[ dabi leans hard against the wall when keigo sets him down, just trying to catch his breath. he's in terrible shape and he knows that keigo doesn't really know why. he doesn't know the extent of what dabi's quirk does to his body because dabi never had a chance to explain it to him. he supposes he had been putting it off, but now he's run out of time.
he wants to help secure the place, but he really can't, finding it hard to even stay upright right now. so he just watches keigo as he tries to slow his breathing, wishing that the other man would stop and take a moment to breathe, too. ]
Kei, slow down...
[he manages to pant out, grabbing a hold of keigo's wrists with his still overly heated hands.]
Just stop for a minute, okay? S'fine. I'll be fine. Lookit me. Stop.
[keigo about shakes his head, too worried about his villain that he doesn’t stop to think about himself. how could he when he caused all this mess to begin with?
but, dabi taking his hands gets the hero to look up with sad eyes, coming to return the hold of the villain’s hands. they’re still warm. warmer than usual.
if dabi were to wrap his arms around keigo, the heat would make him weak in the villain’s grip.
the hero nods his head though, calming the fretting. he hates that they’re in this position, that dabi is hurt like this. what if he never gains back his sight? what is keigo’s voice is always coarse?
he tries to mouth a few words, then sighs and bumps his head against dabi’s head. he motions for dabi’s pockets like before, quietly asking for the phone again.]
[ dabi doesn't get how weak heat makes keigo, because his bird is always drawn to it. if he'd wrap his arms around him now, would it really make him weak?
he doesn't think he could do so anyway right now, for so many reasons, even if keigo looks at him with those sad eyes.
dabi just wants keigo to stop. to breathe. to calm himself long enough so they can get their barring straight once again. if that's even possible at this point. dabi still barely knows what the hell is going on.
he's even reluctant to hand his phone over once again, but he fishes it out of his pocket, handing it over. ]
[it’s weak in the sense that he gets tired more easily. he does like it though, especially in the early mornings, wrapped up in a mess of arms and legs. he might fall asleep if he were in dabi’s arms though.
especially given how exhausted he already was.
he doesn’t catch how reluctant his lover is with the phone, but he does try to keep calming down, relaxing as much as he could given their predicament. once the phone is in hand, he holds it to his chest, listening to his lover and nodding in agreement.
he comes to sit down beside dabi, eyes blinking tiredly as he settles. he’s been going strong for awhile now. he hadn’t even realized it. once he feels relaxed enough, he holds up the phone, to start typing.]
[ it's the easiest thing in the world to finally sink down onto the floor with keigo, just letting himself collapse there and know he doesn't have to get up for at least a little bit.
they have to tend to their wounds and get some rest, but for now... for now this is good enough.
there's so much on dabi's mind that he doesn't know where to begin, so he just tries to put that aside for now as well, and closes his eyes once he feels keigo settle against him, the tenseness leaving him just a little bit as well. he could fall asleep here he's so exhausted, but then he hears keigo typing and he blinks his eyes open once the apology comes out through the phone. ]
For which part?
[he can't help but ask, because there's so much. there's so much he doesn't even remember to be upset about- but he asks it more tiredly than accusingly, but it's still there.]
[keigo barely catches how dabi’s eyes are closed. he feels a little guilty for that. dabi must need to rest and here he is trying to apologize for....well, everything.
he doesn’t know where to start honestly.
he has so much to explain. so much to bring up. how does he bring this all up? how can he even begin to explain? dabi deserves to know it all.
maybe he knows where to start.
but not right now. they really need to rest.]
Everything. But, for leaving you earlier. There’s a lot that I don’t know going on. I just want to keep you safe.
Why'd ya leave? Why'd ya just run off like that? I made think you were... I dunno. Made me feel like I couldn't trust you.
[something he's struggled with for so long. it's been so back and forth and it feels like just when he thinks he can trust keigo, there's something else. and then now, with all this surveillance bullshit going on, he doesn't know what to think.]
Just know there's shit ya ain't tellin' me, Keigo.
[he says quietly, letting his head fall back against the wall. his gaze is still on the other man, though. but then he shakes his head and puts his hand over the phone.]
Later. Just... fuckin' leave it. Whether you're lyin' to me or not, this is where we're at, and I'm with ya on this.
[clearly no matter how he feels about keigo and what he might be hiding from him, dabi will kill for him. there's no way he'd leave him behind now, no matter what. he just hopes he isn't making a mistake here.]
[immediately keigo wants to respond, even parting his lips to do so. he wanted to explain what he could. his lack of voice stops him, and he tries to think to correctly explain it all.
what a time to have no voice.
dabi lowers the phone down, and keigo’s eyebrows furrow. he opens his mouth again and closes it, then nods his head. he hates that they’re like this, but he can’t force it. there’s plenty of unanswered questions for dabi. keigo is even lost to some of it.
he sighs and rests the phone down between them. they both needed rest and could use it.
he pulls his knees up, wrapping his arms around them, chin resting forward. he’ll try to relax, but he wants to make sure they’re both safe at the same time.]
[ he does want answers at least to why keigo left him, but it's fine. they need some time, and he doesn't have the energy for what he knows is coming. lies and betrayals and god knows what else.
it's going to be too much, he can already feel it, and he just needs some time to rest before facing all of it. he knows keigo needs it too, because despite all of this shit, dabi needs him to be okay too. he needs to make sure his birdie is alright.
that's why he hates the way keigo curls into himself, almost as if it's away from him. he gets it, because he feels the same way, but he doesn't want it to be that way this whole time. for now he feels like there's nothing he can do with it either, though. one step at a time, he supposes.
for now, he pulls out the kit the doctor gave him and holds it out.]
Bandages and lots of burn cream. Ya need this too, Kei. Got drops in there for my eyes, too. Let's get ya patched up and go lay down.
