[staring at dabi like this, keigo thinks back to when he didn’t screw everything up. he wants to be honest and truthful, but it keeps costing both of them so much of it.
on one hand, he wants to tell dabi anything and everything. on the other, he wants to get to the bottom of a few other things and just...run.
in the end, he really wants to be right here, with dabi. no more heroes. no more commission.
keigo swallows and nods his head, trusting dabi to take care of the burns. and, if it also helps dabi out, it was a win-win situation.
he itches to take back the phone, just to fill the walls with some sort of extra speech. even if he talks about nonsense. he hates the silence.
and, it would get dabi to talk more too. his villain’s voice always keep him calm.]
[ it's strange how much things have changed from what he can remember to now. almost feels like it isn't even real. if he could only remember... but maybe it's best that he doesn't right now. everything got so fucked up so fast.
he takes the burn cream out of the kit when keigo gives the okay, and slides a little closer to him, wincing at the movement. his body feels strange as well- almost like it's not even completely his own. it's the way it feels numb, but somehow in a lot of pain. he tries not to think about how he might stay like this if his body really was pushed to the limit.
it's too soon.
opening the cream up, dabi squints a bit, trying to pinpoint where the burns might be the worst along keigo's front. he scoots forward again, because it's a little easier this way, and then he starts rubbing the cream in where he can.]
My body can't handle my Quirk. Ever since I was a little kid... ever since my Quirk manifested, actually. Didn't matter to anyone back then though, ya know? It was powerful so it had to be used. Had to be developed so I could be... whatever the fuck he wanted me to be. But it don't stop. The longer I use it the worst it gets. Wouldn't want the heroes findin' out about that and usin' it against me.
[he figures this is as good a time to tell Keigo as any.]
[he probably should take the burn cream from dabi and clean them both up himself. he’s sure the villain would argue it though, and keigo didn’t need nor want to upset dabi even further. he appreciates it though, the way his villain begins to rub in the ointment.
plus, it was good for his hands too, right?
but, dabi should probably rest his eyes. keigo could take care of everything.
although, it’s hard resisting how he leans into dabi’s touch, head tilting while one hand comes to wrap around dabi’s wrist to lead his lover. the hot texture on his skin is starting to cool down, thankfully. it’s nice. he hopes it helps.
somewhere, keigo’s eyes close, but come to flutter back open when dabi begins to speak. he can’t help but look over the villain worriedly. he...had a suspicion before over it. his chest pulls and keigo rubs the scarred flesh in his grip instinctively.
keigo’s other hand comes forward, cupping dabi’s face briefly. he even mouths, ‘i want to protect you’. maybe too sentimental, but they’ve been through a lot together, especially in the last few days.]
[it feels better this way, with the two of them here together, Keigo's hand around his wrist to guide him. The motion starts to calm him as well, and while it's hard for him to see or to even feel much of anything right now, it's still good.
He doesn't know the extent of the damage on his body right now. The last time Ujiko checked him out he warned Dabi to be careful. That it was progressing and if he keeps using his flames at full force his body will break down faster.
He always swore to himself he'd never be scared anymore, but he's a little scared right now.
Maybe that's why Keigo's sentimental words fold around his heart the way they do. He can't be a spy. He can't be a traitor. He wouldn't go through all of this with him if that were true. Right?]
You can protect me by tellin' me the truth. By stickin' with me. I wanna believe ya. I wanna know you're on my side. Not the heroes, not Re-destro, not whoever else is pullin' your strings. Mine.
[he says as he slides his hands up around Keigo's neck, spreading the ointment there.]
[with the confirmation over dabi's admittance to his weakness, keigo needed to be sure the villain doesn't overdo it anywhere. although...if what he believes to be true, he can see dabi doing just that with what keigo has to offer.
they would have to be smart about it. he couldn't risk his villain getting himself killed. keigo refused to lose him.
the hero comes to rub dabi's wrist again, tilting his head and nuzzling it too, affectionately, and looking at the villain with complete honest eyes. he mouths a, 'i'll tell you everything. i won't lie.' he wasn't on anyone else side but dabi. he can't even completely say he's on the side of the league. he just wanted to be at dabi's side. he likes the league though. he also likes a few heroes. maybe. but in the end, it's wherever dabi went.
keigo can't part from this. he can't go back to his old life.
he doesn't want to either.
'i need to ask you an important question. please?' he mouths next, looking longing and worried over his lover. he needed to use the phone for this too. he knows he was told to wait, but he has to know.]
[ there's more dabi wants to tell keigo, oddly enough. he's not big on sharing and he knows his bird knows that, but he's tired of things not being honest and upfront between them.
no more secrets, keigo had said. easier said than done of course, but dabi knows that if he wants the truth he's gonna have to give a little too.
at this point he knows it's the bare minimum, telling keigo something he can probably already see in front of him- all these burns and the way his body is reacting to his own flames- but at least it's something. it's more than dabi has ever really shared before.
most of all though, he needs to know that keigo is on his side.
when the hero tells dabi he wont lie- that he'll tell him everything, dabi wants to believe it. he also knows that whatever this important question is, he's going to have to answer it. he looks reluctant for a moment, but then he nods, pulling his hands away so he can reach for his phone and hold it back out to keigo. ]
[keigo definitely knows, and even understands, that dabi isn't keen on sharing personal information. he never pesters the villain about it though. he's always shared everything himself without expecting it in return.
he's always wanted dabi to come to him on his own terms.
it doesn't make him trust dabi any less either. he's more than appreciative that his villain has come forward over his weakness. it's something keigo intends to take silently and to the death if need be. he won't ever admit or discuss it out loud to anyone but dabi.
briefly, keigo is worried that the villain won't want to answer the question the hero has for him. he needs dabi to trust him, like he trusts the villain in return. he knows he still needs to prove it, to show dabi how much he means to the hero. he hopes he can provide that for him as soon as possible. he would do anything here and now, so long as he stay here.
thankfully, dabi passes over the phone and keigo mouths a 'thank you'. he holds it to his chest, taking in a breath of air. he's worried. he's scared. then, opening up the voice app, he proceeds to type.]
Please, trust me. No one has to know but us. You gave me so many hints last night, and I, I just want to know.
[he starts with, almost tempted to offer that dabi could keep his throat burned like this forever and sever his fingers if it meant trusting him. he knows how exactly that anger works, and keigo isn't trying to bring it out. they're both too exhausted to fight. and, keigo is done fighting with his lover.]
[ the thing is, dabi doesn't exactly think keigo has shared all that much with him either. he has a name, but not much more than that. they've really only just started to learn a few things about each other that are more than just about being a hero or a villain.
dabi had only really just started to open up to the idea of maybe staying over at keigo's place overnight, too. they had really only started with so much.
when it comes to trust, they are skating on even thinner ice- but dabi was willing to listen before, and he wants to listen now. he only wishes he could remember what happened in between. maybe once he gets some sleep and heals a little.
but there are too many things to talk about and questions to answer now, so he's willing to try. it does make him nervous when keigo looks so worried about it, though.]
