[ Dabi sleeps as peacefully as possible, which is better than the last couple of nights. He's always far too warm when he wakes up, but Shigaraki helps leech some of that warmth away.
He does wake when Shigaraki starts shifting around, though, but he doesn't move away. He rearranges himself so he's on his side, sliding a leg over the other man's as he opens his eyes. Carefully he reaches up and slides his fingers along Shigaraki's wrist, circling around it to pull his hand away. ]
[He doesn't pull away but Dabi wasn't quick enough for him to pull at one scab. Fresh blood pools in the little dip his fingers have forcibly made.]
No I haven't. I'm always a mess. [They both are pretty messed up in their own ways. Dabi's got scarred tissue over 50% of his body and Shigaraki? Well. Between the ashen skin that's sunken and abused, he's also got scars that are permanent. Most prominently the ones across the left corner of his lip and over his right eye.
But Shigaraki knows what Dabi means. He isn't usually freshly bleeding like this.]
You're covered in scratches. I saw them all last night.
[And now, when he lets his gaze run across the other man. He's watched Shigaraki go from an anxious, overthinking creep who scratched himself raw every chance he got, to something else entirely, where bruises and kisses took their place, and those anxious itches diminished to almost none.
So he knows what this is. He's been around Shigaraki for long enough now. He doesn't let go.]
[He doesn't pull his hand away still. Instead, he draws his other hand up to his neck to itch. It's not an anxious sort of itch. But it's definitely the kind of idle itch that really doesn't need to be scratched. The kind that's all in Shigaraki's head.]
Behind you.
[They're a little blackened and stiff from the event two nights ago. Not to mentioned stained with jizz from the aforementioned event. They definitely need a good washing in some softner.]
[ He still doesn't let go, even when Shigaraki's other hand goes up to scratch. It's frustrating, but Dabi is patient. He knows they wouldn't be here like this at all if it wasn't for him.
He doesn't blame Shigaraki in the least.
Reaching behind him, he grabs the gloves, but they're definitely a mess. Everything in this room is a mess. He can see why Kurogiri finally cornered him to go see Shigaraki again. ]
You think you're always this much of a mess, but you're not. And even if you are? Fuck it. You're my mess.
[He tosses the gloves aside and sits up, grabbing Shigaraki's other arm to pull it away from his neck and tug him to sit up with him.]
I'll give you bath. A warm bath. And then you need to stop this.
[Shigaraki glares. He didn't ask for a pep talk this early in the morning. You're my mess.
Without the use of his hands, he rubs his head into his shoulder. He tries to tell himself that this is all in his head but it's so much harder without distractions or people telling him that whatever is bothering him isn't the issue.]
Dabi I'm not a dog. [Dog? No. Child? Yeah. A bath does sound nice though-] I don't need a bath.
I didn't say you were a dog, I said I'll give you a bath.
[He still doesn't know how else to distract Shigaraki from his inner thoughts and tics, other than with himself, with his touches, with forcing him away from it if he has to. He's not very good at this. Being nurturing was never his thing. But even Shigaraki could reach out and help him the other day, so he has to find it in himself to be nurturing, or whatever. ]
You need a bath, trust me.
[He rubs his thumbs back and forth along the backs Shigaraki's hands. ]
You helped me and I pushed you away. It was stupid. Let me be here for you now. I wanna be here with you now.
[Dabi means well but the thumb accidentally irritates the raw skin on Shigaraki's wrists, eliciting a small hiss of displeasure from the mess of a man.]
You don't have to give me a bath to be here for me.
[He's really pushing back on this whole bath business. But he still hasn't pulled away. Not even when Dabi accidentally touched the parts of his wrist that actually hurt.]
I helped because you needed help.
[Implying that he doesn't need help because he does. They both need lots of help.]
[ Dabi almost pulls back... but he doesn't want to disconnect.
He stills his fingers, but he still keeps a hold. He doesn't want to let go. They've been apart for too many days now and it's wearing on him. On both of them, apparently. He doesn't want to start over from scratch, trying to worm his way back into the depths of Shigaraki. ]
I know.
