[Dabi doesn't let go until the man on his knees starts choking on his cock, pushing at his hips. out of the corner of his eyes he can see the blonde's tearful eyes on Keigo, wondering just what in the hell is going on, most likely.
the man pulls off and sputters, trying to catch his breath, but then his face is right back on Dabi's groin, nosing into it like a good boy. ]
Don't think ya got any right to say shit to me, hero.
[he says it like he used to. a dirty word spit from his mouth. the lowest of the low.]
As if you're any better than some nameless face. You fuckin' lying whore. Oh let me guess. You just had to do it, huh.
[he says as he leans in close, eyes all ablaze.]
You could always get down on your knees and join him if you're really so fuckin' desperate.
[why keigo didn’t expect this sort of scenario was beyond him. dabi was so damn attractive, could get the hero weak in the knees. it was natural that dabi would find someone to keep him warm at night.
maybe he didn’t expect it because keigo never had an impulse to fuck around. all he’s done has been wallowing in depression.
a quick look down and he sees the bitch blond rubbing his nose into dabi’s crotch. disgusting! only one person should be doing that, and that was him!]
I have plenty of right when you’re out here like this. Tell me to fuck off and I’ll leave you two alone. But you’ll never see me here again.
[keigo had no interest in immortality. not unless it meant spending eternity with those stupid bonehead.
it’s so hard to not get offended by the insult though. in the heat of moment, keigo enjoyed, even loved, to be degraded. like this, in the open with nothing to show for it, it makes him upset and angrier.]
I’m not the one getting their dick sucked.
[he seethes when he realizes dabi was so suddenly close, intense blue eyes that keigo doesn’t allow to break him. he stares back with the same intensity.]
[ dabi hadn't really been doing much of this either. he's never been the type to fuck around for fun or to relax. it's always been the most horrible thing he's ever experienced, even if he got used to it over time.
it was all that way until keigo.
and now, after the betrayal, he realized it really was the same thing as all the times he's gotten fucked before. in the end he was still used, only this time there were deeper parts of him dragged into it too. ]
You lost that right when ya fuckin' betrayed me. Ya really think ya got any say after that? You're fuckin' insane.
[dabi hopes keigo feels degraded in the worst kind of way. maybe then he'll finally realize how dabi felt when he knew he had been betrayed.]
You've really got some nerve comin' here and sayin this shit to me. You ain't the one gettin' your dick sucked, huh? No, just passed around by commission fucks to do their bidding. Why even act like anythin' between us meant shit to you? I ain't yours. Never fuckin' was, apparently.
I'm dead, right? You betrayed me and then I died. You're the one who fuckin' killed me.
[he's angry now, because it all hits him at once. everything keigo did, everything they went through together. how it all fell apart in that instant and now he's dead, stuck in this place, not having known a single thing about it until a week ago when keigo told him. and then just like that keigo was gone again for a whole damn week until tonight, coming in here acting like dabi owes him something.
he's had enough of this. he just about growls, shoving the blonde off his dick and trying to zip himself back up before he shoves past keigo to storm off once again. ]
[everything hurts. here and in reality. keigo can't even tell which is worst. dabi and his wings are no more, for six and a half days out of the week. but the evening of saturday, he can see his former lover, but it stings and hurts here in a different way.
he knew it would be painful, when forced to betray this villain. it didn't mean he liked it. he hated every second of it. he couldn't even face dabi one on one either. but the villain had made it a point to see him anyway, to burn him apart.]
You never trusted me anyway, so why does it matter?
[that's what dabi had claimed on that fateful day. maybe a part of him knew dabi didn't trust him either. the man constantly taunted him of his alliance to the heroes.
anger, resentment, and despair build as dabi has his go at him. he hates hearing it because it's not true. everything intimate had meant so much to him. he remembers that day, asking dabi to run away with him, so keigo wouldn't have to decide. it hurts. it all fucking hurts.
as his former lover pulls away, keigo quickly follows, ignoring the irritating blond on the floor who had no business to be there. he keeps in step with dabi, refusing to allow the villain to leave so easily.]
I didn't want to! Not a single part of me wanted to give you up. You could have run away with me, but you were so hellbent on dragging your family down. Just admit that you never cared either! You didn't hesitate to burn me, to even record and try to ruin my reputation.
[he didn't care about his reputation. being number two wasn't what he ever wanted. just in the back, to lay low. he didn't need popularity.]
You took away the only two things that mattered to me, but I'm still here, trying to see you for some damn ridiculous reason!
[in the heat of the moment, he snatches and grabs tight to dabi's wrist and plants his feet down. he's breathing hard from his anger and pain, tears beginning to sting his eyes.]
I'm not asking for any kind of forgiveness. I don't know even know what I expect. But the most important person to me is standing right here. So tell me to buzz off because I won't subject myself to watch you get close with anyone else here.
[ dabi doesn't want to hear shit about how keigo didn't like betraying the league, and him right along with that. he clearly made a choice, and the choice wasn't him.
dabi may have chosen to drag his family down, but keigo didn't have to be a part of that. he wasn't even going to be until he turned on dabi so easily. and then? all bets were off. what did keigo expect, when trust was so important to dabi and keigo smashed it to pieces? did he really think he wouldn't get burned? ]
None of it fuckin' matters anymore, Keigo. None of it fuckin' matters anymore.
[the music is loud and the people are too close to him now that he's feeling this way. he can feel keigo hot on his heels and he really wishes all of this would drown him out. keigo doesn't even have to grab him before he's turning around with furious eyes, wondering how keigo can even dare to say these things to him.]
You didn't want to? You fuckin' did it! What did you expect was gonna happen, you lying piece'a shit! After betraying me like that, did ya really think I was just gonna shrug my shoulders and say it was ok? You deserve a lot fuckin' worse than what ya got. You're just as bad as Endeavor. Maybe even worse. Ya got me to believe you.
[if keigo wants dabi to feel bad for him in any kind of way, it isn't going to happen. if keigo felt like he lost the two things that mattered to him, dabi would say he deserved even less than what he ended up with. ]
I'm dead, Keigo. Ya told me I'm fucking dead. Did ya really come here so you could fuck up whatever this shit in my head is too?
[the look on his face isn't angry anymore, it's forlorn, and then he tenses up, trying to pull his wrist from keigo's hold.]
[it was never easy to turn on dabi. he had fought himself on it, had tried to change his decision, but each time, he was forced to think of why he was a hero. deep down, society was flawed. he believed that. believed in a majority of what the league represented.
and he also had regrets. jin never deserved to die. in fact, he should be within this world, to continue living. but no one wanted to take that responsibility. endeavor so easily used power and money to get his eldest son in here. all for his own despair.
hearing his name hits differently. he used to take pride and adored it before. he cherished each moment he could hear his name.
but, now, it's so cold.]
