel something painful snap inside of him and his chest hurts so badly. this is so fucking unfair. Keigo lied to him, he betrayed him, and Dabi hates this fucking place anyway... but he thinks its crazy that Keigo doesn't want to stay.]

So that's it? You were just gonna....

[he can feel the hot tears prickling at the back of his eyes, wanting to get out. he doesn't ever cry blood here anymore. he made sure of that. but this isn't any better and he fucking hates all of this now. what is he even supposed to do with this?

he can feel the tears finally come out and he wipes at them harshly, shaking his head.]

Fuck this.

[he says before he pushes past, heading away from Tuckers. he doesn't get far though before he stops again. what if this really is the last time?]

Well...yeah. I didn’t want to upset you anymore.

[of course he wanted to see his former lover. he was so addicted to dabi, since day one. it’s not anything he can admit so openly anymore though.

he’s sure it would only piss off dabi further.

keigo’s eyebrows furrow, golden pupils filling deep with hurt. he can’t tell dabi what happened. there’s no point to it. he was dying. nothing more to it.

dabi had enough on his mind here. keigo can’t help but worry for his former lover’s safety and mind. even if dabi despised him.

so pitifully, he keeps his mouth shut, allows dabi to speak everything on his mind while keigo takes it. but it absolutely breaks his heart when he catches those tears, a sight he never would expect to see from the other man.

why? why would dabi shed tears for him? he didn’t deserve it, right? there was no reason.

and it hurts so much that his former lover decides it’s too much and turns to leave. keigo wants to follow, not even sure what to say, but to just be close to dabi again.

could he get out those three words finally? probably not.

maybe it was a real mistake returning here...

but dabi stops, keigo realizes as he looks over his shoulder. why? why wasn’t he walking away? why was he tormenting keigo like this?

the hero wanted nothing more than to just run over and wrap his arms around dabi and-

he does it without thinking. the steps are rushed, hurried, until he bumps hard into dabi’s back. keigo wraps his arms firmly around the thin waist, body trembling, scared that his former lover would walk away. his face is buried too, eyes wet already, soaking into the dark clothes.

keigo can’t breathe. it all hurts. everything hurts. yet, holding dabi like this, it’s bittersweet.]

I don’t want this to be goodbye.

[he says through a broken hiccup. why was he always crying? why did dabi make him so weak? he so scared though. terrified even, that dabi would break away and leave. but he should expect it. he deserved this type of punishment.]

How fuckin' convenient that you suddenly cared about my feelings.

[dabi can't help but say. he could have used that honesty before. before keigo fucked it all up for them. why hadn't he just come clean? dabi had given him so many chances to do so. maybe that's what made it hurt even more. keigo lied to his face, time and time again.

how could he ever be expected to forgive any of that?

it's frustrating when keigo won't talk to him or tell him why he's dying or what happened after his own demise. he deserves to know that much at least. keigo owes him. but of course he won't even give that to him, even now.

dabi knows how stupid it is not to walk away. he should have pushed keigo out of his mind long ago. maybe he could have willed those memories away along with his scars and really just start over. but keigo had been the only good thing he ever had in his life. he had been the only thing that made him feel something other than anger and hatred.

until that day.

and yet, thinking that he might never actually see him again, after knowing keigo has been coming back to san junipero all this time, it's too much to bear. it's unbelievably shitty and unfair. he hates how impossible it feels to walk away.

it's when keigo is suddenly at his back, arms wrapped around him that dabi just about loses it. he's crying too, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes to try and make it stop, but he can't. everything has been so terrible here in this supposed paradise, and it's all because of keigo, in more ways than one.

keigo's arms around him feels like coming home, but this is the man who ruined everything. how can he possibly look past that?]

Then tell me the truth, Keigo. Everythin' from the start. I need to know what was real and what wasn't. I need to know the fuckin' truth.

[he can feel the way dabi moves to rub his eyes. instinctively, keigo can't help but to hold tighter to his former lover. he misses this so much. just getting to touch dabi, it stirs the emptiness inside of him. he won't ever get this chance again. he's a dead man knocking on death's door.

but, he tells himself, at least he's able to feel this one last time. it just seems so impossible to stay in san junipero when he knows how close his former love was. there's no point in staying alive forever when the man he loves and desires would want him gone. he couldn't do that to dabi.

still, he bared his heart out to his old love. keigo isn't even sure why. it's true that he's tired of lying to dabi. but, there's no benefit to admit something so deep when they're both so broken.

yet, as dabi speaks, giving him that one and final chance, keigo lifts his head up, chin against his former lover's back as he blinks away his tears. he never would have expected this. why...why would dabi even give him that much? instinctively, he holds the other man tighter before nodding his head.]

