creamation | (no subject)

[Dabi's hand is hot to touch but he doesn't pull away. He tightly grips the other's hand, pinky still out, and pulls him closer. There's a small pang of guilt in the back of his mind over this. But now's not the time.]

Come here. [And then gently;] What do you need?

[Because he's unsure if closeness is going to set the other off again. Unsure of how to help Dabi more because Shigaraki Tomura has never once helped someone in his life. He's only ever been helped. ]

[Dabi grips Shigaraki's hand so tight that it probably hurts, but the heat might be even more painful. He doesn't think he's ever held on so tightly to anything in his life.

But it helps, because its a different sensation and it's breaking through the usual shit that goes on in his head.

He moves closer as instructed, but then he stops because he realizes exactly where he is and that he's running far too hot, ready to burn up completely and he needs to stop before getting any closer to Shigaraki.]

I need... I need... Give me your other hand.

[He offers Dabi his other hand in the same gesture with his pinkie finger out. Between the searing heat and the death grip Dabi's got on his hand, it hurts. A lot. But Shigaraki doesn't show it- doesn't let Dabi see that he's hurting him.]

Do you need water?

[Cold water should calm him down right? If he's a raging fireball, water would put him out- so of course the next step would be cold water to help.]

No. I'll break the glass.

[Dabi shakes his head, trying to concentrate on pulling all the heat back. At this point he does realize he might be hurting Shigaraki but he just needs a little more focus, shifting his attention away from the way his body feels like it's burning up, and more toward the way those hands feel curled around his, even if they're gloved, even if he can now tell that Shigaraki's pinkies aren't touching him, just in case. In case he burns the gloves off, so he doesn't disintegrate him.

That's what he focuses on, until the smell of burning flesh completely disintegrates instead, and he can feel the heat in his body slowly dying down.

He immediately pulls his hands from Shigaraki's, gripping his knees instead and drops his head down between them, trying to steady his breathing again.]

Christ.

[His hands feel hot, and with Dabi not looking at him he finally manages to grimace at the pain. He wrings his hands, trying to ebb away the heat and burn on his exposed fingers. Once it's nothing but a dull ache, he turns his attention back to Dabi.]

Hey. Are you going to be alright? [Cause it's clear that Dabi isn't alright so he's not going to ask the obvious.]

[ Everything starts shifting back to that dull and hazy feeling, which is still a lot more clear than it was a few moments ago.

He can't believe he lost it like that. Here, in front of Shigaraki. As if the experience wasn't bad enough already. This hasn't happened to him in a long time. The last time it did, the place he was in caught fire and he had to run. This time, he managed to pull it all back... with Shigaraki's help.

It's almost unbelievable. ]

Yeah.

[He runs his hands up and down his legs, lifting his head. There's concern on Shigaraki's face. It looks stranger than a smile.]

I'm fine.

[The experience was a sobering one for Shigaraki. One that has him scratching at his neck. Not in a way that's meant to harm himself but, it's a thoughtful kind of movement. He did just have a near death experience from Dabi after all so who could blame him for a little bit of scratching.]

Huh. Maybe we should have drunk proofed your room? [Ha ha ha. Bad joke.] You need something?

[ It's a very bad joke, but it has Dabi coming back to himself a little bit more. The more he does, though, the more raw and exposed he feels. And not just because his pants are still sliding down.

He gets up, yanking them up with him and closes his belt buckle, then wipes his arm across his forehead. ]

Yeah, I need you to leave.

You sure about that?

[Dabi's emotionally unstable, should he really be leaving the other here? But. Well. Shigaraki would respect what the other wants. With a scornful look he zips up his pants, they're come stained but... what can you do? He stands up, grabbing the whiskey bottle off of the floor.

Looking at Dabi for confirmation that he should leave before leaving. He doesn't bitch about it too much because Shigaraki understands but he fully intends to finish the rest of the bottle and scratch his body raw. This was his fault, he knows it even if he doesn't want to acknowledge it.]

[ He knows it's an asshole thing to do, kicking Shigaraki out after the other man helped him the way he did, but he feels like he just exposed such a hidden part of himself, that he's not sure if he can let this roll off his shoulders like he does with most things. ]

Yeah, I'm fucking sure.

