[it's dabi who pulls away, and keigo allows it. what else could he do? he's getting to talk with his former lover again. that should be enough, right? dabi was never supposed to return in his life, after all. it's bittersweet though. two and a half hours for a final goodbye.
maybe he can go peacefully knowing that. everything just always hurts back in reality.
keigo finds himself almost reaching out to take dabi by the hand, but immediately returns it back to his side. no. he couldn't. he didn't have that right any longer. no more touching, he quietly lectures to himself while following in step with his former lover.]
Didn't know you could drive.
[he says with a small smile. keigo isn't sure why, but he always pictures dabi as a walker. or maybe a motorcycle kind of guy. one really could have anything and everything here in this life.
keigo does find it mildly curious when dabi comes to admit more about his home. of course, it's hard to not flinch hearing him mention that he kills himself. can't blame the guy though. must be hell here without a purpose. it's exactly why keigo doesn't agree so easily to immortality.]
Can't really explain why it's chosen for you. I only know maybe half the mechanics of this place. They're constantly working on it before it goes open to the public.
I can't. I mean... I couldn't. Not when I was alive. Doesn't really matter here, though. Car just kinda does what I want it to do.
[he only figured that out once keigo had come to see him that first time and he was able to will his scars back. he figured maybe he could will other things too, like driving and it had worked. he drove himself off a cliff one time anyway, but that was by choice.
he's never thought about a motorcycle, actually. maybe that really would suit him more, but he's pretty sure he'd puke on himself.
dabi swallows hard as keigo starts talking about this place. it's what he's been dying to hear, even if it's hard to hear. he'd rather know the truth of it all and what's actually going on than be left in the dark.]
So I got stuck here cause Endeavor pulled strings, huh. Always pulling strings in his favor. Guess he finally showed up to one'a my deaths. Apparently he was too busy for the first one.
[he's sure endeavor and the rest of his family has probably been feeding everyone lies. dabi died and they come off as the poor family. the family grieving over their long lost son who turned out to be a villain. poor fucking them. if only everyone really knew the truth. if only keigo did, but he doubts it even matters anymore.
keigo should have seen the truth back then already. ]
Sounds generally what I've been told. As long as you will it, this place makes it happen. Within their terms and service.
[he's pretty positive there wasn't any killing allowed and other rules like that. after all, it's supposed to be a utopia.
keigo looks over to dabi as the former villain brings up his father. honestly, the number two hero has been avoiding the man. at least, he was until he became bedridden. then, he had no choice but to listen to endeavor. he tried to keep an open mind, but honestly, his heart fell in line to dabi. and in a way, it hurt that the man he grew up believing was his true hero was part of something a little more sinister.]
He has the money and power to do what he wants.
[it's said a little sourly. keigo tries to remain neutral about it all, but he's had more than enough time to process what was said and told.]
...he asked about you, when he discovered I came in here. I didn't tell him anything that was said. Told him I couldn't find you. He's one of the few persuading my old handlers to get me to stay here full-time.
[whether as a friendly gesture or sinister plot, he's not sure. on the front, he sees a man desperate to atone for his errors. but, endeavor's gaze and touch always lingers. like the number one hero knows that keigo has secrets pertaining to touya todoroki.]
[whole lot of bullshit if you ask him, but apparently no one has asked him anything. maybe that's the worst part of it. he hasn't tried to kill anyone, though. has no reason to do so. that was never actually his goal in the first place, but that's kinda just what happened.
he hadn't even killed anyone until he joined the league, but that doesn't matter either.
dabi's gaze hardens when keigo responds to him about endeavor. it's hard not to react that way.]
He's always used his money and power to get what he's wanted, especially when it came to hiding all his abuse. So fuckin' good at hidin' the truth from everyone.
[ When keigo goes on about how the old man had asked about him, he stops, eyes blazing blue. he narrows them, pulling his hands out of his pockets, hands clenching at his sides.]
What? Why? He knows I'm here and he's pushin' you to stay here too? What the fuck?
[but it's a good thing, isn't it? he's not sure he just wants keigo to disappear. coming from endeavor, though, it seems strange, especially after all that's happened.]
They really don't tell you much of their rules. Well, they haven't told me much. Just the basics, I suppose.
[he's always given the run around, told to be patient and enjoy his new life. he remembers being skeptical, but if dabi was here, along with a few other people, it must be true. doesn't mean he wanted it.
what he really wants, he can't have. and no one on the outside seems to get that.
dabi speaks so truthfully about endeavor, keigo notes to himself. he wonders though, if he had listened closer, if he would have put two and two together. keigo had been such a fan of endeavor back then. it's kind of...pathetic, when he looks back on it.
on one hand, he had a man who put away his criminal father. who saved him from such a rotten life and gave him a chance. but on the other, he sees a man who abused his family and power.
the same power he would hide up anything if he could, keigo supposed. the hero would like to believe that endeavor was changing for the better, but it felt so odd. endeavor's eyes never seemed sad or apologetic. though, he has to give the man credit. he could put on some waterworks for his family.
as dabi stops, keigo does too, looking to the once villain with worried eyes. he's starting to regret bringing up the number one hero when he sees the way dabi clenches his fist.]
I don't know. He visits me everyday in the hospital and tries talking about it. I try and pretend to sleep most of the time though.
[it's the urging from the number one that gets keigo to not trust endeavor as much. sure, he was on the edge of death, but it just didn't feel right to euthanize himself.]
Then how's the fuck anyone supposed to know if ya break em? Seems like they'd tell the people who actually probably got a choice.
[which they probably did, but maybe keigo was too preoccupied with everything else. being in san junipero wasn't supposed to be a trick. dabi's just one of the unlucky ones who didn't get asked whether he wanted it or not. he feels unlucky anyway. he would have wanted to just stay dead.
but this thing with keigo definitely feels like a trick, and dabi is suddenly wary all over again. what were they trying to do? is this all a lie? is he really in prison and they're trying to get shit out of him through keigo?
his mind is reeling once again, and he shakes his head, glancing around them suspiciously.
Is he listening? Can they fucking hear us? Are they in my head?
[it's a bad idea. all of it. he's not sure what's happening with keigo back in the real world either, but maybe it's all just a part of this lie. it feels wrong, and dabi doesn't want to fall for it again. he keeps shaking his head and he starts backing away from keigo. he feels like he's going crazy. he doesn't know what's real and what's not, what he can trust and what he can't. all this time of being here alone like this is getting to him too. ]
Don't see any police or heroes running around. Maybe it's just impossible to break them.
[being the hero and villain here, keigo would have expected dabi to be breaking more rules than himself. he's only danced and got drunk off his ass. nothing more than that.
their talk isn't improving, not when dabi begins to react in that manner. it's not that it catches keigo off guard, considering their recent history. still though, the hero is left eying the once villain, trying to figure out what to say or do to calm him down.
he's been accused of this before, but back then, his alliance was with the heroes. not now though. now, he only aligned with himself.]