That's not true-
[he still fights, still believes that it matters. it has to.
but he's forced to cut himself off when dabi sharply turns with those intense eyes. this time, he flinches in reaction, but doesn't back down. not yet. keigo wasn't done speaking his mind.]
Yes, I didn't want to! I still had an obligation to protect innocent people, Dabi! I'm sorry for the betrayal, but I never once lied about us. Each and every moment I was honest. Each fucking time we were together, I was being my real self. I wanted us to be together. I kept pushing you to leave with me.
[hot, angry tears crawl down his face and it feels so stuffy, like he can't breathe. he's generally good at keeping his emotions at bay, but it's been so difficult lately. it must be pathetic to any onlooker. he was just as emotional in the real world. nothing would have prepared him to be told that he lost his wings and lover all in the same sitting.
and he just hates how dabi repeats that he's no longer alive. that was the worst of it all. losing dabi was never supposed to happen.
why couldn't the asshole just have run away with him?]
I'm...I'm not dead. [the words are stated to bitterly because he feels dead.] I'm not even supposed to be here. San Junipero is for the dead and elderly.
[keigo raises up his free hand, rubbing his eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears.]
Don't tell me you're fuckin' sorry. Do ya really think I believe a single word outta your mouth after what you did??
[he doesn't want to believe he's dead either. maybe he isn't, but what choice does he have? it's not like it matters if his body is dead or alive anyway, because he's stuck here in some sort of crazy simulated reality that feels absolutely real.]
Don't gimme that bullshit, you knew I couldn't leave! And ya didn't tell me it was because of that. You made it seem like some fuckin' pipe dream. You told me you were gonna stick around with me when it was all over, you piece'a shit!
[as loud as this place is, there are others staring now, looking annoyed that the two of them are ruining their good times in this place. others are blissfully unaware as if the two of them don't exist... but dabi realizes it's probably those people who don't exist. they're simulations.
that sudden shock of realization when he thinks keigo might be dead too, it hits him like a ton of bricks, and then it's gone, because keigo says he's not dead at all. he's probably out there living his life, still with the pro-heroes and kissing Endeavor's ass. dabi realizes then that it's been so long and he doesn't even know what happened. he supposes in the end that doesn't matter either.
he stares blankly at keigo, watching him try to wipe those tears away. everything just seems like a show now. dabi isn't even sure if he knew keigo at all, or if it was all just to infiltrate them and take them down.]
So you get a choice whether to be here or not. I don't. Must be fuckin' great for ya. Why don't ya go report back to my family that I've already tried to end myself a couple times by now, so they should probably shut this shit off.
[this goes about as expected as keigo always planned it'd be. there never really was any hope or true belief that he would get back what he previously had. it's not like he expects it either. they both hurt each other, ripped whatever trust and feelings they had together to shreds.
still, he had to try. he had to tell dabi everything.
keigo ignores the looks they're given. who knew if they were nothing more than codes or actual people. so very few lived in this reality. this was none of their business though. they should turn the other cheek. of course, if keigo didn't want their privacy blasted to the public, he wouldn't be out here, getting emotional in front of the former villain.
but now, he's not even sure what to say anymore. he's trying to get it all off his chest, for dabi to at least understand. he's still drying his eyes, staring at the floor when told the few times that dabi tried ending his own life. it gets him to snap his gaze back up, hurt now by the following words.
he knew to expect it. he keeps telling himself this. but why did it hurt anyway? would he tell the todorokis' what the eldest son told him? who knows. he's unsure. he's still trying to convince himself to give it one last shot.]
Tell me to never come back, Touya.
[he needs to hear it said like that. otherwise, there will always be a hint of hope.]
[ dabi got stuck in this place without any knowledge of what this was or what was going on. no knowledge of him being dead. he thought maybe eventually he'd get out of this, or they'd let him wake up and at least talk to one person in the real world, even if he was in prison.
but now? now there's nothing, and keigo took the last of it, even more so than dabi could have ever imagined he would. it feels like his insides are burning to ash, and not in the way they used to. this is far worse.
but keigo expects him to just be okay with this? to just get over everything that happened in an instant? if so, then maybe it really is better he never come back, because that won't be possible. keigo isn't going to get any understanding from dabi. not like this. he doesn't even care if keigo tries to manipulate him with his name. this is never the way he wanted to hear it. ]
Don't ever come back.
[he says without thinking much about it, then turns and pushes his way through the crowd again. he wills his scars away but keeps his black hair in hopes of blending in. his scars always did make him stand out.]
[it's all keigo needed to hear. it's all he didn't want to hear either. but, he tells himself, he never expected it to go back to before. there's more words on his tongue, three of them. he tries to will them out, to tell dabi the last of it, but the former villain is gone.
he can't find scarred flesh in the crowd. he could try hard to search, but there's no point to it. it's over and done. he gave it his all, and he knew when to back off.
keigo remains in place until the clock strikes midnight, sending him back to the real world. when he snaps out of the blur, he can feel far more wetness at his eyes. he had cried harder here, in reality.
so. it was all over. the least keigo can do is tell endeavor what he's been up to, and how dabi was doing. it was against protocol, but keigo didn't care. nothing mattered. maybe endeavor would give dabi the death he so desired. somehow though...keigo doubted it. the number one wanted to make up for everything he had done, apparently.
maybe dabi would come to enjoy san junipero. one could only hope.]
[ for some reason dabi still expects keigo to come after him and find him. but no... he doesn't want that. not anymore. there isn't a single damn thing he wants anymore.
dabi still keeps an eye out for him the next night and the night after that. a week later and he still doesn't see keigo... maybe out of the corner of his eye. he gets tired of random blonde's sucking him off in hopes of getting back at that traitorous bird some more. he doesn't feel anything anyway.
there's nothing that can ever make him feel that way again.
eventually he stops going out altogether. he stays inside and wastes away on his bed, only getting up to try and kill himself again. he always wakes up right back in bed, and then he just stays there all over again. he figures maybe eventually they'll notice something like a glitch in the system or however this shit works, and just shut him down.
it doesn't happen.
when he does start going out again, it's back to the quagmire. it's not like he's ever gotten help for anything, least of all his mental state. this is where he feels the most like himself. dirty, wasted, good for nothing. he lets men use him and then he goes back home and cries.
the worst nights are when he misses keigo, though. he wishes he could sneak up to that penthouse apartment and just flop into their bed. keigo's bed. it was never his bed at all. he wishes he could hear that groan and that flutter of wings before a cool body pressed against his far too heated one, wing curling around him as the other man nuzzled and cuddled into him so obnoxiously.
at first his annoyed and frustrated sounds were real, but then they were all just for show while he'd smirk and snake his arms around the other man just as easily, pulling him closer.
he knows he'll never have that again. hell, he didn't even really have it back then, either. it was all a lie.