But I really think you could use a bath and I'll even get in the tub with you. I could probably use one too. Take a bath with me.
[Using his real name gets Shigaraki to shut up. His name puts him at ease, for a moment. Even the rubbing of his head against his shoulder stops as he peers up at Dabi. There's a reason why Kurogiri and Master always addressed Shigaraki by his full name- it got his attention and was an easy way to reason with him.
Slowly he nods, and with a sigh;]
Alright.
[Realistically he's probably just going to sit in the water and stare at it. Or Dabi. He still doesn't want a bath but the simple fact that Dabi used Tomura and not Shigaraki has him being more open to the idea.]
[ The effect he was hoping for. The effect that he knows it'll have on his... partner. Lover. Whatever the two of them are. They still haven't quite figured that out yet, but Dabi knows now that it's deep.
He also says Shigaraki's name because it makes him feel closer to the other man, and he needs that right now. Any bit of closeness to make up for this drought. ]
Alright. Come on.
[he says gently, letting go of Shigaraki's wrists so he can get up, but then he holds his hand out to the other man. He knows Shigaraki is always careful. From the very start, he always has been.
Realistically Dabi knows that Shigaraki is just going to sit in the water and stare at it, or him. He doesn't mind or care. He's still going to give him a bath. He knows Shigaraki will feel better once the warm water surrounds him.]
[He's always careful, which is why he lifts his index finger up from the rest of his fingers that grasp onto Dabi's hand. After he stands up straight, he sort of awkwardly grabs his arm with his free hand and rubs at it. The itch is still there, bugging him.
Dabi won't have to start completely over with taking down the walls that Shigaraki has thrown up but he'll definitely have a bit of some hurdles to cross over. For today anyways.
He lets Dabi lead him to the bathroom and disassociates when the water gets turned on. Staring glumly at Dabi's back and then at the water coming out of the faucet. Shigaraki sighs again, he should be happier that Dabi's back but it's still a huge wrinkle in their relationship that they have to iron out. Maybe they'll talk about it eventually. When they're both clean and not anxious.]
[ He can deal with hurdles. Dabi has dealt with plenty of them- most unwanted, but with Shigaraki, he can deal. He'll do what it takes. He's not letting go of this.
Once they're in the bathroom he starts the water up, checking on it to make sure it's nice and warm, but not too hot. He can feel this distance between them, and he knows the wrinkle is there, but he's determined to fix it.
He turns back to Shigaraki when the water is set, eying him closely. He reaches out, running his fingers along the other man's face, avoiding all the newest scratches. ]
[The fingers jolt him out of whatever gloomy trance he'd put himself. He stares at Dabi with a confused expression on his face. It takes him a while to comprehend just what Dabi asked but when it clicks, he nods- closing his eyes.]
Yeah, yeah.
[He's not a child but he's given up arguing with Dabi. It's awkward standing there, waiting for Dabi to undress him, and while he doesn't scratch at his skin- it's obvious with the way that Shigaraki fidgets that he's dying to dig into his skin.]
[It bothers Dabi, seeing Shigaraki in this state, no matter the cause. But it's even worse, knowing he had a hand in it.
He can see all that fidgeting and he hopes the bath will at least calm some of that.
Dabi doesn't want to treat him like a child, he wants to treat Shigaraki like someone he cares about. But Shigaraki doesn't leave him much choice in how to handle him.
He starts with the top, carefully pulling the hoodie over his head when he lifts his arms, and then his fingers slide down scarred skin to undo his pants.]
Huh? [He's still out of it. Maybe he does need to be handled with the kiddie gloves. At least until his common sense returns.] Oh. Nothing.
[Shigaraki lifts his legs for Dabi to remove his pants. He really isn't thinking about anything, just letting his mind drift without thought. The question changes that nothing into something, he stares at his feet before staring up at Dabi.]
[ Dabi is doing just that, waiting for some kind of light to flicker back into the other man's eyes, but he knows it'll take a while. He's fine waiting and trying to help it along.
He hesitates at the question and considers lying, but they don't lie to each other about shit anymore. Not if they can help it, anyway.]