Dabi-
[keigo tries to start, but then his former lover backs away. the hero doesn't dare make a step forward or back, remains planted in place.]
You don't have to say anything about yourself. I'm telling you everything from the beginning. But I'm positive they can't hear us. If they did, Endeavor wouldn't be breathing down my neck every damn day to find out about you.
Pretty sure everyone at the Quagmire has broken a bunch'a rules.
[but maybe they're different here. who even knows? would killing someone even count as that if the person just healed or came Back right away? does anyone need to steal when they can just think up what they want?
that part doesn't matter as much though when they've switched to this.
he has no reason to trust anyone or anything anymore, but he's just supposed to believe this? he hates this feeling of uncertainty and the anger that comes along with it. he's so ready to fight again.
but he still wants to hear the truth and as blinded as he feels by his uncertainty and lack of trust, he might want the rest of this more.
they don't have a lot of time.
he still looks at Keigo with intensely untrusting eyes, but his hands unclench and he glances around again before he moves forward towards the car again.]
Ya better not be lyin' to me again or you'll be San Junipero's first actual death.
[it's hard to not look away when dabi brings up that club. it does earn a small huff from the hero though.]
Pretty sure that entire club should be against the rules.
[but, then again, he's not accustomed to such a wild life. the wildest shit he's ever got himself into was literately in front of him.
like dabi to him, keigo can't help but return the same untrusting gaze. it didn't mean he disliked his ex-lover, because those feelings were very strong. however, dabi did prove to know more than he let on before, and he used enough fire to practically kill him.
still, he follows after dabi, but maybe not as close as before.]
Maybe dying here will kill me in real life too. Sounds pretty tempting to lie just to test that theory.
[he makes a poor attempt to lighten the mood. but, whether or not it's his actual feelings, he tries to not let on.]
You want me to start when my handlers ordered me to infiltrate the League? Or when I became involved with them?
[ he remembers last time and the way Keigo reacted to someone being on him. it felt so good to make Keigo pay like that. how he longed to do it again.
Dabi doesnt know why keigo would bother being untrusting of him. the other man is the one with all the power here. He's the one who knows everything and is still alive in the real world. maybe Keigo just feels guilty. maybe he knows more than he's letting on.
Dabi knows it's stupid to trust him again , but what choice does he have?]
You think that's fuckin' funny after everything you've done?
[very poor attempt, especially knowing how skittish Dabi is about this now. there are a million other things that Keigo could try to say to make Dabi feel better, but of course he takes the shitty route.]
Thought you wanted to get somewhere more private first.
It's not being prudish when I don't find the appeal of being fucked in front of a hundred people.
[of course, he casually tries to not consider how aroused he was during their first fuck, up against that window. trying to not get caught had drove him insane with pleasure.
still. he felt bitter towards his first experience with the quagmire and had no intentions of returning to it. catching dabi getting his dick sucked had left a sour taste in his mouth. he was truthful when he previously stated he couldn't bare to see his former lover with anyone intimately.
that leaves the question if dabi could do the same for him. if he were to take the offer to live here and casually met someone, or even if keigo fucked around, would dabi have an issue with that? they weren't together any longer. he should have that right. not to mention, he didn't intend to hang around dabi's spots either.
avoiding his former lover was probably for the best, wasn't it? even if keigo was drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
it's not anything he needs an answer for now, honestly. keigo's mind and heart still aligned towards dying within his hospital bed.
of course, making a joke about death apparently was met with agitation. tough crowd. keigo doesn't try to recover from it, only shrugs his shoulders. he had no intentions of lying to dabi. there's no need for it here.]
We can start in your car. It's private in there.
[keigo answers instead, looking on ahead down the street, wondering if any of the vehicles before them belonged to dabi.]
Sure doesn't mean it should be against the rules though, just cause you don't like it. Don't expect much else from a pro-hero, though.
[he says it with all the disdain in the world. it's something so deeply engrained in him now. all the fakeness of all the pro-heroes, with keigo to add into the mix now.
dabi has every intention of returning to the quagmire, because... well, he knows how damn broken he is. he knows he'll need it if only to get ruined, because what else can he possibly do here? keigo ruined the last bit of him that might've been salvageable. that's how he feels, anyway.
he doesn't think about what would happen if keigo stayed here or not. he's still struggling with the information that keigo is dying. that he might disappear forever.]
Fine. Whatever. Don't give a shit about your precious hero commission. Just want you to tell the truth from the start. The start of us.
[though he hates calling it that.
they come up to a sleek black convertible with a dark gray interior. it's fancier than anything dabi has ever been used to, but why not have it here?
[keigo replies with a hint of coldness to his tone. he’s not going to argue with his former lover over this. it’s a tango he’s familiar with, and one he doesn’t want to repeat.
considering keigo is positive it’ll come up again during their conversation to be had.
maybe eventually he’d warm up to the quagmire. however, it’s not his club to enjoy. he would avoid it at all costs if he does stay here. dabi seems to prefer it. keigo assumes so, anyway.
as soon as dabi states what he wants to keigo, the hero nods his head. it was fine by him. he didn’t like bringing up the hero commission and their position in his life. but, he does feel warmth hit his chest over the way dabi says us.
but before he can start, they come up to a black, sleek convertible. honestly, it looks intimidating and sexy. kind of like dabi. not needing to be told twice, keigo slips into the car. he feels so small inside of it, and finds himself squirming as he tries to get comfortable.]
Well, at the start of us, I actually hated sex. The first time I got on my knees, I thought I’d hate it just like always. But then, I’m not sure, it felt...good. Like really good.
[it’s a little embarrassing to admit this. he’s only known this himself, never told a soul before.]
I never told my handlers about us. I didn’t tell anyone. I just...wanted to keep us to myself.
[he says it coldly right back. as far as dabi is concerned, keigo is the one that cut things off between them. he doesn't get to say shit about it.
he doubts keigo would ever like the quagmire. he knows how high and mighty pro-heroes like to be. dabi doesn't know what he likes anymore. all he knows is he does whatever he can to get him fucked up enough not to have to think about any of it.
dabi slides into the car and starts it up like he thinks he should. the thought up car does all the work though, and really all dabi needs is the basic knowledge from the few racing video games he played with shigaraki. when he sits in this car he always wonders what happened to him. what had happened to all of them.
he said he didn't care back then, but he spent enough time with them that he had gotten used to their company. maybe they're all dead too, though. they definitely wouldn't have gotten the chance to come here. good for them. dying in peace if much better than this.]
I don't give a shit about what felt good or not for you. I wanna know what they told you to do. I wanna know how it all started from the very beginning. Your orders to infiltrate the league, your job, all the fucking lies you told. I want you to tell me the truth from the start I fucking said. Don't wanna hear about how you liked gettin' down on your knees.
