[ it almost feels like the buzzing in his head is getting louder. it's been there in the back of his head since he got here and he could never figure it out, but now it's suddenly so loud, and he's pretty sure it's coming from the people all around him too.
they don't even look at him as he pushes through the crowd, trying to put as much distance between himself and keigo as possible. keigo can't possibly be here, can he? dabi doesn't even know if this place is real.
despite all the noise he can still hear keigo calling out to him, but he's determined to get out of here and get lost. how long has he been here now? weeks? months? he's lost track of time, but he knows his way around here by now.
he's almost at the exit when the hand clamps around his wrist, holding on to him tightly. he stops and turns abruptly, raising his arm as if he's going to produce flames and attack. nothing happens of course, but he hasn't gotten used to being quirkless yet. he feels very much like a cornered animal.
still, he's ready to fight with all he's got, but then keigo says he can tell him what's going on, and dabi is so desperate to know, that his whole expression changes. he lowers his arm and he stops trying to yank himself away. he probably shouldn't trust a single damn thing keigo says- the fucking traitorous bastard that he is, but if knows even a little bit of what's going on, dabi needs to hear it. ]
You expect me to fuckin' believe you, traitor?
[he can't help but say, even if he knows he's going to give into it. looking at keigo makes his stomach lurch. he remembers when looking at hawks used to make him feel a different kind of way.]
[keigo is desperate. he can’t lose dabi again. but he also can’t force the other to stay with him. it’s unforgivable, what he’s done. and maybe a part of him knows he still holds resentment himself. after all, keigo had lost more than dabi on that fateful day.
he tries not to think of it though. he needed to talk, to say what was on his mind, less he regret it. it’s his last shot. his last opportunity.
fear immediately comes to golden eyes when dabi stops and turns around. it’s the way the once villain presents himself, as if he could burn keigo right then and there. his blood runs cold, breath hitches as panic almost forms.
but with no heat, heat he remembers craving to feel before fearing it, keigo is able to calm his growing anxiety. dabi’s expression changes too, and keigo finds it relieving. he doesn’t let go of dabi. a part of him was afraid that the white haired man would try to leave again.
oh, it’s hard to not wince to the accusation though. it’s true. he was a traitor. he didn’t want to betray dabi. but he...he had to.]
San Junipero. It’s..a simulated reality.
[worriedly almost, he looks around. no one has really paid them much attention. but still...keigo didn’t want to speak so freely in the public.]
I know you don’t want to believe anything I say, that I’m a traitor, but I can tell you everything. Can we...in private?
[ he sees the fear in keigo's eyes and he's happy for it. keigo lulled him into a false sense of security, comfort, even peace, during those times they were together. he held on to his distrust for so long, but keigo unraveled it bit by bit, with every last kiss and whispered word reassuring dabi that they wanted the same thing. that he would stick around when it was all over.
the betrayal he felt when he knew keigo had ratted them out- him out, without warning- it made him hate the other man almost as much as he hated his father.
but he's here now and he's been here now for so long, knowing he can't get out... all of that has fallen to the wayside for a bit. what choice did he have but to try and get by here?
now that hawks is in front of him though, all of those deep seated emotions come rushing back and they hurt. he hasn't felt anything like this in a long time.
keigo's words hit him like a ton of bricks, though, whether they're the truth or not... he doesn't have much else to go by. and when he says it, it's as if that buzzing in his head stops, and everything becomes a little less muted. it's almost as if the place needed his awareness in order to fully set in.
he tries to keep his shock at bay, swallowing it down at forcing a blank look on his face, but his heart is racing. his gaze darts around for a moment, wondering if all these people are simulated too... but he doesn't want to believe this. ]
Let's go.
[dabi grinds out, then turns on his heels again and goes for the exit at a normal speed, shoving the door open on his way out, hoping it swings right back into keigo's face.]
[keigo isn’t sure he’ll ever be able to explain to dabi what happened or what was going through his head that day. he does take full responsibility over the betrayal though. there’s so much more to it though. more that dabi deserved to know.
he wants to tell the other man that despite the betrayal, he never lied about his feelings. their intimacy was the most important thing to him. and he had to give it all up.
but would dabi even listen? he doubts it. dabi doesn’t owe him anything. even still, he had to try. he had to know he did that much.
keigo worriedly waits to see if dabi would listen to him about this new reality. he deserved to know that much.
thankfully, the once villain seemingly agrees. it’s relieving. keigo nods his head, glad he can do this much. quickly, almost so needy, he follows after dabi, looking over his shoulder to be sure no one was going to follow them. it causes him to almost run into the door. although a part of him is sure it’s done purposely. he catches it though and slips on through, keeping a step behind dabi.]
[ as far as dabi is concerned, he doesn't want to hear what was going through keigo's head. all he needs to know is that even after everything, even after what they had, keigo betrayed him. he didn't have to give it up, but he did, and there really is nothing more to say to it than that.
all this time he's been trying not to think about keigo and everything that he left behind. knowing he's stuck here has been wearing him down bit by bit. what else did he have to live for but that goal? and then maybe something with keigo, but all of that was ripped away, even before he got stuck in this place.
and now that it's all here in front of him again, he's furious. he wants to finish the job and burn the bird to ash, but he needs answers first.
once they're outside, he walks until they reach the far side of the club near the dumpsters. a few cars are parked here and there but it's still early. no one ever wants to leave before midnight. they want to make the most of every last second. he stops when they're far enough, and whirls back around to face keigo.]
Just tell me what the fuck is goin' on here. The hell do ya mean this place is a simulation? Where the fuck am I?
[as they leave further from the club, keigo finds himself wishing he had his hero jacket. it brought a sense of comfort to the hero. technically, he could easily manipulate it into existence. yet, he resists the desire to do so. he fondly recalls dabi's dislike for it, and maybe that's why he keeps it off his body.
not that it should matter. it's very clear of the prior villain's stance on their fallen relationship.
no. he should stop thinking about it. it hurts. he feels broken beyond repair. dejected. useless.
the walk is relatively quiet. only noises are from the city. really, keigo would be surprised by it further if he focused on the life within these walls. however, he's too far within his own thoughts, so much that he takes a step back when dabi suddenly turns to him with his demands. a quick look around and they are alone. keigo isn't sure why he expected somewhere better. honestly, it was like the first few passes of intel when he had gone about his deception.]
It's fairly new. The public isn't aware of the San Junipero Project. It's a simulation reality designed for a select group of people to remain and live their lives in immortality. Just by willing it, you can change your appearance, pain levels. Things like that.
[keigo isn't exactly sure the due date for it to go completely live. some secrets he couldn't find out all on his own. and of course, there are secrets regarding this reality that he feels are better left unsaid.]
There's only a few hundred people here. The rest are fake, for now. Until San Junipero grows. You were put here because...
[he trails off, finding his throat drying. he doesn't want to admit it. he doesn't want to believe it. not when dabi is standing right in front of him.]