that, and he told keigo never to come back. he wonders now if he would have said anything differently if he had known how he'd feel now. it's just loneliness he reminds himself, and knowing that he truly is dead. ]
[there were plenty of times keigo wanted to leap right back in. every saturday night for a month were the hardest to get through. but he never returned. instead, he would curl in the empty bed, crying himself to sleep. there was no dabi. and there were no wings.
dabi's scent was on his pillows though. he tried to find comfort in them, but they were fading. he could smell it again, if he ever chose to live in san junipero for his after life choice. he won't though.
he tells himself that, yet...
how many months has it been? the first evening he returns to this simulation, he sticks to the shadows of alleyways, just eying the atmosphere. contemplating. the second week, he works up the nerve to enter tuckers, but stays hidden in the dark. dabi wasn't there though. the third week, after confirming his former lover wasn't within the bar, he tries to have a little fun. drinking and dancing.
it's now his fourth week visiting, and he's again back at tuckers. he's still unsure of being here, unsure if this is what he wants. sure, no responsibility, getting to live life peacefully. it sounds perfect. he never had that. but permanently here. lonely. it makes him scared and nervous. what if dabi came across him? keigo was still broken up about his former lover. all he does in that white bed is cough and cry.
he gave his word to never come back too. the city was big. but it was small too.
he avoids the quagmire like the plague. honestly, he should avoid tuckers too. but, the night air is nice, and the music is perfect to dance to.
to make himself look less out in the open, keigo no longer wears his wings. generally, he keeps his back exposed though, where he purposely has two red wings tattooed in their place. hip bones are constantly exposed, and keigo pretends to like the touches there when he grinds and dances with other people. if they were familiar, belonging to the man within his dreams, keigo would purr and beg for more. but no. none of it was familiar. so he pretends.
but when he's urged back, like now, into a hot, sweaty body, he goes with it. he keeps his eyes closed, trying to forget the hell that was his life now. he never did check the club for dabi's presence. but, he's under the impression he wouldn't come across his former lover at tuckers anyway.]
[ dabi doesn't know why he goes out tonight at all. it's either been wasting away at the beach house or going to the quagmire to get ripped apart, but tonight he just wants something... different. it's funny how tucker's has become that different thing.
maybe he hates it so much because it reminds him of certain times, certain people. on particular person and a life he could never have.
even now it's pointless, but his feet drag him there anyway.
he still has his scars, his black hair and all his piercings. a few new ones here and there, along with black and blue skin almost everywhere else where he's not scarred up. he knows he could change that if he wanted to, but this mess is his own now, he supposes. these marks are the only things he's ever really been able to control in his entire life... or death.
he stays hidden at the bar, hood pulled over his mess of hair. he's on his fifth drink and 3rd plan on just how he's going to kill himself again this week when he spots the blonde in the crowd on the dance floor. he really thinks he's seeing things again, so he downs his drink faster and asks for another. he can't do this again tonight. he can already feel his throat constricting and his insides doing a flip.
he really should have just gone to the quagmire. ]
[the dancing keeps keigo occupied. he likes doing it, he discovers. if his thoughts drifted over to dabi, he would wonder if he could ever get the villain to dance with him. however, he keeps his mind clean of his former lover, to not allow his pain or hurt to take control like it does every other day.
there are a few times he dances with people or switches and does it by himself. sometimes, he's given drinks, and keigo enjoys it. more than he expects. the freedom within this city was better than he expected.
still though, it missed a very important thing for him.
shaking the thought immediately away, keigo has to pull himself finally from the dance floor. his drink is almost empty, so he goes to get it refilled. he's heading to the bar when he feels a body too close to him, and a quick look to see who it is earns a frown at his lips. some wannabe punk that got too handsy with him earlier. keigo wasn't interested though. touching and feeling around was fine, but anything more was out of his books. not to mention, keigo didn't find the guy attractive.
he's whispering something in his ear, about getting a vip booth in the back to share drinks with. his hand is touching along his exposed back.
he hurries even closer to the bar, skin crawling as he feel the same body there. as if the guy wouldn't get the cold hint. the punk talks louder, making more of a show that he bought keigo three drinks earlier and deserved to get his cock warmed up one way or another. it's almost embarrassing when the hero catches a few patrons and the bartender sending them looks.
keigo rolls his eyes, but quickly tries to come up with an excuse. there's a hooded man beside him, empty glass of alcohol with a new one being presented to him by the bartender quickly enough.
taking the opportunity given to him, keigo wraps an arm around the hooded man, getting closer, more cozy, while he shoots a playful, sly look to the punk irritating him.]
Listen, my friend here has been waiting for me. If anyone deserves the VIP treatment, it's him. So, lay off, will you?
[the anger that fills the punk's eyes would be attractive if keigo liked pissing off men more often. but really, he only truly enjoyed irritating one person in particular.]
[ dabi closes his eyes, trying to keep himself from looking at the blonde in the crowd again. it's not him, he keeps telling himself. it's not him, it's not him, you don't want it to be him.
but that body, the hair, the sliver of skin. everything about him...
it's not him.
he scratches at the scars on his hands anxiously as he waits for the bartender to give him his next drink, but then there's someone up close to him, wrapping his arm around him and getting all cozy. dabi tenses hard- he fucking hates this- until he hears the voice that comes out of the man, going on about how he's been waiting, and to lay off...
oh fuck, now he's hearing things too. he really is going crazy in this place.
but as he turns his head in misery, he freezes up for a completely different reason. Keigo.
it's him, it's him, it's him. it really is him, and all dabi wants is for this handsy piece of shit to get off of keigo, enemy or not. ]
You heard him. Lay the fuck off, or do ya want me to break your neck?
[he says before he can stop himself. no violence allowed at Tucker's, but they'll just have to make an exception if this guy doesn't lay off. luckily the guy takes one good look at his scarred and stapled face, and fucks right off.]
[keigo isn't too scared about this punk, but he doesn't want to get violent and banned either. the anger flashing in those eyes speak volumes how he had no intention of leaving keigo alone.
but, he feels movement where his hand rests, and quietly, keigo pleads and hopes the mystery man would go along with him.
and, oh, does he do much more than that.
not that keigo can concentrate because he freezes as soon as he hears that voice. he about crushes the glass in his other hand, body tensed up. this was not happening. it can't be. no. he's hearing things, right?
but a quick look outside the corner of his eye, and he sees scarred flesh. staples.
no one would wear that look except for one.
keigo's throat is tight. sure, he was bound to run into dabi, especially coming to a club he originally found the villain inside. still though, keigo had hoped it would be...after. how much longer now? a month? two?
he shouldn't feel so protected under that voice, the way it has that punk fucking off finally. but now he's left with a bigger problem. it's one keigo is terrified about facing. he hated breaking his promise, especially to dabi.
quickly, he recovers, forcing out a smile and retracting his hand.]