[immediately, keigo is struck with a stinging pain just hearing dabi say such cold words. he has to bite down on the inside of his cheek to keep his mouth shut, to try and ignore the ache there.
he’s starting to think this was all a mistake. what he felt and saw coming out of the club against how they generally act now, it was almost like two separate things.
he could ignore it. should ignore it. because they’re both hurting in their own way, but dabi keeps going, and keigo can’t sit there and take it.
turning his head, keigo sends a sharp but wet look to his former lover.]
Let’s get something straight, Dabi. I don’t have to tell you shit. I can walk away from all of this if you’re going to be an asshole the entire time.
[he dealt with enough crap while dying in that shitty hospital bed. this is his one last time to have fun and he’s here, dealing with this jerk.]
I’m not here seeking forgiveness or trying to get back in your good graces. Hell, I might die before midnight. I’m doing this because I still care for you. So ask for what you want like a normal fucking person instead of treating me like I’m worthless.
[because he can’t do this. not in that manner. not with them being spiteful and cold.]
[ again, the nerve of keigo to even say all this shit to him after what he did astounds dabi, and not in a good way. another reason why he wanted to wait till they got somewhere more solid instead of talking about this while driving in a car.
he had a feeling keigo would anger him in some kinda way. he just doesn't expect this blatant bullshit. ]
You don't have to tell me shit? Really, Keigo? After everythin' you lied about, everythin' you fucking did, you're really gonna sit here and tell me you don't fuckin' owe me the smallest thing I could possibly ask for?
[the truth really isn't much to ask for. keigo owes him so much more than that. he's not sure why keigo thinks this would be something easy. something he wouldn't have to work for over time.
then again, dabi would understand why he wouldn't want to put anything into it if it was all fake. dabi stops the car with a screech of tired, and turns to keigo with blazing eyes.]
You don't like me treatin' you like this? You should've fuckin' thought about that before you told me you cared about me the same fucking day you betrayed me. So let's get this straight, Keigo. I'm givin' you a chance to talk. If you don't like the way I do it? Then get the fuck out, cause this is the only chance you're gonna get and you're goddamn lucky to even get this much.
[this dance is familiar. not exactly the same step, rather, not the same argument. but keigo has fought dabi too many times. he just can’t do it.
not when he’s trying to give and tell everything.]
You’re not asking. You’re demanding and being a total dick about it.
[the car coming to a screech has keigo clinging to the door. he never was a fan of fast cars. the only thing fast he enjoyed was him in the air with his wings.
at least the car stops, and keigo returns the same intense look. he doesn’t even hesitate when he opens the car door and gets out.]
I’m only asking for you to be less of an ass and that’s apparently too much for you to deal with. You’re the only obstacle in your own way.
[the door slams shut hard, and keigo turns around, curling his fingers into fists. this really had to have been the worst idea.]
I don’t just care about you. But I won’t sit back and take shit from the man I love. Goodbye, Dabi. For real this time.
[ it is a familiar dance. one that keigo should know how to deal with by now, but maybe it's been too long. everything they built up together was shattered on that day as well.
as far as dabi is concerned, keigo is telling and giving the bare minimum here. even less so when he actually gets out of the car without hesitation. dabi can feel that familiar pain and feeling of betrayal welling up inside of him all over again. he isn't going to be nicer about it. keigo doesn't deserve nicer. he hasn't given dabi a damn reason for it.]
You're right. I shouldn't have even had to demand it. You should've offered the fuckin' truth up to me before I even had to go as far as demanding it. But ya didn't, so here we are.
[less of a dick... it's as if keigo doesn't know him at all anymore. maybe the truth of it was that he never really did. not with all those lies keigo was dolling out instead. keigo is throwing this chance away because he wants to be all high and mighty about it, and dabi wonders if this is just an out.
first keigo came back here again and tried to avoid seeing him, and now this. maybe wanting to see him and talk to him was never keigo's main goal in the first place.]
You're the only obstacle here, Keigo. You're the one who fuckin' threw us away. But I can see why. You don't actually wanna do this, do ya.
[Dabi knew it, of course. he knew it from the moment he found out Keigo had ratted them out. he was so angry that he attacked with full force, but even after all this time he had kept those memories of keigo with him as if they had been real. as if they were a part of his life where he actually felt something.
when keigo says he's the man he loves, it only feels like manipulation at this point. another knife to twist into his heart along with the slam of that door.
if being a hero meant that kind of abuse his father inflicted, and loving someone means betrayal, then he doesn't want any of those things.
dabi holds on to the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turn white. it's such an odd and stupid thing. such a small detail that this miserable simulation works up. keigo's words feel like a nail in his coffin. dabi wishes the simulation would take that feeling away just as much as it produces small, insignificant details.]
Can ya just do me one thing, Keigo? Just one other thing if ya ain't gonna talk to me. When you go back, can you get them to take me off'a this thing? Just... tell that piece'a shit everything if you gotta tell him. Or... I dunno. Make some shit up, you're good at that. Somethin' that'll get him to pull me outta here for good.
[he can feel the tears, but he doesn't care anymore. ]
[it hurts. it hurts all over. why does dabi keep doing this to him? why the hell does he feel so strongly for this aggravating fool?]
I didn’t want to throw us away. I never wanted to separate from you, but you-
[he cuts himself off, looking away to blink his tears back. his breath comes out shaky and to calm himself down, he drags his hands through his hair.
everything used to make sense when he was with dabi. now it’s upside down and he’s left feeling so cold and lonely.]
I would tell you everything. I would do it without hesitation. But, god Dabi, I can’t sit and just take this abuse over and over. I didn’t betray you with a smile or maliciously. I fucking loved you, even now I still do.
[keigo closes his eyes, rubbing his hands to his face to wipe away the falling tears.]
I’ll tell him. I..I know something he wants.
[giving a little final rub of his eyes, keigo steps away. he can’t force himself to look back at dabi. keigo is so terrified about going back. he has to pull away for the two of them. it was never going to be simple. they were both very complicated, and very broken.]
[ maybe the problem is that keigo keeps thinking about how dabi is doing this to him. dabi can't believe keigo did this to them. ]
But I what?! You lied to me! Over and over again, I told you to tell me the fucking truth! I told ya I didn't trust you and swore you weren't a goddamn spy! Right to my fucking face until I believed you!
[keigo's tears anger him the most. this asshole, pulling all this shit and now he's gonna cry about it. he couldn't just sit in the goddamn car and tell dabi the truth?]
You told me I had a place to go. That I was safe with you. You made somethin' feel like home for the first fuckin' time in my life and then you snatched it all away, and you're talkin' to me about abuse. The only fuckin' thing I've been sayin' to you is the truth, but you can't handle it. You think I'm bein' an asshole.