Last night...? Ya mean the parts I can't remember?
[that's troubling, because he can't even wrack his brain to try and figure out what he said, or what keigo is thinking. but then there it is, all out in the open. a name he hasn't heard for years. a name that makes him tense up hard, because this is not how this was supposed to go. what did he say last night that he can't remember?
It's the worst spot for him to be in. he already feels vulnerable, not being able to see or remember, and barely even stand. he can feel the pressure building up inside his chest, making his heart beat hard and fast, and again it feels like everything is slipping through his fingers.
he wants to lash out desperately, but he doesn't even have the energy for it. he can feel his heat moving through his body but it hurts and all he can do is glare at keigo, wrapping his arms around his middle.]
Wow, must've been some fuckin' conversation last night that I can't remember. Didja do somethin' to me? That's why I can't remember and now you're askin' me this shit?
[it's an odd and terrible thing, having keigo seemingly undo in an instant what he's been working towards all this time, without even really knowing it.
is that what he really believes? that keigo doesn't know anything more than this? that maybe he really did just figured it out?
he wants to get up and run, or even just get up and move away just to put some space between himself and all that he wasn't ready to reveal just yet. instead, he just lets his anger die down and drops his head in his hands, curling his fingers tight into his hair. ]
Yeah. I am. How'd ya figure it out?
[he lifts his head then to look at keigo- not that he can see him much anyways, but he wants to at least try and see if there's truth in his eyes.]
[dabi can't remember the bigger parts keigo shared with the villain. he forgets that here, even though he was very raw and open with the other male before. it may seem like only a name before then though, however keigo has always given bits and pieces, as small as they were, to dabi.
it might mean nothing to the villain, but to the hero, it was a lot. he shared things he hasn't done before, coming to trust dabi to get them this far.
but while he does trust the villain, keigo still can't help but also feel wary and worried over bringing up the subject he did. it's almost like a repeated spiral from the night before as he catches and feel the anger from the villain. he knows it's a sensitive subject, that there's a very good reason as to why dabi hid himself all these years.
but keigo can't even mask the hurt in his eyes that's briefly there at the accusations. why would he hide this? why make it seem like he was doing this for his own gain? all because he was a hero? keigo doesn't ask this though. his energy is low and bare, and he only wants to help his lover from here.
at first, he tries shaking his head, anxiety building that he's stuck with his villain's anger again, fingers trembling over the keypad from his nervous disposition-
but, then dabi's anger cools down, it seems. keigo scoots back a bit, looking the villain over, but keeping some distance. it all stems from how sensitive he is now towards dabi's anger. they've always split and gave each other time, as much as it had upset keigo before doing that. they were supposed to communicate. not that dabi would remember, given his loss of memories from the night before. keigo does remind himself how terrible dabi was at it though.
once he gains his bearings, keigo types over the phone, to answer dabi's question.]
Last night, you mentioned Endeavor as if you knew him. That you were nervous-or anxious about him. Then, when you left, you said to say 'hi to your dad' for you. And, I just, I assumed it had to be Endeavor.
[he looks up with honest eyes, scared now in a different way. so it was true. after swallowing, he starts to type again.]
I don't want to go back to the heroes or my handlers. I just, I want to be with you. Will you let me stay? Please?
[ all of it means something to dabi, but keigo always leaves him with doubt in the end. what can he even believe is true when he feels like he gets yanked around so much? even now- especially now, when dabi remembers going to keigo's to try and work things out and then something terrible happened that lead them here.
he can't imagine that keigo had nothing to do with that. even more so, he knows it because keigo lied.
so no, there's a lot of everything that keigo might think is raw and open, that never quite seemed that way because it was always shrouded in lies.
there's a lot that dabi knows keigo is still hiding, so there's plenty of reasons for him to think that keigo is doing this for his own gain. the truth that dabi doesn't know is that it really is something like that, with keigo dragging him around. keigo is damn lucky dabi doesn't remember that part right now.
at this moment he really wishes he could. ]
Why'd I mention Endeavor?
[he asks angrily, but it's more out of frustration that he can't remember. why would he bring him up in the first place? there are so many holes and now keigo suddenly knows who he is. his entire plan hinged on no one knowing till it was time.]
Why the fuck would I say that to ya? What happened?
[god, he didn't want to do this now. why are they doing this now? he's even more nervous now that he knows he referenced that piece of shit father of his as if keigo was going to go see him. as if he knew keigo would talk to him.
this feels bad and confusing, and dabi suddenly feels like he's suffocating even more. Keigo knows. he knows. ]
Tell me what I'm missin' first. Just fuckin' tell me, Keigo!
[this problem could be so easily solved if he could just give dabi a glimpse of everything that happened. but, maybe that would also anger his villain in a different way, that he held back such information for the portion of the day.
although, he really did want dabi to get himself healed and looked into. he's so worried over the villain's burns and eyes.
he can't push any of this off any longer. dabi was about to spiral, and keigo needed to keep him from using his quirk. although, this would fan some of that anger too. like a bandaid, he had to rip it off. still, it's hard to get his head into the game, holding tight to the phone, listening as dabi's anger grows.
he swallows, but calms his nerves, and begins to force himself to type. like dabi, he didn't want to do this now, however, he had to. putting it off meant that he was hiding something. keigo wasn't. he just...hated their fighting. he hated the anger, the thing that fans dabi's flames.]
Last night, I told you I was hired as a spy by the Hero Commission. But I'm not a spy. I really did want to meet you, to provide you intel so you would kill my handlers. I never provided the hero commission with anything but the knowledge they already knew. I know it's wrong that I didn't tell you before. I shouldn't have hidden it, but I was scared that I would fall into a trap set by my handlers.
[keigo trembles, hating that he's coming to admit this all over again. if dabi were to get beyond angry again, to threaten and leave, keigo would be alone again. he can't justify returning to his handlers, not without reason enough to be locked away in a cage.
and there's only one reason he can think of to return to them.
keigo's fingers itch to type more, babble and reveal everything in one go, but he stops himself this time. it didn't work well in his favor the previous night. and, why try when dabi might push him away anyway?]
We fought. Over and over. I told you about the tracking device. I've always assumed you ordered it on me. And, from there, you assumed I was going to bring the heroes to us, and I wasn't. I've only been wanting to get away from my handlers since they first started to sell me. We fought again, and we ended up separating, and that's when you said it, about your dad.