Thanks for getting rid of him. I should go though. Have a drink on me.
[keigo gets the words out fast and quick, hoping maybe dabi is sloshed enough to not recognize him, enough that the hero can make a clean and quick getaway. he couldn't face dabi with a broken promise.
so keigo pulls away, trying to make his way out of the club.]
[ dabi didn't think he'd see keigo back here ever again, not after that night. that's what keigo had told him anyway.
there are nights he regrets it and nights he doesn't. it's a terrible feeling that has left him empty more often than not.
as the guy fucks off, dabi's eyes are on keigo again, looking at him as if he's still trying to figure out if this is real or not. that hand is gone far too quickly, even though he's still tense as hell, but god he hates that fucking fake smile. ]
Hey...
[he starts, but it's all gone far too quickly, and dabi is left sitting on the bar stool all alone again. he doesn't understand. if keigo is here, didn't he comes looking for him? why would he run away like that?
that's what gets him off the stool and moving through the crowd. a reverse of when he first saw the other man here so many moths ago. he isn't really thinking right now, just acting on pure instinct... and maybe something else. a broken heart that's been wasting away here with nothing and no one.]
Keigo!
[he calls out to him, trying to chase him down, following him out the door into the night.]
[he's fucked. he's definitely fucked it all up. he should have never returned to tuckers. he's not even sure why he would. there were other clubs here. as long as it wasn't tuckers or quagmire, then he would have been fine.
he can start searching for that other club now, actually. let dabi remain within tuckers. sure, he liked the atmosphere, and he liked dancing. there was more clubs that could provide that though.
stupid. he was so stupid.
it hurts all over again, just like always. it's like when he wakes from a dream and dabi is gone. and then reality sets in. sometimes, late at night, he rereads over old text messages, when things were perfect. he remembers when they shared his bed, had fun in his penthouse. like it was just the two of them. like it was fate.
he must be daydreaming too hard because he swears he hears his name as he steps into the night air. but then it's there again, and keigo realizes it's real, and coming from dabi. so much for getting away without being lectured. but, it's his own fault for coming to a club that he knew the former villain to visit prior.]
I'm sorry.
[keigo quickly gets out, turning to face dabi while taking a step back.]
I'll go somewhere else. I promise, I won't come back here.
[he'll give dabi the space he promised before.
it's so hard though, keigo realizes. even after all this time, his chest warms up, knees weak just by getting a glimpse of his former lover. he's exactly the same of when keigo dreams of him. it's just not fair.]
[Dabi doesn't fucking get it. So maybe Keigo is stalking him or something, but still.
Still... it's been so damn long. He wanted Keigo gone but did he really think the irritating asshole would stay away? Dabi knows that deep down he went searching for him too, from time to time. he never thought it would tear him apart so much not to have it, though. he really was starting to fall, before Keigo flipped it around and turned on him.
but he isn't thinking about that at the moment. not fully, anyways. the hurt will always be here, but his curiosity is getting the better of him now.
at least Keigo stops and looks at him. Dabi yanks his hood down, eyes boring into him. he doesn't understand.]
Weren't ya lookin' for me? Ain't that why ya came here in the first place? Where're you goin?
[the lecture doesn’t exactly come. but keigo is left feeling weak and exposed as dabi lifts up that hood and those intense eyes are on him. it’s completely unfair to look and not touch.
but that was his price to pay. he can’t ever have what he once did. that perfect life was gone now.
keigo tenses up to dabi’s words. immediately, he shakes his head. he never came back here to bother the villain again.
he wanted to see dabi. gods did he ever. but he wouldn’t subject his former lover to the hell he’s been put through.]
No, I...I was trying to stay away, like you wanted.
[keigo fidgets, rubbing his wrist.]
It’ll be midnight soon, so I’m going to leave and find somewhere else to go.
[and he forces out another smile. fake. they were always fake now.]
Thanks for earlier though, hot stuff. Really scared the pants off the guy.
[he doesn't know. there's so much he doesn't know. He's just been here so aimlessly, hurting himself in one way or another.
he did want Keigo to stay away though, didn't he? he said it that night but everything was so painfully fresh. now he truly does feel like the walking dead, especially standing here in front of Keigo.
he hasn't forgotten just how beautiful his ex lover is, but right now he looks even more beautiful somehow. breathtaking in a way, even without the wings. maybe it's just that Dabi hasn't seen him in so long.
he's still so angry and he still feels so betrayed, but he remembers all those painful nights when this is all he longed for. He's so tired, he wants all of this to be over. He's so tired of doing this night after night without Keigo.
and then there's that fake smile again and Dabi can feel the annoyance building up inside of him. all this time and he still hates it so much when Keigo is fake with him. ]
Ya didn't come here for me? Then why the fuck are ya even here?? Is there someone else?
[the question almost catches keigo off guard. right. he didn't finish explaining the details to dabi.]
At midnight, I have to go. I'm a tourist, so I can only visit once a week.
[why he can't visit any longer was beyond him. he was told that it had something to do with stirring up the head, but honestly, his mind was already fucked up with all the trauma he's experienced.
and why did it matter? it wasn't like-
it's hard to not feel a tremble down his back at dabi's sharp words. keigo can't tell if it's jealousy to those words. dabi and jealousy never mixed too well, despite how keigo cherished being labeled as dabi's property.]
No, of course there's no one else. I'm here because of me, because I'm d-
[immediately, he snaps his mouth closed. too close. that was too close. he can't say it. he doesn't want to believe it. swallowing, keigo tries again to recover.]
A..Anyway, you probably want me gone now, right? You should really try dancing in Tuckers. You might like it.
[probably not his greatest recovery, but he hopes dabi doesn't notice.]
[ it's shocking to hear that, but it explains so much. it might have saved him so much turmoil if he had known that. all this time he thought keigo had come and gone every day. once a week... that's barely anything at all.
and is he jealous about keigo possibly being here for some other reason than him? maybe. he shouldn't be, because they're more than over, but he still can't help that niggling in the back of his mind.
and really, what other reason would keigo have to be here?
of course he isn't as stupid as most people like to think he is, and he catches that word even without keigo saying the whole thing. he furrows his eyebrows, eying the other man. he had told dabi that he wasn't dead. that he was only visiting here. had something changed? ]
Ya told me you weren't dead. Have you been here all this fuckin' time?
[Same as him, he wonders? had keigo just been hiding out away from him all this time? or is he just lying about it all now too? he ignores the rest of it, because he doesn't need fake, bullshit words.]
[dabi was sharp. sharper than most. it really made things easy before, and if they had actually remained together, keigo would appreciate it. but now, it just leaves him exposed, cold almost, as he's forced to think of things he wants to forget.
after all, this is the one time of the week he doesn't have to think.]