[keigo would desire nothing more than to curl up with his villain. he didn’t realize how much he missed it after everything had happen in the last twenty-four hours.
but he doesn’t have the right to reach and hold his lover. not until he earns that right again.
the hero comes to perk up as dabi brings out the kit, knees lowering back down. he almost wants to tell dabi to use the supplies first before him, but he knows what the villain will say to that.
keigo crawls to settle in front of dabi, nodding his head in agreement. he slowly nudges off the tattered remains of his shirt. it does takes a little squirming though, but the hero manages. he drops it, revealing burns on his skin, more on his neck and definitely plenty on his back. the air makes it a bit uncomfortable.
for the first time since meeting dabi, he feels a little embarrassed about being exposed like this.]
[ again, it's a wonder how much he misses keigo talking and yapping away. he's gotten so used to that constant sound, always filling the empty spaces around them.
and to think it's probably his fault. keigo went into his fire and got burned. dabi still doesn't understand the full details of that.
at least keigo uncurls from himself now, moving in front of him to look through the kit. he doesn't think anything of it when keigo pulls his shirt off. he shifts closer so he can help, though, still unable to see much of anything at all. he's going to do his best though, even if his hands feel so numb as well. ]
Can I put the cream on ya? It'll help a lot. It's Ujiko's wonder cream shit. Works real well. It'll help my hands too, once I start puttin' it on ya.
[staring at dabi like this, keigo thinks back to when he didn’t screw everything up. he wants to be honest and truthful, but it keeps costing both of them so much of it.
on one hand, he wants to tell dabi anything and everything. on the other, he wants to get to the bottom of a few other things and just...run.
in the end, he really wants to be right here, with dabi. no more heroes. no more commission.
keigo swallows and nods his head, trusting dabi to take care of the burns. and, if it also helps dabi out, it was a win-win situation.
he itches to take back the phone, just to fill the walls with some sort of extra speech. even if he talks about nonsense. he hates the silence.
and, it would get dabi to talk more too. his villain’s voice always keep him calm.]
[ it's strange how much things have changed from what he can remember to now. almost feels like it isn't even real. if he could only remember... but maybe it's best that he doesn't right now. everything got so fucked up so fast.
he takes the burn cream out of the kit when keigo gives the okay, and slides a little closer to him, wincing at the movement. his body feels strange as well- almost like it's not even completely his own. it's the way it feels numb, but somehow in a lot of pain. he tries not to think about how he might stay like this if his body really was pushed to the limit.
it's too soon.
opening the cream up, dabi squints a bit, trying to pinpoint where the burns might be the worst along keigo's front. he scoots forward again, because it's a little easier this way, and then he starts rubbing the cream in where he can.]
My body can't handle my Quirk. Ever since I was a little kid... ever since my Quirk manifested, actually. Didn't matter to anyone back then though, ya know? It was powerful so it had to be used. Had to be developed so I could be... whatever the fuck he wanted me to be. But it don't stop. The longer I use it the worst it gets. Wouldn't want the heroes findin' out about that and usin' it against me.
[he figures this is as good a time to tell Keigo as any.]
[he probably should take the burn cream from dabi and clean them both up himself. he’s sure the villain would argue it though, and keigo didn’t need nor want to upset dabi even further. he appreciates it though, the way his villain begins to rub in the ointment.
plus, it was good for his hands too, right?
but, dabi should probably rest his eyes. keigo could take care of everything.
although, it’s hard resisting how he leans into dabi’s touch, head tilting while one hand comes to wrap around dabi’s wrist to lead his lover. the hot texture on his skin is starting to cool down, thankfully. it’s nice. he hopes it helps.
somewhere, keigo’s eyes close, but come to flutter back open when dabi begins to speak. he can’t help but look over the villain worriedly. he...had a suspicion before over it. his chest pulls and keigo rubs the scarred flesh in his grip instinctively.
keigo’s other hand comes forward, cupping dabi’s face briefly. he even mouths, ‘i want to protect you’. maybe too sentimental, but they’ve been through a lot together, especially in the last few days.]
[it feels better this way, with the two of them here together, Keigo's hand around his wrist to guide him. The motion starts to calm him as well, and while it's hard for him to see or to even feel much of anything right now, it's still good.
He doesn't know the extent of the damage on his body right now. The last time Ujiko checked him out he warned Dabi to be careful. That it was progressing and if he keeps using his flames at full force his body will break down faster.
He always swore to himself he'd never be scared anymore, but he's a little scared right now.
Maybe that's why Keigo's sentimental words fold around his heart the way they do. He can't be a spy. He can't be a traitor. He wouldn't go through all of this with him if that were true. Right?]
You can protect me by tellin' me the truth. By stickin' with me. I wanna believe ya. I wanna know you're on my side. Not the heroes, not Re-destro, not whoever else is pullin' your strings. Mine.
[he says as he slides his hands up around Keigo's neck, spreading the ointment there.]
[with the confirmation over dabi's admittance to his weakness, keigo needed to be sure the villain doesn't overdo it anywhere. although...if what he believes to be true, he can see dabi doing just that with what keigo has to offer.
they would have to be smart about it. he couldn't risk his villain getting himself killed. keigo refused to lose him.
the hero comes to rub dabi's wrist again, tilting his head and nuzzling it too, affectionately, and looking at the villain with complete honest eyes. he mouths a, 'i'll tell you everything. i won't lie.' he wasn't on anyone else side but dabi. he can't even completely say he's on the side of the league. he just wanted to be at dabi's side. he likes the league though. he also likes a few heroes. maybe. but in the end, it's wherever dabi went.
keigo can't part from this. he can't go back to his old life.
he doesn't want to either.
'i need to ask you an important question. please?' he mouths next, looking longing and worried over his lover. he needed to use the phone for this too. he knows he was told to wait, but he has to know.]