[ more than anything, dabi wishes keigo still had his voice. he could explain all of this normally and not leave dabi stewing in all this anger, with all these questions. then again, he's pretty sure that even when keigo did have his voice he was slow to tell him the truth.
that's why they're in this mess in the first place.
but enough is enough. too much has happened now and keigo knows his name. he knows who he is, and dabi feels angry and betrayed. he needs answers. he knows he won't like them, but he's already setting himself up for it. the truth has to come out, no matter what it is.
What Keigo does tell him has dabi tensing up more. The only thing worse than keigo knowing his name would be if it turned out he was a spy. ]
If that's true, why didn't ya fuckin' tell me! Ya didn't fuckin' wanna fall into their trap ya should've fuckin' told me! How the hell am I supposed to believe you now? How do I know you're not actually the fuckin' spy they set ya up to be?
[the tracking device, skeptic, something about endeavor that he can't quite remember but it's there, kicking around in his murky memories. if he felt like he was suffocating before, now he's drowning on top of it and he can feel his insides heating up painfully. he doesn't know what to do.
he pushes himself up, swaying hard, but he needs to put some space between them.]
Why didn't ya fuckin' tell me!
[he yells, but it's too much for his body. he coughs, wrapping his arms around himself and he collapses back down onto his knees, shaking his head.]
How'd ya find out? There's no fuckin' way ya figured out who I am from a goddamn throw away comment about my dad. Just tell me the truth Keigo.
[there it is. that familiar anger. he's done this enough times with dabi, and he's going down this road again. he knows he earns it though, the burning passion of heat that would burn him if he's not careful.
keigo isn't sure he can take another round of heat and fire again.
he hates that he can't talk, that he's forced to rely on the phone to speak for him. he's already typing as dabi shouts at him, flinching when he thinks the villain might actually use his fire against him, but he only gets up instead.]
I didn't tell you because you could have been working with my handlers. I've spent a majority of my life terrified of them, that if they even knew I was trying to kill them off, I would be killed myself, or worst. They don't work on the side that's good or bad, just on the side that comes off as morally right and whoever lines their pockets with money.
[he breathes out, looking down at the ground. he hates this. he hates being so raw and open. he hates that they're in this position again. why did dabi have to forget? it would have been easier to be sure the villain got home before keigo tried to hide away in shadows and dark alleys.
the phones drops from his hand as dabi collapses to his knees. worriedly, he crawls forward, afraid to touch dabi, but needing to look over the villain.
before he can reach to touch him though, the angry demand is there, and keigo backs off. he takes back the phone, typing hurriedly, making several typed errors that he tries to fix.]
You've always fixated on Endeavor before, and last night, when he was brought up, you only got angrier. I just assumed.
[ keigo should have thought about that before he started playing with fire this way. dabi doesn't think half of it is the truth, but maybe keigo is so deep in it that even he can't tell anymore. dabi can't believe how fucked up this is.
he can't believe that even after all of this, he thinks maybe maybe keigo is telling the truth. there's so much evidence against him and so many holes, but dabi is still questioning it.
the worst part is when keigo throws out the ridiculous excuse that he could have been working with his handlers. ]
That's bullshit Keigo. Do ya even fuckin' hear yourself? Now you're tryin'a blame your lies on me? On whether I was working with them or not? That's a new fuckin' low, even for you.
[ he remembers this anger now. this feeling of deep, intense pain and betrayal. he remembers standing in keigo's penthouse, dread filling him the more that the other man explained jumbled truths with lies. dabi presses the heel of his palm into his eye, feeling like he's going to be sick.
if keigo touches him, he might burst into flames, because he's trying everything in his power to reel it in right now. he's so upset. ]
When he was brought up? Why the fuck did ya bring him up, Keigo?
[dabi lifts his head up to look at keigo, his sight still blurry and dizzy. but there are things he remembers now, coming back in small pieces. he remembers going back for keigo despite it all. but what happened then? more lies... an explosion. more lies. Endeavor. keigo having no good reason as to why he didn't tell dabi, but somehow coming up with an excuse for it now.]
Ya let me lead us back to the base even though ya knew there were traitors there, and that they had us under surveillance. Ya let me do it because I couldn't remember. I can't fuckin' believe this. Ya wanted me to get caught. Were ya gonna hand me over to Endeavor too?
[he can feel tendrils of smoke coming out from the stitched up parts of his body, and the smell of burning flesh that he knows is coming from him. he tries to push himself up again because he needs to get further away. he needs to get out of here, but he doesn't make it that far. it's only at the furthest wall that he stops, sliding down it and curling into a ball, head down against his knees as he tries to reel it all back in.
this is the end. he can feel it. it's the end of everything. maybe he should just let himself go out in a flaming fire like he should have so many years ago. that should have been his end.]
[he just needs dabi to listen, to give him the chance to speak and tell him everything. but it was practically impossible last night in words alone, and now with just the phone, it's more than difficult.
he's not saying what he did was brilliant or even right, but keigo had to be careful. he always had to look out for himself. he never had anyone else to look out for before dabi came along.
he's getting so lost as the villain starts though, anger apparently leading him to talk over keigo. the hero can only manage to listen, wishing his voice would just work as he tries to mouth what he wants to say. going back into that spiral is ripping him apart, but he knows he's not the only one feeling it. he knows dabi must be breaking apart. he knows how the villain operates.
it's becoming too much, and keigo can't help but shout.]
I-!..I-..I'm not-! [his breath is so coarse, throat on fire but keigo ignores it, works with the pain so he can speak.] I'm n-not saying..not blaming-!...I had to learn to trust you..I had to know for sure..I don't-I'm not blaming any of it on you! I was just..I never trusted anyone before you. That's why, at the beginning, I didn't say it!
[his handlers worked with villains. he knows this because he's been given to a few. at the beginning of it all, he had to be absolutely positive they weren't testing his loyalty. that's what he's trying to explain here. he never once would place any kind of blame on dabi for his own insecurities.
his throat burns hot, but keigo keeps going, scared that if he stops, it'll hurt more.]
I-..I brought Endeavor up because they..my handlers, they were threatening you! They were..going to kill or cap..ture...you.
[briefly, he coughs and quickly comes to apply pressure to his throat, digging sharp nails into his own burnt skin. blood is in his mouth, but keigo ignores it, keeps talking.]
Told me I had to..to tell Endeavor about the meta army...or they would go after you.
[he inhales some air, and it hurts more than any sort of relief.]
So..I told him. I told him the size of the army..and a date to attack.
[another series of coughs and keigo spits blood onto the ground to get the taste out of his mouth. he breathes heavily again, head bowed, staring at the splatter of blood.]
I never...wanted you, or the others, to get caught. But you..you needed a doctor. That's why I pushed..for you to go back to get help. I wouldn't want..Endeavor anywhere near you.