[ being out here like this, nothing but the distant noises of the club and the city, neon lights illuminating the streets- it really is like their first few meetings. maybe brighter and a little less run down. there's nothing run down about san junipero. not in this part of town, anyway.
dabi listens intently, gaze boring into keigo as he speaks. it all sounds pretty unbelievable, even with the knowledge of quirks. or maybe that's why it seems so unbelievable- because it's not a quirk at all, but some kind of technology that dabi has never heard of before. he doesn't know why the fuck he should believe keigo, especially after all that had happened, but somehow... it seems to make sense. little things here and there.
he looks down at his hands, how clear they are from all the scars and how surprised he was that he was like this now. if this place could change appearance and pain levels... maybe that's why he hasn't been feeling shit lately. ]
Just by willing it? Bullshit. I didn't fuckin' pick to look like this. Who the fuck gets to decide?
[he doesn't realize that it's his family who decided this for him, without his knowledge or consent. ]
You expect me to believe that this is some tech bullshit? Not some Quirk I probably got blasted in during that war? Fuckin' pro-heroes, ya probably stuck me in here yourselves, huh.
[he says as keigo trails off. but then keigo comes out with the real truth of it, and dabi's blood runs cold and his throat goes dry as well. there's no way in hell. there's no fucking way]
You're full'a shit, you lying bastard!
[he grabs at keigo's shirt and slams him against the wall, fists curling into the fabric hard as his eyes blaze bright.]
I'm in Tartarus, right?! You assholes fuckin' got me! Fuckin' Endeavor, that no good piece a shit father'a mine. Right?! You're in my head, forcin' me to stay here! Wake me the fuck up you traitorous piece'a shit!
[there really is no easy way of saying it. even the bare minimum. he could give little, but dabi would eventually discover more. this place was to go live, after all. keigo wanted to be the one to tell the other man. dabi deserved to know instead of walking around and living aimlessly.]
Your family chose your appearance.
[keigo admits easily enough. he recalls hearing one of the brothers, natsuo, stating to give dabi his old body back.
the denial starts to come in, and keigo expects it. it was lunacy when the hero first heard of it. endeavor, with his power and money, was already much involved with the project. keigo wasn't surprised though. even if endeavor had tried to hide it.
ferocious as ever, dabi comes to shove him to the wall, forcing a surprised noise to escape keigo's mouth. in response, he braces his hands over dabi's wrist, lips turned into a frown as he looks up into bright blue eyes. they're a clear reminder of his quirk. a quirk he no longer had access to.]
Do you really think there's a quirk this powerful? Have you tried to destroy anything here? It immediately fixes itself. Just-
[he cuts himself off for a brief second, looking down at dabi's arm.]
[ the more he hears the worse it gets. but it's like all the fake walls come crumbling down. before this he was aimless but he had hope. hope that he'd wake up or get out of here or somehow escape.
what could he possibly escape to now if he really is dead? nothing.
nothing.
hearing that his family chose his appearance only angers him more, and he growls, pulling his hand back to let out a burst of flames that are no longer there. he punches the wall instead, so hard that he should bleed, but of course he doesn't bleed. it barely even hurts at all. ]
The fuck do I know what kinda Quirks you assholes have got?!
[he growls, then pulls back, letting go of keigo completely. he takes a few steps back, looking down at his arms, his hands. he realizes he's shaking a bit, because of course he is. it's not every day you hear you're dead, especially from someone you started to care about, who ended up betraying you so completely.
but then he shakes his head. he doesn't want to do it. not here, not now, not in front of him. his hands clench into fists and he looks at keigo darkly again.]
I don't fuckin' believe you. I ain't dead. You're just fucking with me all over again. Get the fuck away from me before I find a way to kill you.
[did keigo expect this to be an easy discussion? no. definitely not. it's why he doesn't flinch when dabi growls before punching the wall. there's no flames. he's coming to realize that. and, even if quirks had been within this simulated reality, it wasn't like it would hurt. keigo had his pain set to zero.
now, whether or not the fire would set off his anxiety was another story. he was still weary of heat and fire all together.
he hates how dabi pulls away, but this time, keigo doesn't follow. dabi is only a few feet away though.
it does hurt to see the pain there. it's not every day you're told you had died. keigo was still coming to terms with it. dabi was alive there, in front of him. it was all thanks to technology. but, in the real world, where everything was real, there's only ash left in dabi's presence, and a broken hero regretting his decisions.
keigo finds himself sighing and running a hand through his hair. he knows what time it is. he...wish he had more of it. but getting just this much was a blessing. he shouldn't even be here. he wasn't dying or elderly...]
Dabi, I'm sorry.
[for what, he doesn't elaborate.]
I-
[he can't finish because it's suddenly black in front of him, and keigo knows immediately that midnight had struck. reality. he was to go back to reality.
it leaves him feeling sour and miserable. he wanted to tell dabi so much more. time really had flown quicker than he expected.]
[ if dabi had ever gotten the choice, maybe he would have set his pain to zero. or maybe it isn't a mental zero because he's definitely feeling this, even if the pain in his hand is completely tolerable. why wouldn't anyone realize that the emotional pain is even worse?
he doesn't get much after that though, and part of him wishes he would. he wants keigo gone, but he also wants to understand. he doesn't know what midnight means though, because he's never left this place before.
he's left standing in that alleyway all alone with this shitty explanation and a sorry that he isn't anywhere close to wanting to hear. there's a space where keigo used to be, and now he's wondering if maybe everything the other man was saying was true or not.
he can't be dead. how can he be dead?
he's so confused and angry right now, though. he doesn't want to think about it anymore. it's too much, too painful. it would explain so much, but he doesn't want to believe it. he can't. at least midnight doesn't mean shit to him, though, so he goes back inside and gets drunk off his ass so he doesn't have to think about keigo, or any of this anymore.
or at least until things reset to the next morning. ]
[it’s a painful week of waiting. keigo doesn’t even feel alive. he merely continues to exist. just until saturday he tells himself.
the week comes and goes, feeling like an eternity. then, the second he’s given that freedom, keigo leaps into the simulation.
he’s not sure why. no. that’s wrong. he knows exactly why.
keigo had an addiction.
and even if dabi hated him, despised his existence, keigo can’t just give up.
he returns to that same bar, dressed more provocatively. low-ride jeans, the tight black slinky shirt that dabi seemed to enjoy before. all in all, he replicated that night’s outfit. it’s not to purposely tease or taunt his former lover with, but keigo wants to test if there’s still any desire for him left. he thought he had seen it when dabi told that nameless pretty blond to back off. but he’s not so sure anymore.
could he even get dabi back to him? keigo wanted to prove he wasn’t doing this for anyone but himself. dabi is the only thing that mattered to him now.
it’s loud in the club again. dark. hot. keigo quickly walks through, starting first where he found dabi before.]