[ there's more dabi wants to tell keigo, oddly enough. he's not big on sharing and he knows his bird knows that, but he's tired of things not being honest and upfront between them.
no more secrets, keigo had said. easier said than done of course, but dabi knows that if he wants the truth he's gonna have to give a little too.
at this point he knows it's the bare minimum, telling keigo something he can probably already see in front of him- all these burns and the way his body is reacting to his own flames- but at least it's something. it's more than dabi has ever really shared before.
most of all though, he needs to know that keigo is on his side.
when the hero tells dabi he wont lie- that he'll tell him everything, dabi wants to believe it. he also knows that whatever this important question is, he's going to have to answer it. he looks reluctant for a moment, but then he nods, pulling his hands away so he can reach for his phone and hold it back out to keigo. ]
[keigo definitely knows, and even understands, that dabi isn't keen on sharing personal information. he never pesters the villain about it though. he's always shared everything himself without expecting it in return.
he's always wanted dabi to come to him on his own terms.
it doesn't make him trust dabi any less either. he's more than appreciative that his villain has come forward over his weakness. it's something keigo intends to take silently and to the death if need be. he won't ever admit or discuss it out loud to anyone but dabi.
briefly, keigo is worried that the villain won't want to answer the question the hero has for him. he needs dabi to trust him, like he trusts the villain in return. he knows he still needs to prove it, to show dabi how much he means to the hero. he hopes he can provide that for him as soon as possible. he would do anything here and now, so long as he stay here.
thankfully, dabi passes over the phone and keigo mouths a 'thank you'. he holds it to his chest, taking in a breath of air. he's worried. he's scared. then, opening up the voice app, he proceeds to type.]
Please, trust me. No one has to know but us. You gave me so many hints last night, and I, I just want to know.
[he starts with, almost tempted to offer that dabi could keep his throat burned like this forever and sever his fingers if it meant trusting him. he knows how exactly that anger works, and keigo isn't trying to bring it out. they're both too exhausted to fight. and, keigo is done fighting with his lover.]
[ the thing is, dabi doesn't exactly think keigo has shared all that much with him either. he has a name, but not much more than that. they've really only just started to learn a few things about each other that are more than just about being a hero or a villain.
dabi had only really just started to open up to the idea of maybe staying over at keigo's place overnight, too. they had really only started with so much.
when it comes to trust, they are skating on even thinner ice- but dabi was willing to listen before, and he wants to listen now. he only wishes he could remember what happened in between. maybe once he gets some sleep and heals a little.
but there are too many things to talk about and questions to answer now, so he's willing to try. it does make him nervous when keigo looks so worried about it, though.]
Last night...? Ya mean the parts I can't remember?
[that's troubling, because he can't even wrack his brain to try and figure out what he said, or what keigo is thinking. but then there it is, all out in the open. a name he hasn't heard for years. a name that makes him tense up hard, because this is not how this was supposed to go. what did he say last night that he can't remember?
It's the worst spot for him to be in. he already feels vulnerable, not being able to see or remember, and barely even stand. he can feel the pressure building up inside his chest, making his heart beat hard and fast, and again it feels like everything is slipping through his fingers.
he wants to lash out desperately, but he doesn't even have the energy for it. he can feel his heat moving through his body but it hurts and all he can do is glare at keigo, wrapping his arms around his middle.]
Wow, must've been some fuckin' conversation last night that I can't remember. Didja do somethin' to me? That's why I can't remember and now you're askin' me this shit?
[it's an odd and terrible thing, having keigo seemingly undo in an instant what he's been working towards all this time, without even really knowing it.
is that what he really believes? that keigo doesn't know anything more than this? that maybe he really did just figured it out?
he wants to get up and run, or even just get up and move away just to put some space between himself and all that he wasn't ready to reveal just yet. instead, he just lets his anger die down and drops his head in his hands, curling his fingers tight into his hair. ]
Yeah. I am. How'd ya figure it out?
[he lifts his head then to look at keigo- not that he can see him much anyways, but he wants to at least try and see if there's truth in his eyes.]
[dabi can't remember the bigger parts keigo shared with the villain. he forgets that here, even though he was very raw and open with the other male before. it may seem like only a name before then though, however keigo has always given bits and pieces, as small as they were, to dabi.
it might mean nothing to the villain, but to the hero, it was a lot. he shared things he hasn't done before, coming to trust dabi to get them this far.
but while he does trust the villain, keigo still can't help but also feel wary and worried over bringing up the subject he did. it's almost like a repeated spiral from the night before as he catches and feel the anger from the villain. he knows it's a sensitive subject, that there's a very good reason as to why dabi hid himself all these years.
but keigo can't even mask the hurt in his eyes that's briefly there at the accusations. why would he hide this? why make it seem like he was doing this for his own gain? all because he was a hero? keigo doesn't ask this though. his energy is low and bare, and he only wants to help his lover from here.
at first, he tries shaking his head, anxiety building that he's stuck with his villain's anger again, fingers trembling over the keypad from his nervous disposition-
but, then dabi's anger cools down, it seems. keigo scoots back a bit, looking the villain over, but keeping some distance. it all stems from how sensitive he is now towards dabi's anger. they've always split and gave each other time, as much as it had upset keigo before doing that. they were supposed to communicate. not that dabi would remember, given his loss of memories from the night before. keigo does remind himself how terrible dabi was at it though.
once he gains his bearings, keigo types over the phone, to answer dabi's question.]
Last night, you mentioned Endeavor as if you knew him. That you were nervous-or anxious about him. Then, when you left, you said to say 'hi to your dad' for you. And, I just, I assumed it had to be Endeavor.
[he looks up with honest eyes, scared now in a different way. so it was true. after swallowing, he starts to type again.]
I don't want to go back to the heroes or my handlers. I just, I want to be with you. Will you let me stay? Please?