[ dabi has always felt the edges of misery and worthlessness creeping up on him on all sides, threatening to pull him under and end his life for good. but never has he felt it more than he does now.
it's because he had something better. he had something with keigo.
he wants to curl up and die, and he knows he could. if he just lights one more flame across his skin it could be the end for him. there's a part of him that doesn't care anymore. if keigo knows, endeavor knows, and they'll come at them with full force, taking him down before he accomplishes any of his goals. what's the point?
he's so tired. he doesn't know what to trust anymore.
when keigo speaks, his fingers curl into his hair even tighter. he wants to get up and stop him, because he knows it can't be good for him, but also because he doesn't want to hear this. he doesn't believe keigo and he wants to scream in his face and make him stop, but he can't.
dabi wonders for a moment, what this would have been like in another life. if he would have whispered his name under the sheets with every kiss along keigo's skin, or spent a night like this drinking lazily under the moonlight under the stars with his...
but that's not how it is, and this is their life instead. what a stupid thing to think about at a time like this. he doesn't even know where it comes from.
no. that's a lie. he knows exactly where it comes from. it comes from keigo. ]
Stop! Stop!
[he slides his hands over his ears, smoke curling over his head.]
[he should have run back to his handlers, begged them to leave dabi and the others out of this. he would pay their worth, sell himself it meant keeping them all safe. but keigo knows it would have been a foolish attempt.
shigaraki was worth more than what keigo could pay alone. hell, he might not be able to top whatever price dabi is going for on his warrant. as the son of endeavor, that man could use all the money in the world to get dabi back if he so wanted.
keigo wasn't worth any of them. he wouldn't be able to save any if he had tried to go back.
...he would have possibly lost dabi too, if he hadn't found him in the sewer.
golden eyes shoot up as the villain shouts at him. he immediately clamps his mouth shut, but the action is short-lived because he begins to cough hard and rough, clawing his throat as the pain begins to burn sharp.
breathing heavier, keigo shakes his head. he feels exhausted. he hurts. he just...he feels defeated.]
Y-..You...have to..stop too....Your quirk..Dabi.
[he gasps out, voice quieter, practically a gasp now. the phone is long forgotten, even if he holds it tight in his other hand.]
[ he knows he has to stop his own quirk as well, but a part of him doesn't care anymore. everything he worked to build up all these years, everything he gave of himself to get here, it feels like it's all being snatched away in an instant.
he should have stayed alone. he shouldn't have done any of this.
he shouldn't have fallen for a fucking pro-hero.
but he did, and now he doesn't know up from down, left from right. he doesn't know what to trust and what not to. worst of all, he feels like he suddenly doesn't know the man in front of him anymore, when he spent all this time thinking he was getting to know him. ]
Who are you?
[he asks finally, lifting his head to look at keigo. what was real about what they ever did?]
[the thing is, it's been real for keigo. his feelings, they were real. why else would he force himself through this again, through that fire last night, through such heartbreaking pain? it's not perfected or done correctly, but keigo was never sure how to go about this.
he's always had his goal in mind, to be rid of his handlers once and for all.
somewhere along the way, he fell for the villain, and it became even more complicated.
his eyes are filled with lost and worry as he hears the question. he's never changed his name. he was honest about that all this time, since the moment he told dabi.]
What..do you...
[dabi knew his name. why ask it? breathing in, he tries to steady the pain there and speak firmer.]
[ maybe that's what dabi keeps trying to tell himself too. that this had to have been real after all they put themselves through. after everything that has happened. even a spy couldn't fake this much, could they? would the heroes really go this far to fuck them up?
maybe. maybe. that's the problem. dabi keeps thinking maybe, because he knows what his father did, and how he's still a pro-hero too. he knows the lengths that abusive bastard went to, to try and get what he wanted.
but this is keigo.
his name isn't what dabi wants. a name doesn't make a person who they are. he wants to know who keigo is as a person. the little things that make him who he is. the things he can hold on to. ]
That ain't what I want.
[he says quietly, slowly dropping his head back down against his knees. he doesn't need anything more than this. he just needs to calm himself down enough to stop, too.]
[keigo is a pro-hero only in name. he does try his best to help the public and citizens, to protect the innocent like he was trained. but honestly, even he knows he climbed the ranks easier than most, that it wasn't just the public enjoying the young hero or how many people he's saved.
the hero commission did what they wanted, used power and money to get him there. he should have been grateful. after all, he wanted to be a hero like endeavor. he wanted to protect people. he desperately wanted to create a world where heroes had too much time on their hands.
he was far from understanding or knowing exactly the details that go on with other pro-heroes. only by dabi's smallest admittance in their short history together is keigo able to know that the villain despised his father. that's enough for him to desire keeping endeavor away from him. hell, he would willing provide the number one on a platter if it meant gaining dabi's trust and staying with him.
but that isn't at the front of his mind at the moment. he's confused instead, unsure what dabi wants from him. the villain desires to know who he is. he's plenty of things. what if he says it wrong? what if it's not the right answer?]
I-I'm...the son of..a criminal. A...a murderer. A thief. He..was a shit father..who abused...my mom and me. G-Got...arrested..and then just..mom and me. But...she sold me to the hero commission, after I..saved some people. I became their...puppet...Wanted to be a hero..but I became..their toy to pass around.
[he stops to cough, breathing heavier. it burns now from throat to chest. he has to wonder if his lungs would be damaged by the end of this.]
I'm..still me....I still..I...Everything I ever did..that was me. Wanting..to be with you..is me. I didn't..lie about my feelings. And I..got lost..along the way...of telling you everything. I know..I should have told you...everything. I know..I...I can't...take it back. C-Can only..move forward...and.....do..whatever you want me..to do...Just..tell me w-what you want..even...if you want to...burn me...D-Don't want to..go back...to them.
[ dabi knows that keigo has given him bits and pieces of the truth. big things perhaps, but not enough for dabi to know if any of it was really the truth or not. or maybe it's just the fact that keigo is a pro-hero that it's always been hard to believe him, but still.
all of this though... it feels like more than that. it feels like keigo finally telling him something solid and real. not just pieces of a name. something dabi can hold on to that isn't mixed up in ten other lies.
he listens, hands falling to his knees from his hair, and he can slowly feel the heat in his body shifting from catastrophic, to something more manageable.
and yet it's still hard to hear and hard to take in, because the truth is always ugly, and it's that ugliness that he thought led keigo to them in the first place. everything the commission had done to keigo is what drove him here. he wasn't sure if he could completely believe that before, but maybe.
god, he's weak to this bird. no matter how many lies there are, he wants to fucking believe him. ]
I don't wanna burn you. I don't want ya to go back to 'em either.