[ dabi isn't hungover the next day, though he wishes he were. he lays in bed all day anyway, face in his pillow just willing death upon himself. if this really is a simulation, could he even die here? would he just disappear completely and stay dead in the real world?
what even is the real world? even if keigo is lying, how can he possibly get out of this?
why would keigo even come to see him to tell him that?
when he does get up, dabi trashes his place. he upends everything in anger and smashes bottles. he breaks every last mirror and tears his place apart. he falls onto his knees and he cries real tears that aren't blood. he hasn't cried in so long, he almost forgot what it felt like.
he expects keigo to come back the next night, so he stays away from the clubs. he stays away the night after that as well, wallowing in pity and sadness, tearing his place apart over and over again, but it just keeps going back to the way it was. the third night he goes to the clubs but keigo isn't there either, and he's angry at himself for even bothering to look. he doesn't want to see that traitor. that piece of shit.
he decides to drown himself in the ocean that night, and he wakes up in his bed. he stares at the ceiling for hours before he lifts his arms up to block his view and wills his scars back on his arms. they're there in an instant, just like keigo said they would be, down to the last detail. he wills them away again and they're gone.
he wonders if keigo really was telling him the truth.
that night when he goes out again, he looks like his old self. scars and black hair, with all the pain and piercings he had before. he does the same the night after that, and after that, only he doesn't go Tucker's. he goes to the trashier part of town and hits up the Quagmire, because that's really where he belongs, isn't it?
if keigo ventures to ask someone where dabi might be, they might direct him there instead. ]
[the club is so loud and filled with happy voices, but all keigo hears in his head is silence. he can’t find dabi anywhere within tuckers. asking doesn’t seem to help. they only shrug, stating they haven’t seen a white haired man named dabi.
keigo is feeling dejected at the bar, thanking the last person he’s asked about dabi, when the bartender looks at him curiously. the man leans over then, motioning keigo to do the same.
”listen kid, haven’t seen the white dabi. but there’s a scarred fellow also going by dabi. sticks to the quagmire. club is outside of town. good luck.”
keigo’s eyes widen at the intel before he nods his head and thanked the bartender. immediately, he rushes out, to hunt down dabi all over again.
the quagmire has not been a club he’s been to yet. he knew of the location, and that was about it. keigo loses track of time, but gets there with enough to spare. before he even gets inside, keigo can already see the trouble this place would cause. why isn’t he surprised to find the villain in such a place?
if keigo thought tuckers had too many hands touching him, the quagmire proved that wrong. it’s filthy, smells worst. far more stuffy too. he ignores cigarette smoke blown info his face and purred words to his ear. hell, he sees a woman with a snake on her shoulders. he has to wonder if this was dabi’s ideal club scene.
smoking, fighting, and sex were all over the place. the further he goes into the club, the more he feels out of his realm. it might have been fun to come here with someone, especially with dabi once upon a time, but right then, keigo is uncomfortable. he just wanted to see dabi.
even if it gets him more hands caressing his exposed waistline.]
[dabi never really had the full opportunity to go to clubs and bars the normal way when he was living. he was too young when he ended up on the streets, and after that it was just back rooms and drug dens and back alleyways.
when he teamed up with the league he had gone to a bar or two here and there, ones where they didn't care that he was a villain. but it was never like this. it's loud and dirty and far too handsy at the quagmire, but it also helps Dabi disappear. he can lose his mind here and pretend none of it exists.
no endeavor, no league, no pro-heroes, no Keigo.
and yet again it's a pretty blonde he finds, one who finds his scars alluring. the eyeliner on the guy even looks similar, all that's missing are the wings. dabi even imagines a new set of piercings on himself, all in a pretty little row going down his shaft.
it makes the pretty blonde's eyes water as he shoves his cock hard down his throat, hand fisted in his hair hard enough that the guy is whining. Dabi only grabs harder and fucks into his mouth even more relentlessly, relishing those tears streaming down the blonde's face.
but it isn't the same. it's never the same and Dabi is so sick of it. that's when he spots Keigo out of the corner of his eye, moving through the crowd. he smirks, then drops his head back against the wall and and fucks the guy's mouth more relentlessly, hoping to catch Keigo's eye.]
[it's completely frustrating to keigo to be searching like this, but the reward would be well worth it, he tells himself. even if just to get one word from dabi, it's enough to get him through another week. that's all he needed.
just one more week. and he can try again. keigo didn't want to come up empty handed.
continuing through the crowd, keigo allows a grabby set of hands to touch him as he ignores it, looking around steadily. where the hell was-
he catches them. those familiar intense blue eyes that could drown keigo. and they're looking at him. his breath almost stills, a warmth he's forgotten filling his chest. he was right there. within reach.
but then he takes in everything else. the smirk. and the hand shoved deep into a mass of blond hair. another blond. one who was on their knees and-
whatever warmth he felt turns immediately cold despite the anger that replaces it. there's rage that fills his golden eyes up, his fingers curling into tight fists. if his quirk could manifest, his wings would be sharp and pointed, flared with the bitterness that grows inside of him. he could almost kill.
keigo has only had a taste of this, his own bites of jealousy. dabi never seemed to push that onto him before. and really, it's like catching the villain in the act more than anything, but the asshole was fucking that blond relentless.
it makes keigo unbelievably pissed.
whoever was touching him, trying to nudge him wherever, keigo roughly shoves them away, and begins to stalk forward. he has no right to be like this. he broke whatever trust they had before. he was even forced to break his own heart for the sake of doing what was right.
but hadn't he suffered enough to not be tormented like this?
he's over to dabi faster than he expects, and angrily he gathers the prick's shirt into shaking hands and shoves the villain roughly to the wall. he's leaning over this blond bitch, not caring about them as much as he did to the man in front of him.]
[ dabi has been filled with so much anger and relentless pain this past week, but now? seeing keigo here again, searching for him in a place like this... it feels him with an almost manic glee, much like when he told that pitiful todoroki family of his who he was.
the moment keigo's eyes meet his, it feels like everything is on fire. the blonde on his knees is not bad, but this feeling? it's everything else he had been craving. there's this knew look in keigo's eyes as well. one that dabi barely experienced. it's anger and jealousy, he's pretty sure of it.
good, he hopes it hurt. he hopes it tears the traitorous bird apart. he deserves every last bit of it, and dabi feels good doing it to him. he rocks his hips languidly now, making the man below him moan, but his eyes are still on keigo the whole time.
he doesn't expect the way keigo shoves others away and stalks forward, and he raises an eyebrow as he approaches, waiting to see just what he does, while this poor soul below him still tries his very best but is basically being ignored.
it's not until keigo grabs his shirt that he actually lets out a moan, because the blonde bitch very nearly bites down on his cock as they're jostles around. dabi knows he's an asshole, because he keeps his hand fisted in the man's hair, forcing him to stay on his cock even as keigo shoves him into the wall. ]
[staring up at dabi, a part of his hellish mind remarks that he should fuck around with every damn soul in this club to get back at his former lover. but, fighting fire with fire isn't the route he desired to take.
and, maybe, he swore to himself to never allow dabi to get jealous again. if he was going to pursue his lover again, then jealousy was off the table.
of course, fucking all these meatheads would serve as a perfect way to make him feel better if his villain told him to lay off.
a growl slips when he catches dabi moan. he only wanted to hear that if it was him causing it, with no help whatsoever. it aggravates the hero even more that dabi only keeps the stupid blond on his cock.]
You are!
[keigo doesn't deny that he's an asshole too. hell, he's worst. but dabi was pretty shitty himself. and it hurts more than anything to see his former lover like this. the scars and dark hair just make it hit closer to his heart. this was the appearance he was accustomed to seeing.]