[ all of it means something to dabi, but keigo always leaves him with doubt in the end. what can he even believe is true when he feels like he gets yanked around so much? even now- especially now, when dabi remembers going to keigo's to try and work things out and then something terrible happened that lead them here.
he can't imagine that keigo had nothing to do with that. even more so, he knows it because keigo lied.
so no, there's a lot of everything that keigo might think is raw and open, that never quite seemed that way because it was always shrouded in lies.
there's a lot that dabi knows keigo is still hiding, so there's plenty of reasons for him to think that keigo is doing this for his own gain. the truth that dabi doesn't know is that it really is something like that, with keigo dragging him around. keigo is damn lucky dabi doesn't remember that part right now.
at this moment he really wishes he could. ]
Why'd I mention Endeavor?
[he asks angrily, but it's more out of frustration that he can't remember. why would he bring him up in the first place? there are so many holes and now keigo suddenly knows who he is. his entire plan hinged on no one knowing till it was time.]
Why the fuck would I say that to ya? What happened?
[god, he didn't want to do this now. why are they doing this now? he's even more nervous now that he knows he referenced that piece of shit father of his as if keigo was going to go see him. as if he knew keigo would talk to him.
this feels bad and confusing, and dabi suddenly feels like he's suffocating even more. Keigo knows. he knows. ]
Tell me what I'm missin' first. Just fuckin' tell me, Keigo!
[this problem could be so easily solved if he could just give dabi a glimpse of everything that happened. but, maybe that would also anger his villain in a different way, that he held back such information for the portion of the day.
although, he really did want dabi to get himself healed and looked into. he's so worried over the villain's burns and eyes.
he can't push any of this off any longer. dabi was about to spiral, and keigo needed to keep him from using his quirk. although, this would fan some of that anger too. like a bandaid, he had to rip it off. still, it's hard to get his head into the game, holding tight to the phone, listening as dabi's anger grows.
he swallows, but calms his nerves, and begins to force himself to type. like dabi, he didn't want to do this now, however, he had to. putting it off meant that he was hiding something. keigo wasn't. he just...hated their fighting. he hated the anger, the thing that fans dabi's flames.]
Last night, I told you I was hired as a spy by the Hero Commission. But I'm not a spy. I really did want to meet you, to provide you intel so you would kill my handlers. I never provided the hero commission with anything but the knowledge they already knew. I know it's wrong that I didn't tell you before. I shouldn't have hidden it, but I was scared that I would fall into a trap set by my handlers.
[keigo trembles, hating that he's coming to admit this all over again. if dabi were to get beyond angry again, to threaten and leave, keigo would be alone again. he can't justify returning to his handlers, not without reason enough to be locked away in a cage.
and there's only one reason he can think of to return to them.
keigo's fingers itch to type more, babble and reveal everything in one go, but he stops himself this time. it didn't work well in his favor the previous night. and, why try when dabi might push him away anyway?]
We fought. Over and over. I told you about the tracking device. I've always assumed you ordered it on me. And, from there, you assumed I was going to bring the heroes to us, and I wasn't. I've only been wanting to get away from my handlers since they first started to sell me. We fought again, and we ended up separating, and that's when you said it, about your dad.
[ more than anything, dabi wishes keigo still had his voice. he could explain all of this normally and not leave dabi stewing in all this anger, with all these questions. then again, he's pretty sure that even when keigo did have his voice he was slow to tell him the truth.
that's why they're in this mess in the first place.
but enough is enough. too much has happened now and keigo knows his name. he knows who he is, and dabi feels angry and betrayed. he needs answers. he knows he won't like them, but he's already setting himself up for it. the truth has to come out, no matter what it is.
What Keigo does tell him has dabi tensing up more. The only thing worse than keigo knowing his name would be if it turned out he was a spy. ]
If that's true, why didn't ya fuckin' tell me! Ya didn't fuckin' wanna fall into their trap ya should've fuckin' told me! How the hell am I supposed to believe you now? How do I know you're not actually the fuckin' spy they set ya up to be?
[the tracking device, skeptic, something about endeavor that he can't quite remember but it's there, kicking around in his murky memories. if he felt like he was suffocating before, now he's drowning on top of it and he can feel his insides heating up painfully. he doesn't know what to do.
he pushes himself up, swaying hard, but he needs to put some space between them.]
Why didn't ya fuckin' tell me!
[he yells, but it's too much for his body. he coughs, wrapping his arms around himself and he collapses back down onto his knees, shaking his head.]
How'd ya find out? There's no fuckin' way ya figured out who I am from a goddamn throw away comment about my dad. Just tell me the truth Keigo.
[there it is. that familiar anger. he's done this enough times with dabi, and he's going down this road again. he knows he earns it though, the burning passion of heat that would burn him if he's not careful.
keigo isn't sure he can take another round of heat and fire again.
he hates that he can't talk, that he's forced to rely on the phone to speak for him. he's already typing as dabi shouts at him, flinching when he thinks the villain might actually use his fire against him, but he only gets up instead.]
I didn't tell you because you could have been working with my handlers. I've spent a majority of my life terrified of them, that if they even knew I was trying to kill them off, I would be killed myself, or worst. They don't work on the side that's good or bad, just on the side that comes off as morally right and whoever lines their pockets with money.
[he breathes out, looking down at the ground. he hates this. he hates being so raw and open. he hates that they're in this position again. why did dabi have to forget? it would have been easier to be sure the villain got home before keigo tried to hide away in shadows and dark alleys.
the phones drops from his hand as dabi collapses to his knees. worriedly, he crawls forward, afraid to touch dabi, but needing to look over the villain.
before he can reach to touch him though, the angry demand is there, and keigo backs off. he takes back the phone, typing hurriedly, making several typed errors that he tries to fix.]
You've always fixated on Endeavor before, and last night, when he was brought up, you only got angrier. I just assumed.