He did. I'm glad he did. I wasn't exactly thinking straight either. I think he probably knew that.
[Once Dabi is finished undressing Shigaraki, he slowly moves to undress himself, tossing all their clothes into one big pile in the corner of the bathroom.]
I'm not here because of him, though. I want to be here. I missed you.
[He had a feeling Kurogiri was responsible for Dabi's sudden arrival. Kurogiri had a way of knowing. Maybe it was just age and experience or the fact that Kurogiri knew Shigaraki's tics and mannerisms. Someone had to intervene and it may as well been the one person who was avoiding him.]
I know. [He knows Dabi isn't here entirely because of Kurogiri.] I missed you too.
[ He's pretty sure he's never been fully naked in front of Shigaraki before. It's always been one piece of clothing on, or the other. Usually his pants- usually to keep a good barrier between them. The other day he flipped out and now he's undressing completely.
He's not sure if it's smart, but he also feels like once he pulled himself together with Shigaraki's help, a piece that had shaken loose so many years ago slid back into place.
No one's ever helped him before. ]
I won't ever do that again.
[He can see how much Shigaraki missed him. There's crusted blood all over his skin that he can't wait to wash off. He'll be gentle, even if Shigaraki tells him not to treat him like a child. What he really wants to do is care for him. Not only children need to be cared for, he knows that much is true.
He takes Shigaraki's hands, curling his fingers around four and pulls him into the tub with him, sitting down and letting the other man decide which way he wants to sit.]
It's alright. It happens. [Sounds like he's either had a similar experience or understands what Dabi was going through. Still- while he might have helped Dabi slide pieces back together, it chipped a few of Shigaraki's pieces that had taken years to mend. Maybe they were never really mended.
He stands in the water, staring for a moment before lowering himself slowly into the water. Shigaraki sits across from Dabi, staring at the other without purpose. He does manage to notice just how scarred the other is and realizes this is the first time that both of them are completely naked. It's always Shigaraki who's missing the most clothes and now they're both bare for each other to see.
This kind of vulnerability makes Shigaraki withdraw deeper into his shell, as he pulls his knees up to his chest, staring over at Dabi with those ruby eyes of his that are slowly regaining focus.
He's afraid to reach out to the other, or to initiate touch with the other. It's why he sits across and not in front of Dabi.]
I don't want it to. Avoiding you was a shit thing to do and I'm an asshole.
[Which would really surprise no one, but they've been on a different level with each other for a while now. Not showing his face for days, when he knew how much it killed them to be away from each other for even one? It really was a shitty thing to do. He had his space, he could have dealt with the rest with Shigaraki instead of toiling in his own misery and making Shigaraki do the same.
He hates this. He really hates the way the other man pulls into himself, away from him. He wants to reach out and yank him close, tell him to cut this out, but he can't. He shouldn't.
Instead, he slides a little closer, spreading his legs so Shigaraki's can fit between his, and he curls his fingers around his ankles, leaning in to kiss one of his knees.]
[He leans closer to kiss the top of Dabi's head as he kisses one of Shigaraki's knees. At Dabi's reassurance, there's a small hesitancy before he moves. Shooing Dabi's hands away gently, he stands up just high enough to maneuver himself. He ends up sitting with his back facing Dabi. This position would be more comfortable... with Dabi holding him close and Shigaraki capable of staring off into the distance.
It's not like he didn't want to see Dabi or anything but this would be nicer.]
Are you sure?
[He sounds so uncertain but he doesn't want to touch the other without permission. So he stays frozen in place until either Dabi answers him or pulls him closer.]
[ Dabi moves back enough to let Shigaraki move. He would have tried to hold onto him any way he could no matter what, but this is better. He waits for Shigaraki to settle in before he slides his arms around him, very slowly pulling him closer.
He's not going to be an idiot about it this time. ]
If it starts to get too much, I can move. I won't force myself to try and ride out the discomfort like last time. I tried to ignore all the shit inside myself instead of dealing with it.
Even with our touch sessions I always try to escape it instead of facing it. I was drunk on top of everything... I lost control.