Do you want that? Live each day and get your cock sucked by some nameless face?
[Dabi doesn't let go until the man on his knees starts choking on his cock, pushing at his hips. out of the corner of his eyes he can see the blonde's tearful eyes on Keigo, wondering just what in the hell is going on, most likely.
the man pulls off and sputters, trying to catch his breath, but then his face is right back on Dabi's groin, nosing into it like a good boy. ]
Don't think ya got any right to say shit to me, hero.
[he says it like he used to. a dirty word spit from his mouth. the lowest of the low.]
As if you're any better than some nameless face. You fuckin' lying whore. Oh let me guess. You just had to do it, huh.
[he says as he leans in close, eyes all ablaze.]
You could always get down on your knees and join him if you're really so fuckin' desperate.
[why keigo didn’t expect this sort of scenario was beyond him. dabi was so damn attractive, could get the hero weak in the knees. it was natural that dabi would find someone to keep him warm at night.
maybe he didn’t expect it because keigo never had an impulse to fuck around. all he’s done has been wallowing in depression.
a quick look down and he sees the bitch blond rubbing his nose into dabi’s crotch. disgusting! only one person should be doing that, and that was him!]
I have plenty of right when you’re out here like this. Tell me to fuck off and I’ll leave you two alone. But you’ll never see me here again.
[keigo had no interest in immortality. not unless it meant spending eternity with those stupid bonehead.
it’s so hard to not get offended by the insult though. in the heat of moment, keigo enjoyed, even loved, to be degraded. like this, in the open with nothing to show for it, it makes him upset and angrier.]
I’m not the one getting their dick sucked.
[he seethes when he realizes dabi was so suddenly close, intense blue eyes that keigo doesn’t allow to break him. he stares back with the same intensity.]
[ dabi hadn't really been doing much of this either. he's never been the type to fuck around for fun or to relax. it's always been the most horrible thing he's ever experienced, even if he got used to it over time.
it was all that way until keigo.
and now, after the betrayal, he realized it really was the same thing as all the times he's gotten fucked before. in the end he was still used, only this time there were deeper parts of him dragged into it too. ]
You lost that right when ya fuckin' betrayed me. Ya really think ya got any say after that? You're fuckin' insane.
[dabi hopes keigo feels degraded in the worst kind of way. maybe then he'll finally realize how dabi felt when he knew he had been betrayed.]
You've really got some nerve comin' here and sayin this shit to me. You ain't the one gettin' your dick sucked, huh? No, just passed around by commission fucks to do their bidding. Why even act like anythin' between us meant shit to you? I ain't yours. Never fuckin' was, apparently.
I'm dead, right? You betrayed me and then I died. You're the one who fuckin' killed me.
[he's angry now, because it all hits him at once. everything keigo did, everything they went through together. how it all fell apart in that instant and now he's dead, stuck in this place, not having known a single thing about it until a week ago when keigo told him. and then just like that keigo was gone again for a whole damn week until tonight, coming in here acting like dabi owes him something.
he's had enough of this. he just about growls, shoving the blonde off his dick and trying to zip himself back up before he shoves past keigo to storm off once again. ]
[everything hurts. here and in reality. keigo can't even tell which is worst. dabi and his wings are no more, for six and a half days out of the week. but the evening of saturday, he can see his former lover, but it stings and hurts here in a different way.
he knew it would be painful, when forced to betray this villain. it didn't mean he liked it. he hated every second of it. he couldn't even face dabi one on one either. but the villain had made it a point to see him anyway, to burn him apart.]
You never trusted me anyway, so why does it matter?
[that's what dabi had claimed on that fateful day. maybe a part of him knew dabi didn't trust him either. the man constantly taunted him of his alliance to the heroes.
anger, resentment, and despair build as dabi has his go at him. he hates hearing it because it's not true. everything intimate had meant so much to him. he remembers that day, asking dabi to run away with him, so keigo wouldn't have to decide. it hurts. it all fucking hurts.
as his former lover pulls away, keigo quickly follows, ignoring the irritating blond on the floor who had no business to be there. he keeps in step with dabi, refusing to allow the villain to leave so easily.]
I didn't want to! Not a single part of me wanted to give you up. You could have run away with me, but you were so hellbent on dragging your family down. Just admit that you never cared either! You didn't hesitate to burn me, to even record and try to ruin my reputation.
[he didn't care about his reputation. being number two wasn't what he ever wanted. just in the back, to lay low. he didn't need popularity.]
You took away the only two things that mattered to me, but I'm still here, trying to see you for some damn ridiculous reason!
[in the heat of the moment, he snatches and grabs tight to dabi's wrist and plants his feet down. he's breathing hard from his anger and pain, tears beginning to sting his eyes.]
I'm not asking for any kind of forgiveness. I don't know even know what I expect. But the most important person to me is standing right here. So tell me to buzz off because I won't subject myself to watch you get close with anyone else here.
[ dabi doesn't want to hear shit about how keigo didn't like betraying the league, and him right along with that. he clearly made a choice, and the choice wasn't him.
dabi may have chosen to drag his family down, but keigo didn't have to be a part of that. he wasn't even going to be until he turned on dabi so easily. and then? all bets were off. what did keigo expect, when trust was so important to dabi and keigo smashed it to pieces? did he really think he wouldn't get burned? ]
None of it fuckin' matters anymore, Keigo. None of it fuckin' matters anymore.
[the music is loud and the people are too close to him now that he's feeling this way. he can feel keigo hot on his heels and he really wishes all of this would drown him out. keigo doesn't even have to grab him before he's turning around with furious eyes, wondering how keigo can even dare to say these things to him.]
You didn't want to? You fuckin' did it! What did you expect was gonna happen, you lying piece'a shit! After betraying me like that, did ya really think I was just gonna shrug my shoulders and say it was ok? You deserve a lot fuckin' worse than what ya got. You're just as bad as Endeavor. Maybe even worse. Ya got me to believe you.
[if keigo wants dabi to feel bad for him in any kind of way, it isn't going to happen. if keigo felt like he lost the two things that mattered to him, dabi would say he deserved even less than what he ended up with. ]
I'm dead, Keigo. Ya told me I'm fucking dead. Did ya really come here so you could fuck up whatever this shit in my head is too?
[the look on his face isn't angry anymore, it's forlorn, and then he tenses up, trying to pull his wrist from keigo's hold.]
[it was never easy to turn on dabi. he had fought himself on it, had tried to change his decision, but each time, he was forced to think of why he was a hero. deep down, society was flawed. he believed that. believed in a majority of what the league represented.
and he also had regrets. jin never deserved to die. in fact, he should be within this world, to continue living. but no one wanted to take that responsibility. endeavor so easily used power and money to get his eldest son in here. all for his own despair.
hearing his name hits differently. he used to take pride and adored it before. he cherished each moment he could hear his name.
but, now, it's so cold.]
That's not true-
[he still fights, still believes that it matters. it has to.
but he's forced to cut himself off when dabi sharply turns with those intense eyes. this time, he flinches in reaction, but doesn't back down. not yet. keigo wasn't done speaking his mind.]