[it hurts so bad that he can barely stand it. but it doesn't matter. keigo won't ever see it like this. he wont' ever see the truth. he lets out a painful laugh when keigo says those words again. they feel like poison moving through his veins.]
Ya don't love me. Ya wouldn't've done any'a this if ya loved me. You're just tryin'a fuck with me again.
[and why should he think any different? keigo never gave him anything else. dabi died and keigo came to san junipero all sad and expecting to just talk this out as if dabi was the one who owed him anything. no explanation, no apology. no concern as to how he was doing in this lonely place after everything that happened. keigo was as selfish as ever.
he just showed up saying he needed to see him, and now keigo is the one who wont stand for this? dabi wonders if the other man was ever gonna pull his head out of his ass.]
At least that, I guess. Least you could do.
[and then none of this will matter. not him, not keigo, not anything they had been fighting for. he wonders if he'll just blink out of existence without any warning. it's something he's longed for ever since he was aware that he was born.]
[there's plenty things underlining what happened. why keigo went the distance to ruin what they had, when he wanted nothing more than that. maybe he can find a way to fully explain it and leave a letter. could san junipero do that? he would have to ask the ones responsible for it.]
How can you say that when you always believed I was a spy? You found out who I was, intimidated my mother for the truth. I gave you my home, my name. I told you about myself. I really was honest then. I-I...I never allowed anyone so close to me.
[he can't even stop the tears at this point and he's getting more depressed and angry the longer they talk like this.]
You don't have any idea how much I love you. I can fucking love you with all my heart, but I'm still a hero, Dabi. I still have to protect people, even if that means tearing myself away from you.
[but he's also a coward. he dragged his feet for weeks. he pleaded to get dabi to run away with him. he couldn't willingly side with the villains. his allegiance was with the heroes, even if his heart fell in line with dabi. how could he ignore the screams of lives at stake? to keep his feet planted down on the ground when many people were suffering?
no. he couldn't do that willingly. even if it drove him to this. keigo would go to great lengths to protect the innocent.
he forces himself to pull away, starting to walk off. they were done. there was no salvaging this any longer. he can't keep willing they they can at least talk. it's like there's no more room left for it, despite how keigo dreams of late night or early morning discussions in bed, wrapped around dabi's body.
the last question coming from his former lover does get a pause in his step. keigo thinks briefly and nods his head.]
I saved the world. I didn't save my world.
[and he continues walking down the street, head bowed. he only had a couple more hours to kill. then...then he could return back to the same pain in reality.]
[ if keigo grants dabi his final wish, a letter probably wouldn't matter. he probably wouldn't read it anyway. it would only be for keigo's guilty conscience in the end. if he really wanted to work this out, he wouldn't be walking away right now.
dabi feels like a fool, having given keigo another chance after everything, but keigo using the excuse of dabi being an asshole to turn it down. dabi's always been an asshole, and he sees now that keigo never really did want that chance to begin with. walking away was always going to be what keigo picked when it came to him. ]
I didn't always believe you were a spy and ya fuckin' know it. You manipulated me with your lies until I believed ya. You gave me your name and your home and I wasn't the one who betrayed you! And here I was about to fall for it again. I really am a fuckin' idiot, huh.
[but keigo doesn't care what it all meant to him and how he twisted it around. he's still trying to act like he did the right thing. and in the end, it wasn't about anything but keigo's precious heroes. dabi knows that now too and there's nothing left to argue.
he had wanted to believe so badly that there could be a different outcome, but it was never going to be him.
that final nod of keigo's head, telling him that betraying him was worth it, it sort of settles something inside of him. with those words he knows that no matter what he would have done, it would have ended up like this. keigo was going to save the world, and that wasn't ever going to include him. he was always going to betray dabi in the end.
dabi should have trusted his instincts, but he opened himself up, opened his heart up, and now he can close it again. it's a good way to die, he thinks to himself as he drives off. ]
[it's almost a month when keigo returns. he doesn't want to, and honestly, he considers remaining in place. or hiding in an alley. there was nothing left to do there in san junipero. his body was deteriorating on the outside, always in constant pain. he rather feel it than this empty shell that promises immortality.
but, he gave his word, gave the devil his gift, in exchange for dabi to be erased out of this nightmare. now, now it felt like he killed his former lover. he keeps telling himself it's what dabi wanted though. but, fuck, pulling that plug was so painful when he begged and pleaded for it.
it's for the best. dabi wanted to not stay here in this nightmare.
the setting sun gets keigo to blink back a bit. he hears the sounds of crashing waves next. the beach. why was he there? he generally showed up at his own shabby and tiny apartment first. his designated home. raising up an arm to block the sun, he looks over his shoulder, and sees a quaint beach-house.
why the sudden upgrade?
unless...well. maybe that was why. a roll of the eyes and keigo huffs. might as well just sleep away the rest of his time here. at least it'll be peaceful, compared to reality.
he enters quietly, the door unlocked. it's not bad on the inside either. he idly wonders if dabi had a small cottage like this too. cute on the outside but probably had a lot of dark paraphernalia on the inside. keigo shakes the thought away, picking up a mug from the counter.
odd. it resembled closely to one he had given dabi in reality. maybe it was just his own conscious coming up with this.]
[ that night dabi lays down in his bed all alone, in this beautiful beach house that he doesn't give a single shit about. he thinks about all the things that have happened to him, all the things that changed him and ruined him.
he thinks about his mom, and fuyumi and natsuo. maybe it's a good thing he never got to say goodbye to them. maybe they would have decided that he wasn't worth saving after all.
he tries to think about anything good that ever happened to him, but the memories are hazy and too few to really put them all together. he does remember his mother's cooking, natsuo being in awe of his flames, shigaraki dumping ten bags of chips on his bed in exchange for playing video games.
keigo.
it's insanely stupid and sentimental of him, and he knows it's only going to hurt, but if he's going to flash out of existence tonight, then why not just have this one thing? he imagines keigo's hoodie, one of the ones the other man always used to lend him until it just kinda became his, and he curls up into it, willing his scars away so he can feel it on his skin. it's okay, he tells himself, if this is the last thing he ever does. it's okay if he can't close his heart off completely before he dies. he'll be gone soon anyway, and none of this will ever matter again. he waits and waits to blink out of existence.
the next day when he wakes up he's still here, and then again the day after that and the day after that. keigo failed. maybe he died.
dabi doesn't get out of bed for five days after that, and then he just does one day, and goes back to everything he was doing before. he rips himself apart over and over again, but at least he doesn't trash his place again. he starts willing things into existence over time, turning the place into a home. well... not a home. this place could never be a home. but closely resembling one anyway, mostly with things he had at keigo's, but tries not to think too closely about.
that day, one month later, dabi is on the beach. he goes for long walks now, every night when the sun starts setting. he's never gotten to just do that before.
when he comes back to beach house, he's wiping sand off of his pants and kicking off his sandals when he freezes, eyes wide when he sees who's standing in his living room. ]
[as he turns the mug around in his hand, getting a better look at it, it brings back fond memories. gods. what he wouldn't give to go back to that. it brings a small smile up to his lips.
keigo recalls hearing how to make a home in san junipero as your own. when he had that shabby apartment, he's glad dabi never got to see it. keigo had decked it out with plenty of plants and photographs of his memories of the two of them together. maybe...he can do that here, in this new home.
he's still fondly looking at the mug when the sound of the someone comes up behind him. immediately, he turns and he's still, eyes wide, full of fear. and, without thinking, he drops the mug on the ground to shatter.]