[At least thats what Shigaraki has convinced himself of. It's a change in pace from his usual line of logic. Usually he'd be more than willing to let Dabi shoulder the blame for the meltdown. But this time he isn't as selfish.
He lets himself be pulled closer, and cautiously he leans into Dabi's chest, tilting his head back so that he could look at the other.]
I'm sorry.
[For a lot of things. But he's never felt this guilty before. Sure it was frustrating and stressful that they'd been separated like this. The days had been a whirlwind of emotion. Part of his scratching had been a reflection of that. The other part? Well. It was his own sort of punishment for pushing Dabi like that.]
It's not your fault. I kept going with it too. I wanted to.
[He just pushed himself too hard, too fast and he wasn't thinking. He wanted to be with Shigaraki so much and just let himself be free of his issues for one night. But it doesn't work like that.
Except now, maybe his mind knows he's safer with this man in front of him. He knows he has someone to reach out to without a doubt. When Shigaraki's head falls back, Dabi leans in and kisses his temple, then further down his face where he was scratching last night. He wants to kiss all these damn wounds.]
It wasn't your fault, Tomura. You always respect me when I say no.
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zvi and
no subject
Date: 2018-07-29 10:27 pm (UTC)He does wake when Shigaraki starts shifting around, though, but he doesn't move away. He rearranges himself so he's on his side, sliding a leg over the other man's as he opens his eyes. Carefully he reaches up and slides his fingers along Shigaraki's wrist, circling around it to pull his hand away. ]
You've made a mess of yourself.
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Date: 2018-07-30 01:52 am (UTC)No I haven't. I'm always a mess. [They both are pretty messed up in their own ways. Dabi's got scarred tissue over 50% of his body and Shigaraki? Well. Between the ashen skin that's sunken and abused, he's also got scars that are permanent. Most prominently the ones across the left corner of his lip and over his right eye.
But Shigaraki knows what Dabi means. He isn't usually freshly bleeding like this.]
Let go, it really itches.
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Date: 2018-07-30 01:59 am (UTC)[And now, when he lets his gaze run across the other man. He's watched Shigaraki go from an anxious, overthinking creep who scratched himself raw every chance he got, to something else entirely, where bruises and kisses took their place, and those anxious itches diminished to almost none.
So he knows what this is. He's been around Shigaraki for long enough now. He doesn't let go.]
Where are your gloves?
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Date: 2018-07-30 02:15 am (UTC)Behind you.
[They're a little blackened and stiff from the event two nights ago. Not to mentioned stained with jizz from the aforementioned event. They definitely need a good washing in some softner.]
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Date: 2018-07-30 02:26 am (UTC)He doesn't blame Shigaraki in the least.
Reaching behind him, he grabs the gloves, but they're definitely a mess. Everything in this room is a mess. He can see why Kurogiri finally cornered him to go see Shigaraki again. ]
You think you're always this much of a mess, but you're not. And even if you are? Fuck it. You're my mess.
[He tosses the gloves aside and sits up, grabbing Shigaraki's other arm to pull it away from his neck and tug him to sit up with him.]
I'll give you bath. A warm bath. And then you need to stop this.
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Date: 2018-07-30 02:38 am (UTC)Without the use of his hands, he rubs his head into his shoulder. He tries to tell himself that this is all in his head but it's so much harder without distractions or people telling him that whatever is bothering him isn't the issue.]
Dabi I'm not a dog. [Dog? No. Child? Yeah. A bath does sound nice though-] I don't need a bath.
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Date: 2018-07-30 02:47 am (UTC)[He still doesn't know how else to distract Shigaraki from his inner thoughts and tics, other than with himself, with his touches, with forcing him away from it if he has to. He's not very good at this. Being nurturing was never his thing. But even Shigaraki could reach out and help him the other day, so he has to find it in himself to be nurturing, or whatever. ]
You need a bath, trust me.
[He rubs his thumbs back and forth along the backs Shigaraki's hands. ]
You helped me and I pushed you away. It was stupid. Let me be here for you now. I wanna be here with you now.