Yes, I didn't want to! I still had an obligation to protect innocent people, Dabi! I'm sorry for the betrayal, but I never once lied about us. Each and every moment I was honest. Each fucking time we were together, I was being my real self. I wanted us to be together. I kept pushing you to leave with me.
[hot, angry tears crawl down his face and it feels so stuffy, like he can't breathe. he's generally good at keeping his emotions at bay, but it's been so difficult lately. it must be pathetic to any onlooker. he was just as emotional in the real world. nothing would have prepared him to be told that he lost his wings and lover all in the same sitting.
and he just hates how dabi repeats that he's no longer alive. that was the worst of it all. losing dabi was never supposed to happen.
why couldn't the asshole just have run away with him?]
I'm...I'm not dead. [the words are stated to bitterly because he feels dead.] I'm not even supposed to be here. San Junipero is for the dead and elderly.
[keigo raises up his free hand, rubbing his eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears.]
Don't tell me you're fuckin' sorry. Do ya really think I believe a single word outta your mouth after what you did??
[he doesn't want to believe he's dead either. maybe he isn't, but what choice does he have? it's not like it matters if his body is dead or alive anyway, because he's stuck here in some sort of crazy simulated reality that feels absolutely real.]
Don't gimme that bullshit, you knew I couldn't leave! And ya didn't tell me it was because of that. You made it seem like some fuckin' pipe dream. You told me you were gonna stick around with me when it was all over, you piece'a shit!
[as loud as this place is, there are others staring now, looking annoyed that the two of them are ruining their good times in this place. others are blissfully unaware as if the two of them don't exist... but dabi realizes it's probably those people who don't exist. they're simulations.
that sudden shock of realization when he thinks keigo might be dead too, it hits him like a ton of bricks, and then it's gone, because keigo says he's not dead at all. he's probably out there living his life, still with the pro-heroes and kissing Endeavor's ass. dabi realizes then that it's been so long and he doesn't even know what happened. he supposes in the end that doesn't matter either.
he stares blankly at keigo, watching him try to wipe those tears away. everything just seems like a show now. dabi isn't even sure if he knew keigo at all, or if it was all just to infiltrate them and take them down.]
So you get a choice whether to be here or not. I don't. Must be fuckin' great for ya. Why don't ya go report back to my family that I've already tried to end myself a couple times by now, so they should probably shut this shit off.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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they don't even look at him as he pushes through the crowd, trying to put as much distance between himself and keigo as possible. keigo can't possibly be here, can he? dabi doesn't even know if this place is real.
despite all the noise he can still hear keigo calling out to him, but he's determined to get out of here and get lost. how long has he been here now? weeks? months? he's lost track of time, but he knows his way around here by now.
he's almost at the exit when the hand clamps around his wrist, holding on to him tightly. he stops and turns abruptly, raising his arm as if he's going to produce flames and attack. nothing happens of course, but he hasn't gotten used to being quirkless yet. he feels very much like a cornered animal.
still, he's ready to fight with all he's got, but then keigo says he can tell him what's going on, and dabi is so desperate to know, that his whole expression changes. he lowers his arm and he stops trying to yank himself away. he probably shouldn't trust a single damn thing keigo says- the fucking traitorous bastard that he is, but if knows even a little bit of what's going on, dabi needs to hear it. ]
You expect me to fuckin' believe you, traitor?
[he can't help but say, even if he knows he's going to give into it. looking at keigo makes his stomach lurch. he remembers when looking at hawks used to make him feel a different kind of way.]
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he tries not to think of it though. he needed to talk, to say what was on his mind, less he regret it. it’s his last shot. his last opportunity.
fear immediately comes to golden eyes when dabi stops and turns around. it’s the way the once villain presents himself, as if he could burn keigo right then and there. his blood runs cold, breath hitches as panic almost forms.
but with no heat, heat he remembers craving to feel before fearing it, keigo is able to calm his growing anxiety. dabi’s expression changes too, and keigo finds it relieving. he doesn’t let go of dabi. a part of him was afraid that the white haired man would try to leave again.
oh, it’s hard to not wince to the accusation though. it’s true. he was a traitor. he didn’t want to betray dabi. but he...he had to.]
San Junipero. It’s..a simulated reality.
[worriedly almost, he looks around. no one has really paid them much attention. but still...keigo didn’t want to speak so freely in the public.]
I know you don’t want to believe anything I say, that I’m a traitor, but I can tell you everything. Can we...in private?
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the betrayal he felt when he knew keigo had ratted them out- him out, without warning- it made him hate the other man almost as much as he hated his father.
but he's here now and he's been here now for so long, knowing he can't get out... all of that has fallen to the wayside for a bit. what choice did he have but to try and get by here?
now that hawks is in front of him though, all of those deep seated emotions come rushing back and they hurt. he hasn't felt anything like this in a long time.
keigo's words hit him like a ton of bricks, though, whether they're the truth or not... he doesn't have much else to go by. and when he says it, it's as if that buzzing in his head stops, and everything becomes a little less muted. it's almost as if the place needed his awareness in order to fully set in.
he tries to keep his shock at bay, swallowing it down at forcing a blank look on his face, but his heart is racing. his gaze darts around for a moment, wondering if all these people are simulated too... but he doesn't want to believe this. ]
Let's go.
[dabi grinds out, then turns on his heels again and goes for the exit at a normal speed, shoving the door open on his way out, hoping it swings right back into keigo's face.]
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he wants to tell the other man that despite the betrayal, he never lied about his feelings. their intimacy was the most important thing to him. and he had to give it all up.
but would dabi even listen? he doubts it. dabi doesn’t owe him anything. even still, he had to try. he had to know he did that much.
keigo worriedly waits to see if dabi would listen to him about this new reality. he deserved to know that much.
thankfully, the once villain seemingly agrees. it’s relieving. keigo nods his head, glad he can do this much. quickly, almost so needy, he follows after dabi, looking over his shoulder to be sure no one was going to follow them. it causes him to almost run into the door. although a part of him is sure it’s done purposely. he catches it though and slips on through, keeping a step behind dabi.]
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all this time he's been trying not to think about keigo and everything that he left behind. knowing he's stuck here has been wearing him down bit by bit. what else did he have to live for but that goal? and then maybe something with keigo, but all of that was ripped away, even before he got stuck in this place.
and now that it's all here in front of him again, he's furious. he wants to finish the job and burn the bird to ash, but he needs answers first.
once they're outside, he walks until they reach the far side of the club near the dumpsters. a few cars are parked here and there but it's still early. no one ever wants to leave before midnight. they want to make the most of every last second. he stops when they're far enough, and whirls back around to face keigo.]
Just tell me what the fuck is goin' on here. The hell do ya mean this place is a simulation? Where the fuck am I?
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not that it should matter. it's very clear of the prior villain's stance on their fallen relationship.
no. he should stop thinking about it. it hurts. he feels broken beyond repair. dejected. useless.
the walk is relatively quiet. only noises are from the city. really, keigo would be surprised by it further if he focused on the life within these walls. however, he's too far within his own thoughts, so much that he takes a step back when dabi suddenly turns to him with his demands. a quick look around and they are alone. keigo isn't sure why he expected somewhere better. honestly, it was like the first few passes of intel when he had gone about his deception.]