You-
[keigo looks down. the remains of the mug are no longer there. a quick look back up, and he can see it back on the counter. but that's the least of his problems right now.
no. nonononono.]
You're not supposed to be here anymore.
[fuck. what was his mind doing to him? a hallucination right? that's what this was. keigo stumbles back, running a hand through his hair. what the hell. it's like he walked right into a damn nightmare. he grieved. why was dabi right there? in front of him?
he promised!]
Please tell me you're not real.
[keigo desperately asks so softly, can't even force his eyes to look. this has to be one hell of a nightmare. no. he wasn't really there, in san junipero. he was still in his hospital bed, listening to his handlers or endeavor drone on and on.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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maybe he can go peacefully knowing that. everything just always hurts back in reality.
keigo finds himself almost reaching out to take dabi by the hand, but immediately returns it back to his side. no. he couldn't. he didn't have that right any longer. no more touching, he quietly lectures to himself while following in step with his former lover.]
Didn't know you could drive.
[he says with a small smile. keigo isn't sure why, but he always pictures dabi as a walker. or maybe a motorcycle kind of guy. one really could have anything and everything here in this life.
keigo does find it mildly curious when dabi comes to admit more about his home. of course, it's hard to not flinch hearing him mention that he kills himself. can't blame the guy though. must be hell here without a purpose. it's exactly why keigo doesn't agree so easily to immortality.]
Can't really explain why it's chosen for you. I only know maybe half the mechanics of this place. They're constantly working on it before it goes open to the public.
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[he only figured that out once keigo had come to see him that first time and he was able to will his scars back. he figured maybe he could will other things too, like driving and it had worked. he drove himself off a cliff one time anyway, but that was by choice.
he's never thought about a motorcycle, actually. maybe that really would suit him more, but he's pretty sure he'd puke on himself.
dabi swallows hard as keigo starts talking about this place. it's what he's been dying to hear, even if it's hard to hear. he'd rather know the truth of it all and what's actually going on than be left in the dark.]
So I got stuck here cause Endeavor pulled strings, huh. Always pulling strings in his favor. Guess he finally showed up to one'a my deaths. Apparently he was too busy for the first one.
[he's sure endeavor and the rest of his family has probably been feeding everyone lies. dabi died and they come off as the poor family. the family grieving over their long lost son who turned out to be a villain. poor fucking them. if only everyone really knew the truth. if only keigo did, but he doubts it even matters anymore.
keigo should have seen the truth back then already. ]
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[he's pretty positive there wasn't any killing allowed and other rules like that. after all, it's supposed to be a utopia.
keigo looks over to dabi as the former villain brings up his father. honestly, the number two hero has been avoiding the man. at least, he was until he became bedridden. then, he had no choice but to listen to endeavor. he tried to keep an open mind, but honestly, his heart fell in line to dabi. and in a way, it hurt that the man he grew up believing was his true hero was part of something a little more sinister.]
He has the money and power to do what he wants.
[it's said a little sourly. keigo tries to remain neutral about it all, but he's had more than enough time to process what was said and told.]
...he asked about you, when he discovered I came in here. I didn't tell him anything that was said. Told him I couldn't find you. He's one of the few persuading my old handlers to get me to stay here full-time.
[whether as a friendly gesture or sinister plot, he's not sure. on the front, he sees a man desperate to atone for his errors. but, endeavor's gaze and touch always lingers. like the number one hero knows that keigo has secrets pertaining to touya todoroki.]
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[whole lot of bullshit if you ask him, but apparently no one has asked him anything. maybe that's the worst part of it. he hasn't tried to kill anyone, though. has no reason to do so. that was never actually his goal in the first place, but that's kinda just what happened.
he hadn't even killed anyone until he joined the league, but that doesn't matter either.
dabi's gaze hardens when keigo responds to him about endeavor. it's hard not to react that way.]
He's always used his money and power to get what he's wanted, especially when it came to hiding all his abuse. So fuckin' good at hidin' the truth from everyone.
[ When keigo goes on about how the old man had asked about him, he stops, eyes blazing blue. he narrows them, pulling his hands out of his pockets, hands clenching at his sides.]
What? Why? He knows I'm here and he's pushin' you to stay here too? What the fuck?
[but it's a good thing, isn't it? he's not sure he just wants keigo to disappear. coming from endeavor, though, it seems strange, especially after all that's happened.]
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[he's always given the run around, told to be patient and enjoy his new life. he remembers being skeptical, but if dabi was here, along with a few other people, it must be true. doesn't mean he wanted it.
what he really wants, he can't have. and no one on the outside seems to get that.
dabi speaks so truthfully about endeavor, keigo notes to himself. he wonders though, if he had listened closer, if he would have put two and two together. keigo had been such a fan of endeavor back then. it's kind of...pathetic, when he looks back on it.
on one hand, he had a man who put away his criminal father. who saved him from such a rotten life and gave him a chance. but on the other, he sees a man who abused his family and power.
the same power he would hide up anything if he could, keigo supposed. the hero would like to believe that endeavor was changing for the better, but it felt so odd. endeavor's eyes never seemed sad or apologetic. though, he has to give the man credit. he could put on some waterworks for his family.
as dabi stops, keigo does too, looking to the once villain with worried eyes. he's starting to regret bringing up the number one hero when he sees the way dabi clenches his fist.]
I don't know. He visits me everyday in the hospital and tries talking about it. I try and pretend to sleep most of the time though.
[it's the urging from the number one that gets keigo to not trust endeavor as much. sure, he was on the edge of death, but it just didn't feel right to euthanize himself.]
Can't exactly run from him anymore.
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[which they probably did, but maybe keigo was too preoccupied with everything else. being in san junipero wasn't supposed to be a trick. dabi's just one of the unlucky ones who didn't get asked whether he wanted it or not. he feels unlucky anyway. he would have wanted to just stay dead.
but this thing with keigo definitely feels like a trick, and dabi is suddenly wary all over again. what were they trying to do? is this all a lie? is he really in prison and they're trying to get shit out of him through keigo?
his mind is reeling once again, and he shakes his head, glancing around them suspiciously.
Is he listening? Can they fucking hear us? Are they in my head?