[He moves over to his mattress and sits against the wall, as far away from the door as possible, as Shigaraki leaves.

That was horrible, and Dabi hates that anyone else has seen pieces of him that he didn't want to be seen. It's his fault, he knows it, for pushing himself, for not pushing Shigaraki away in time, for putting himself in this position in the first place. He knows it isn't Shigaraki he should be angry at, but the person who made him like this.

Still, he goes out of his way to avoid Shigaraki for two days, which is hard because he's the boss, but he manages to bypass somehow and go to Kurogiri instead. He knows he can only get away with this for so long, though and he'll inevitably have to face his demons, as cliche as that sounds.]

[The next two days drive Shigaraki insane with Dabi avoiding him the way he was. At first he understood and accepted that Dabi needed his space. But then he became irritated at the constant avoidance, with Kurogiri being the go-between. All of Shigaraki's frustrations of course were taken out on himself- the scratching increased in severity until his neck was literally scratched red and raw. Only then did he move on to scratching at his wrists.

He looked like a mess and no one knew why, or had the balls to ask. Everyone chalked it up to Shigaraki having a bad week, as he was prone to have every now and then. Eventually he gives up on trying to run into Dabi, accepts that he's on his own for a while, or for good.

He's angry.

But that anger becomes tiring. By the third day he's tired. Between how awful he looks, and acts, it shows. And after a long day of meeting potential recruits, Kurogiri warps him back to his room directly. Telling him to get some rest and think about why he's in such a sour mood lately. That whatever it is bothering him, he needs to clear out of his mind or make things right.

So he tries to do just that. He ends up falling asleep on his mattress instead.]

[ He hears that Shigaraki is having a bad week and he tries not to think about it at all, or feel bad about it, because why should he? He doesn't owe anyone anything, and he certainly isn't going to feel guilty about it.

But he does.

And he's starting to feel miserable, avoiding the others now as well, because they all keep looking at him like he's becoming a handful, and he's going to burn them all alive if one more person asks him if he's seen Shigaraki. It's like they know. But they can't know, right? There's no fucking way.

It's when Kurogiri corners him that Dabi realizes he can't play this avoidance game anymore. He not only gets chastised for his behavior, but he gets a new job as well. Shigaraki's in bad shape, and he's supposed to somehow snap him out of it, because he's the only one who ever really stands up to the other man and it's his turn to make things right.

Dabi narrows his eyes throughout the whole speech, but in the end he's standing in front of Shigaraki's door. Now that he's here, he actually feels... relief?

He kicks the door twice with the toe of his boots in lieu of a knock, then waits. ]

[The knocking wakes up Shigaraki from his unintended nap. Confused and grumpy, he looks at the door with a scowl before pulling the blankets over his head. He recognizes that style of knocking and decides it's in his best interest to pretend he's not there. The boots could only belong to Dabi of all the people. Funny how Dabi only came to him when it was convenience for him.

He closes his eyes again underneath the mattress letting at a small sigh as he tried to go back to his nap.]

[ Dabi crosses his arms and waits. He's not surprised when there's no answer. It's absolutely Shigaraki's way to go about this shit. Can he really blame the man? No. The past few days have been harrowing and if Shigaraki is doing as badly as everyone says he is, then... it's his fault. He knows it. Did he really think he could avoid this asshole forever?

He doesn't kick at the door again. Instead he just goes inside and kicks his boots off at the door. He nearly trips over several things in the dark, but he's light on his toes, making his way over to the mattress. He can see the Shigaraki shaped lump, even in the dark. ]

Hey, creep. I know you're awake.

[He doesn't hear Dabi make his way through the room. All he assumes is that the other is standing at the doorway based on what he could hear. He turns under the covers, muttering;]

Go away.

[ He considers just going away, but the longer he stares at the lump, the less he wants to actually go, and he realizes just how angry he is at himself for letting his shit get to him once again. Nothing has felt right the past three days and he knows exactly why.

So he doesn't leave. He sits down and reaches out to where Shigaraki's head is under the blanket and he runs his hand along the lump, tugging it down a little so he can slide his fingers into the top of his hair, caressing through the strands.]

[Shigaraki lets out a startled grunt when Dabi runs his hand along the blanket. The hand in his hair feels good. He almost lets go of his tired anger with just how gentle it feels because it reminds him of a distant memory. But it's Dabi's hand, not his Master's hand.