I've been visiting for four weeks now. Every Saturday night.
[keigo admits softly. he hates that dabi can reduce him to this. he wants so easily to put on a fake smile and pretend. it was easier for keigo to play that part. he could hide and not show how scared and anxious he was.]
...I'm dying. A few months ago, I was given the diagnostics. I wasn't going to come back here. Just die and that be it.
[how annoying and pitiful. keigo hated it. really, what rotten luck he had. must have pissed off some deity or something.]
I'm tired of everyone bugging me to upload to San Junipero. So, to get them off my back, I agreed to do the trial run. That's why I'm here.
[four weeks, but only on saturdays till midnight, keigo had said. dabi wished he had known that little detail, but it's not as if he was ready to listen to all of this before when keigo first got here. he knows he probably should have gotten more information, but he was so hurt and angry.
but it's been months now, and he's been drowning. he's been killing himself and hurting himslef over and over again, and in the end all he's wanted is to fall into keigo's bed again and have things be like they used to be before the war. before keigo betrayed him.
how can it ever be like that again though? nothing is the same. he's dead for fucks sake.
but now, hearing that keigo is dying, he can tell there's nothing fake about that. he feels his throat closing up and it's like the ground bottoms out under him. it shouldn't bother him so much, or at all, really... but it does. it really fucking does.]
What kinda diagnosis?
[dabi swallows hard, looking away for a long moment, crossing his arms over his chest.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
zvi and
no subject
Date: 2021-03-01 08:47 pm (UTC)the man pulls off and sputters, trying to catch his breath, but then his face is right back on Dabi's groin, nosing into it like a good boy. ]
Don't think ya got any right to say shit to me, hero.
[he says it like he used to. a dirty word spit from his mouth. the lowest of the low.]
As if you're any better than some nameless face. You fuckin' lying whore. Oh let me guess. You just had to do it, huh.
[he says as he leans in close, eyes all ablaze.]
You could always get down on your knees and join him if you're really so fuckin' desperate.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-01 09:18 pm (UTC)maybe he didn’t expect it because keigo never had an impulse to fuck around. all he’s done has been wallowing in depression.
a quick look down and he sees the bitch blond rubbing his nose into dabi’s crotch. disgusting! only one person should be doing that, and that was him!]
I have plenty of right when you’re out here like this. Tell me to fuck off and I’ll leave you two alone. But you’ll never see me here again.
[keigo had no interest in immortality. not unless it meant spending eternity with those stupid bonehead.
it’s so hard to not get offended by the insult though. in the heat of moment, keigo enjoyed, even loved, to be degraded. like this, in the open with nothing to show for it, it makes him upset and angrier.]
I’m not the one getting their dick sucked.
[he seethes when he realizes dabi was so suddenly close, intense blue eyes that keigo doesn’t allow to break him. he stares back with the same intensity.]
I. Don’t. Share.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-01 10:41 pm (UTC)it was all that way until keigo.
and now, after the betrayal, he realized it really was the same thing as all the times he's gotten fucked before. in the end he was still used, only this time there were deeper parts of him dragged into it too. ]
You lost that right when ya fuckin' betrayed me. Ya really think ya got any say after that? You're fuckin' insane.
[dabi hopes keigo feels degraded in the worst kind of way. maybe then he'll finally realize how dabi felt when he knew he had been betrayed.]
You've really got some nerve comin' here and sayin this shit to me. You ain't the one gettin' your dick sucked, huh? No, just passed around by commission fucks to do their bidding. Why even act like anythin' between us meant shit to you? I ain't yours. Never fuckin' was, apparently.
I'm dead, right? You betrayed me and then I died. You're the one who fuckin' killed me.
[he's angry now, because it all hits him at once. everything keigo did, everything they went through together. how it all fell apart in that instant and now he's dead, stuck in this place, not having known a single thing about it until a week ago when keigo told him. and then just like that keigo was gone again for a whole damn week until tonight, coming in here acting like dabi owes him something.
he's had enough of this. he just about growls, shoving the blonde off his dick and trying to zip himself back up before he shoves past keigo to storm off once again. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-01 11:14 pm (UTC)he knew it would be painful, when forced to betray this villain. it didn't mean he liked it. he hated every second of it. he couldn't even face dabi one on one either. but the villain had made it a point to see him anyway, to burn him apart.]
You never trusted me anyway, so why does it matter?
[that's what dabi had claimed on that fateful day. maybe a part of him knew dabi didn't trust him either. the man constantly taunted him of his alliance to the heroes.
anger, resentment, and despair build as dabi has his go at him. he hates hearing it because it's not true. everything intimate had meant so much to him. he remembers that day, asking dabi to run away with him, so keigo wouldn't have to decide. it hurts. it all fucking hurts.
as his former lover pulls away, keigo quickly follows, ignoring the irritating blond on the floor who had no business to be there. he keeps in step with dabi, refusing to allow the villain to leave so easily.]
I didn't want to! Not a single part of me wanted to give you up. You could have run away with me, but you were so hellbent on dragging your family down. Just admit that you never cared either! You didn't hesitate to burn me, to even record and try to ruin my reputation.
[he didn't care about his reputation. being number two wasn't what he ever wanted. just in the back, to lay low. he didn't need popularity.]
You took away the only two things that mattered to me, but I'm still here, trying to see you for some damn ridiculous reason!
[in the heat of the moment, he snatches and grabs tight to dabi's wrist and plants his feet down. he's breathing hard from his anger and pain, tears beginning to sting his eyes.]
I'm not asking for any kind of forgiveness. I don't know even know what I expect. But the most important person to me is standing right here. So tell me to buzz off because I won't subject myself to watch you get close with anyone else here.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-01 11:43 pm (UTC)dabi may have chosen to drag his family down, but keigo didn't have to be a part of that. he wasn't even going to be until he turned on dabi so easily. and then? all bets were off. what did keigo expect, when trust was so important to dabi and keigo smashed it to pieces? did he really think he wouldn't get burned? ]
None of it fuckin' matters anymore, Keigo. None of it fuckin' matters anymore.
[the music is loud and the people are too close to him now that he's feeling this way. he can feel keigo hot on his heels and he really wishes all of this would drown him out. keigo doesn't even have to grab him before he's turning around with furious eyes, wondering how keigo can even dare to say these things to him.]
You didn't want to? You fuckin' did it! What did you expect was gonna happen, you lying piece'a shit! After betraying me like that, did ya really think I was just gonna shrug my shoulders and say it was ok? You deserve a lot fuckin' worse than what ya got. You're just as bad as Endeavor. Maybe even worse. Ya got me to believe you.