[for the first time, keigo is admitting things he never had before. his handlers knew everything, he never had to say or confirm anything before this. his mother did plenty of that when she sold him.
a part of him is worried that dabi would reject him, see him as pathetic or worthless, something to throw away. it’s why he’d rather have death than return back to the monsters who bought and used him.
he just...he can’t go back to that life. if that was the cost of being a hero, keigo can’t do it. not anymore. he had a taste of freedom and it’s all he desires.
that freedom was right there, with dabi.
keigo holds back a gasp as he tries to steady the growing pain in his throat. his breathing is becoming labored, hurting even there. his lungs were on fire. but all he can focus on is dabi, feeling more relieved that he can see and feel the fire lessening.
he swallows, and after giving it a few seconds, goes to speak more.]
How..c-can I..prove to you? Please...tell me..what you need...from me. I won’t..l-lie to you..any...m-more.
[ dabi doesn't expect keigo to go back to that life. he doesn't want him to, and maybe that should have been evident all along. all dabi has ever wanted was the truth.
he finally looks up, feeling the last of his anger simmer away and he's left with pure exhaustion.
does he believe everything keigo is saying? maybe not. does he think keigo sold out their location and told the heroes when to attack? yeah. keigo pretty much said so. but...maybe he wasn't meant to be included in that. he wants to hope for that, because he's got nothing left after this. ]
When ya said ya told Endeavor about the army and when to attack, what were ya gonna do about the League? Were ya gonna let 'em go down too? What about me?
[it feels like it’s been forever since he’s seen dabi without anger. it’s not good for his villain to allow his quirk out of control like that. what if dabi burns himself to ash?
keigo can’t make it without dabi. this man is the freedom he seeks.
he...
dabi’s words have the hero shaking his head. he swallows before answering.]
I...gave you a..flash drive last..night. I have..a plan on there...that you can use..like who to attack..and when.
[he has spent a lot of free time trying to come up with such a plan. the details of his work were long, but with the fallout of the meta army, they would need another plan.]
They’re...interested in Twice..wanted him captured.
[he looks away, trying to steady his breathing and voice.]
If there’s..someone you...need to kill..I can....get them to you.
[he doesn’t want to say endeavor’s name, but that’s exactly who he’s referring to.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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on one hand, he wants to tell dabi anything and everything. on the other, he wants to get to the bottom of a few other things and just...run.
in the end, he really wants to be right here, with dabi. no more heroes. no more commission.
keigo swallows and nods his head, trusting dabi to take care of the burns. and, if it also helps dabi out, it was a win-win situation.
he itches to take back the phone, just to fill the walls with some sort of extra speech. even if he talks about nonsense. he hates the silence.
and, it would get dabi to talk more too. his villain’s voice always keep him calm.]
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he takes the burn cream out of the kit when keigo gives the okay, and slides a little closer to him, wincing at the movement. his body feels strange as well- almost like it's not even completely his own. it's the way it feels numb, but somehow in a lot of pain. he tries not to think about how he might stay like this if his body really was pushed to the limit.
it's too soon.
opening the cream up, dabi squints a bit, trying to pinpoint where the burns might be the worst along keigo's front. he scoots forward again, because it's a little easier this way, and then he starts rubbing the cream in where he can.]
My body can't handle my Quirk. Ever since I was a little kid... ever since my Quirk manifested, actually. Didn't matter to anyone back then though, ya know? It was powerful so it had to be used. Had to be developed so I could be... whatever the fuck he wanted me to be. But it don't stop. The longer I use it the worst it gets. Wouldn't want the heroes findin' out about that and usin' it against me.
[he figures this is as good a time to tell Keigo as any.]
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plus, it was good for his hands too, right?
but, dabi should probably rest his eyes. keigo could take care of everything.
although, it’s hard resisting how he leans into dabi’s touch, head tilting while one hand comes to wrap around dabi’s wrist to lead his lover. the hot texture on his skin is starting to cool down, thankfully. it’s nice. he hopes it helps.
somewhere, keigo’s eyes close, but come to flutter back open when dabi begins to speak. he can’t help but look over the villain worriedly. he...had a suspicion before over it. his chest pulls and keigo rubs the scarred flesh in his grip instinctively.
keigo’s other hand comes forward, cupping dabi’s face briefly. he even mouths, ‘i want to protect you’. maybe too sentimental, but they’ve been through a lot together, especially in the last few days.]
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He doesn't know the extent of the damage on his body right now. The last time Ujiko checked him out he warned Dabi to be careful. That it was progressing and if he keeps using his flames at full force his body will break down faster.
He always swore to himself he'd never be scared anymore, but he's a little scared right now.
Maybe that's why Keigo's sentimental words fold around his heart the way they do. He can't be a spy. He can't be a traitor. He wouldn't go through all of this with him if that were true. Right?]
You can protect me by tellin' me the truth. By stickin' with me. I wanna believe ya. I wanna know you're on my side. Not the heroes, not Re-destro, not whoever else is pullin' your strings. Mine.
[he says as he slides his hands up around Keigo's neck, spreading the ointment there.]
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they would have to be smart about it. he couldn't risk his villain getting himself killed. keigo refused to lose him.
the hero comes to rub dabi's wrist again, tilting his head and nuzzling it too, affectionately, and looking at the villain with complete honest eyes. he mouths a, 'i'll tell you everything. i won't lie.' he wasn't on anyone else side but dabi. he can't even completely say he's on the side of the league. he just wanted to be at dabi's side. he likes the league though. he also likes a few heroes. maybe. but in the end, it's wherever dabi went.
keigo can't part from this. he can't go back to his old life.
he doesn't want to either.
'i need to ask you an important question. please?' he mouths next, looking longing and worried over his lover. he needed to use the phone for this too. he knows he was told to wait, but he has to know.]
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no more secrets, keigo had said. easier said than done of course, but dabi knows that if he wants the truth he's gonna have to give a little too.
at this point he knows it's the bare minimum, telling keigo something he can probably already see in front of him- all these burns and the way his body is reacting to his own flames- but at least it's something. it's more than dabi has ever really shared before.
most of all though, he needs to know that keigo is on his side.
when the hero tells dabi he wont lie- that he'll tell him everything, dabi wants to believe it. he also knows that whatever this important question is, he's going to have to answer it. he looks reluctant for a moment, but then he nods, pulling his hands away so he can reach for his phone and hold it back out to keigo. ]
Alright.
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he's always wanted dabi to come to him on his own terms.
it doesn't make him trust dabi any less either. he's more than appreciative that his villain has come forward over his weakness. it's something keigo intends to take silently and to the death if need be. he won't ever admit or discuss it out loud to anyone but dabi.
briefly, keigo is worried that the villain won't want to answer the question the hero has for him. he needs dabi to trust him, like he trusts the villain in return. he knows he still needs to prove it, to show dabi how much he means to the hero. he hopes he can provide that for him as soon as possible. he would do anything here and now, so long as he stay here.
thankfully, dabi passes over the phone and keigo mouths a 'thank you'. he holds it to his chest, taking in a breath of air. he's worried. he's scared. then, opening up the voice app, he proceeds to type.]