He tries to burrow back under the blanket, but there isn't anywhere else for him to run. He's trapped here, forced to meet Dabi under Dabi's terms and not his own. With another frustrated grunt, he pulls the blankets down to his waist, revealing just what an awful mess he's made of his neck and wrists. The hand is already scratching at his face again- seems like even Dabi's caressing touch won't stop Shigaraki from tearing his face up.]

What?

[ Dabi doesn't say anything at first. He lets his gaze run across the other man, wincing when he sees all the damage that's been done. Dabi wants to reach out and grab Shigaraki's hand away from his face, but he can't. Everything feels so tilted sideways after the other day.

He needed space. But maybe he shouldn't have gone about it the way he did.

He digs deep, knowing what he wants to say, but finding it incredibly hard to do so. He can't remember the last time he said these words. Seems like a distant memory, too. But this isn't distant. Shigaraki is right here. He was right there, reaching out to him when he needed help the other day. He helped Dabi, and there's only one thing he really wants to say. ]

I'm sorry.

[He stops mid itch as Dabi apologizes, nails pressing hard into his skin as the words hit him like a truck. It's the words that make him pull his hand away from his face as he gawks at Dabi. Shigaraki can't help but feel guilty too. In a way, what happened was his fault. He'd tried to push Dabi's boundaries.

Tired eyes look away as he nods.]

Me too.

[ Dabi wants to reach out and take that hand, pull it closer to him so there's no way Shigaraki can start scratching himself again, but he still feels too far away. He didn't think things would get this bad.

But of course they did, because they've been living off of this lately. Feeding each other with it. And then Dabi went and took all of it away for days and now he feels as fucking ruined as Shigaraki looks.

Dabi isn't really sure what Shigaraki is sorry for, but it seems like a good thing for them to say to each other after this bullshit. ]

Can I lay down with you?

[There's some hesitancy to it when Dabi asks but he nods again as he scoots over to make room for Dabi. He does however make a point to roll onto his side so that his back is facing the other. Shigaraki isn't wearing his gloves tonight so he does it more out of safety of the other. He didn't expect Dabi to be here, otherwise he would have worn the gloves. But there's a part of him that is too afraid to face Dabi. Afraid he's going to set something off again when that wasn't his intentions.]

[ That's fine with Dabi. He gets it. Both the hesitancy and the way Shigaraki rolls onto his side. No matter. It works for both of them in the end.

Dabi lays down, pulling the covers around himself as well, then moves a hand to Shigaraki's side as he presses in close. He wants to be closer and he thinks he's can handle it. It's not like last time. Anyway, Shigaraki feels cold and Dabi presses along his back, radiating his warmth out to him.

Once he's close enough, he leans his head in and he kisses along the back of Shigaraki's neck, moving the kisses further forward along some of the fresh wounds there. ]

I shouldn't have left you.

[Shigaraki isn't expecting much from Dabi when he'd rolled over. Not after that incident a few nights back. But the hand on his side is a surprise. He lets Dabi do what he wants, making no moves to pull away or press into the warmth. The whole encounter is pleasant and Shigaraki welcomes every bit of Dabi's touches. The warmth makes him forget about his own painful skin.

He lets out a soft sigh as Dabi kisses the back of his neck, wincing slightly when his lips press against some of his fresher wounds.]

You didn't leave me. [Leaving would be like what Master had done. Gone away where he couldn't reach him. He couldn't reach Dabi for a while but that was somehow different?]

Hm. It felt like i did.

[Maybe it was only a few days, but it felt a lot longer, and Shigaraki had torn himself up badly in those few days. Dabi actually feels bad. Responsible in a way he's not used to feeling

He wonders how long he would have carried on if it wasn't for Kurogiri's interference...
He wonders if the other man knew this would happen as soon as he saw Shigaraki again. ]

Are you tired?

[He's quiet when Dabi goes on about leaving him. It's a topic he wishes they could just ignore. Put this whole thing behind them.] Yeah.

[He is tired in more ways than one. Though he can't quite put a finger on it, Shigaraki also feels drained. Emotionally exhausted could be used to describe the kind of tired he's feeling.

He shifts slightly against Dabi, craning his neck to look back at the other.]

Aren't you tired?