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Date: 2018-07-30 03:41 am (UTC)You don't have to give me a bath to be here for me.
[He's really pushing back on this whole bath business. But he still hasn't pulled away. Not even when Dabi accidentally touched the parts of his wrist that actually hurt.]
I helped because you needed help.
[Implying that he doesn't need help because he does. They both need lots of help.]
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Date: 2018-07-30 03:51 am (UTC)[ Dabi almost pulls back... but he doesn't want to disconnect.
He stills his fingers, but he still keeps a hold. He doesn't want to let go. They've been apart for too many days now and it's wearing on him. On both of them, apparently. He doesn't want to start over from scratch, trying to worm his way back into the depths of Shigaraki. ]
I know.
But I really think you could use a bath and I'll even get in the tub with you. I could probably use one too. Take a bath with me.
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Date: 2018-07-30 04:09 am (UTC)Slowly he nods, and with a sigh;]
Alright.
[Realistically he's probably just going to sit in the water and stare at it. Or Dabi. He still doesn't want a bath but the simple fact that Dabi used Tomura and not Shigaraki has him being more open to the idea.]
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Date: 2018-07-30 04:17 am (UTC)He also says Shigaraki's name because it makes him feel closer to the other man, and he needs that right now. Any bit of closeness to make up for this drought. ]
Alright. Come on.
[he says gently, letting go of Shigaraki's wrists so he can get up, but then he holds his hand out to the other man. He knows Shigaraki is always careful. From the very start, he always has been.
Realistically Dabi knows that Shigaraki is just going to sit in the water and stare at it, or him. He doesn't mind or care. He's still going to give him a bath. He knows Shigaraki will feel better once the warm water surrounds him.]
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Date: 2018-07-30 04:50 am (UTC)Dabi won't have to start completely over with taking down the walls that Shigaraki has thrown up but he'll definitely have a bit of some hurdles to cross over. For today anyways.
He lets Dabi lead him to the bathroom and disassociates when the water gets turned on. Staring glumly at Dabi's back and then at the water coming out of the faucet. Shigaraki sighs again, he should be happier that Dabi's back but it's still a huge wrinkle in their relationship that they have to iron out. Maybe they'll talk about it eventually. When they're both clean and not anxious.]
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Date: 2018-07-30 05:07 am (UTC)Once they're in the bathroom he starts the water up, checking on it to make sure it's nice and warm, but not too hot. He can feel this distance between them, and he knows the wrinkle is there, but he's determined to fix it.
He turns back to Shigaraki when the water is set, eying him closely. He reaches out, running his fingers along the other man's face, avoiding all the newest scratches. ]
Can I undress you?
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Date: 2018-07-30 05:44 pm (UTC)Yeah, yeah.
[He's not a child but he's given up arguing with Dabi. It's awkward standing there, waiting for Dabi to undress him, and while he doesn't scratch at his skin- it's obvious with the way that Shigaraki fidgets that he's dying to dig into his skin.]
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Date: 2018-07-30 06:01 pm (UTC)He can see all that fidgeting and he hopes the bath will at least calm some of that.
Dabi doesn't want to treat him like a child, he wants to treat Shigaraki like someone he cares about. But Shigaraki doesn't leave him much choice in how to handle him.
He starts with the top, carefully pulling the hoodie over his head when he lifts his arms, and then his fingers slide down scarred skin to undo his pants.]
What are you thinking about?
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Date: 2018-07-30 07:11 pm (UTC)[Shigaraki lifts his legs for Dabi to remove his pants. He really isn't thinking about anything, just letting his mind drift without thought. The question changes that nothing into something, he stares at his feet before staring up at Dabi.]
Kurogiri sent you, didn't he?
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Date: 2018-07-30 07:38 pm (UTC)He hesitates at the question and considers lying, but they don't lie to each other about shit anymore. Not if they can help it, anyway.]
He did. I'm glad he did. I wasn't exactly thinking straight either. I think he probably knew that.
[Once Dabi is finished undressing Shigaraki, he slowly moves to undress himself, tossing all their clothes into one big pile in the corner of the bathroom.]