[ keigo should have thought about that before he started playing with fire this way. dabi doesn't think half of it is the truth, but maybe keigo is so deep in it that even he can't tell anymore. dabi can't believe how fucked up this is.
he can't believe that even after all of this, he thinks maybe maybe keigo is telling the truth. there's so much evidence against him and so many holes, but dabi is still questioning it.
the worst part is when keigo throws out the ridiculous excuse that he could have been working with his handlers. ]
That's bullshit Keigo. Do ya even fuckin' hear yourself? Now you're tryin'a blame your lies on me? On whether I was working with them or not? That's a new fuckin' low, even for you.
[ he remembers this anger now. this feeling of deep, intense pain and betrayal. he remembers standing in keigo's penthouse, dread filling him the more that the other man explained jumbled truths with lies. dabi presses the heel of his palm into his eye, feeling like he's going to be sick.
if keigo touches him, he might burst into flames, because he's trying everything in his power to reel it in right now. he's so upset. ]
When he was brought up? Why the fuck did ya bring him up, Keigo?
[dabi lifts his head up to look at keigo, his sight still blurry and dizzy. but there are things he remembers now, coming back in small pieces. he remembers going back for keigo despite it all. but what happened then? more lies... an explosion. more lies. Endeavor. keigo having no good reason as to why he didn't tell dabi, but somehow coming up with an excuse for it now.]
Ya let me lead us back to the base even though ya knew there were traitors there, and that they had us under surveillance. Ya let me do it because I couldn't remember. I can't fuckin' believe this. Ya wanted me to get caught. Were ya gonna hand me over to Endeavor too?
[he can feel tendrils of smoke coming out from the stitched up parts of his body, and the smell of burning flesh that he knows is coming from him. he tries to push himself up again because he needs to get further away. he needs to get out of here, but he doesn't make it that far. it's only at the furthest wall that he stops, sliding down it and curling into a ball, head down against his knees as he tries to reel it all back in.
this is the end. he can feel it. it's the end of everything. maybe he should just let himself go out in a flaming fire like he should have so many years ago. that should have been his end.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
he wants to help secure the place, but he really can't, finding it hard to even stay upright right now. so he just watches keigo as he tries to slow his breathing, wishing that the other man would stop and take a moment to breathe, too. ]
Kei, slow down...
[he manages to pant out, grabbing a hold of keigo's wrists with his still overly heated hands.]
Just stop for a minute, okay? S'fine. I'll be fine. Lookit me. Stop.
no subject
but, dabi taking his hands gets the hero to look up with sad eyes, coming to return the hold of the villain’s hands. they’re still warm. warmer than usual.
if dabi were to wrap his arms around keigo, the heat would make him weak in the villain’s grip.
the hero nods his head though, calming the fretting. he hates that they’re in this position, that dabi is hurt like this. what if he never gains back his sight? what is keigo’s voice is always coarse?
he tries to mouth a few words, then sighs and bumps his head against dabi’s head. he motions for dabi’s pockets like before, quietly asking for the phone again.]
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he doesn't think he could do so anyway right now, for so many reasons, even if keigo looks at him with those sad eyes.
dabi just wants keigo to stop. to breathe. to calm himself long enough so they can get their barring straight once again. if that's even possible at this point. dabi still barely knows what the hell is going on.
he's even reluctant to hand his phone over once again, but he fishes it out of his pocket, handing it over. ]
Can we sit down? Just right here. Sit with me.
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especially given how exhausted he already was.
he doesn’t catch how reluctant his lover is with the phone, but he does try to keep calming down, relaxing as much as he could given their predicament. once the phone is in hand, he holds it to his chest, listening to his lover and nodding in agreement.
he comes to sit down beside dabi, eyes blinking tiredly as he settles. he’s been going strong for awhile now. he hadn’t even realized it. once he feels relaxed enough, he holds up the phone, to start typing.]
I’m sorry.
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they have to tend to their wounds and get some rest, but for now... for now this is good enough.
there's so much on dabi's mind that he doesn't know where to begin, so he just tries to put that aside for now as well, and closes his eyes once he feels keigo settle against him, the tenseness leaving him just a little bit as well. he could fall asleep here he's so exhausted, but then he hears keigo typing and he blinks his eyes open once the apology comes out through the phone. ]
For which part?
[he can't help but ask, because there's so much. there's so much he doesn't even remember to be upset about- but he asks it more tiredly than accusingly, but it's still there.]
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he doesn’t know where to start honestly.
he has so much to explain. so much to bring up. how does he bring this all up? how can he even begin to explain? dabi deserves to know it all.
maybe he knows where to start.
but not right now. they really need to rest.]
Everything. But, for leaving you earlier. There’s a lot that I don’t know going on. I just want to keep you safe.
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[something he's struggled with for so long. it's been so back and forth and it feels like just when he thinks he can trust keigo, there's something else. and then now, with all this surveillance bullshit going on, he doesn't know what to think.]
Just know there's shit ya ain't tellin' me, Keigo.
[he says quietly, letting his head fall back against the wall. his gaze is still on the other man, though. but then he shakes his head and puts his hand over the phone.]
Later. Just... fuckin' leave it. Whether you're lyin' to me or not, this is where we're at, and I'm with ya on this.
[clearly no matter how he feels about keigo and what he might be hiding from him, dabi will kill for him. there's no way he'd leave him behind now, no matter what. he just hopes he isn't making a mistake here.]
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what a time to have no voice.
dabi lowers the phone down, and keigo’s eyebrows furrow. he opens his mouth again and closes it, then nods his head. he hates that they’re like this, but he can’t force it. there’s plenty of unanswered questions for dabi. keigo is even lost to some of it.
he sighs and rests the phone down between them. they both needed rest and could use it.
he pulls his knees up, wrapping his arms around them, chin resting forward. he’ll try to relax, but he wants to make sure they’re both safe at the same time.]
