(no subject)

[creamation]

Comments

[retrievearms]

[Shigaraki lets out a startled grunt when Dabi runs his hand along the blanket. The hand in his hair feels good. He almost lets go of his tired anger with just how gentle it feels because it reminds him of a distant memory. But it's Dabi's hand, not his Master's hand.

He tries to burrow back under the blanket, but there isn't anywhere else for him to run. He's trapped here, forced to meet Dabi under Dabi's terms and not his own. With another frustrated grunt, he pulls the blankets down to his waist, revealing just what an awful mess he's made of his neck and wrists. The hand is already scratching at his face again- seems like even Dabi's caressing touch won't stop Shigaraki from tearing his face up.]

What?

[creamation]

[ Dabi doesn't say anything at first. He lets his gaze run across the other man, wincing when he sees all the damage that's been done. Dabi wants to reach out and grab Shigaraki's hand away from his face, but he can't. Everything feels so tilted sideways after the other day.

He needed space. But maybe he shouldn't have gone about it the way he did.

He digs deep, knowing what he wants to say, but finding it incredibly hard to do so. He can't remember the last time he said these words. Seems like a distant memory, too. But this isn't distant. Shigaraki is right here. He was right there, reaching out to him when he needed help the other day. He helped Dabi, and there's only one thing he really wants to say. ]

I'm sorry.

[retrievearms]

[He stops mid itch as Dabi apologizes, nails pressing hard into his skin as the words hit him like a truck. It's the words that make him pull his hand away from his face as he gawks at Dabi. Shigaraki can't help but feel guilty too. In a way, what happened was his fault. He'd tried to push Dabi's boundaries.

Tired eyes look away as he nods.]

Me too.

[creamation]

[ Dabi wants to reach out and take that hand, pull it closer to him so there's no way Shigaraki can start scratching himself again, but he still feels too far away. He didn't think things would get this bad.

But of course they did, because they've been living off of this lately. Feeding each other with it. And then Dabi went and took all of it away for days and now he feels as fucking ruined as Shigaraki looks.

Dabi isn't really sure what Shigaraki is sorry for, but it seems like a good thing for them to say to each other after this bullshit. ]

Can I lay down with you?

[retrievearms]

[There's some hesitancy to it when Dabi asks but he nods again as he scoots over to make room for Dabi. He does however make a point to roll onto his side so that his back is facing the other. Shigaraki isn't wearing his gloves tonight so he does it more out of safety of the other. He didn't expect Dabi to be here, otherwise he would have worn the gloves. But there's a part of him that is too afraid to face Dabi. Afraid he's going to set something off again when that wasn't his intentions.]

[creamation]

[ That's fine with Dabi. He gets it. Both the hesitancy and the way Shigaraki rolls onto his side. No matter. It works for both of them in the end.

Dabi lays down, pulling the covers around himself as well, then moves a hand to Shigaraki's side as he presses in close. He wants to be closer and he thinks he's can handle it. It's not like last time. Anyway, Shigaraki feels cold and Dabi presses along his back, radiating his warmth out to him.

Once he's close enough, he leans his head in and he kisses along the back of Shigaraki's neck, moving the kisses further forward along some of the fresh wounds there. ]

I shouldn't have left you.

[retrievearms]

[Shigaraki isn't expecting much from Dabi when he'd rolled over. Not after that incident a few nights back. But the hand on his side is a surprise. He lets Dabi do what he wants, making no moves to pull away or press into the warmth. The whole encounter is pleasant and Shigaraki welcomes every bit of Dabi's touches. The warmth makes him forget about his own painful skin.

He lets out a soft sigh as Dabi kisses the back of his neck, wincing slightly when his lips press against some of his fresher wounds.]

You didn't leave me. [Leaving would be like what Master had done. Gone away where he couldn't reach him. He couldn't reach Dabi for a while but that was somehow different?]

[creamation]

Hm. It felt like i did.

[Maybe it was only a few days, but it felt a lot longer, and Shigaraki had torn himself up badly in those few days. Dabi actually feels bad. Responsible in a way he's not used to feeling

He wonders how long he would have carried on if it wasn't for Kurogiri's interference...
He wonders if the other man knew this would happen as soon as he saw Shigaraki again. ]

Are you tired?