[if keigo wants dabi to feel bad for him in any kind of way, it isn't going to happen. if keigo felt like he lost the two things that mattered to him, dabi would say he deserved even less than what he ended up with. ]
I'm dead, Keigo. Ya told me I'm fucking dead. Did ya really come here so you could fuck up whatever this shit in my head is too?
[the look on his face isn't angry anymore, it's forlorn, and then he tenses up, trying to pull his wrist from keigo's hold.]
...Are you dead too?
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 12:19 am (UTC)and he also had regrets. jin never deserved to die. in fact, he should be within this world, to continue living. but no one wanted to take that responsibility. endeavor so easily used power and money to get his eldest son in here. all for his own despair.
hearing his name hits differently. he used to take pride and adored it before. he cherished each moment he could hear his name.
but, now, it's so cold.]
That's not true-
[he still fights, still believes that it matters. it has to.
but he's forced to cut himself off when dabi sharply turns with those intense eyes. this time, he flinches in reaction, but doesn't back down. not yet. keigo wasn't done speaking his mind.]
Yes, I didn't want to! I still had an obligation to protect innocent people, Dabi! I'm sorry for the betrayal, but I never once lied about us. Each and every moment I was honest. Each fucking time we were together, I was being my real self. I wanted us to be together. I kept pushing you to leave with me.
[hot, angry tears crawl down his face and it feels so stuffy, like he can't breathe. he's generally good at keeping his emotions at bay, but it's been so difficult lately. it must be pathetic to any onlooker. he was just as emotional in the real world. nothing would have prepared him to be told that he lost his wings and lover all in the same sitting.
and he just hates how dabi repeats that he's no longer alive. that was the worst of it all. losing dabi was never supposed to happen.
why couldn't the asshole just have run away with him?]
I'm...I'm not dead. [the words are stated to bitterly because he feels dead.] I'm not even supposed to be here. San Junipero is for the dead and elderly.
[keigo raises up his free hand, rubbing his eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears.]
But I...I just wanted to see you.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 12:58 am (UTC)[he doesn't want to believe he's dead either. maybe he isn't, but what choice does he have? it's not like it matters if his body is dead or alive anyway, because he's stuck here in some sort of crazy simulated reality that feels absolutely real.]
Don't gimme that bullshit, you knew I couldn't leave! And ya didn't tell me it was because of that. You made it seem like some fuckin' pipe dream. You told me you were gonna stick around with me when it was all over, you piece'a shit!
[as loud as this place is, there are others staring now, looking annoyed that the two of them are ruining their good times in this place. others are blissfully unaware as if the two of them don't exist... but dabi realizes it's probably those people who don't exist. they're simulations.
that sudden shock of realization when he thinks keigo might be dead too, it hits him like a ton of bricks, and then it's gone, because keigo says he's not dead at all. he's probably out there living his life, still with the pro-heroes and kissing Endeavor's ass. dabi realizes then that it's been so long and he doesn't even know what happened. he supposes in the end that doesn't matter either.
he stares blankly at keigo, watching him try to wipe those tears away. everything just seems like a show now. dabi isn't even sure if he knew keigo at all, or if it was all just to infiltrate them and take them down.]
So you get a choice whether to be here or not. I don't. Must be fuckin' great for ya. Why don't ya go report back to my family that I've already tried to end myself a couple times by now, so they should probably shut this shit off.
I don't wanna see you, and I don't want this.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 01:34 am (UTC)still, he had to try. he had to tell dabi everything.
keigo ignores the looks they're given. who knew if they were nothing more than codes or actual people. so very few lived in this reality. this was none of their business though. they should turn the other cheek. of course, if keigo didn't want their privacy blasted to the public, he wouldn't be out here, getting emotional in front of the former villain.
but now, he's not even sure what to say anymore. he's trying to get it all off his chest, for dabi to at least understand. he's still drying his eyes, staring at the floor when told the few times that dabi tried ending his own life. it gets him to snap his gaze back up, hurt now by the following words.
he knew to expect it. he keeps telling himself this. but why did it hurt anyway? would he tell the todorokis' what the eldest son told him? who knows. he's unsure. he's still trying to convince himself to give it one last shot.]
Tell me to never come back, Touya.
[he needs to hear it said like that. otherwise, there will always be a hint of hope.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 02:04 am (UTC)but now? now there's nothing, and keigo took the last of it, even more so than dabi could have ever imagined he would. it feels like his insides are burning to ash, and not in the way they used to. this is far worse.
but keigo expects him to just be okay with this? to just get over everything that happened in an instant? if so, then maybe it really is better he never come back, because that won't be possible. keigo isn't going to get any understanding from dabi. not like this. he doesn't even care if keigo tries to manipulate him with his name. this is never the way he wanted to hear it. ]
Don't ever come back.
[he says without thinking much about it, then turns and pushes his way through the crowd again. he wills his scars away but keeps his black hair in hopes of blending in. his scars always did make him stand out.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 02:19 am (UTC)he can't find scarred flesh in the crowd. he could try hard to search, but there's no point to it. it's over and done. he gave it his all, and he knew when to back off.
keigo remains in place until the clock strikes midnight, sending him back to the real world. when he snaps out of the blur, he can feel far more wetness at his eyes. he had cried harder here, in reality.
so. it was all over. the least keigo can do is tell endeavor what he's been up to, and how dabi was doing. it was against protocol, but keigo didn't care. nothing mattered. maybe endeavor would give dabi the death he so desired. somehow though...keigo doubted it. the number one wanted to make up for everything he had done, apparently.
maybe dabi would come to enjoy san junipero. one could only hope.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 02:41 am (UTC)dabi still keeps an eye out for him the next night and the night after that. a week later and he still doesn't see keigo... maybe out of the corner of his eye. he gets tired of random blonde's sucking him off in hopes of getting back at that traitorous bird some more. he doesn't feel anything anyway.
there's nothing that can ever make him feel that way again.
eventually he stops going out altogether. he stays inside and wastes away on his bed, only getting up to try and kill himself again. he always wakes up right back in bed, and then he just stays there all over again. he figures maybe eventually they'll notice something like a glitch in the system or however this shit works, and just shut him down.
it doesn't happen.
when he does start going out again, it's back to the quagmire. it's not like he's ever gotten help for anything, least of all his mental state. this is where he feels the most like himself. dirty, wasted, good for nothing. he lets men use him and then he goes back home and cries.
the worst nights are when he misses keigo, though. he wishes he could sneak up to that penthouse apartment and just flop into their bed. keigo's bed. it was never his bed at all. he wishes he could hear that groan and that flutter of wings before a cool body pressed against his far too heated one, wing curling around him as the other man nuzzled and cuddled into him so obnoxiously.
at first his annoyed and frustrated sounds were real, but then they were all just for show while he'd smirk and snake his arms around the other man just as easily, pulling him closer.
he knows he'll never have that again. hell, he didn't even really have it back then, either. it was all a lie.