It's fairly new. The public isn't aware of the San Junipero Project. It's a simulation reality designed for a select group of people to remain and live their lives in immortality. Just by willing it, you can change your appearance, pain levels. Things like that.
[keigo isn't exactly sure the due date for it to go completely live. some secrets he couldn't find out all on his own. and of course, there are secrets regarding this reality that he feels are better left unsaid.]
There's only a few hundred people here. The rest are fake, for now. Until San Junipero grows. You were put here because...
[he trails off, finding his throat drying. he doesn't want to admit it. he doesn't want to believe it. not when dabi is standing right in front of him.]
You died. Only the decease live here full-time.
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dabi listens intently, gaze boring into keigo as he speaks. it all sounds pretty unbelievable, even with the knowledge of quirks. or maybe that's why it seems so unbelievable- because it's not a quirk at all, but some kind of technology that dabi has never heard of before. he doesn't know why the fuck he should believe keigo, especially after all that had happened, but somehow... it seems to make sense. little things here and there.
he looks down at his hands, how clear they are from all the scars and how surprised he was that he was like this now. if this place could change appearance and pain levels... maybe that's why he hasn't been feeling shit lately. ]
Just by willing it? Bullshit. I didn't fuckin' pick to look like this. Who the fuck gets to decide?
[he doesn't realize that it's his family who decided this for him, without his knowledge or consent. ]
You expect me to believe that this is some tech bullshit? Not some Quirk I probably got blasted in during that war? Fuckin' pro-heroes, ya probably stuck me in here yourselves, huh.
[he says as keigo trails off. but then keigo comes out with the real truth of it, and dabi's blood runs cold and his throat goes dry as well. there's no way in hell. there's no fucking way]
You're full'a shit, you lying bastard!
[he grabs at keigo's shirt and slams him against the wall, fists curling into the fabric hard as his eyes blaze bright.]
I'm in Tartarus, right?! You assholes fuckin' got me! Fuckin' Endeavor, that no good piece a shit father'a mine. Right?! You're in my head, forcin' me to stay here! Wake me the fuck up you traitorous piece'a shit!
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Your family chose your appearance.
[keigo admits easily enough. he recalls hearing one of the brothers, natsuo, stating to give dabi his old body back.
the denial starts to come in, and keigo expects it. it was lunacy when the hero first heard of it. endeavor, with his power and money, was already much involved with the project. keigo wasn't surprised though. even if endeavor had tried to hide it.
ferocious as ever, dabi comes to shove him to the wall, forcing a surprised noise to escape keigo's mouth. in response, he braces his hands over dabi's wrist, lips turned into a frown as he looks up into bright blue eyes. they're a clear reminder of his quirk. a quirk he no longer had access to.]
Do you really think there's a quirk this powerful? Have you tried to destroy anything here? It immediately fixes itself. Just-
[he cuts himself off for a brief second, looking down at dabi's arm.]
-will your scars. Think about them on your body.
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what could he possibly escape to now if he really is dead? nothing.
nothing.
hearing that his family chose his appearance only angers him more, and he growls, pulling his hand back to let out a burst of flames that are no longer there. he punches the wall instead, so hard that he should bleed, but of course he doesn't bleed. it barely even hurts at all. ]
The fuck do I know what kinda Quirks you assholes have got?!
[he growls, then pulls back, letting go of keigo completely. he takes a few steps back, looking down at his arms, his hands. he realizes he's shaking a bit, because of course he is. it's not every day you hear you're dead, especially from someone you started to care about, who ended up betraying you so completely.
but then he shakes his head. he doesn't want to do it. not here, not now, not in front of him. his hands clench into fists and he looks at keigo darkly again.]
I don't fuckin' believe you. I ain't dead. You're just fucking with me all over again. Get the fuck away from me before I find a way to kill you.
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now, whether or not the fire would set off his anxiety was another story. he was still weary of heat and fire all together.
he hates how dabi pulls away, but this time, keigo doesn't follow. dabi is only a few feet away though.
it does hurt to see the pain there. it's not every day you're told you had died. keigo was still coming to terms with it. dabi was alive there, in front of him. it was all thanks to technology. but, in the real world, where everything was real, there's only ash left in dabi's presence, and a broken hero regretting his decisions.
keigo finds himself sighing and running a hand through his hair. he knows what time it is. he...wish he had more of it. but getting just this much was a blessing. he shouldn't even be here. he wasn't dying or elderly...]
Dabi, I'm sorry.
[for what, he doesn't elaborate.]
I-
[he can't finish because it's suddenly black in front of him, and keigo knows immediately that midnight had struck. reality. he was to go back to reality.
it leaves him feeling sour and miserable. he wanted to tell dabi so much more. time really had flown quicker than he expected.]
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he doesn't get much after that though, and part of him wishes he would. he wants keigo gone, but he also wants to understand. he doesn't know what midnight means though, because he's never left this place before.
he's left standing in that alleyway all alone with this shitty explanation and a sorry that he isn't anywhere close to wanting to hear. there's a space where keigo used to be, and now he's wondering if maybe everything the other man was saying was true or not.
he can't be dead. how can he be dead?
he's so confused and angry right now, though. he doesn't want to think about it anymore. it's too much, too painful. it would explain so much, but he doesn't want to believe it. he can't. at least midnight doesn't mean shit to him, though, so he goes back inside and gets drunk off his ass so he doesn't have to think about keigo, or any of this anymore.
or at least until things reset to the next morning. ]
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the week comes and goes, feeling like an eternity. then, the second he’s given that freedom, keigo leaps into the simulation.
he’s not sure why. no. that’s wrong. he knows exactly why.
keigo had an addiction.
and even if dabi hated him, despised his existence, keigo can’t just give up.
he returns to that same bar, dressed more provocatively. low-ride jeans, the tight black slinky shirt that dabi seemed to enjoy before. all in all, he replicated that night’s outfit. it’s not to purposely tease or taunt his former lover with, but keigo wants to test if there’s still any desire for him left. he thought he had seen it when dabi told that nameless pretty blond to back off. but he’s not so sure anymore.
could he even get dabi back to him? keigo wanted to prove he wasn’t doing this for anyone but himself. dabi is the only thing that mattered to him now.
it’s loud in the club again. dark. hot. keigo quickly walks through, starting first where he found dabi before.]
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what even is the real world? even if keigo is lying, how can he possibly get out of this?
why would keigo even come to see him to tell him that?
when he does get up, dabi trashes his place. he upends everything in anger and smashes bottles. he breaks every last mirror and tears his place apart. he falls onto his knees and he cries real tears that aren't blood. he hasn't cried in so long, he almost forgot what it felt like.
he expects keigo to come back the next night, so he stays away from the clubs. he stays away the night after that as well, wallowing in pity and sadness, tearing his place apart over and over again, but it just keeps going back to the way it was. the third night he goes to the clubs but keigo isn't there either, and he's angry at himself for even bothering to look. he doesn't want to see that traitor. that piece of shit.
he decides to drown himself in the ocean that night, and he wakes up in his bed. he stares at the ceiling for hours before he lifts his arms up to block his view and wills his scars back on his arms. they're there in an instant, just like keigo said they would be, down to the last detail. he wills them away again and they're gone.
he wonders if keigo really was telling him the truth.
that night when he goes out again, he looks like his old self. scars and black hair, with all the pain and piercings he had before. he does the same the night after that, and after that, only he doesn't go Tucker's. he goes to the trashier part of town and hits up the Quagmire, because that's really where he belongs, isn't it?
if keigo ventures to ask someone where dabi might be, they might direct him there instead. ]
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keigo is feeling dejected at the bar, thanking the last person he’s asked about dabi, when the bartender looks at him curiously. the man leans over then, motioning keigo to do the same.