[it's a bad idea. all of it. he's not sure what's happening with keigo back in the real world either, but maybe it's all just a part of this lie. it feels wrong, and dabi doesn't want to fall for it again. he keeps shaking his head and he starts backing away from keigo. he feels like he's going crazy. he doesn't know what's real and what's not, what he can trust and what he can't. all this time of being here alone like this is getting to him too. ]
What are ya tryin'a find out from me?
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[being the hero and villain here, keigo would have expected dabi to be breaking more rules than himself. he's only danced and got drunk off his ass. nothing more than that.
their talk isn't improving, not when dabi begins to react in that manner. it's not that it catches keigo off guard, considering their recent history. still though, the hero is left eying the once villain, trying to figure out what to say or do to calm him down.
he's been accused of this before, but back then, his alliance was with the heroes. not now though. now, he only aligned with himself.]
Dabi-
[keigo tries to start, but then his former lover backs away. the hero doesn't dare make a step forward or back, remains planted in place.]
You don't have to say anything about yourself. I'm telling you everything from the beginning. But I'm positive they can't hear us. If they did, Endeavor wouldn't be breathing down my neck every damn day to find out about you.
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[but maybe they're different here. who even knows? would killing someone even count as that if the person just healed or came Back right away? does anyone need to steal when they can just think up what they want?
that part doesn't matter as much though when they've switched to this.
he has no reason to trust anyone or anything anymore, but he's just supposed to believe this? he hates this feeling of uncertainty and the anger that comes along with it. he's so ready to fight again.
but he still wants to hear the truth and as blinded as he feels by his uncertainty and lack of trust, he might want the rest of this more.
they don't have a lot of time.
he still looks at Keigo with intensely untrusting eyes, but his hands unclench and he glances around again before he moves forward towards the car again.]
Ya better not be lyin' to me again or you'll be San Junipero's first actual death.
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Pretty sure that entire club should be against the rules.
[but, then again, he's not accustomed to such a wild life. the wildest shit he's ever got himself into was literately in front of him.
like dabi to him, keigo can't help but return the same untrusting gaze. it didn't mean he disliked his ex-lover, because those feelings were very strong. however, dabi did prove to know more than he let on before, and he used enough fire to practically kill him.
still, he follows after dabi, but maybe not as close as before.]
Maybe dying here will kill me in real life too. Sounds pretty tempting to lie just to test that theory.
[he makes a poor attempt to lighten the mood. but, whether or not it's his actual feelings, he tries to not let on.]
You want me to start when my handlers ordered me to infiltrate the League? Or when I became involved with them?
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[ he remembers last time and the way Keigo reacted to someone being on him. it felt so good to make Keigo pay like that. how he longed to do it again.
Dabi doesnt know why keigo would bother being untrusting of him. the other man is the one with all the power here. He's the one who knows everything and is still alive in the real world. maybe Keigo just feels guilty. maybe he knows more than he's letting on.
Dabi knows it's stupid to trust him again , but what choice does he have?]
You think that's fuckin' funny after everything you've done?
[very poor attempt, especially knowing how skittish Dabi is about this now. there are a million other things that Keigo could try to say to make Dabi feel better, but of course he takes the shitty route.]
Thought you wanted to get somewhere more private first.
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[of course, he casually tries to not consider how aroused he was during their first fuck, up against that window. trying to not get caught had drove him insane with pleasure.
still. he felt bitter towards his first experience with the quagmire and had no intentions of returning to it. catching dabi getting his dick sucked had left a sour taste in his mouth. he was truthful when he previously stated he couldn't bare to see his former lover with anyone intimately.
that leaves the question if dabi could do the same for him. if he were to take the offer to live here and casually met someone, or even if keigo fucked around, would dabi have an issue with that? they weren't together any longer. he should have that right. not to mention, he didn't intend to hang around dabi's spots either.
avoiding his former lover was probably for the best, wasn't it? even if keigo was drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
it's not anything he needs an answer for now, honestly. keigo's mind and heart still aligned towards dying within his hospital bed.
of course, making a joke about death apparently was met with agitation. tough crowd. keigo doesn't try to recover from it, only shrugs his shoulders. he had no intentions of lying to dabi. there's no need for it here.]
We can start in your car. It's private in there.
[keigo answers instead, looking on ahead down the street, wondering if any of the vehicles before them belonged to dabi.]
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[he says it with all the disdain in the world. it's something so deeply engrained in him now. all the fakeness of all the pro-heroes, with keigo to add into the mix now.
dabi has every intention of returning to the quagmire, because... well, he knows how damn broken he is. he knows he'll need it if only to get ruined, because what else can he possibly do here? keigo ruined the last bit of him that might've been salvageable. that's how he feels, anyway.
he doesn't think about what would happen if keigo stayed here or not. he's still struggling with the information that keigo is dying. that he might disappear forever.]
Fine. Whatever. Don't give a shit about your precious hero commission. Just want you to tell the truth from the start. The start of us.
[though he hates calling it that.
they come up to a sleek black convertible with a dark gray interior. it's fancier than anything dabi has ever been used to, but why not have it here?
and with the top down? it reminds him of flying.]
This is it. Get in.
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[keigo replies with a hint of coldness to his tone. he’s not going to argue with his former lover over this. it’s a tango he’s familiar with, and one he doesn’t want to repeat.
considering keigo is positive it’ll come up again during their conversation to be had.
maybe eventually he’d warm up to the quagmire. however, it’s not his club to enjoy. he would avoid it at all costs if he does stay here. dabi seems to prefer it. keigo assumes so, anyway.
as soon as dabi states what he wants to keigo, the hero nods his head. it was fine by him. he didn’t like bringing up the hero commission and their position in his life. but, he does feel warmth hit his chest over the way dabi says us.
but before he can start, they come up to a black, sleek convertible. honestly, it looks intimidating and sexy. kind of like dabi. not needing to be told twice, keigo slips into the car. he feels so small inside of it, and finds himself squirming as he tries to get comfortable.]
Well, at the start of us, I actually hated sex. The first time I got on my knees, I thought I’d hate it just like always. But then, I’m not sure, it felt...good. Like really good.
[it’s a little embarrassing to admit this. he’s only known this himself, never told a soul before.]
I never told my handlers about us. I didn’t tell anyone. I just...wanted to keep us to myself.
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[he says it coldly right back. as far as dabi is concerned, keigo is the one that cut things off between them. he doesn't get to say shit about it.
he doubts keigo would ever like the quagmire. he knows how high and mighty pro-heroes like to be. dabi doesn't know what he likes anymore. all he knows is he does whatever he can to get him fucked up enough not to have to think about any of it.
dabi slides into the car and starts it up like he thinks he should. the thought up car does all the work though, and really all dabi needs is the basic knowledge from the few racing video games he played with shigaraki. when he sits in this car he always wonders what happened to him. what had happened to all of them.
he said he didn't care back then, but he spent enough time with them that he had gotten used to their company. maybe they're all dead too, though. they definitely wouldn't have gotten the chance to come here. good for them. dying in peace if much better than this.]