Please, trust me. No one has to know but us. You gave me so many hints last night, and I, I just want to know.
[he starts with, almost tempted to offer that dabi could keep his throat burned like this forever and sever his fingers if it meant trusting him. he knows how exactly that anger works, and keigo isn't trying to bring it out. they're both too exhausted to fight. and, keigo is done fighting with his lover.]
You're Touya Todoroki, aren't you?
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dabi had only really just started to open up to the idea of maybe staying over at keigo's place overnight, too. they had really only started with so much.
when it comes to trust, they are skating on even thinner ice- but dabi was willing to listen before, and he wants to listen now. he only wishes he could remember what happened in between. maybe once he gets some sleep and heals a little.
but there are too many things to talk about and questions to answer now, so he's willing to try. it does make him nervous when keigo looks so worried about it, though.]
Last night...? Ya mean the parts I can't remember?
[that's troubling, because he can't even wrack his brain to try and figure out what he said, or what keigo is thinking. but then there it is, all out in the open. a name he hasn't heard for years. a name that makes him tense up hard, because this is not how this was supposed to go. what did he say last night that he can't remember?
It's the worst spot for him to be in. he already feels vulnerable, not being able to see or remember, and barely even stand. he can feel the pressure building up inside his chest, making his heart beat hard and fast, and again it feels like everything is slipping through his fingers.
he wants to lash out desperately, but he doesn't even have the energy for it. he can feel his heat moving through his body but it hurts and all he can do is glare at keigo, wrapping his arms around his middle.]
Wow, must've been some fuckin' conversation last night that I can't remember. Didja do somethin' to me? That's why I can't remember and now you're askin' me this shit?
[it's an odd and terrible thing, having keigo seemingly undo in an instant what he's been working towards all this time, without even really knowing it.
is that what he really believes? that keigo doesn't know anything more than this? that maybe he really did just figured it out?
he wants to get up and run, or even just get up and move away just to put some space between himself and all that he wasn't ready to reveal just yet. instead, he just lets his anger die down and drops his head in his hands, curling his fingers tight into his hair. ]
Yeah. I am. How'd ya figure it out?
[he lifts his head then to look at keigo- not that he can see him much anyways, but he wants to at least try and see if there's truth in his eyes.]
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it might mean nothing to the villain, but to the hero, it was a lot. he shared things he hasn't done before, coming to trust dabi to get them this far.
but while he does trust the villain, keigo still can't help but also feel wary and worried over bringing up the subject he did. it's almost like a repeated spiral from the night before as he catches and feel the anger from the villain. he knows it's a sensitive subject, that there's a very good reason as to why dabi hid himself all these years.
but keigo can't even mask the hurt in his eyes that's briefly there at the accusations. why would he hide this? why make it seem like he was doing this for his own gain? all because he was a hero? keigo doesn't ask this though. his energy is low and bare, and he only wants to help his lover from here.
at first, he tries shaking his head, anxiety building that he's stuck with his villain's anger again, fingers trembling over the keypad from his nervous disposition-
but, then dabi's anger cools down, it seems. keigo scoots back a bit, looking the villain over, but keeping some distance. it all stems from how sensitive he is now towards dabi's anger. they've always split and gave each other time, as much as it had upset keigo before doing that. they were supposed to communicate. not that dabi would remember, given his loss of memories from the night before. keigo does remind himself how terrible dabi was at it though.
once he gains his bearings, keigo types over the phone, to answer dabi's question.]
Last night, you mentioned Endeavor as if you knew him. That you were nervous-or anxious about him. Then, when you left, you said to say 'hi to your dad' for you. And, I just, I assumed it had to be Endeavor.
[he looks up with honest eyes, scared now in a different way. so it was true. after swallowing, he starts to type again.]
I don't want to go back to the heroes or my handlers. I just, I want to be with you. Will you let me stay? Please?
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he can't imagine that keigo had nothing to do with that. even more so, he knows it because keigo lied.
so no, there's a lot of everything that keigo might think is raw and open, that never quite seemed that way because it was always shrouded in lies.
there's a lot that dabi knows keigo is still hiding, so there's plenty of reasons for him to think that keigo is doing this for his own gain. the truth that dabi doesn't know is that it really is something like that, with keigo dragging him around. keigo is damn lucky dabi doesn't remember that part right now.
at this moment he really wishes he could. ]
Why'd I mention Endeavor?
[he asks angrily, but it's more out of frustration that he can't remember. why would he bring him up in the first place? there are so many holes and now keigo suddenly knows who he is. his entire plan hinged on no one knowing till it was time.]
Why the fuck would I say that to ya? What happened?
[god, he didn't want to do this now. why are they doing this now? he's even more nervous now that he knows he referenced that piece of shit father of his as if keigo was going to go see him. as if he knew keigo would talk to him.
this feels bad and confusing, and dabi suddenly feels like he's suffocating even more. Keigo knows. he knows. ]
Tell me what I'm missin' first. Just fuckin' tell me, Keigo!
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although, he really did want dabi to get himself healed and looked into. he's so worried over the villain's burns and eyes.
he can't push any of this off any longer. dabi was about to spiral, and keigo needed to keep him from using his quirk. although, this would fan some of that anger too. like a bandaid, he had to rip it off. still, it's hard to get his head into the game, holding tight to the phone, listening as dabi's anger grows.
he swallows, but calms his nerves, and begins to force himself to type. like dabi, he didn't want to do this now, however, he had to. putting it off meant that he was hiding something. keigo wasn't. he just...hated their fighting. he hated the anger, the thing that fans dabi's flames.]
Last night, I told you I was hired as a spy by the Hero Commission. But I'm not a spy. I really did want to meet you, to provide you intel so you would kill my handlers. I never provided the hero commission with anything but the knowledge they already knew. I know it's wrong that I didn't tell you before. I shouldn't have hidden it, but I was scared that I would fall into a trap set by my handlers.
[keigo trembles, hating that he's coming to admit this all over again. if dabi were to get beyond angry again, to threaten and leave, keigo would be alone again. he can't justify returning to his handlers, not without reason enough to be locked away in a cage.
and there's only one reason he can think of to return to them.
keigo's fingers itch to type more, babble and reveal everything in one go, but he stops himself this time. it didn't work well in his favor the previous night. and, why try when dabi might push him away anyway?]