”listen kid, haven’t seen the white dabi. but there’s a scarred fellow also going by dabi. sticks to the quagmire. club is outside of town. good luck.”
keigo’s eyes widen at the intel before he nods his head and thanked the bartender. immediately, he rushes out, to hunt down dabi all over again.
the quagmire has not been a club he’s been to yet. he knew of the location, and that was about it. keigo loses track of time, but gets there with enough to spare. before he even gets inside, keigo can already see the trouble this place would cause. why isn’t he surprised to find the villain in such a place?
if keigo thought tuckers had too many hands touching him, the quagmire proved that wrong. it’s filthy, smells worst. far more stuffy too. he ignores cigarette smoke blown info his face and purred words to his ear. hell, he sees a woman with a snake on her shoulders. he has to wonder if this was dabi’s ideal club scene.
smoking, fighting, and sex were all over the place. the further he goes into the club, the more he feels out of his realm. it might have been fun to come here with someone, especially with dabi once upon a time, but right then, keigo is uncomfortable. he just wanted to see dabi.
even if it gets him more hands caressing his exposed waistline.]
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when he teamed up with the league he had gone to a bar or two here and there, ones where they didn't care that he was a villain. but it was never like this. it's loud and dirty and far too handsy at the quagmire, but it also helps Dabi disappear. he can lose his mind here and pretend none of it exists.
no endeavor, no league, no pro-heroes, no Keigo.
and yet again it's a pretty blonde he finds, one who finds his scars alluring. the eyeliner on the guy even looks similar, all that's missing are the wings. dabi even imagines a new set of piercings on himself, all in a pretty little row going down his shaft.
it makes the pretty blonde's eyes water as he shoves his cock hard down his throat, hand fisted in his hair hard enough that the guy is whining. Dabi only grabs harder and fucks into his mouth even more relentlessly, relishing those tears streaming down the blonde's face.
but it isn't the same. it's never the same and Dabi is so sick of it. that's when he spots Keigo out of the corner of his eye, moving through the crowd. he smirks, then drops his head back against the wall and and fucks the guy's mouth more relentlessly, hoping to catch Keigo's eye.]
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just one more week. and he can try again. keigo didn't want to come up empty handed.
continuing through the crowd, keigo allows a grabby set of hands to touch him as he ignores it, looking around steadily. where the hell was-
he catches them. those familiar intense blue eyes that could drown keigo. and they're looking at him. his breath almost stills, a warmth he's forgotten filling his chest. he was right there. within reach.
but then he takes in everything else. the smirk. and the hand shoved deep into a mass of blond hair. another blond. one who was on their knees and-
whatever warmth he felt turns immediately cold despite the anger that replaces it. there's rage that fills his golden eyes up, his fingers curling into tight fists. if his quirk could manifest, his wings would be sharp and pointed, flared with the bitterness that grows inside of him. he could almost kill.
keigo has only had a taste of this, his own bites of jealousy. dabi never seemed to push that onto him before. and really, it's like catching the villain in the act more than anything, but the asshole was fucking that blond relentless.
it makes keigo unbelievably pissed.
whoever was touching him, trying to nudge him wherever, keigo roughly shoves them away, and begins to stalk forward. he has no right to be like this. he broke whatever trust they had before. he was even forced to break his own heart for the sake of doing what was right.
but hadn't he suffered enough to not be tormented like this?
he's over to dabi faster than he expects, and angrily he gathers the prick's shirt into shaking hands and shoves the villain roughly to the wall. he's leaning over this blond bitch, not caring about them as much as he did to the man in front of him.]
You're a real asshole, you know that?
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the moment keigo's eyes meet his, it feels like everything is on fire. the blonde on his knees is not bad, but this feeling? it's everything else he had been craving. there's this knew look in keigo's eyes as well. one that dabi barely experienced. it's anger and jealousy, he's pretty sure of it.
good, he hopes it hurt. he hopes it tears the traitorous bird apart. he deserves every last bit of it, and dabi feels good doing it to him. he rocks his hips languidly now, making the man below him moan, but his eyes are still on keigo the whole time.
he doesn't expect the way keigo shoves others away and stalks forward, and he raises an eyebrow as he approaches, waiting to see just what he does, while this poor soul below him still tries his very best but is basically being ignored.
it's not until keigo grabs his shirt that he actually lets out a moan, because the blonde bitch very nearly bites down on his cock as they're jostles around. dabi knows he's an asshole, because he keeps his hand fisted in the man's hair, forcing him to stay on his cock even as keigo shoves him into the wall. ]
I'm the asshole? Yeah fuckin' right.
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and, maybe, he swore to himself to never allow dabi to get jealous again. if he was going to pursue his lover again, then jealousy was off the table.
of course, fucking all these meatheads would serve as a perfect way to make him feel better if his villain told him to lay off.
a growl slips when he catches dabi moan. he only wanted to hear that if it was him causing it, with no help whatsoever. it aggravates the hero even more that dabi only keeps the stupid blond on his cock.]
You are!
[keigo doesn't deny that he's an asshole too. hell, he's worst. but dabi was pretty shitty himself. and it hurts more than anything to see his former lover like this. the scars and dark hair just make it hit closer to his heart. this was the appearance he was accustomed to seeing.]
Do you want that? Live each day and get your cock sucked by some nameless face?
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the man pulls off and sputters, trying to catch his breath, but then his face is right back on Dabi's groin, nosing into it like a good boy. ]
Don't think ya got any right to say shit to me, hero.
[he says it like he used to. a dirty word spit from his mouth. the lowest of the low.]
As if you're any better than some nameless face. You fuckin' lying whore. Oh let me guess. You just had to do it, huh.
[he says as he leans in close, eyes all ablaze.]
You could always get down on your knees and join him if you're really so fuckin' desperate.
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maybe he didn’t expect it because keigo never had an impulse to fuck around. all he’s done has been wallowing in depression.
a quick look down and he sees the bitch blond rubbing his nose into dabi’s crotch. disgusting! only one person should be doing that, and that was him!]
I have plenty of right when you’re out here like this. Tell me to fuck off and I’ll leave you two alone. But you’ll never see me here again.
[keigo had no interest in immortality. not unless it meant spending eternity with those stupid bonehead.
it’s so hard to not get offended by the insult though. in the heat of moment, keigo enjoyed, even loved, to be degraded. like this, in the open with nothing to show for it, it makes him upset and angrier.]
I’m not the one getting their dick sucked.