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it's going to be too much, he can already feel it, and he just needs some time to rest before facing all of it. he knows keigo needs it too, because despite all of this shit, dabi needs him to be okay too. he needs to make sure his birdie is alright.
that's why he hates the way keigo curls into himself, almost as if it's away from him. he gets it, because he feels the same way, but he doesn't want it to be that way this whole time. for now he feels like there's nothing he can do with it either, though. one step at a time, he supposes.
for now, he pulls out the kit the doctor gave him and holds it out.]
Bandages and lots of burn cream. Ya need this too, Kei. Got drops in there for my eyes, too. Let's get ya patched up and go lay down.
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but he doesn’t have the right to reach and hold his lover. not until he earns that right again.
the hero comes to perk up as dabi brings out the kit, knees lowering back down. he almost wants to tell dabi to use the supplies first before him, but he knows what the villain will say to that.
keigo crawls to settle in front of dabi, nodding his head in agreement. he slowly nudges off the tattered remains of his shirt. it does takes a little squirming though, but the hero manages. he drops it, revealing burns on his skin, more on his neck and definitely plenty on his back. the air makes it a bit uncomfortable.
for the first time since meeting dabi, he feels a little embarrassed about being exposed like this.]
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and to think it's probably his fault. keigo went into his fire and got burned. dabi still doesn't understand the full details of that.
at least keigo uncurls from himself now, moving in front of him to look through the kit. he doesn't think anything of it when keigo pulls his shirt off. he shifts closer so he can help, though, still unable to see much of anything at all. he's going to do his best though, even if his hands feel so numb as well. ]
Can I put the cream on ya? It'll help a lot. It's Ujiko's wonder cream shit. Works real well. It'll help my hands too, once I start puttin' it on ya.
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on one hand, he wants to tell dabi anything and everything. on the other, he wants to get to the bottom of a few other things and just...run.
in the end, he really wants to be right here, with dabi. no more heroes. no more commission.
keigo swallows and nods his head, trusting dabi to take care of the burns. and, if it also helps dabi out, it was a win-win situation.
he itches to take back the phone, just to fill the walls with some sort of extra speech. even if he talks about nonsense. he hates the silence.
and, it would get dabi to talk more too. his villain’s voice always keep him calm.]
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he takes the burn cream out of the kit when keigo gives the okay, and slides a little closer to him, wincing at the movement. his body feels strange as well- almost like it's not even completely his own. it's the way it feels numb, but somehow in a lot of pain. he tries not to think about how he might stay like this if his body really was pushed to the limit.
it's too soon.
opening the cream up, dabi squints a bit, trying to pinpoint where the burns might be the worst along keigo's front. he scoots forward again, because it's a little easier this way, and then he starts rubbing the cream in where he can.]
My body can't handle my Quirk. Ever since I was a little kid... ever since my Quirk manifested, actually. Didn't matter to anyone back then though, ya know? It was powerful so it had to be used. Had to be developed so I could be... whatever the fuck he wanted me to be. But it don't stop. The longer I use it the worst it gets. Wouldn't want the heroes findin' out about that and usin' it against me.
[he figures this is as good a time to tell Keigo as any.]
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plus, it was good for his hands too, right?
but, dabi should probably rest his eyes. keigo could take care of everything.
although, it’s hard resisting how he leans into dabi’s touch, head tilting while one hand comes to wrap around dabi’s wrist to lead his lover. the hot texture on his skin is starting to cool down, thankfully. it’s nice. he hopes it helps.
somewhere, keigo’s eyes close, but come to flutter back open when dabi begins to speak. he can’t help but look over the villain worriedly. he...had a suspicion before over it. his chest pulls and keigo rubs the scarred flesh in his grip instinctively.
keigo’s other hand comes forward, cupping dabi’s face briefly. he even mouths, ‘i want to protect you’. maybe too sentimental, but they’ve been through a lot together, especially in the last few days.]
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He doesn't know the extent of the damage on his body right now. The last time Ujiko checked him out he warned Dabi to be careful. That it was progressing and if he keeps using his flames at full force his body will break down faster.
He always swore to himself he'd never be scared anymore, but he's a little scared right now.
Maybe that's why Keigo's sentimental words fold around his heart the way they do. He can't be a spy. He can't be a traitor. He wouldn't go through all of this with him if that were true. Right?]
You can protect me by tellin' me the truth. By stickin' with me. I wanna believe ya. I wanna know you're on my side. Not the heroes, not Re-destro, not whoever else is pullin' your strings. Mine.
[he says as he slides his hands up around Keigo's neck, spreading the ointment there.]
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they would have to be smart about it. he couldn't risk his villain getting himself killed. keigo refused to lose him.
the hero comes to rub dabi's wrist again, tilting his head and nuzzling it too, affectionately, and looking at the villain with complete honest eyes. he mouths a, 'i'll tell you everything. i won't lie.' he wasn't on anyone else side but dabi. he can't even completely say he's on the side of the league. he just wanted to be at dabi's side. he likes the league though. he also likes a few heroes. maybe. but in the end, it's wherever dabi went.
keigo can't part from this. he can't go back to his old life.
he doesn't want to either.
'i need to ask you an important question. please?' he mouths next, looking longing and worried over his lover. he needed to use the phone for this too. he knows he was told to wait, but he has to know.]
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no more secrets, keigo had said. easier said than done of course, but dabi knows that if he wants the truth he's gonna have to give a little too.
at this point he knows it's the bare minimum, telling keigo something he can probably already see in front of him- all these burns and the way his body is reacting to his own flames- but at least it's something. it's more than dabi has ever really shared before.
most of all though, he needs to know that keigo is on his side.
when the hero tells dabi he wont lie- that he'll tell him everything, dabi wants to believe it. he also knows that whatever this important question is, he's going to have to answer it. he looks reluctant for a moment, but then he nods, pulling his hands away so he can reach for his phone and hold it back out to keigo. ]
Alright.