I'm not here because of him, though. I want to be here. I missed you.
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Date: 2018-07-30 07:52 pm (UTC)I know. [He knows Dabi isn't here entirely because of Kurogiri.] I missed you too.
[It shows on his body after all.]
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Date: 2018-07-30 08:08 pm (UTC)He's not sure if it's smart, but he also feels like once he pulled himself together with Shigaraki's help, a piece that had shaken loose so many years ago slid back into place.
No one's ever helped him before. ]
I won't ever do that again.
[He can see how much Shigaraki missed him. There's crusted blood all over his skin that he can't wait to wash off. He'll be gentle, even if Shigaraki tells him not to treat him like a child. What he really wants to do is care for him. Not only children need to be cared for, he knows that much is true.
He takes Shigaraki's hands, curling his fingers around four and pulls him into the tub with him, sitting down and letting the other man decide which way he wants to sit.]
no subject
Date: 2018-07-31 05:16 am (UTC)He stands in the water, staring for a moment before lowering himself slowly into the water. Shigaraki sits across from Dabi, staring at the other without purpose. He does manage to notice just how scarred the other is and realizes this is the first time that both of them are completely naked. It's always Shigaraki who's missing the most clothes and now they're both bare for each other to see.
This kind of vulnerability makes Shigaraki withdraw deeper into his shell, as he pulls his knees up to his chest, staring over at Dabi with those ruby eyes of his that are slowly regaining focus.
He's afraid to reach out to the other, or to initiate touch with the other. It's why he sits across and not in front of Dabi.]
no subject
Date: 2018-07-31 05:25 am (UTC)[Which would really surprise no one, but they've been on a different level with each other for a while now. Not showing his face for days, when he knew how much it killed them to be away from each other for even one? It really was a shitty thing to do. He had his space, he could have dealt with the rest with Shigaraki instead of toiling in his own misery and making Shigaraki do the same.
He hates this. He really hates the way the other man pulls into himself, away from him. He wants to reach out and yank him close, tell him to cut this out, but he can't. He shouldn't.
Instead, he slides a little closer, spreading his legs so Shigaraki's can fit between his, and he curls his fingers around his ankles, leaning in to kiss one of his knees.]
It's okay. Nothing bad is gonna happen.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-31 05:42 am (UTC)It's not like he didn't want to see Dabi or anything but this would be nicer.]
Are you sure?
[He sounds so uncertain but he doesn't want to touch the other without permission. So he stays frozen in place until either Dabi answers him or pulls him closer.]
no subject
Date: 2018-07-31 05:50 am (UTC)He's not going to be an idiot about it this time. ]
If it starts to get too much, I can move. I won't force myself to try and ride out the discomfort like last time. I tried to ignore all the shit inside myself instead of dealing with it.
Even with our touch sessions I always try to escape it instead of facing it. I was drunk on top of everything... I lost control.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-31 05:58 am (UTC)[At least thats what Shigaraki has convinced himself of. It's a change in pace from his usual line of logic. Usually he'd be more than willing to let Dabi shoulder the blame for the meltdown. But this time he isn't as selfish.
He lets himself be pulled closer, and cautiously he leans into Dabi's chest, tilting his head back so that he could look at the other.]
I'm sorry.
[For a lot of things. But he's never felt this guilty before. Sure it was frustrating and stressful that they'd been separated like this. The days had been a whirlwind of emotion. Part of his scratching had been a reflection of that. The other part? Well. It was his own sort of punishment for pushing Dabi like that.]
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Date: 2018-07-31 06:08 am (UTC)[He just pushed himself too hard, too fast and he wasn't thinking. He wanted to be with Shigaraki so much and just let himself be free of his issues for one night. But it doesn't work like that.
Except now, maybe his mind knows he's safer with this man in front of him. He knows he has someone to reach out to without a doubt. When Shigaraki's head falls back, Dabi leans in and kisses his temple, then further down his face where he was scratching last night. He wants to kiss all these damn wounds.]
It wasn't your fault, Tomura. You always respect me when I say no.
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