[he seethes when he realizes dabi was so suddenly close, intense blue eyes that keigo doesn’t allow to break him. he stares back with the same intensity.]
I. Don’t. Share.
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it was all that way until keigo.
and now, after the betrayal, he realized it really was the same thing as all the times he's gotten fucked before. in the end he was still used, only this time there were deeper parts of him dragged into it too. ]
You lost that right when ya fuckin' betrayed me. Ya really think ya got any say after that? You're fuckin' insane.
[dabi hopes keigo feels degraded in the worst kind of way. maybe then he'll finally realize how dabi felt when he knew he had been betrayed.]
You've really got some nerve comin' here and sayin this shit to me. You ain't the one gettin' your dick sucked, huh? No, just passed around by commission fucks to do their bidding. Why even act like anythin' between us meant shit to you? I ain't yours. Never fuckin' was, apparently.
I'm dead, right? You betrayed me and then I died. You're the one who fuckin' killed me.
[he's angry now, because it all hits him at once. everything keigo did, everything they went through together. how it all fell apart in that instant and now he's dead, stuck in this place, not having known a single thing about it until a week ago when keigo told him. and then just like that keigo was gone again for a whole damn week until tonight, coming in here acting like dabi owes him something.
he's had enough of this. he just about growls, shoving the blonde off his dick and trying to zip himself back up before he shoves past keigo to storm off once again. ]
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he knew it would be painful, when forced to betray this villain. it didn't mean he liked it. he hated every second of it. he couldn't even face dabi one on one either. but the villain had made it a point to see him anyway, to burn him apart.]
You never trusted me anyway, so why does it matter?
[that's what dabi had claimed on that fateful day. maybe a part of him knew dabi didn't trust him either. the man constantly taunted him of his alliance to the heroes.
anger, resentment, and despair build as dabi has his go at him. he hates hearing it because it's not true. everything intimate had meant so much to him. he remembers that day, asking dabi to run away with him, so keigo wouldn't have to decide. it hurts. it all fucking hurts.
as his former lover pulls away, keigo quickly follows, ignoring the irritating blond on the floor who had no business to be there. he keeps in step with dabi, refusing to allow the villain to leave so easily.]
I didn't want to! Not a single part of me wanted to give you up. You could have run away with me, but you were so hellbent on dragging your family down. Just admit that you never cared either! You didn't hesitate to burn me, to even record and try to ruin my reputation.
[he didn't care about his reputation. being number two wasn't what he ever wanted. just in the back, to lay low. he didn't need popularity.]
You took away the only two things that mattered to me, but I'm still here, trying to see you for some damn ridiculous reason!
[in the heat of the moment, he snatches and grabs tight to dabi's wrist and plants his feet down. he's breathing hard from his anger and pain, tears beginning to sting his eyes.]
I'm not asking for any kind of forgiveness. I don't know even know what I expect. But the most important person to me is standing right here. So tell me to buzz off because I won't subject myself to watch you get close with anyone else here.
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dabi may have chosen to drag his family down, but keigo didn't have to be a part of that. he wasn't even going to be until he turned on dabi so easily. and then? all bets were off. what did keigo expect, when trust was so important to dabi and keigo smashed it to pieces? did he really think he wouldn't get burned? ]
None of it fuckin' matters anymore, Keigo. None of it fuckin' matters anymore.
[the music is loud and the people are too close to him now that he's feeling this way. he can feel keigo hot on his heels and he really wishes all of this would drown him out. keigo doesn't even have to grab him before he's turning around with furious eyes, wondering how keigo can even dare to say these things to him.]
You didn't want to? You fuckin' did it! What did you expect was gonna happen, you lying piece'a shit! After betraying me like that, did ya really think I was just gonna shrug my shoulders and say it was ok? You deserve a lot fuckin' worse than what ya got. You're just as bad as Endeavor. Maybe even worse. Ya got me to believe you.
[if keigo wants dabi to feel bad for him in any kind of way, it isn't going to happen. if keigo felt like he lost the two things that mattered to him, dabi would say he deserved even less than what he ended up with. ]
I'm dead, Keigo. Ya told me I'm fucking dead. Did ya really come here so you could fuck up whatever this shit in my head is too?
[the look on his face isn't angry anymore, it's forlorn, and then he tenses up, trying to pull his wrist from keigo's hold.]
...Are you dead too?
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and he also had regrets. jin never deserved to die. in fact, he should be within this world, to continue living. but no one wanted to take that responsibility. endeavor so easily used power and money to get his eldest son in here. all for his own despair.
hearing his name hits differently. he used to take pride and adored it before. he cherished each moment he could hear his name.
but, now, it's so cold.]
That's not true-
[he still fights, still believes that it matters. it has to.
but he's forced to cut himself off when dabi sharply turns with those intense eyes. this time, he flinches in reaction, but doesn't back down. not yet. keigo wasn't done speaking his mind.]
Yes, I didn't want to! I still had an obligation to protect innocent people, Dabi! I'm sorry for the betrayal, but I never once lied about us. Each and every moment I was honest. Each fucking time we were together, I was being my real self. I wanted us to be together. I kept pushing you to leave with me.
[hot, angry tears crawl down his face and it feels so stuffy, like he can't breathe. he's generally good at keeping his emotions at bay, but it's been so difficult lately. it must be pathetic to any onlooker. he was just as emotional in the real world. nothing would have prepared him to be told that he lost his wings and lover all in the same sitting.
and he just hates how dabi repeats that he's no longer alive. that was the worst of it all. losing dabi was never supposed to happen.
why couldn't the asshole just have run away with him?]
I'm...I'm not dead. [the words are stated to bitterly because he feels dead.] I'm not even supposed to be here. San Junipero is for the dead and elderly.
[keigo raises up his free hand, rubbing his eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears.]
But I...I just wanted to see you.
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[he doesn't want to believe he's dead either. maybe he isn't, but what choice does he have? it's not like it matters if his body is dead or alive anyway, because he's stuck here in some sort of crazy simulated reality that feels absolutely real.]
Don't gimme that bullshit, you knew I couldn't leave! And ya didn't tell me it was because of that. You made it seem like some fuckin' pipe dream. You told me you were gonna stick around with me when it was all over, you piece'a shit!
[as loud as this place is, there are others staring now, looking annoyed that the two of them are ruining their good times in this place. others are blissfully unaware as if the two of them don't exist... but dabi realizes it's probably those people who don't exist. they're simulations.
that sudden shock of realization when he thinks keigo might be dead too, it hits him like a ton of bricks, and then it's gone, because keigo says he's not dead at all. he's probably out there living his life, still with the pro-heroes and kissing Endeavor's ass. dabi realizes then that it's been so long and he doesn't even know what happened. he supposes in the end that doesn't matter either.
he stares blankly at keigo, watching him try to wipe those tears away. everything just seems like a show now. dabi isn't even sure if he knew keigo at all, or if it was all just to infiltrate them and take them down.]
So you get a choice whether to be here or not. I don't. Must be fuckin' great for ya. Why don't ya go report back to my family that I've already tried to end myself a couple times by now, so they should probably shut this shit off.
I don't wanna see you, and I don't want this.
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