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he's always wanted dabi to come to him on his own terms.
it doesn't make him trust dabi any less either. he's more than appreciative that his villain has come forward over his weakness. it's something keigo intends to take silently and to the death if need be. he won't ever admit or discuss it out loud to anyone but dabi.
briefly, keigo is worried that the villain won't want to answer the question the hero has for him. he needs dabi to trust him, like he trusts the villain in return. he knows he still needs to prove it, to show dabi how much he means to the hero. he hopes he can provide that for him as soon as possible. he would do anything here and now, so long as he stay here.
thankfully, dabi passes over the phone and keigo mouths a 'thank you'. he holds it to his chest, taking in a breath of air. he's worried. he's scared. then, opening up the voice app, he proceeds to type.]
Please, trust me. No one has to know but us. You gave me so many hints last night, and I, I just want to know.
[he starts with, almost tempted to offer that dabi could keep his throat burned like this forever and sever his fingers if it meant trusting him. he knows how exactly that anger works, and keigo isn't trying to bring it out. they're both too exhausted to fight. and, keigo is done fighting with his lover.]
You're Touya Todoroki, aren't you?
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dabi had only really just started to open up to the idea of maybe staying over at keigo's place overnight, too. they had really only started with so much.
when it comes to trust, they are skating on even thinner ice- but dabi was willing to listen before, and he wants to listen now. he only wishes he could remember what happened in between. maybe once he gets some sleep and heals a little.
but there are too many things to talk about and questions to answer now, so he's willing to try. it does make him nervous when keigo looks so worried about it, though.]
Last night...? Ya mean the parts I can't remember?
[that's troubling, because he can't even wrack his brain to try and figure out what he said, or what keigo is thinking. but then there it is, all out in the open. a name he hasn't heard for years. a name that makes him tense up hard, because this is not how this was supposed to go. what did he say last night that he can't remember?
It's the worst spot for him to be in. he already feels vulnerable, not being able to see or remember, and barely even stand. he can feel the pressure building up inside his chest, making his heart beat hard and fast, and again it feels like everything is slipping through his fingers.
he wants to lash out desperately, but he doesn't even have the energy for it. he can feel his heat moving through his body but it hurts and all he can do is glare at keigo, wrapping his arms around his middle.]
Wow, must've been some fuckin' conversation last night that I can't remember. Didja do somethin' to me? That's why I can't remember and now you're askin' me this shit?
[it's an odd and terrible thing, having keigo seemingly undo in an instant what he's been working towards all this time, without even really knowing it.
is that what he really believes? that keigo doesn't know anything more than this? that maybe he really did just figured it out?
he wants to get up and run, or even just get up and move away just to put some space between himself and all that he wasn't ready to reveal just yet. instead, he just lets his anger die down and drops his head in his hands, curling his fingers tight into his hair. ]
Yeah. I am. How'd ya figure it out?
[he lifts his head then to look at keigo- not that he can see him much anyways, but he wants to at least try and see if there's truth in his eyes.]
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it might mean nothing to the villain, but to the hero, it was a lot. he shared things he hasn't done before, coming to trust dabi to get them this far.
but while he does trust the villain, keigo still can't help but also feel wary and worried over bringing up the subject he did. it's almost like a repeated spiral from the night before as he catches and feel the anger from the villain. he knows it's a sensitive subject, that there's a very good reason as to why dabi hid himself all these years.
but keigo can't even mask the hurt in his eyes that's briefly there at the accusations. why would he hide this? why make it seem like he was doing this for his own gain? all because he was a hero? keigo doesn't ask this though. his energy is low and bare, and he only wants to help his lover from here.
at first, he tries shaking his head, anxiety building that he's stuck with his villain's anger again, fingers trembling over the keypad from his nervous disposition-
but, then dabi's anger cools down, it seems. keigo scoots back a bit, looking the villain over, but keeping some distance. it all stems from how sensitive he is now towards dabi's anger. they've always split and gave each other time, as much as it had upset keigo before doing that. they were supposed to communicate. not that dabi would remember, given his loss of memories from the night before. keigo does remind himself how terrible dabi was at it though.
once he gains his bearings, keigo types over the phone, to answer dabi's question.]
Last night, you mentioned Endeavor as if you knew him. That you were nervous-or anxious about him. Then, when you left, you said to say 'hi to your dad' for you. And, I just, I assumed it had to be Endeavor.
[he looks up with honest eyes, scared now in a different way. so it was true. after swallowing, he starts to type again.]
I don't want to go back to the heroes or my handlers. I just, I want to be with you. Will you let me stay? Please?
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he can't imagine that keigo had nothing to do with that. even more so, he knows it because keigo lied.
so no, there's a lot of everything that keigo might think is raw and open, that never quite seemed that way because it was always shrouded in lies.
there's a lot that dabi knows keigo is still hiding, so there's plenty of reasons for him to think that keigo is doing this for his own gain. the truth that dabi doesn't know is that it really is something like that, with keigo dragging him around. keigo is damn lucky dabi doesn't remember that part right now.
at this moment he really wishes he could. ]
Why'd I mention Endeavor?
[he asks angrily, but it's more out of frustration that he can't remember. why would he bring him up in the first place? there are so many holes and now keigo suddenly knows who he is. his entire plan hinged on no one knowing till it was time.]
Why the fuck would I say that to ya? What happened?
[god, he didn't want to do this now. why are they doing this now? he's even more nervous now that he knows he referenced that piece of shit father of his as if keigo was going to go see him. as if he knew keigo would talk to him.
this feels bad and confusing, and dabi suddenly feels like he's suffocating even more. Keigo knows. he knows. ]
Tell me what I'm missin' first. Just fuckin' tell me, Keigo!