We fought. Over and over. I told you about the tracking device. I've always assumed you ordered it on me. And, from there, you assumed I was going to bring the heroes to us, and I wasn't. I've only been wanting to get away from my handlers since they first started to sell me. We fought again, and we ended up separating, and that's when you said it, about your dad.
no subject
that's why they're in this mess in the first place.
but enough is enough. too much has happened now and keigo knows his name. he knows who he is, and dabi feels angry and betrayed. he needs answers. he knows he won't like them, but he's already setting himself up for it. the truth has to come out, no matter what it is.
What Keigo does tell him has dabi tensing up more. The only thing worse than keigo knowing his name would be if it turned out he was a spy. ]
If that's true, why didn't ya fuckin' tell me! Ya didn't fuckin' wanna fall into their trap ya should've fuckin' told me! How the hell am I supposed to believe you now? How do I know you're not actually the fuckin' spy they set ya up to be?
[the tracking device, skeptic, something about endeavor that he can't quite remember but it's there, kicking around in his murky memories. if he felt like he was suffocating before, now he's drowning on top of it and he can feel his insides heating up painfully. he doesn't know what to do.
he pushes himself up, swaying hard, but he needs to put some space between them.]
Why didn't ya fuckin' tell me!
[he yells, but it's too much for his body. he coughs, wrapping his arms around himself and he collapses back down onto his knees, shaking his head.]
How'd ya find out? There's no fuckin' way ya figured out who I am from a goddamn throw away comment about my dad. Just tell me the truth Keigo.
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keigo isn't sure he can take another round of heat and fire again.
he hates that he can't talk, that he's forced to rely on the phone to speak for him. he's already typing as dabi shouts at him, flinching when he thinks the villain might actually use his fire against him, but he only gets up instead.]
I didn't tell you because you could have been working with my handlers. I've spent a majority of my life terrified of them, that if they even knew I was trying to kill them off, I would be killed myself, or worst. They don't work on the side that's good or bad, just on the side that comes off as morally right and whoever lines their pockets with money.
[he breathes out, looking down at the ground. he hates this. he hates being so raw and open. he hates that they're in this position again. why did dabi have to forget? it would have been easier to be sure the villain got home before keigo tried to hide away in shadows and dark alleys.
the phones drops from his hand as dabi collapses to his knees. worriedly, he crawls forward, afraid to touch dabi, but needing to look over the villain.
before he can reach to touch him though, the angry demand is there, and keigo backs off. he takes back the phone, typing hurriedly, making several typed errors that he tries to fix.]
You've always fixated on Endeavor before, and last night, when he was brought up, you only got angrier. I just assumed.
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he can't believe that even after all of this, he thinks maybe maybe keigo is telling the truth. there's so much evidence against him and so many holes, but dabi is still questioning it.
the worst part is when keigo throws out the ridiculous excuse that he could have been working with his handlers. ]
That's bullshit Keigo. Do ya even fuckin' hear yourself? Now you're tryin'a blame your lies on me? On whether I was working with them or not? That's a new fuckin' low, even for you.
[ he remembers this anger now. this feeling of deep, intense pain and betrayal. he remembers standing in keigo's penthouse, dread filling him the more that the other man explained jumbled truths with lies. dabi presses the heel of his palm into his eye, feeling like he's going to be sick.
if keigo touches him, he might burst into flames, because he's trying everything in his power to reel it in right now. he's so upset. ]
When he was brought up? Why the fuck did ya bring him up, Keigo?
[dabi lifts his head up to look at keigo, his sight still blurry and dizzy. but there are things he remembers now, coming back in small pieces. he remembers going back for keigo despite it all. but what happened then? more lies... an explosion. more lies. Endeavor. keigo having no good reason as to why he didn't tell dabi, but somehow coming up with an excuse for it now.]
Ya let me lead us back to the base even though ya knew there were traitors there, and that they had us under surveillance. Ya let me do it because I couldn't remember. I can't fuckin' believe this. Ya wanted me to get caught. Were ya gonna hand me over to Endeavor too?
[he can feel tendrils of smoke coming out from the stitched up parts of his body, and the smell of burning flesh that he knows is coming from him. he tries to push himself up again because he needs to get further away. he needs to get out of here, but he doesn't make it that far. it's only at the furthest wall that he stops, sliding down it and curling into a ball, head down against his knees as he tries to reel it all back in.
this is the end. he can feel it. it's the end of everything. maybe he should just let himself go out in a flaming fire like he should have so many years ago. that should have been his end.]
no subject
he's not saying what he did was brilliant or even right, but keigo had to be careful. he always had to look out for himself. he never had anyone else to look out for before dabi came along.
he's getting so lost as the villain starts though, anger apparently leading him to talk over keigo. the hero can only manage to listen, wishing his voice would just work as he tries to mouth what he wants to say. going back into that spiral is ripping him apart, but he knows he's not the only one feeling it. he knows dabi must be breaking apart. he knows how the villain operates.
it's becoming too much, and keigo can't help but shout.]
I-!..I-..I'm not-! [his breath is so coarse, throat on fire but keigo ignores it, works with the pain so he can speak.] I'm n-not saying..not blaming-!...I had to learn to trust you..I had to know for sure..I don't-I'm not blaming any of it on you! I was just..I never trusted anyone before you. That's why, at the beginning, I didn't say it!
[his handlers worked with villains. he knows this because he's been given to a few. at the beginning of it all, he had to be absolutely positive they weren't testing his loyalty. that's what he's trying to explain here. he never once would place any kind of blame on dabi for his own insecurities.
his throat burns hot, but keigo keeps going, scared that if he stops, it'll hurt more.]
I-..I brought Endeavor up because they..my handlers, they were threatening you! They were..going to kill or cap..ture...you.
[briefly, he coughs and quickly comes to apply pressure to his throat, digging sharp nails into his own burnt skin. blood is in his mouth, but keigo ignores it, keeps talking.]
Told me I had to..to tell Endeavor about the meta army...or they would go after you.
[he inhales some air, and it hurts more than any sort of relief.]
So..I told him. I told him the size of the army..and a date to attack.
[another series of coughs and keigo spits blood onto the ground to get the taste out of his mouth. he breathes heavily again, head bowed, staring at the splatter of blood.]
I never...wanted you, or the others, to get caught. But you..you needed a doctor. That's why I pushed..for you to go back to get help. I wouldn't want..Endeavor anywhere near you.
no subject
it's because he had something better. he had something with keigo.
he wants to curl up and die, and he knows he could. if he just lights one more flame across his skin it could be the end for him. there's a part of him that doesn't care anymore. if keigo knows, endeavor knows, and they'll come at them with full force, taking him down before he accomplishes any of his goals. what's the point?
he's so tired. he doesn't know what to trust anymore.
when keigo speaks, his fingers curl into his hair even tighter. he wants to get up and stop him, because he knows it can't be good for him, but also because he doesn't want to hear this. he doesn't believe keigo and he wants to scream in his face and make him stop, but he can't.
dabi wonders for a moment, what this would have been like in another life. if he would have whispered his name under the sheets with every kiss along keigo's skin, or spent a night like this drinking lazily under the moonlight under the stars with his...
but that's not how it is, and this is their life instead. what a stupid thing to think about at a time like this. he doesn't even know where it comes from.
no. that's a lie. he knows exactly where it comes from. it comes from keigo. ]
Stop! Stop!