[retrievearms]

[He's quiet when Dabi goes on about leaving him. It's a topic he wishes they could just ignore. Put this whole thing behind them.] Yeah.

[He is tired in more ways than one. Though he can't quite put a finger on it, Shigaraki also feels drained. Emotionally exhausted could be used to describe the kind of tired he's feeling.

He shifts slightly against Dabi, craning his neck to look back at the other.]

Aren't you tired?

[creamation]

[ He wants to put the whole thing behind him, but everything still feels like it's on overdrive in his head. He wants to address a lot of things- some about the other night, but he knows it's too fresh and they're both so tired.

When Shigaraki shifts to look at him, Dabi reaches out and pushes his hair back again, nodding. ]

Yeah. I am. Try and get some sleep, okay? I'll be here.

[retrievearms]

Okay. [Shigaraki lets his head fall back to his pillow. He closes his eyes and his entire body relaxes when Dabi says he'll be there. It's like he lets go of all his worries because the other promises to stay.

Soon it's clear that he's drifted to sleep, hands sprawled out far away from his body.]

[creamation]

[ Dabi waits for Shigaraki to relax, his fingers moving through his hair. It's a constant motion until the other falls asleep, and only then does he let himself relax into the mattress as well.

He stays close, his back still pressed against the other man's and for once, it doesn't seem so bad. He can tolerate it- more than tolerate it. He can actually relax around Shigaraki and even rest his weight against him as he falls asleep. He's exhausted, mentally and physically drained. He knows they'll have to talk about this, but instead of fearing that conversation like he had just days ago, he wonders if it might help, no matter how exposed he might feel. ]

[retrievearms]

[It's a peaceful night for Shigaraki. One that isn't full of any bad or unpleasant memories. Actually there wasn't a whole lot to say about his night because it felt like an empty night for Shigaraki. But it wasn't exactly empty.

Dabi's there, warm and firm against Shigaraki's cold and hardened body. He doesn't move when he wakes up. Trying to enjoy the moment a little while longer until he has to shift slightly to scratch at the itch bubbling beneath some scabs on his neck.

He moves too so that he's on his back now and able to look at Dabi while scratching.]

[creamation]

[ Dabi sleeps as peacefully as possible, which is better than the last couple of nights. He's always far too warm when he wakes up, but Shigaraki helps leech some of that warmth away.

He does wake when Shigaraki starts shifting around, though, but he doesn't move away. He rearranges himself so he's on his side, sliding a leg over the other man's as he opens his eyes. Carefully he reaches up and slides his fingers along Shigaraki's wrist, circling around it to pull his hand away. ]

You've made a mess of yourself.

[retrievearms]

[He doesn't pull away but Dabi wasn't quick enough for him to pull at one scab. Fresh blood pools in the little dip his fingers have forcibly made.]

No I haven't. I'm always a mess. [They both are pretty messed up in their own ways. Dabi's got scarred tissue over 50% of his body and Shigaraki? Well. Between the ashen skin that's sunken and abused, he's also got scars that are permanent. Most prominently the ones across the left corner of his lip and over his right eye.

But Shigaraki knows what Dabi means. He isn't usually freshly bleeding like this.]

Let go, it really itches.

[creamation]

You're covered in scratches. I saw them all last night.

[And now, when he lets his gaze run across the other man. He's watched Shigaraki go from an anxious, overthinking creep who scratched himself raw every chance he got, to something else entirely, where bruises and kisses took their place, and those anxious itches diminished to almost none.

So he knows what this is. He's been around Shigaraki for long enough now. He doesn't let go.]

Where are your gloves?

[retrievearms]

[He doesn't pull his hand away still. Instead, he draws his other hand up to his neck to itch. It's not an anxious sort of itch. But it's definitely the kind of idle itch that really doesn't need to be scratched. The kind that's all in Shigaraki's head.]

Behind you.

[They're a little blackened and stiff from the event two nights ago. Not to mentioned stained with jizz from the aforementioned event. They definitely need a good washing in some softner.]

[creamation]

[ He still doesn't let go, even when Shigaraki's other hand goes up to scratch. It's frustrating, but Dabi is patient. He knows they wouldn't be here like this at all if it wasn't for him.

He doesn't blame Shigaraki in the least.