I don't give a shit about what felt good or not for you. I wanna know what they told you to do. I wanna know how it all started from the very beginning. Your orders to infiltrate the league, your job, all the fucking lies you told. I want you to tell me the truth from the start I fucking said. Don't wanna hear about how you liked gettin' down on your knees.
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he’s starting to think this was all a mistake. what he felt and saw coming out of the club against how they generally act now, it was almost like two separate things.
he could ignore it. should ignore it. because they’re both hurting in their own way, but dabi keeps going, and keigo can’t sit there and take it.
turning his head, keigo sends a sharp but wet look to his former lover.]
Let’s get something straight, Dabi. I don’t have to tell you shit. I can walk away from all of this if you’re going to be an asshole the entire time.
[he dealt with enough crap while dying in that shitty hospital bed. this is his one last time to have fun and he’s here, dealing with this jerk.]
I’m not here seeking forgiveness or trying to get back in your good graces. Hell, I might die before midnight. I’m doing this because I still care for you. So ask for what you want like a normal fucking person instead of treating me like I’m worthless.
[because he can’t do this. not in that manner. not with them being spiteful and cold.]
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he had a feeling keigo would anger him in some kinda way. he just doesn't expect this blatant bullshit. ]
You don't have to tell me shit? Really, Keigo? After everythin' you lied about, everythin' you fucking did, you're really gonna sit here and tell me you don't fuckin' owe me the smallest thing I could possibly ask for?
[the truth really isn't much to ask for. keigo owes him so much more than that. he's not sure why keigo thinks this would be something easy. something he wouldn't have to work for over time.
then again, dabi would understand why he wouldn't want to put anything into it if it was all fake. dabi stops the car with a screech of tired, and turns to keigo with blazing eyes.]
You don't like me treatin' you like this? You should've fuckin' thought about that before you told me you cared about me the same fucking day you betrayed me. So let's get this straight, Keigo. I'm givin' you a chance to talk. If you don't like the way I do it? Then get the fuck out, cause this is the only chance you're gonna get and you're goddamn lucky to even get this much.
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not when he’s trying to give and tell everything.]
You’re not asking. You’re demanding and being a total dick about it.
[the car coming to a screech has keigo clinging to the door. he never was a fan of fast cars. the only thing fast he enjoyed was him in the air with his wings.
at least the car stops, and keigo returns the same intense look. he doesn’t even hesitate when he opens the car door and gets out.]
I’m only asking for you to be less of an ass and that’s apparently too much for you to deal with. You’re the only obstacle in your own way.
[the door slams shut hard, and keigo turns around, curling his fingers into fists. this really had to have been the worst idea.]
I don’t just care about you. But I won’t sit back and take shit from the man I love. Goodbye, Dabi. For real this time.
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as far as dabi is concerned, keigo is telling and giving the bare minimum here. even less so when he actually gets out of the car without hesitation. dabi can feel that familiar pain and feeling of betrayal welling up inside of him all over again. he isn't going to be nicer about it. keigo doesn't deserve nicer. he hasn't given dabi a damn reason for it.]
You're right. I shouldn't have even had to demand it. You should've offered the fuckin' truth up to me before I even had to go as far as demanding it. But ya didn't, so here we are.
[less of a dick... it's as if keigo doesn't know him at all anymore. maybe the truth of it was that he never really did. not with all those lies keigo was dolling out instead. keigo is throwing this chance away because he wants to be all high and mighty about it, and dabi wonders if this is just an out.
first keigo came back here again and tried to avoid seeing him, and now this. maybe wanting to see him and talk to him was never keigo's main goal in the first place.]
You're the only obstacle here, Keigo. You're the one who fuckin' threw us away. But I can see why. You don't actually wanna do this, do ya.
[Dabi knew it, of course. he knew it from the moment he found out Keigo had ratted them out. he was so angry that he attacked with full force, but even after all this time he had kept those memories of keigo with him as if they had been real. as if they were a part of his life where he actually felt something.
when keigo says he's the man he loves, it only feels like manipulation at this point. another knife to twist into his heart along with the slam of that door.
if being a hero meant that kind of abuse his father inflicted, and loving someone means betrayal, then he doesn't want any of those things.
dabi holds on to the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turn white. it's such an odd and stupid thing. such a small detail that this miserable simulation works up. keigo's words feel like a nail in his coffin. dabi wishes the simulation would take that feeling away just as much as it produces small, insignificant details.]
Can ya just do me one thing, Keigo? Just one other thing if ya ain't gonna talk to me. When you go back, can you get them to take me off'a this thing? Just... tell that piece'a shit everything if you gotta tell him. Or... I dunno. Make some shit up, you're good at that. Somethin' that'll get him to pull me outta here for good.
[he can feel the tears, but he doesn't care anymore. ]
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I didn’t want to throw us away. I never wanted to separate from you, but you-
[he cuts himself off, looking away to blink his tears back. his breath comes out shaky and to calm himself down, he drags his hands through his hair.
everything used to make sense when he was with dabi. now it’s upside down and he’s left feeling so cold and lonely.]
I would tell you everything. I would do it without hesitation. But, god Dabi, I can’t sit and just take this abuse over and over. I didn’t betray you with a smile or maliciously. I fucking loved you, even now I still do.
[keigo closes his eyes, rubbing his hands to his face to wipe away the falling tears.]
I’ll tell him. I..I know something he wants.
[giving a little final rub of his eyes, keigo steps away. he can’t force himself to look back at dabi. keigo is so terrified about going back. he has to pull away for the two of them. it was never going to be simple. they were both very complicated, and very broken.]
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But I what?! You lied to me! Over and over again, I told you to tell me the fucking truth! I told ya I didn't trust you and swore you weren't a goddamn spy! Right to my fucking face until I believed you!
[keigo's tears anger him the most. this asshole, pulling all this shit and now he's gonna cry about it. he couldn't just sit in the goddamn car and tell dabi the truth?]
You told me I had a place to go. That I was safe with you. You made somethin' feel like home for the first fuckin' time in my life and then you snatched it all away, and you're talkin' to me about abuse. The only fuckin' thing I've been sayin' to you is the truth, but you can't handle it. You think I'm bein' an asshole.
[it hurts so bad that he can barely stand it. but it doesn't matter. keigo won't ever see it like this. he wont' ever see the truth. he lets out a painful laugh when keigo says those words again. they feel like poison moving through his veins.]
Ya don't love me. Ya wouldn't've done any'a this if ya loved me. You're just tryin'a fuck with me again.