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although, he really did want dabi to get himself healed and looked into. he's so worried over the villain's burns and eyes.
he can't push any of this off any longer. dabi was about to spiral, and keigo needed to keep him from using his quirk. although, this would fan some of that anger too. like a bandaid, he had to rip it off. still, it's hard to get his head into the game, holding tight to the phone, listening as dabi's anger grows.
he swallows, but calms his nerves, and begins to force himself to type. like dabi, he didn't want to do this now, however, he had to. putting it off meant that he was hiding something. keigo wasn't. he just...hated their fighting. he hated the anger, the thing that fans dabi's flames.]
Last night, I told you I was hired as a spy by the Hero Commission. But I'm not a spy. I really did want to meet you, to provide you intel so you would kill my handlers. I never provided the hero commission with anything but the knowledge they already knew. I know it's wrong that I didn't tell you before. I shouldn't have hidden it, but I was scared that I would fall into a trap set by my handlers.
[keigo trembles, hating that he's coming to admit this all over again. if dabi were to get beyond angry again, to threaten and leave, keigo would be alone again. he can't justify returning to his handlers, not without reason enough to be locked away in a cage.
and there's only one reason he can think of to return to them.
keigo's fingers itch to type more, babble and reveal everything in one go, but he stops himself this time. it didn't work well in his favor the previous night. and, why try when dabi might push him away anyway?]
We fought. Over and over. I told you about the tracking device. I've always assumed you ordered it on me. And, from there, you assumed I was going to bring the heroes to us, and I wasn't. I've only been wanting to get away from my handlers since they first started to sell me. We fought again, and we ended up separating, and that's when you said it, about your dad.
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that's why they're in this mess in the first place.
but enough is enough. too much has happened now and keigo knows his name. he knows who he is, and dabi feels angry and betrayed. he needs answers. he knows he won't like them, but he's already setting himself up for it. the truth has to come out, no matter what it is.
What Keigo does tell him has dabi tensing up more. The only thing worse than keigo knowing his name would be if it turned out he was a spy. ]
If that's true, why didn't ya fuckin' tell me! Ya didn't fuckin' wanna fall into their trap ya should've fuckin' told me! How the hell am I supposed to believe you now? How do I know you're not actually the fuckin' spy they set ya up to be?
[the tracking device, skeptic, something about endeavor that he can't quite remember but it's there, kicking around in his murky memories. if he felt like he was suffocating before, now he's drowning on top of it and he can feel his insides heating up painfully. he doesn't know what to do.
he pushes himself up, swaying hard, but he needs to put some space between them.]
Why didn't ya fuckin' tell me!
[he yells, but it's too much for his body. he coughs, wrapping his arms around himself and he collapses back down onto his knees, shaking his head.]
How'd ya find out? There's no fuckin' way ya figured out who I am from a goddamn throw away comment about my dad. Just tell me the truth Keigo.
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keigo isn't sure he can take another round of heat and fire again.
he hates that he can't talk, that he's forced to rely on the phone to speak for him. he's already typing as dabi shouts at him, flinching when he thinks the villain might actually use his fire against him, but he only gets up instead.]
I didn't tell you because you could have been working with my handlers. I've spent a majority of my life terrified of them, that if they even knew I was trying to kill them off, I would be killed myself, or worst. They don't work on the side that's good or bad, just on the side that comes off as morally right and whoever lines their pockets with money.
[he breathes out, looking down at the ground. he hates this. he hates being so raw and open. he hates that they're in this position again. why did dabi have to forget? it would have been easier to be sure the villain got home before keigo tried to hide away in shadows and dark alleys.
the phones drops from his hand as dabi collapses to his knees. worriedly, he crawls forward, afraid to touch dabi, but needing to look over the villain.
before he can reach to touch him though, the angry demand is there, and keigo backs off. he takes back the phone, typing hurriedly, making several typed errors that he tries to fix.]
You've always fixated on Endeavor before, and last night, when he was brought up, you only got angrier. I just assumed.
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he can't believe that even after all of this, he thinks maybe maybe keigo is telling the truth. there's so much evidence against him and so many holes, but dabi is still questioning it.
the worst part is when keigo throws out the ridiculous excuse that he could have been working with his handlers. ]
That's bullshit Keigo. Do ya even fuckin' hear yourself? Now you're tryin'a blame your lies on me? On whether I was working with them or not? That's a new fuckin' low, even for you.
[ he remembers this anger now. this feeling of deep, intense pain and betrayal. he remembers standing in keigo's penthouse, dread filling him the more that the other man explained jumbled truths with lies. dabi presses the heel of his palm into his eye, feeling like he's going to be sick.
if keigo touches him, he might burst into flames, because he's trying everything in his power to reel it in right now. he's so upset. ]
When he was brought up? Why the fuck did ya bring him up, Keigo?
[dabi lifts his head up to look at keigo, his sight still blurry and dizzy. but there are things he remembers now, coming back in small pieces. he remembers going back for keigo despite it all. but what happened then? more lies... an explosion. more lies. Endeavor. keigo having no good reason as to why he didn't tell dabi, but somehow coming up with an excuse for it now.]
Ya let me lead us back to the base even though ya knew there were traitors there, and that they had us under surveillance. Ya let me do it because I couldn't remember. I can't fuckin' believe this. Ya wanted me to get caught. Were ya gonna hand me over to Endeavor too?
[he can feel tendrils of smoke coming out from the stitched up parts of his body, and the smell of burning flesh that he knows is coming from him. he tries to push himself up again because he needs to get further away. he needs to get out of here, but he doesn't make it that far. it's only at the furthest wall that he stops, sliding down it and curling into a ball, head down against his knees as he tries to reel it all back in.
this is the end. he can feel it. it's the end of everything. maybe he should just let himself go out in a flaming fire like he should have so many years ago. that should have been his end.]
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