Reaching behind him, he grabs the gloves, but they're definitely a mess. Everything in this room is a mess. He can see why Kurogiri finally cornered him to go see Shigaraki again. ]

You think you're always this much of a mess, but you're not. And even if you are? Fuck it. You're my mess.

[He tosses the gloves aside and sits up, grabbing Shigaraki's other arm to pull it away from his neck and tug him to sit up with him.]

I'll give you bath. A warm bath. And then you need to stop this.

[retrievearms]

[Shigaraki glares. He didn't ask for a pep talk this early in the morning. You're my mess.

Without the use of his hands, he rubs his head into his shoulder. He tries to tell himself that this is all in his head but it's so much harder without distractions or people telling him that whatever is bothering him isn't the issue.]

Dabi I'm not a dog. [Dog? No. Child? Yeah. A bath does sound nice though-] I don't need a bath.

[creamation]

I didn't say you were a dog, I said I'll give you a bath.

[He still doesn't know how else to distract Shigaraki from his inner thoughts and tics, other than with himself, with his touches, with forcing him away from it if he has to. He's not very good at this. Being nurturing was never his thing. But even Shigaraki could reach out and help him the other day, so he has to find it in himself to be nurturing, or whatever. ]

You need a bath, trust me.

[He rubs his thumbs back and forth along the backs Shigaraki's hands. ]

You helped me and I pushed you away. It was stupid. Let me be here for you now. I wanna be here with you now.

[retrievearms]

[Dabi means well but the thumb accidentally irritates the raw skin on Shigaraki's wrists, eliciting a small hiss of displeasure from the mess of a man.]

You don't have to give me a bath to be here for me.

[He's really pushing back on this whole bath business. But he still hasn't pulled away. Not even when Dabi accidentally touched the parts of his wrist that actually hurt.]

I helped because you needed help.

[Implying that he doesn't need help because he does. They both need lots of help.]

[creamation]

I know I don't, Tomura. That's not the point.

[ Dabi almost pulls back... but he doesn't want to disconnect.

He stills his fingers, but he still keeps a hold. He doesn't want to let go. They've been apart for too many days now and it's wearing on him. On both of them, apparently. He doesn't want to start over from scratch, trying to worm his way back into the depths of Shigaraki. ]

I know.

But I really think you could use a bath and I'll even get in the tub with you. I could probably use one too. Take a bath with me.

[retrievearms]

[Using his real name gets Shigaraki to shut up. His name puts him at ease, for a moment. Even the rubbing of his head against his shoulder stops as he peers up at Dabi. There's a reason why Kurogiri and Master always addressed Shigaraki by his full name- it got his attention and was an easy way to reason with him.

Slowly he nods, and with a sigh;]

Alright.

[Realistically he's probably just going to sit in the water and stare at it. Or Dabi. He still doesn't want a bath but the simple fact that Dabi used Tomura and not Shigaraki has him being more open to the idea.]

[creamation]

[ The effect he was hoping for. The effect that he knows it'll have on his... partner. Lover. Whatever the two of them are. They still haven't quite figured that out yet, but Dabi knows now that it's deep.

He also says Shigaraki's name because it makes him feel closer to the other man, and he needs that right now. Any bit of closeness to make up for this drought. ]

Alright. Come on.

[he says gently, letting go of Shigaraki's wrists so he can get up, but then he holds his hand out to the other man. He knows Shigaraki is always careful. From the very start, he always has been.

Realistically Dabi knows that Shigaraki is just going to sit in the water and stare at it, or him. He doesn't mind or care. He's still going to give him a bath. He knows Shigaraki will feel better once the warm water surrounds him.]

[retrievearms]

[He's always careful, which is why he lifts his index finger up from the rest of his fingers that grasp onto Dabi's hand. After he stands up straight, he sort of awkwardly grabs his arm with his free hand and rubs at it. The itch is still there, bugging him.

Dabi won't have to start completely over with taking down the walls that Shigaraki has thrown up but he'll definitely have a bit of some hurdles to cross over. For today anyways.

He lets Dabi lead him to the bathroom and disassociates when the water gets turned on. Staring glumly at Dabi's back and then at the water coming out of the faucet. Shigaraki sighs again, he should be happier that Dabi's back but it's still a huge wrinkle in their relationship that they have to iron out. Maybe they'll talk about it eventually. When they're both clean and not anxious.]