that, and he told keigo never to come back. he wonders now if he would have said anything differently if he had known how he'd feel now. it's just loneliness he reminds himself, and knowing that he truly is dead. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 03:08 am (UTC)dabi's scent was on his pillows though. he tried to find comfort in them, but they were fading. he could smell it again, if he ever chose to live in san junipero for his after life choice. he won't though.
he tells himself that, yet...
how many months has it been? the first evening he returns to this simulation, he sticks to the shadows of alleyways, just eying the atmosphere. contemplating. the second week, he works up the nerve to enter tuckers, but stays hidden in the dark. dabi wasn't there though. the third week, after confirming his former lover wasn't within the bar, he tries to have a little fun. drinking and dancing.
it's now his fourth week visiting, and he's again back at tuckers. he's still unsure of being here, unsure if this is what he wants. sure, no responsibility, getting to live life peacefully. it sounds perfect. he never had that. but permanently here. lonely. it makes him scared and nervous. what if dabi came across him? keigo was still broken up about his former lover. all he does in that white bed is cough and cry.
he gave his word to never come back too. the city was big. but it was small too.
he avoids the quagmire like the plague. honestly, he should avoid tuckers too. but, the night air is nice, and the music is perfect to dance to.
to make himself look less out in the open, keigo no longer wears his wings. generally, he keeps his back exposed though, where he purposely has two red wings tattooed in their place. hip bones are constantly exposed, and keigo pretends to like the touches there when he grinds and dances with other people. if they were familiar, belonging to the man within his dreams, keigo would purr and beg for more. but no. none of it was familiar. so he pretends.
but when he's urged back, like now, into a hot, sweaty body, he goes with it. he keeps his eyes closed, trying to forget the hell that was his life now. he never did check the club for dabi's presence. but, he's under the impression he wouldn't come across his former lover at tuckers anyway.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 03:36 am (UTC)maybe he hates it so much because it reminds him of certain times, certain people. on particular person and a life he could never have.
even now it's pointless, but his feet drag him there anyway.
he still has his scars, his black hair and all his piercings. a few new ones here and there, along with black and blue skin almost everywhere else where he's not scarred up. he knows he could change that if he wanted to, but this mess is his own now, he supposes. these marks are the only things he's ever really been able to control in his entire life... or death.
he stays hidden at the bar, hood pulled over his mess of hair. he's on his fifth drink and 3rd plan on just how he's going to kill himself again this week when he spots the blonde in the crowd on the dance floor. he really thinks he's seeing things again, so he downs his drink faster and asks for another. he can't do this again tonight. he can already feel his throat constricting and his insides doing a flip.
he really should have just gone to the quagmire. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 04:03 am (UTC)there are a few times he dances with people or switches and does it by himself. sometimes, he's given drinks, and keigo enjoys it. more than he expects. the freedom within this city was better than he expected.
still though, it missed a very important thing for him.
shaking the thought immediately away, keigo has to pull himself finally from the dance floor. his drink is almost empty, so he goes to get it refilled. he's heading to the bar when he feels a body too close to him, and a quick look to see who it is earns a frown at his lips. some wannabe punk that got too handsy with him earlier. keigo wasn't interested though. touching and feeling around was fine, but anything more was out of his books. not to mention, keigo didn't find the guy attractive.
he's whispering something in his ear, about getting a vip booth in the back to share drinks with. his hand is touching along his exposed back.
he hurries even closer to the bar, skin crawling as he feel the same body there. as if the guy wouldn't get the cold hint. the punk talks louder, making more of a show that he bought keigo three drinks earlier and deserved to get his cock warmed up one way or another. it's almost embarrassing when the hero catches a few patrons and the bartender sending them looks.
keigo rolls his eyes, but quickly tries to come up with an excuse. there's a hooded man beside him, empty glass of alcohol with a new one being presented to him by the bartender quickly enough.
taking the opportunity given to him, keigo wraps an arm around the hooded man, getting closer, more cozy, while he shoots a playful, sly look to the punk irritating him.]
Listen, my friend here has been waiting for me. If anyone deserves the VIP treatment, it's him. So, lay off, will you?
[the anger that fills the punk's eyes would be attractive if keigo liked pissing off men more often. but really, he only truly enjoyed irritating one person in particular.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 04:15 am (UTC)but that body, the hair, the sliver of skin. everything about him...
it's not him.
he scratches at the scars on his hands anxiously as he waits for the bartender to give him his next drink, but then there's someone up close to him, wrapping his arm around him and getting all cozy. dabi tenses hard- he fucking hates this- until he hears the voice that comes out of the man, going on about how he's been waiting, and to lay off...
oh fuck, now he's hearing things too. he really is going crazy in this place.
but as he turns his head in misery, he freezes up for a completely different reason. Keigo.
it's him, it's him, it's him. it really is him, and all dabi wants is for this handsy piece of shit to get off of keigo, enemy or not. ]
You heard him. Lay the fuck off, or do ya want me to break your neck?
[he says before he can stop himself. no violence allowed at Tucker's, but they'll just have to make an exception if this guy doesn't lay off. luckily the guy takes one good look at his scarred and stapled face, and fucks right off.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 04:34 am (UTC)but, he feels movement where his hand rests, and quietly, keigo pleads and hopes the mystery man would go along with him.
and, oh, does he do much more than that.
not that keigo can concentrate because he freezes as soon as he hears that voice. he about crushes the glass in his other hand, body tensed up. this was not happening. it can't be. no. he's hearing things, right?
but a quick look outside the corner of his eye, and he sees scarred flesh. staples.
no one would wear that look except for one.
keigo's throat is tight. sure, he was bound to run into dabi, especially coming to a club he originally found the villain inside. still though, keigo had hoped it would be...after. how much longer now? a month? two?
he shouldn't feel so protected under that voice, the way it has that punk fucking off finally. but now he's left with a bigger problem. it's one keigo is terrified about facing. he hated breaking his promise, especially to dabi.
quickly, he recovers, forcing out a smile and retracting his hand.]
Thanks for getting rid of him. I should go though. Have a drink on me.
[keigo gets the words out fast and quick, hoping maybe dabi is sloshed enough to not recognize him, enough that the hero can make a clean and quick getaway. he couldn't face dabi with a broken promise.
so keigo pulls away, trying to make his way out of the club.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 04:56 am (UTC)there are nights he regrets it and nights he doesn't. it's a terrible feeling that has left him empty more often than not.
as the guy fucks off, dabi's eyes are on keigo again, looking at him as if he's still trying to figure out if this is real or not. that hand is gone far too quickly, even though he's still tense as hell, but god he hates that fucking fake smile. ]
Hey...