[and why should he think any different? keigo never gave him anything else. dabi died and keigo came to san junipero all sad and expecting to just talk this out as if dabi was the one who owed him anything. no explanation, no apology. no concern as to how he was doing in this lonely place after everything that happened. keigo was as selfish as ever.
he just showed up saying he needed to see him, and now keigo is the one who wont stand for this? dabi wonders if the other man was ever gonna pull his head out of his ass.]
At least that, I guess. Least you could do.
[and then none of this will matter. not him, not keigo, not anything they had been fighting for. he wonders if he'll just blink out of existence without any warning. it's something he's longed for ever since he was aware that he was born.]
Was it worth it, Kei? Didja save the world?
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How can you say that when you always believed I was a spy? You found out who I was, intimidated my mother for the truth. I gave you my home, my name. I told you about myself. I really was honest then. I-I...I never allowed anyone so close to me.
[he can't even stop the tears at this point and he's getting more depressed and angry the longer they talk like this.]
You don't have any idea how much I love you. I can fucking love you with all my heart, but I'm still a hero, Dabi. I still have to protect people, even if that means tearing myself away from you.
[but he's also a coward. he dragged his feet for weeks. he pleaded to get dabi to run away with him. he couldn't willingly side with the villains. his allegiance was with the heroes, even if his heart fell in line with dabi. how could he ignore the screams of lives at stake? to keep his feet planted down on the ground when many people were suffering?
no. he couldn't do that willingly. even if it drove him to this. keigo would go to great lengths to protect the innocent.
he forces himself to pull away, starting to walk off. they were done. there was no salvaging this any longer. he can't keep willing they they can at least talk. it's like there's no more room left for it, despite how keigo dreams of late night or early morning discussions in bed, wrapped around dabi's body.
the last question coming from his former lover does get a pause in his step. keigo thinks briefly and nods his head.]
I saved the world. I didn't save my world.
[and he continues walking down the street, head bowed. he only had a couple more hours to kill. then...then he could return back to the same pain in reality.]
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dabi feels like a fool, having given keigo another chance after everything, but keigo using the excuse of dabi being an asshole to turn it down. dabi's always been an asshole, and he sees now that keigo never really did want that chance to begin with. walking away was always going to be what keigo picked when it came to him. ]
I didn't always believe you were a spy and ya fuckin' know it. You manipulated me with your lies until I believed ya. You gave me your name and your home and I wasn't the one who betrayed you! And here I was about to fall for it again. I really am a fuckin' idiot, huh.
[but keigo doesn't care what it all meant to him and how he twisted it around. he's still trying to act like he did the right thing. and in the end, it wasn't about anything but keigo's precious heroes. dabi knows that now too and there's nothing left to argue.
he had wanted to believe so badly that there could be a different outcome, but it was never going to be him.
that final nod of keigo's head, telling him that betraying him was worth it, it sort of settles something inside of him. with those words he knows that no matter what he would have done, it would have ended up like this. keigo was going to save the world, and that wasn't ever going to include him. he was always going to betray dabi in the end.
dabi should have trusted his instincts, but he opened himself up, opened his heart up, and now he can close it again. it's a good way to die, he thinks to himself as he drives off. ]
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but, he gave his word, gave the devil his gift, in exchange for dabi to be erased out of this nightmare. now, now it felt like he killed his former lover. he keeps telling himself it's what dabi wanted though. but, fuck, pulling that plug was so painful when he begged and pleaded for it.
it's for the best. dabi wanted to not stay here in this nightmare.
the setting sun gets keigo to blink back a bit. he hears the sounds of crashing waves next. the beach. why was he there? he generally showed up at his own shabby and tiny apartment first. his designated home. raising up an arm to block the sun, he looks over his shoulder, and sees a quaint beach-house.
why the sudden upgrade?
unless...well. maybe that was why. a roll of the eyes and keigo huffs. might as well just sleep away the rest of his time here. at least it'll be peaceful, compared to reality.
he enters quietly, the door unlocked. it's not bad on the inside either. he idly wonders if dabi had a small cottage like this too. cute on the outside but probably had a lot of dark paraphernalia on the inside. keigo shakes the thought away, picking up a mug from the counter.
odd. it resembled closely to one he had given dabi in reality. maybe it was just his own conscious coming up with this.]
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he thinks about his mom, and fuyumi and natsuo. maybe it's a good thing he never got to say goodbye to them. maybe they would have decided that he wasn't worth saving after all.
he tries to think about anything good that ever happened to him, but the memories are hazy and too few to really put them all together. he does remember his mother's cooking, natsuo being in awe of his flames, shigaraki dumping ten bags of chips on his bed in exchange for playing video games.
keigo.
it's insanely stupid and sentimental of him, and he knows it's only going to hurt, but if he's going to flash out of existence tonight, then why not just have this one thing? he imagines keigo's hoodie, one of the ones the other man always used to lend him until it just kinda became his, and he curls up into it, willing his scars away so he can feel it on his skin. it's okay, he tells himself, if this is the last thing he ever does. it's okay if he can't close his heart off completely before he dies. he'll be gone soon anyway, and none of this will ever matter again. he waits and waits to blink out of existence.
the next day when he wakes up he's still here, and then again the day after that and the day after that. keigo failed. maybe he died.
dabi doesn't get out of bed for five days after that, and then he just does one day, and goes back to everything he was doing before. he rips himself apart over and over again, but at least he doesn't trash his place again. he starts willing things into existence over time, turning the place into a home. well... not a home. this place could never be a home. but closely resembling one anyway, mostly with things he had at keigo's, but tries not to think too closely about.
that day, one month later, dabi is on the beach. he goes for long walks now, every night when the sun starts setting. he's never gotten to just do that before.
when he comes back to beach house, he's wiping sand off of his pants and kicking off his sandals when he freezes, eyes wide when he sees who's standing in his living room. ]
...Keigo?
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keigo recalls hearing how to make a home in san junipero as your own. when he had that shabby apartment, he's glad dabi never got to see it. keigo had decked it out with plenty of plants and photographs of his memories of the two of them together. maybe...he can do that here, in this new home.
he's still fondly looking at the mug when the sound of the someone comes up behind him. immediately, he turns and he's still, eyes wide, full of fear. and, without thinking, he drops the mug on the ground to shatter.]
You-
[keigo looks down. the remains of the mug are no longer there. a quick look back up, and he can see it back on the counter. but that's the least of his problems right now.
no. nonononono.]
You're not supposed to be here anymore.
[fuck. what was his mind doing to him? a hallucination right? that's what this was. keigo stumbles back, running a hand through his hair. what the hell. it's like he walked right into a damn nightmare. he grieved. why was dabi right there? in front of him?
he promised!]
Please tell me you're not real.
[keigo desperately asks so softly, can't even force his eyes to look. this has to be one hell of a nightmare. no. he wasn't really there, in san junipero. he was still in his hospital bed, listening to his handlers or endeavor drone on and on.]
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