[he slides his hands over his ears, smoke curling over his head.]
no subject
shigaraki was worth more than what keigo could pay alone. hell, he might not be able to top whatever price dabi is going for on his warrant. as the son of endeavor, that man could use all the money in the world to get dabi back if he so wanted.
keigo wasn't worth any of them. he wouldn't be able to save any if he had tried to go back.
...he would have possibly lost dabi too, if he hadn't found him in the sewer.
golden eyes shoot up as the villain shouts at him. he immediately clamps his mouth shut, but the action is short-lived because he begins to cough hard and rough, clawing his throat as the pain begins to burn sharp.
breathing heavier, keigo shakes his head. he feels exhausted. he hurts. he just...he feels defeated.]
Y-..You...have to..stop too....Your quirk..Dabi.
[he gasps out, voice quieter, practically a gasp now. the phone is long forgotten, even if he holds it tight in his other hand.]
no subject
he should have stayed alone. he shouldn't have done any of this.
he shouldn't have fallen for a fucking pro-hero.
but he did, and now he doesn't know up from down, left from right. he doesn't know what to trust and what not to. worst of all, he feels like he suddenly doesn't know the man in front of him anymore, when he spent all this time thinking he was getting to know him. ]
Who are you?
[he asks finally, lifting his head to look at keigo. what was real about what they ever did?]
Who the fuck even are you?
no subject
he's always had his goal in mind, to be rid of his handlers once and for all.
somewhere along the way, he fell for the villain, and it became even more complicated.
his eyes are filled with lost and worry as he hears the question. he's never changed his name. he was honest about that all this time, since the moment he told dabi.]
What..do you...
[dabi knew his name. why ask it? breathing in, he tries to steady the pain there and speak firmer.]
K-..Keigo Takami...is my..full name.
no subject
maybe. maybe. that's the problem. dabi keeps thinking maybe, because he knows what his father did, and how he's still a pro-hero too. he knows the lengths that abusive bastard went to, to try and get what he wanted.
but this is keigo.
his name isn't what dabi wants. a name doesn't make a person who they are. he wants to know who keigo is as a person. the little things that make him who he is. the things he can hold on to. ]
That ain't what I want.
[he says quietly, slowly dropping his head back down against his knees. he doesn't need anything more than this. he just needs to calm himself down enough to stop, too.]
no subject
the hero commission did what they wanted, used power and money to get him there. he should have been grateful. after all, he wanted to be a hero like endeavor. he wanted to protect people. he desperately wanted to create a world where heroes had too much time on their hands.
he was far from understanding or knowing exactly the details that go on with other pro-heroes. only by dabi's smallest admittance in their short history together is keigo able to know that the villain despised his father. that's enough for him to desire keeping endeavor away from him. hell, he would willing provide the number one on a platter if it meant gaining dabi's trust and staying with him.
but that isn't at the front of his mind at the moment. he's confused instead, unsure what dabi wants from him. the villain desires to know who he is. he's plenty of things. what if he says it wrong? what if it's not the right answer?]
I-I'm...the son of..a criminal. A...a murderer. A thief. He..was a shit father..who abused...my mom and me. G-Got...arrested..and then just..mom and me. But...she sold me to the hero commission, after I..saved some people. I became their...puppet...Wanted to be a hero..but I became..their toy to pass around.
[he stops to cough, breathing heavier. it burns now from throat to chest. he has to wonder if his lungs would be damaged by the end of this.]
I'm..still me....I still..I...Everything I ever did..that was me. Wanting..to be with you..is me. I didn't..lie about my feelings. And I..got lost..along the way...of telling you everything. I know..I should have told you...everything. I know..I...I can't...take it back. C-Can only..move forward...and.....do..whatever you want me..to do...Just..tell me w-what you want..even...if you want to...burn me...D-Don't want to..go back...to them.
[he's trying. he's trying.]
no subject
all of this though... it feels like more than that. it feels like keigo finally telling him something solid and real. not just pieces of a name. something dabi can hold on to that isn't mixed up in ten other lies.
he listens, hands falling to his knees from his hair, and he can slowly feel the heat in his body shifting from catastrophic, to something more manageable.
and yet it's still hard to hear and hard to take in, because the truth is always ugly, and it's that ugliness that he thought led keigo to them in the first place. everything the commission had done to keigo is what drove him here. he wasn't sure if he could completely believe that before, but maybe.
god, he's weak to this bird. no matter how many lies there are, he wants to fucking believe him. ]
I don't wanna burn you. I don't want ya to go back to 'em either.
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a part of him is worried that dabi would reject him, see him as pathetic or worthless, something to throw away. it’s why he’d rather have death than return back to the monsters who bought and used him.
he just...he can’t go back to that life. if that was the cost of being a hero, keigo can’t do it. not anymore. he had a taste of freedom and it’s all he desires.
that freedom was right there, with dabi.
keigo holds back a gasp as he tries to steady the growing pain in his throat. his breathing is becoming labored, hurting even there. his lungs were on fire. but all he can focus on is dabi, feeling more relieved that he can see and feel the fire lessening.
he swallows, and after giving it a few seconds, goes to speak more.]
How..c-can I..prove to you? Please...tell me..what you need...from me. I won’t..l-lie to you..any...m-more.
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he finally looks up, feeling the last of his anger simmer away and he's left with pure exhaustion.
does he believe everything keigo is saying? maybe not. does he think keigo sold out their location and told the heroes when to attack? yeah. keigo pretty much said so. but...maybe he wasn't meant to be included in that. he wants to hope for that, because he's got nothing left after this. ]
When ya said ya told Endeavor about the army and when to attack, what were ya gonna do about the League? Were ya gonna let 'em go down too? What about me?
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keigo can’t make it without dabi. this man is the freedom he seeks.
he...
dabi’s words have the hero shaking his head. he swallows before answering.]
I...gave you a..flash drive last..night. I have..a plan on there...that you can use..like who to attack..and when.
[he has spent a lot of free time trying to come up with such a plan. the details of his work were long, but with the fallout of the meta army, they would need another plan.]
They’re...interested in Twice..wanted him captured.
[he looks away, trying to steady his breathing and voice.]
If there’s..someone you...need to kill..I can....get them to you.
[he doesn’t want to say endeavor’s name, but that’s exactly who he’s referring to.]
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