[he starts, but it's all gone far too quickly, and dabi is left sitting on the bar stool all alone again. he doesn't understand. if keigo is here, didn't he comes looking for him? why would he run away like that?
that's what gets him off the stool and moving through the crowd. a reverse of when he first saw the other man here so many moths ago. he isn't really thinking right now, just acting on pure instinct... and maybe something else. a broken heart that's been wasting away here with nothing and no one.]
Keigo!
[he calls out to him, trying to chase him down, following him out the door into the night.]
Keigo, wait!
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 05:13 am (UTC)he can start searching for that other club now, actually. let dabi remain within tuckers. sure, he liked the atmosphere, and he liked dancing. there was more clubs that could provide that though.
stupid. he was so stupid.
it hurts all over again, just like always. it's like when he wakes from a dream and dabi is gone. and then reality sets in. sometimes, late at night, he rereads over old text messages, when things were perfect. he remembers when they shared his bed, had fun in his penthouse. like it was just the two of them. like it was fate.
he must be daydreaming too hard because he swears he hears his name as he steps into the night air. but then it's there again, and keigo realizes it's real, and coming from dabi. so much for getting away without being lectured. but, it's his own fault for coming to a club that he knew the former villain to visit prior.]
I'm sorry.
[keigo quickly gets out, turning to face dabi while taking a step back.]
I'll go somewhere else. I promise, I won't come back here.
[he'll give dabi the space he promised before.
it's so hard though, keigo realizes. even after all this time, his chest warms up, knees weak just by getting a glimpse of his former lover. he's exactly the same of when keigo dreams of him. it's just not fair.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 05:30 am (UTC)Still... it's been so damn long. He wanted Keigo gone but did he really think the irritating asshole would stay away? Dabi knows that deep down he went searching for him too, from time to time. he never thought it would tear him apart so much not to have it, though. he really was starting to fall, before Keigo flipped it around and turned on him.
but he isn't thinking about that at the moment. not fully, anyways. the hurt will always be here, but his curiosity is getting the better of him now.
at least Keigo stops and looks at him. Dabi yanks his hood down, eyes boring into him. he doesn't understand.]
Weren't ya lookin' for me? Ain't that why ya came here in the first place? Where're you goin?
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 06:03 am (UTC)but that was his price to pay. he can’t ever have what he once did. that perfect life was gone now.
keigo tenses up to dabi’s words. immediately, he shakes his head. he never came back here to bother the villain again.
he wanted to see dabi. gods did he ever. but he wouldn’t subject his former lover to the hell he’s been put through.]
No, I...I was trying to stay away, like you wanted.
[keigo fidgets, rubbing his wrist.]
It’ll be midnight soon, so I’m going to leave and find somewhere else to go.
[and he forces out another smile. fake. they were always fake now.]
Thanks for earlier though, hot stuff. Really scared the pants off the guy.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 12:27 pm (UTC)[he doesn't know. there's so much he doesn't know. He's just been here so aimlessly, hurting himself in one way or another.
he did want Keigo to stay away though, didn't he? he said it that night but everything was so painfully fresh. now he truly does feel like the walking dead, especially standing here in front of Keigo.
he hasn't forgotten just how beautiful his ex lover is, but right now he looks even more beautiful somehow. breathtaking in a way, even without the wings. maybe it's just that Dabi hasn't seen him in so long.
he's still so angry and he still feels so betrayed, but he remembers all those painful nights when this is all he longed for. He's so tired, he wants all of this to be over. He's so tired of doing this night after night without Keigo.
and then there's that fake smile again and Dabi can feel the annoyance building up inside of him. all this time and he still hates it so much when Keigo is fake with him. ]
Ya didn't come here for me? Then why the fuck are ya even here?? Is there someone else?
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 04:56 pm (UTC)At midnight, I have to go. I'm a tourist, so I can only visit once a week.
[why he can't visit any longer was beyond him. he was told that it had something to do with stirring up the head, but honestly, his mind was already fucked up with all the trauma he's experienced.
and why did it matter? it wasn't like-
it's hard to not feel a tremble down his back at dabi's sharp words. keigo can't tell if it's jealousy to those words. dabi and jealousy never mixed too well, despite how keigo cherished being labeled as dabi's property.]
No, of course there's no one else. I'm here because of me, because I'm d-
[immediately, he snaps his mouth closed. too close. that was too close. he can't say it. he doesn't want to believe it. swallowing, keigo tries again to recover.]
A..Anyway, you probably want me gone now, right? You should really try dancing in Tuckers. You might like it.
[probably not his greatest recovery, but he hopes dabi doesn't notice.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 05:39 pm (UTC)and is he jealous about keigo possibly being here for some other reason than him? maybe. he shouldn't be, because they're more than over, but he still can't help that niggling in the back of his mind.
and really, what other reason would keigo have to be here?
of course he isn't as stupid as most people like to think he is, and he catches that word even without keigo saying the whole thing. he furrows his eyebrows, eying the other man. he had told dabi that he wasn't dead. that he was only visiting here. had something changed? ]
Ya told me you weren't dead. Have you been here all this fuckin' time?
[Same as him, he wonders? had keigo just been hiding out away from him all this time? or is he just lying about it all now too? he ignores the rest of it, because he doesn't need fake, bullshit words.]
Tell me what the fuck is goin' on, Keigo.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 06:01 pm (UTC)after all, this is the one time of the week he doesn't have to think.]
I've been visiting for four weeks now. Every Saturday night.
[keigo admits softly. he hates that dabi can reduce him to this. he wants so easily to put on a fake smile and pretend. it was easier for keigo to play that part. he could hide and not show how scared and anxious he was.]
...I'm dying. A few months ago, I was given the diagnostics. I wasn't going to come back here. Just die and that be it.
[how annoying and pitiful. keigo hated it. really, what rotten luck he had. must have pissed off some deity or something.]
I'm tired of everyone bugging me to upload to San Junipero. So, to get them off my back, I agreed to do the trial run. That's why I'm here.
no subject
Date: 2021-03-02 06:54 pm (UTC)[four weeks, but only on saturdays till midnight, keigo had said. dabi wished he had known that little detail, but it's not as if he was ready to listen to all of this before when keigo first got here. he knows he probably should have gotten more information, but he was so hurt and angry.
but it's been months now, and he's been drowning. he's been killing himself and hurting himslef over and over again, and in the end all he's wanted is to fall into keigo's bed again and have things be like they used to be before the war. before keigo betrayed him.
how can it ever be like that again though? nothing is the same. he's dead for fucks sake.
but now, hearing that keigo is dying, he can tell there's nothing fake about that. he feels his throat closing up and it's like the ground bottoms out under him. it shouldn't bother him so much, or at all, really... but it does. it really fucking does.]
What kinda diagnosis?
[dabi swallows hard, looking away for a long moment, crossing his arms over his chest.]
Fuck.
Fuck, Keigo. How much fuckin' longer.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: