[with no taunting smirk or even an angry look, keigo finds himself trying to read dabi. the villain comes to step in his home as he does so. was he also nervous? as much as the hero was? dabi always had these walls built up that it make it hard to read the villain properly.
closing the door, keigo locks it, staying a bit by dabi's side while he toes off his boots and partly undresses. silently, he appreciates that the villain doesn't track in any mud. it means he can keep his feathers from sweeping it up.]
Hm? Oh. Yeah, I just finished.
[he laughs, finally stepping away, heading to the kitchen.]
Do you want anything to drink? I have your beer.
[honestly, he keeps it stocked up, always buying it when he gets the very few groceries for the week. besides dabi's beverage, he had a few snacks and other drinks. nothing that would require cooking a meal, barely any spices. keigo never saw a point to it after all.]
[is it strange that there's no taunting smirk or look? Maybe. But after the fight they just had, he really isn't in the mood to be that way. He feels rejected and hurt... He feels jealous... And yet he's the one here in Keigo's apartment, no one else.
And this place? It feels good to be here. Safe. Even if they're fighting and being stupid with each other, this place with Keigo still feels safe. Maybe that's stupid of him too. ]
My beer...Sure, yeah. Didja just get it?
[because he assumes Keigo gets it when he's coming over, not that he just has it stocked in his fridge. That would be too crazy, wouldn't it?
Dabi follows to the kitchen, just kinda trailing behind Keigo like he doesn't know what else to do. He really doesn't.]
[keigo always wants to provide a safe haven to the villain. never does he want to hear how his lover is in a spot that’s dangerous. dabi might be a villain, but he didn’t deserve to be uncomfortable or in harms way. keigo wanted him to be safe.
and well, he likes having the villain in his home. it made it more like...their home.]
No, I always keep it stocked up for you.
[keigo admits easily without thinking, tucking some blond hair behind his ear that had started to tickle his jawline. the fretting earlier had caused his hair to be a little less untamed.
opening the fridge, he takes the beer dabi likes, grabbing one for him too. it’s not a favorite of his, yet drinking with the villain definitely calms his nerves. one of his feathers sharpen and easily pops the tops of both bottles.]
Here you go.
[keigo offers, holding the beer out with a smile.
it’s kind of cute that dabi followed him into the kitchen. if he didn’t want to aggravate the villain any more, he might come to say that out loud. well. maybe not. dabi might fry him up even if they weren’t fighting.]
[ it's rare for dabi to feel like he isn't in harms way. sure he has a deadly quirk and he can kill if he wants to, but that doesn't mean anything is really safe for him, especially when he falls back into old habits. but here with keigo it's a different story.
he doesn't quite feel like this is his home, though. maybe because he doesn't really stay over. he doesn't really let himself feel it either. little things like keigo stocking his kind of beer in the fridge, though? that says a lot, and dabi is honestly surprised. ]
Ya do? I didn't know that.
[he mutters, because as much as he likes that, he doesn't know how he's supposed to feel about it. it's just beer he tells himself, the same as when he tells himself that there's nothing more to this than a good lay. but maybe it's far from that now.
he snags the beer with another small muttered thanks, taking a damn long sip from it to calm these stupid nerves. he's a villain. he isn't supposed to be nervous like this. not ever again. he keeps drinking cause he doesn't know what else to do with himself. keigo wanted to talk so he came over, but he sure as hell isn't going to get them started.]
Yeah. You seem to like it, so I try to keep it around. I'm not the biggest fan of it, so there's always plenty in the fridge.
[keigo comes to laugh lightly before taking a sip of the beer. he probably should pour himself something stronger, like vodka. maybe some gin. rum. calm these building nerves a little faster. however, he doesn't want to be completely inebriated for their conversation.
the beer will do just fine.
while trying to put his thoughts in order, keigo quietly notes how fast dabi is drowning his beverage. he knows the villain is probably trying to keep himself busy in that regard, that the hero will have to start them off.]
I, uh..reread over our messages tonight. It wasn't really clear to me what I did or said at the time. Sometimes, I'm not sure where it's joking or serious when it comes to texting, so I might have not realized what you were trying to say to me. I'm sorry about that.
[keigo starts, swallowing down some anxious nerves while leaning against the kitchen counter, to get a better look at the villain. a few feathers open up the fridge, to grab some more beer, placing one bottle on the counter, close to dabi's position. in case the villain were to want another one after drinking his current beer so fast.]
I thought earlier I might have gotten carried away, asking you on a date and coming here to cook. I don't want you to be uncomfortable with me. It was selfish of me to exchange sex with it. I just..I guess I assume at times that's my only worth. I mean, I do like you, and I like this. I would like more too. But, I have to be honest, I'm kind of..new to it too. I don't want to fuck it up. I guess I'm trying to ask where you want...us to be.
[his chest is pounding. he can hear it in his ears. still, he refuses to drop his gaze from looking at the intense blues of his lover.]
I really don't know how to properly say it or what to label it..I just...I do want you to know that I like being exclusive to you. Just you. And I'm sorry that I brought up that past date. I'm sure you don't read hero digest articles. I was worried you would though..and it'd be a repeat, you know? I used to ignore the articles about me. But, lately, I get antsy that someone will find you and...I..I don't want you to get caught.
[his feathers shake just a little bit in worry, his grip hard on the bottle of beer. he has to finally avert his gaze, staring down at the floor a little sadly.]
I don't have the capabilities to break you out of Tartarus, you know?
[yeah, it's just beer. sure it is. maybe that should make him feel even more awkward, but at the moment he's just so surprised by the action. he's never really had anyone do something like that for him before.... at least not in the way keigo does. giran is a whole different story.
he knows he should slow down with the beer, but it's calming him. it's giving him something to do until keigo gets started. there's this nervous energy between them though, and dabi isn't used to it, but maybe that's a good thing. and maybe it is better they talk like this, even if it's hard, because keigo already makes a good point, right off the bat. he's bringing up probably what went wrong. What always seems to go wrong between them.
In the end, maybe they're just both really terrible at this.
It shows as he fidgets a bit, trying to keep his gaze on Keigo, but unsure how he feels about being called out on what he was trying to say. Most of the the time he'd rather brush it off, but it really did bother him this time that Keigo didnt realize what he was trying to say.]
I...
[he starts, then stops and looks away when Keigo does, finishing the rest of his beer. His fingers reach for the next one, but he just holds on to the bottle.
Does he actually have to talk here? Like some kind of normal person? He could just not, and tell Keigo he doesn't do this kinda shit, but he has a feeling that would do too much damage, especially when Keigo is being so honest and real right now.]
I don't want ya fuckin' around with anyone else. I don't think ya do that. I know I talk shit but I don't believe it. But I fuckin' hate this date shit. Or... I hate when ya gotta go do it with other people. Don't know how I feel about dates either, but... I thought yeah, maybe it'd be alright.
[okay now he definitely needs a sip of his beer.]
But then I think about how this shit between us is fucked, and why the fuck would we even do any'a this? But maybe I want to. I dunno. I feel like I don't know shit.
[and how will this end? Will Keigo betray him? After all of this, will he be tossed in Tartarus anyway?]
I ain't gonna get caught, Keigo.
[he sighs, rubbing at his forehead.]
All this shit ya just said though, I mean... You're right.
[it's so real right here, between the two of them. he can see that dabi is trying in his own way, and keigo appreciates that more than the villain would ever know. a part of him was scared that dabi would blow him off, try to walk away from this. that maybe he wasn't important enough in deserving of this conversation.
thankfully, the fear is misplaced, and he really had nothing to worry about. dabi is still here, and even if he's trying to find the words to say, he's trying.
and very soon, the villain starts, being so openly honest that it almost sweeps keigo away. he listens intently, to make sure there's no more slip up again, and because it's important. warmth does come to dust his cheek as dabi admits over being okay to try dating. he thought the villain would be against it, only agreeing earlier to humor the hero. he's glad that isn't the case.
for all of dabi's words, keigo keeps quiet and listens. the hero finds himself fiddling with his hands, chewing on his bottom lip too. the more the villain speaks though, the more keigo feels less anxiety. by those last words, he's able to step closer, within arm length of dabi's body.]
I won't date anyone. I don't want to. I...I would like to give us a shot. I would like us to go out and do things together. I think it would be fun, you know? We do get along and all, despite some of our misunderstandings.
[he doesn't think he could ever think about dating anyone while being with dabi. his thoughts were constantly over this man right here.]
If you promise not to get caught...I'm willing to do anything.
[he can't help but grin here, not sure exactly what sort of activities dabi would find fun to do. the villain seemed like he never been on a date before when they talked about it earlier.
the hero can't help but reach over, placing a hand on dabi's shoulder.]
And, hey..if I say something out of turn or anything that makes you angry, tell me. It kind of can go over my head. Birdbrain, right? I'm never going to try and make you upset on purpose. I like teasing you, but never to the point where I want to be mean about it. I like you. I don't want you running off on me, after all.
[ it's so real, and so raw. dabi feels like he shouldn't be doing this, but clearly a part of him wants to. maybe this is crazy, but he doesn't want to blow this off. he doesn't want to just walk away.
it seems like with every word, keigo seems happier- more uplifted- and it's strange that his own words can do that to someone. keigo really listens though, and seems to take it all in. it makes dabi feel somewhat uncomfortable, but not in a terrible way. not in a painful way.
keigo also keeps saying us, and that's definitely something too. dabi tries really hard not to want to bolt. it's a good thing that keigo doesn't want to date anyone else. that's what he wanted. ]
Yeah, I guess we get along.
[he gives the smallest smirk as keigo moves closer. he's not really sure what he'd find fun either. but maybe they can give it a try.]
I was jealous'a your stupid date and I wanted to tell ya that we could have one, but... I don't know what I'm doin'. Fuckin' around is all I know, and I know ya get that, right? Doesn't fuckin' mean you're not... worth anythin' else. I hate that shit.
[it's so hard for him to get out, but he tries. ]
Ya sure you don't try to make me upset on purpose? sometimes I try to tell ya, but I say it in my own way, I guess. I figure you'll get it.
[but keigo often doesn't, and then it turns into this avalanche. mostly because he doesn't know how to tell keigo either way. he doesn't know how to just talk about the things that make him angry.]
I'm pretty shit at talkin', though. I get angry'n jealous and then I fuck it up.
[this is important to dabi, just like it is to keigo. he’s glad they chose this, chose to work out their issues rather than ignoring each other and then coming back together for a great fuck.
not that keigo doesn’t enjoy their fucking. he enjoys it a lot, in fact. but there’s more to it. he’d rather they have other domestic and romantic things to add to their intimacy.]
A lot more than I would ever expect. You’re honestly someone I could trust around the media too.
[despite the fact that dabi is a wanted villain. but at least keigo knows the villain would willingly tell the reporters to bug off. hell, keigo would like for dabi to be his modeling manager if he could.]
Yeah I get that. But we can...try? See if dating is something we can do too. I don’t mind the fucking, of course. I do like doing that with you. But, you’re right that I shouldn’t think of that being my only worth.
[he’s glad to hear dabi say that though. the fact that it’s a villain too, it pulls at the hero.]
I..I don’t think I try to on purpose. I will do my best to catch if you’re trying to tell me though. I know it’s hard. It’s hard for me to.
[but he wants to try for dabi.
keigo can’t help but lean over close to dabi, pressing a small and short kiss to the villain’s cheek.]
You haven’t fucked it up. I’m still here, wanting this, wanting you.
[ dabi isn't sure if this will help in the long run, or if this will just make him want to pull back again because they're getting... too close? too intense? he hopes he doesn't freak out, though. maybe knowing he might will make him more aware? maybe keigo knowing will help, too. ]
I hate the fuckin' media. Don't want 'em around our business. I was just sayin' that shit cause I was jealous. Stupid shit, like I ain't good enough for you to wanna tell anyone about. But of course I don't. We can't. And anyways, we're not...
[dabi finds himself struggling for the right words again and he scowls, turning towards the counter. what is he doing? this is a ridiculous conversation- talking like they're just two normal people trying to do something here.]
Look, I'm just fuckin' confused, alright? I dunno what the fuck this is, or what we are, or if we even gotta call it anything or do it like that. We fuck, but we also don't just do that, and I wanna do other shit with ya but I don't even know if we can. I just don't fuckin' know, Kei. I don't know. I don't deserve this. I wasn't supposed to have this. Not anythin' like this, or you.
And then it's like... what if... what if in the end all'a this is gonna get fucked anyways. I dunno what you're doin'. I really don't anymore. I thought you were a spy. I thought you were gonna betray us, but now... I'm so fuckin' confused. I shouldn't even be tellin' ya that.
[he knows he's rambling, but he can't stop himself. it's always all of this in his head. it's a war up there every time they talk, even more so when they fight, because he's so in this, but he knows he shouldn't be.]
[just the smallest smile catches at the corner of his lips when the villain admits so openly over his opinion on the media, and why he said what he did.]
I actually would love to tell a lot people about it. I was kind of...happy, when they took that picture of us. Even if no one can tell who you are, I knew. I wanted to tell the media that you were my boyfriend and that they weren't privy of your identity.
[he laughs, although feeling a little embarrassed over his admittance. it's almost nice to talk like this though, telling dabi things he only thought to himself.
keigo does stay close as the villain turns from him. he looks over him worriedly, but listens. and, by the end of it, he can't help the sad look the takes to his features. he always knew this was bound to happen, that he would be faced with a hard choice. he just didn't expect it here. and now.]
Dabi...
[he trails off, not sure what he should say or do. what was right, and what was wrong. what was worth more and what wasn't. he knows what his heart wants. he's known that for awhile.
keigo turns away, leaning against the counter, eyes averted.]
I need to tell you more. About me. And why...why I want you to save me. I don't think I can handle it on my own any longer.
I guess I wasn't as annoyed as I said I was when ya told me they took a pic of us...
[ and called him keigo's mysterious boyfriend. part of him was annoyed, sure, especially back then. but now? he's kinda proud of it, and maybe that's what bugged him even more about this date thing, and how that got in some skeezy hero magazine as well.
he knows it's stupid, though. they can never be out and about like that, and dabi has never wanted to be. like he said to keigo, this isn't the kinda life he ever thought he'd have, or deserve. hell, it's not even the kind of life he has now. all he has is a pipe dream of what this could be. ]
Boyfriend, huh.
[he says quietly. he knows he's freaked out about that word in the past. with good reason. it all stems back to the same things, though. how can they ever possibly be anything like that to each other?
even now, he glances over with furrowed eyebrows as keigo responds, something turning in his stomach at the look on the other man's face.]
[now keigo wishes more pictures were taken of them. he only had so many pictures of the two of them together, taken where he could. keigo tries to abide by keeping their affair secret. gods though, he wish he could have it said loud and proud.
more than that though, he wish they could be...more. just, more together. living together. going out on secret dates. he wonders if dabi would still want that with him after...]
That a label you're willing to be?
[he doesn't want to make his lover uncomfortable. he knows how all too well the villain reacted before about it.
swallowing, he feels a whole new set of nerves building up. but he can't keep running from this. their time was running out. dabi may kill him here, and maybe that's what he deserves, but keigo knows what he wants out of all of this.]
...I..my handlers, they bought me off my mom when I was a kid. After hearing that I saved some people with my feathers. From there, I belonged to them. Whatever they wanted of me, I had to do. I wanted to be a hero, but they molded me into the hero they desired. They sold me to politicians, heroes, anyone with money or power, even villains. All for their own benefit. I...I hated it. But I loved keeping people safe, so I dealt with it.
[nervously, he runs a hand through his hair. he's never said such feelings out loud. it makes him scared.]
But, I couldn't keep doing that. I can't be someone they can sell. Sometimes, especially with heroes, I have to be forced to keep my quirk suppressed. I kept wondering how much longer until I'm just..killed. Honestly, I really didn't believe much in the motives of the League at the beginning, but, it started to get more clear when I spoke with Twice. When I taught him that book, I realized just what position I was in.
[he breathes out, feeling his nerves getting the best of him.]
[ dabi is pretty sure that's the one and only picture of the two of them. it's not like they take them when they're together. maybe they should, though... but they really just fuck when they're together. sure there are quiet moments between them too, but never long enough to take silly photos with each other.
dabi wonders what that would be like. ]
I... I dunno. I dunno how to be that, or what it even means. Just seems.... fuckin' weird. Not like us. But ya gotta call me somethin', right?
[like that last time, when it just slipped out. he doesn't want keigo to think it's a bad thing, but he's not sure if it's something he can do. and then there's the whole thing about keigo being a pro-hero, and this unrealistic thing they're doing here.
sounds a lot like that when keigo starts talking to him about the hero commission and what they've done.]
So that's why ya want to work with the League? That's why ya came to us?
[monsters. they're all monsters, and there's a part of dabi that can't believe what he's hearing, but he's also seen the kind of monsters that become pro-heroes and run the whole thing, so he knows it could be true.
it makes him want to kill keigo's handlers, too. but he has a feeling there's more to it than just this.]
[boyfriend was kind of juvenile, despite that keigo instinctively thinks of it when referring to the villain as his. maybe lover? he thinks of that term to describe dabi too.
the hero is grateful that dabi lets him speak, that the villain doesn't automatically come to conclusions without the details provided. keigo wanted to be honest here, because he does trust dabi. and he knows he can't do this all on his own.]
Yeah. But there's more to that too.
[more to everything. he is scared here, but keigo is also relieved in a way to admit all of this.
with a nod of his head, keigo leaves the kitchen, going to his couch. his wings are curled close to his body from his nerves, some feathers fretting enough to leave and fall to the floor. keigo leaves them be, will clean them up later.]
When I first searched you out, I thought maybe...we could use each other. Maybe you could kill my handlers and the entire hero commission operation before they could build back up. I'm sorry. It was selfish of me. I am glad I stuck around enough to see more to everything you and Twice and the others represent.
[again, he comes to swallow, feathers trembling. he has to say it.]
And, you were right before. I was hired as a spy. But I only accepted so I could finally get rid of them. My reports have been minimal with information. There was never anything about you and me, and barely what we discussed. I can show you my reports and my messages to them though, and their responses. I'm sorry, Dabi. I..I just, if I couldn't make it work with you, then I'm sure they would lock me away to service their business associates. I...I really thought maybe this was my way out of their control.
[he finds himself closing his eyes tightly. whatever relief he felt earlier is gone and he feels so damn cold and scared. he keeps telling himself that he trusted dabi though.]
But they were a step ahead. After one of our fights, a big one, I started to suspect they knew what you meant to me. They threatened to reveal your current location at the time to Endeavor. I..I don't know how they knew it, so I began investigating. As soon as I was introduced to Twice and the others, I cut off contact with my handlers. Or..I tried. I told them I was being watched and listened, hoping I was out of their reach far enough now that it was okay. But, a few weeks ago, they threatened to lock my mom away. I don't..she sold me, but, I..I still love her. Despite that, I didn't answer, and...they threatened you. Again, with Endeavor. They even brought up that they knew we were sleeping together, that I..I..that I was leaving them, to be with you. I don't know, I..I flew to Endeavor and gave them what they wanted. I don't know how they know all of this, but someone has been watching us. It's why I've been acting friendly to everyone in the army, so I can find them, and annihilate them before they can hurt you or Twice or anyone else. But I can't figure out who it is. And I know their first order is to get you to control me. And..I...I need help. I can't stop or hold them off any longer.
[dabi never really though about that, but it could work. still, if keigo thinks about him a certain way he doesn't want to stop that. he thought maybe he did, but he doesn't really feel like it anymore. maybe a different thing to call each other would be better.
they clearly aren't enemies anymore. they're not even really fuck buddies either, are they.
seems like such a small thing though, considering the rest of what keigo tells him. dabi gets it. he gets every last bit of why keigo would want to leave him. why he'd turn his back on them and want to dismantle the whole damn thing. but... there's more to it than even that, and all dabi can do right now is follow keigo over to the couch and sit near him, a frown on his face.
he eyes the feathers falling along the floor for a moment. he knows that means this is bad and keigo is fucking nervous.
at first it's everything he though it might've been, but then slowly it just starts twisting into something dabi isn't even sure how he can deal with. it's a lot, and it starts twisting deep inside his gut, filling his veins with a growing anger and revulsion. the final straw is Endeavor, and it shakes him to his core. Do they know who he is? Does Keigo know who he really is?
dabi looks at him with fiery eyes, hands curling into fists. he can feel his emotions building, along with his heat, and he can't sit here anymore. not when all of this is being brought to light.
he wanted to fix whatever was going on with him and keigo, but now this is a whole different thing. this is why it would never work out between them. there's all this garbage in the way.]
And I'm just supposed to... what? Fuckin' believe this? After everythin', after findin' out you were a fuckin' spy. You... how the fuck am I supposed to believe you?
[he stands up, dragging his fingers through his hair as he moves away. he needs some space. he wants to get out of here. none of this makes sense, even though it very much should. this is bullshit.]
If this was true you would've fuckin' told me from the start!
[there was so much of this that keigo could have told him before, but didn't. if he had been hired as a spy but only accepted to get rid of them, keigo would have told him. but he didn't, and now it all just seems like a made up scheme. something for endeavor and the rest of them to weed him and the league out.]
Do you know? Do you know who I am, then? Did they tell ya?
[it's a lot. he's revealing a lot here. and keigo feels naturally guilty for it. he never wants to hurt or anger dabi, but he's doing it again. he knew he dragged his feet here for awhile, knew for some time that he had to have this discussion with the villain.
he might die here tonight. this was grounds for death. keigo, despite being a hero and understanding death quite well, he's scared of it. rather, he's scared of the impact it would have on dabi. he might be a villain, but dabi still had a soft side that keigo has seen. he hates that he's tarnishing it here though. he should have been honest a long time ago.
dabi's reaction is justified. more than that, even. keigo doesn't expect the villain to believe him. he expects his lover to turn away and never talk to him again, if he doesn't burn him down first.]
I know...I know you can't..and won't believe me. I'm sorry, Dabi. I am.
[like the villain, keigo gets to his feet. he does allow dabi his space though, coming to stand near the window, wrapping his arms around him. he's fretting even more now, feathers puffed from his upset nature, trembling that they'll be burn down, along with the rest of keigo.
lost, sad golden orbs come to focus back on dabi though, as the villain brings up his own person.]
No, I don't know who you are. Just as Dabi.
[he's honest, but how can the villain know that? in fact, he's surprised that the villain is so sure they know who he is. did they? despite demanding he find out?? he wouldn't be surprised, but...just, who was dabi then?
no. he didn't deserve to ask that. not here.]
Dabi, I...I know you can't forgive me or trust me again. But I do want to help you and the others. I can give you my notes, who I think might be watching us. If we can get them to talk, they might be able to provide more intel. And..and I do have my reports with my handlers. I recorded each one.
[but that was to use against them when the time came, for their illegal endeavors. even if it may have locked him up too. he didn't care. he had to get rid of that organization as a whole.]
Please, please let me help.
[they don't have a lot of time here. his handlers will find out soon. he has to give it one last shot, even if it kills him. he had to get rid of them, no matter the cost. his life can easily be replaced. but the hero commission will always be around.]
...before they kill or cage me, let me help where I can.
[dabi asks, as if that's the most insane thing he's ever heard- because right now it is. how can keigo be sorry after all of this? how can he even begin to explain this in a way that's going to make sense?
and then there's keigo talking about Endeavor, and doing things for him, and how they threatened him with his father. If Keigo knows Endeavor is his father, then what? Is it all over? Is everything he's been planning just going to fall through his fingers?
he can't imagine keigo wouldn't make some sort of connection after that.]
I don't fucking believe you.
[dabi growls out lowly, and now he really doesn't know what do. does keigo not know who he is? is he lying? he has far too many questions, and he feels so... betrayed. he feels so hurt, especially after how much he wanted to fix things tonight.]
What makes you think I'd want anythin' from you? How the fuck do I even know what ya give me is real? I knew it. I fuckin' knew it. If ya wanted to give us the information, that's what you would've been givin' us all along.
[he should burn keigo alive at this point. his hands heat up as he looks at the other man, thinking exactly that.]
You fuckin' lied to me. All this time? I asked you. I fuckin' asked you. I was ready to... fuck. I was tryin'a figure this shit out to be with you, and you just...
[suddenly, this is feeling like the worst idea he could have ever done. a part of him just quietly points out that he should have handled this all on his own, to try and protect dabi himself. because now he's ruined whatever trust there was between them.
he desperately reminds himself that dabi deserved to know the truth, even if it meant tarnishing their relationship. he had to protect dabi. and twice. toga. the others there. he may not agree with using violence or pain, or those with psychotic tendencies, but he understood the villains he met. he even understood Re-Destro's book, and oddly clicked with it.
briefly, he can't find the words to say. he told dabi why. he doesn't want to repeat them. he knows how the villain can get when he's fixated on something, and he knows the spying is a sore spot. despite that keigo hadn't provided his handlers much of what they didn't already know. hell, their other informant must be providing more now, especially knowing of his relationship with dabi.
he can feel the heat in the room growing, and keigo can't stop the way he looks at his lover in fear. there's no secret how weak he is to fire. but the thought of someone he cares for this deeply to threaten him with it, that's a new fear he doesn't think he can hide. his feathers are useless, driven by his fear, and it oddly enough reminds him of his childhood days in that old broken home when his dad would get home...]
Dabi, please...
[and he looks to his door, as if expecting to see the parade of handlers coming by. they were always a step ahead. if his home isn't already bugged despite how often keigo checks for cameras and audio devices, dabi leaving angry may tip off the informant.
this might really be his last stand.]
It..It was the only way I could meet with you. They're always....They'll never let me go. Please..you said....you said you would save me. Please don't..
[his voice wavers from decades of fear and he can feel tears blurring his vision. he backs up to the wall, far more scared than he ever expected to be. death never scared him like this, not as a hero anyway. he could go into battle and fight, and if it meant his last fight, then that was fine. however, his handlers always knew how to keep him terrified, to use different techniques and punishments to keep him in line. hell, they often sourced out to anyone with a thick hand that can do their dirty work.]
I'm not lying! I'm not. I promise I'm not. Dabi...please..don't let them take me.
[ it's hard for dabi to look past anything but the lies and betrayal. the things that anger him are what drives him, and pulling back enough to look at everything else is something he struggles with on his best days, and this is far from that.
the fact is, that to him, keigo's story doesn't make sense. bits and pieces of it do, but why didn't he just tell him from the start? dabi had asked him why he wanted to join the league. he asked him what keigo was after, but keigo said none of this.
what hurts the most are the lies of course... but that keigo didn't trust him enough to tell him before. all this talk of no secrets between them, and the two of them being together. Us. It all feels like a lie and it's tearing dabi up inside.
and then... keigo's handlers know? how did they find out about the two of them? and if they threatened him with Endeavor... they must know. they have to know who he is, even if keigo swears he doesn't.
it feels like everything he worked towards is crumbling apart. all his life, and here with keigo. ]
Ya did lie to me! Why the fuck did you lie to me!?
[he yells, feeling sparks of blue prickling his fingertips.]
I was gonna help you! I was gonna fuckin' save you! But ya didn't even tell me the truth. And now you're tellin' me they know about us? What are they gonna do?
[he curls his hands into tighter fists, trying to keep his flames from moving up his arms. he's so angry he could burn this whole place down. but keigo looks so terrified. he looks scared to death. dabi doesn't know what to do, and really, and a part of dabi thinks he deserves it.]
If ya didn't want them to take you, ya should've fuckin' told me. Ya should've trusted me. Sounds like they know all about me now too, though. No fuckin' way am I stickin' around.
If it didn't work out, if you chose to use me instead, it would be a death sentence for me. I had to be sure...I couldn't..I was risking everything.
[they were always watching and keigo could never pinpoint where. there was always that thought that dabi could have been an informant for them, given what little detail he could discover of the villain. but as time grew, he learned to trust the villain. and then his goals shifted and other issues were created.
the blue fires coming to life get keigo to return his fearful gaze back on the villain. it has him trembling again. he would back up more instinctively, but he's already pressed against the wall.]
I never told them about us! I always..I never told them anything about you. But they know. They know I would do anything for...you.
[but who was always watching them? who could keep so many eyes on them when they're together?]
I don't...
[he trails off, feeling his breath leaving him. it crushes keigo to hear dabi pulling away from him, and he can hear his heart beating in his ears. his chest pulls hard from the buildup of anxiety. fear was so impossibly strong that it makes his legs quiver, almost ready to drop the hero to the floor.
he wasn't going to make it, he's coming to realize. no. maybe he knew he wouldn't when he decided to tell dabi all of this. the lying was obviously too big for dabi to save him here. it's like his handlers were already here, wrapping a thick collar tight around his neck. he can't breathe, but keigo realizes he's holding it back himself.
his one last stand has slipped from under him, and he's like icarus that got too close to the sun. what more can he say?]
...go. You should probably go then.
[his handlers might even be on their way too. he wants to doubt it, but he doesn't know where they're listening from. he's only told dabi about needing to be saved outside of his home purposely for a reason. defeated and dejectedly, he slides down to the floor. he can't tell if it was worst to be burned alive by someone he cared so much for, or whatever punishment waiting for him by his handlers.]
[The worst part about this is, that no matter what happens here, Keigo has already doomed them. If they're listening, if they're watching, he shouldn't have done this here. Why would Keigo put them in such immense danger here and now, after everything?
It makes Dabi think that there's more to it, and that Keigo really is a spy who is going to give him up to his handlers. There's no way out of this for the villain. Endeavor must know who he really is by now.
Why couldn't Keigo have waited till they had the safety to talk? Dabi is sure that's a dead giveaway.]
How the fuck did ya think this was gonna work out if you were bullshitting me the whole time!
[Dabi growls, realization hitting him about so many things.]
You knew they knew about us. Ya fuckin' acted like ya didn't want em to find out about me but they already knew and ya kept puttin' me in danger! Or is that what ya wanted? Did ya give Endeavor all the information about me too? Let me guess, his dick's bigger than mine.
[Dabi narrows his eyes at the pitiful sight in front of him. That Keigo even has the nerve to react this way is really something.]
All this fuckin time you were askin' me to believe in ya, to help ya. But all you were doin' instead was givin' me bullshit. You reap what you sow, ya lying piece a shit.
[Dabi came here because he wanted this so badly. Because he thought maybe he could have something good, something worth opening up for. He's never felt so betrayed in his life. With a sound of disgust he let's his flames die out and goes to grab his things.]
Hero scum, just like the rest of em. I'm gonna burn ya all down.
[it hurts incredibly to have dabi talk like this to him. everything about their relationship was crumbling. he was about to lose the one bright thing he's ever had. and he can't even blame the villain. this isn't dabi's fault at all.
all he can do from here to protect him and the league however he can.
still, he can't help how his gaze shows his hurt over dabi's accusations of endeavor. he never slept with the hero. never had any intention of doing so. he liked the hero enough, but he's only really wanted dabi after their relationship began to deepen. even when he didn't have to, he was faithful to the villain in front of him.]
I didn't..I never told him anything.
[he says with a shaky, small voice. he doesn't know why he tries here, considering how dabi's jealousy tended to take over, and with such anger and pain, he doubts it would help any to deny anything.
he tries even not to wince when dabi deliberately says he deserves this. maybe it breaks him even more. keigo can't find it within himself to fight because his lover is saying just what his inner, darker thoughts do. it makes him...give up, and he stares down at the floor, no longer able to fight, because dabi is right.
he hears the villain speaking more, and if he had any will, he'd try to beg his lover to kill him. but he doesn't. he doesn't even know what dabi is doing or grabbing. it doesn't matter anymore, does it? he tried. he did. he tried his best to explain, but it didn't matter. nothing ever did in his case. he really thought dabi could protect him, save him like he begged, but the secrecy that keigo hid himself in was just too much.
someone like dabi was too good to be true.
if he's lucky, maybe his old lover will read his thoughts and set this building on fire for him.]
You already fuckin' said ya gave him information. Ya just fuckin' said that before! What, can't keep track'a all your own bullshit?
[how many lies did keigo feed him? how many times did he swear he was telling the truth, when he was hiding all of this, over and over again. he knew he shouldn't have trusted a damn pro-hero, but he got so stupid. he let keigo in, and he'll never make that mistake again.
the worst part is, it hurts. it hurts so intensely as he gets ready to leave this place and never come back. how stupid of him to think that he could ever be worth something good. that he could ever have something real. especially with a hero, no less. he can't believe how stupid he was.
he doesn't look back as he leaves, knowing full well he has to warn the others. he doesn't know how he's going to break this to them, because he doesn't even want to give them the details. how can he tell them about what the two of them did? what they had? how can he explain it coldly as if none of this ever meant anything to him?
dabi makes it to the elevator before he stops, realizing there's blood running down his face. this is the end of it. this is the end of everything. if even a little bit of what keigo said is true, they're going to go after the army with full force, and he'll never see keigo again. what will they really do to him? dabi can't stop thinking about that terrified look on keigo's face. he knows that look. he used to have it on his own face all the time when he was younger. would they really do that to the famous number two?
without even thinking he turns. he moves quickly back to the penthouse, his hear hammering hard in his chest. he feels like he's choking on his own breathes, dizzy as his mind races with all the terrible ways this could end. dabi isn't a hero. he's a villain, through and through. when touya died and dabi raised from the ashes, it was never going to be any other way. but as he heads back inside and over to keigo, he does what he wishes someone would have done for him. it's what he dreamt about every night. ]
Come on. Get the fuck up. Let's get outta here.
[he holds a hand out to Keigo, staring at the curled up form crouched on the floor.]
[the only sound keigo really hears is the footsteps as they leave, and for the first time in a long while, he's alone. he's not sure the extent of whatever punishment he'll receive, but he knows he'll never fly the blue skies again. he could leave. he could fly away right now. but his mother is still in their care, still receiving the money to fund her lifestyle.
and, honestly, he can't find the motivation to do that. it would mean putting dabi in harms way, more than before. twice too. everyone he's begun to care about. maybe even his little intern. the hero commission didn't stick to boundaries of what was right and what was wrong. they did as they pleased. they were the true evils of the world.
to have some secret informant under their care, it must mean they've always doubted him. or planned to use him. he was disposable. it didn't matter that he was the number two hero. he can see the headlines that 'number two hero hawks forced to retire due to villain incident' and he would be swept under the rug, under the hands of the hero commission. he only made it to the number two spot by being forced to sleep with those who could make the decision. he hated it. but it was decided of him.
everything was decided of him, from the moment he was born.
keigo doesn't realize the puddle of tears that begun to gather on the floor. he feels so cold, about to face his greatest fear. he's always been threatened to never bite the hand that feeds him. they've promised to destroy him immensely, make him beg for death. he failed in his endeavors to put a stop to them. they'll easily replace him with someone suitable. they'll kill twice, toga...dabi..
the door opening has him freezing and he's sure this is it. they really were that fast? he can't even look up, heart hammering in his chest, a look of dread in his eyes. this was it. to face the greatest evil he knew-
dabi's voice fills the room and keigo snaps his head up. he can't hide away his fear, but there's confusion there. dabi...left, didn't he? was this just his imagination playing tricks on him? no way was dabi here, offering his hand out.
he tries mouthing words, can't find his voice from his fear. he wants to take the hand though. wants to desperately be saved. that's all he wanted. but he doesn't deserve it. dabi was right. he deserved everything coming to him.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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closing the door, keigo locks it, staying a bit by dabi's side while he toes off his boots and partly undresses. silently, he appreciates that the villain doesn't track in any mud. it means he can keep his feathers from sweeping it up.]
Hm? Oh. Yeah, I just finished.
[he laughs, finally stepping away, heading to the kitchen.]
Do you want anything to drink? I have your beer.
[honestly, he keeps it stocked up, always buying it when he gets the very few groceries for the week. besides dabi's beverage, he had a few snacks and other drinks. nothing that would require cooking a meal, barely any spices. keigo never saw a point to it after all.]
Got water too.
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And this place? It feels good to be here. Safe. Even if they're fighting and being stupid with each other, this place with Keigo still feels safe. Maybe that's stupid of him too. ]
My beer...Sure, yeah. Didja just get it?
[because he assumes Keigo gets it when he's coming over, not that he just has it stocked in his fridge. That would be too crazy, wouldn't it?
Dabi follows to the kitchen, just kinda trailing behind Keigo like he doesn't know what else to do. He really doesn't.]
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and well, he likes having the villain in his home. it made it more like...their home.]
No, I always keep it stocked up for you.
[keigo admits easily without thinking, tucking some blond hair behind his ear that had started to tickle his jawline. the fretting earlier had caused his hair to be a little less untamed.
opening the fridge, he takes the beer dabi likes, grabbing one for him too. it’s not a favorite of his, yet drinking with the villain definitely calms his nerves. one of his feathers sharpen and easily pops the tops of both bottles.]
Here you go.
[keigo offers, holding the beer out with a smile.
it’s kind of cute that dabi followed him into the kitchen. if he didn’t want to aggravate the villain any more, he might come to say that out loud. well. maybe not. dabi might fry him up even if they weren’t fighting.]
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he doesn't quite feel like this is his home, though. maybe because he doesn't really stay over. he doesn't really let himself feel it either. little things like keigo stocking his kind of beer in the fridge, though? that says a lot, and dabi is honestly surprised. ]
Ya do? I didn't know that.
[he mutters, because as much as he likes that, he doesn't know how he's supposed to feel about it. it's just beer he tells himself, the same as when he tells himself that there's nothing more to this than a good lay. but maybe it's far from that now.
he snags the beer with another small muttered thanks, taking a damn long sip from it to calm these stupid nerves. he's a villain. he isn't supposed to be nervous like this. not ever again. he keeps drinking cause he doesn't know what else to do with himself. keigo wanted to talk so he came over, but he sure as hell isn't going to get them started.]
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[keigo comes to laugh lightly before taking a sip of the beer. he probably should pour himself something stronger, like vodka. maybe some gin. rum. calm these building nerves a little faster. however, he doesn't want to be completely inebriated for their conversation.
the beer will do just fine.
while trying to put his thoughts in order, keigo quietly notes how fast dabi is drowning his beverage. he knows the villain is probably trying to keep himself busy in that regard, that the hero will have to start them off.]
I, uh..reread over our messages tonight. It wasn't really clear to me what I did or said at the time. Sometimes, I'm not sure where it's joking or serious when it comes to texting, so I might have not realized what you were trying to say to me. I'm sorry about that.
[keigo starts, swallowing down some anxious nerves while leaning against the kitchen counter, to get a better look at the villain. a few feathers open up the fridge, to grab some more beer, placing one bottle on the counter, close to dabi's position. in case the villain were to want another one after drinking his current beer so fast.]
I thought earlier I might have gotten carried away, asking you on a date and coming here to cook. I don't want you to be uncomfortable with me. It was selfish of me to exchange sex with it. I just..I guess I assume at times that's my only worth. I mean, I do like you, and I like this. I would like more too. But, I have to be honest, I'm kind of..new to it too. I don't want to fuck it up. I guess I'm trying to ask where you want...us to be.
[his chest is pounding. he can hear it in his ears. still, he refuses to drop his gaze from looking at the intense blues of his lover.]
I really don't know how to properly say it or what to label it..I just...I do want you to know that I like being exclusive to you. Just you. And I'm sorry that I brought up that past date. I'm sure you don't read hero digest articles. I was worried you would though..and it'd be a repeat, you know? I used to ignore the articles about me. But, lately, I get antsy that someone will find you and...I..I don't want you to get caught.
[his feathers shake just a little bit in worry, his grip hard on the bottle of beer. he has to finally avert his gaze, staring down at the floor a little sadly.]
I don't have the capabilities to break you out of Tartarus, you know?