I'll tell you everything.

[no more reason to lie. no more hiding. no more pretending. keigo knows not to expect anything of it, but he wants to give dabi anything and everything, no matter how big or small. he just, he can't help it.]

Can we..somewhere more private? It'll take awhile to tell you it all.

[he asks with hesitation. it's not because he doesn't want to be alone with his old lover, since keigo would very much prefer that at any given chance. but, it's easier to talk to dabi and be himself without spying eyes on the two of them.]

[ it's been so long since he's had anyone hold him gently like this, or tightly like he means something. he's made sure it hasn't been that way here. he doesn't think he deserves it anyway.

clearly he never deserved it at all, seeing as how easily keigo took it away. but now with the other man at his back, it's hard to forget what that had felt like once upon a time.

it's painful, but he can't move out of keigo's hold.

he stays quiet for a long moment when keigo agrees to talk to him and when he's done wiping the remnants of the tears from his eyes, he gives a small nod. another moment before he can steel himself and turn his head to look behind him at keigo. ]

We can go to the place I've got. It's on the beach.

[it feels weird saying that. he's got an actual place- he can't call it a home, but it's a place. he's never really been able to invite keigo anywhere that's been his own. he supposes this isn't either because it doesn't actually exist, but it's what he's got.]

How much time we got left? Ya said midnight, right?

[it's almost too perfect like this. keigo didn't want to move. if there wasn't anyone possibly watching them, he would give all the honesty to dabi right then and there. but, they needed privacy. keigo can only be truthful and honest to dabi alone.

he doubts his former lover would allow him to touch like this again. it might be a struggle to actually pull away. honestly, he doesn't think he can do it.

how can he move away from the one thing that he's been craving for months now?

but, he does look up to meet dabi's gaze, giving a nod when the former villain mentions his own place. he kind of knew the specifics to it. a house to call your own. right now, he has a shabby and tiny apartment. something temporary. he doesn't spend much of any time within it. he's only been inside it once, honestly.

after all, he didn't need a home. this is...temporary.

at least, he keeps telling himself that.

but, dabi seems to have it nicely made for himself. unless the todorokis' were responsible for the home being placed on the beach. keigo wasn't exactly sure. they generally kept to themselves regarding the details of touya todoroki being placed in san junipero.

briefly, he looks to his wrist for the watch there.]

It's a little after nine-thirty. We have a few hours.

[that should be enough to explain it all. keigo hopes so, anyway. who knows if he would make it to next week. the line he was treading on was very thin by now. each day could be his last.]

It's not far?

[ dabi doesn't know if anyone's been watching him. he can't imagine anyone would be for any reason, but he doesn't know the ins and outs of this simulated world. anyway, if anyone was listening in on him or watching him, they would have surely seen how many times he's tried to kill himself already. they would have pulled his plug or whatever is connected, ages ago.

but now he realizes he would have never been here talking to keigo right now if he had been able to kill himself. he supposes if he had, though, none of this would matter anyway.

dabi's not sure how he ended up on the beach. he just assumes that's pretty much where everyone's decided to live. he had never been to a beach before, but he had always wanted to go to one. not like this, though. not completely alone. then again, he was always alone. natsuo tried his very hardest, but in the end that was taken away from him too.

but it doesn't matter here.

there's something inside of dabi that doesn't want to pull away either, but they have two and a half hours, just about, and while he doesn't expect it to take that long, he doesn't want to waste any time. not when he doesn't know the outcome of what this will be. so he's the one to pull out of keigo's hold. it's not like he wants the other man to think he's forgiven anyway. nowhere near close to it. ]

I walked half way then snagged a car and drove the rest'a the way. Come on.

[dabi tilts his head in the direction of where he parked, just about a block away. he shoves his hands in his pockets and keeps his head down as he walks, side eying keigo along the way.]

I'd pick somewhere closer but every time I wake up after I try to off myself it's back at that place so it's no use.

[he says casually, because what's the difference if a dead person tries to kill themselves over and over again?]