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[yeah, it's just beer. sure it is. maybe that should make him feel even more awkward, but at the moment he's just so surprised by the action. he's never really had anyone do something like that for him before.... at least not in the way keigo does. giran is a whole different story.
he knows he should slow down with the beer, but it's calming him. it's giving him something to do until keigo gets started. there's this nervous energy between them though, and dabi isn't used to it, but maybe that's a good thing. and maybe it is better they talk like this, even if it's hard, because keigo already makes a good point, right off the bat. he's bringing up probably what went wrong. What always seems to go wrong between them.
In the end, maybe they're just both really terrible at this.
It shows as he fidgets a bit, trying to keep his gaze on Keigo, but unsure how he feels about being called out on what he was trying to say. Most of the the time he'd rather brush it off, but it really did bother him this time that Keigo didnt realize what he was trying to say.]
I...
[he starts, then stops and looks away when Keigo does, finishing the rest of his beer. His fingers reach for the next one, but he just holds on to the bottle.
Does he actually have to talk here? Like some kind of normal person? He could just not, and tell Keigo he doesn't do this kinda shit, but he has a feeling that would do too much damage, especially when Keigo is being so honest and real right now.]
I don't want ya fuckin' around with anyone else. I don't think ya do that. I know I talk shit but I don't believe it. But I fuckin' hate this date shit. Or... I hate when ya gotta go do it with other people. Don't know how I feel about dates either, but... I thought yeah, maybe it'd be alright.
[okay now he definitely needs a sip of his beer.]
But then I think about how this shit between us is fucked, and why the fuck would we even do any'a this? But maybe I want to. I dunno. I feel like I don't know shit.
[and how will this end? Will Keigo betray him? After all of this, will he be tossed in Tartarus anyway?]
I ain't gonna get caught, Keigo.
[he sighs, rubbing at his forehead.]
All this shit ya just said though, I mean... You're right.
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thankfully, the fear is misplaced, and he really had nothing to worry about. dabi is still here, and even if he's trying to find the words to say, he's trying.
and very soon, the villain starts, being so openly honest that it almost sweeps keigo away. he listens intently, to make sure there's no more slip up again, and because it's important. warmth does come to dust his cheek as dabi admits over being okay to try dating. he thought the villain would be against it, only agreeing earlier to humor the hero. he's glad that isn't the case.
for all of dabi's words, keigo keeps quiet and listens. the hero finds himself fiddling with his hands, chewing on his bottom lip too. the more the villain speaks though, the more keigo feels less anxiety. by those last words, he's able to step closer, within arm length of dabi's body.]
I won't date anyone. I don't want to. I...I would like to give us a shot. I would like us to go out and do things together. I think it would be fun, you know? We do get along and all, despite some of our misunderstandings.
[he doesn't think he could ever think about dating anyone while being with dabi. his thoughts were constantly over this man right here.]
If you promise not to get caught...I'm willing to do anything.
[he can't help but grin here, not sure exactly what sort of activities dabi would find fun to do. the villain seemed like he never been on a date before when they talked about it earlier.
the hero can't help but reach over, placing a hand on dabi's shoulder.]
And, hey..if I say something out of turn or anything that makes you angry, tell me. It kind of can go over my head. Birdbrain, right? I'm never going to try and make you upset on purpose. I like teasing you, but never to the point where I want to be mean about it. I like you. I don't want you running off on me, after all.
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it seems like with every word, keigo seems happier- more uplifted- and it's strange that his own words can do that to someone. keigo really listens though, and seems to take it all in. it makes dabi feel somewhat uncomfortable, but not in a terrible way. not in a painful way.
keigo also keeps saying us, and that's definitely something too. dabi tries really hard not to want to bolt. it's a good thing that keigo doesn't want to date anyone else. that's what he wanted. ]
Yeah, I guess we get along.
[he gives the smallest smirk as keigo moves closer. he's not really sure what he'd find fun either. but maybe they can give it a try.]
I was jealous'a your stupid date and I wanted to tell ya that we could have one, but... I don't know what I'm doin'. Fuckin' around is all I know, and I know ya get that, right? Doesn't fuckin' mean you're not... worth anythin' else. I hate that shit.
[it's so hard for him to get out, but he tries. ]
Ya sure you don't try to make me upset on purpose? sometimes I try to tell ya, but I say it in my own way, I guess. I figure you'll get it.
[but keigo often doesn't, and then it turns into this avalanche. mostly because he doesn't know how to tell keigo either way. he doesn't know how to just talk about the things that make him angry.]
I'm pretty shit at talkin', though. I get angry'n jealous and then I fuck it up.
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not that keigo doesn’t enjoy their fucking. he enjoys it a lot, in fact. but there’s more to it. he’d rather they have other domestic and romantic things to add to their intimacy.]
A lot more than I would ever expect. You’re honestly someone I could trust around the media too.
[despite the fact that dabi is a wanted villain. but at least keigo knows the villain would willingly tell the reporters to bug off. hell, keigo would like for dabi to be his modeling manager if he could.]
Yeah I get that. But we can...try? See if dating is something we can do too. I don’t mind the fucking, of course. I do like doing that with you. But, you’re right that I shouldn’t think of that being my only worth.
[he’s glad to hear dabi say that though. the fact that it’s a villain too, it pulls at the hero.]
I..I don’t think I try to on purpose. I will do my best to catch if you’re trying to tell me though. I know it’s hard. It’s hard for me to.
[but he wants to try for dabi.
keigo can’t help but lean over close to dabi, pressing a small and short kiss to the villain’s cheek.]
You haven’t fucked it up. I’m still here, wanting this, wanting you.
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I hate the fuckin' media. Don't want 'em around our business. I was just sayin' that shit cause I was jealous. Stupid shit, like I ain't good enough for you to wanna tell anyone about. But of course I don't. We can't. And anyways, we're not...
[dabi finds himself struggling for the right words again and he scowls, turning towards the counter. what is he doing? this is a ridiculous conversation- talking like they're just two normal people trying to do something here.]
Look, I'm just fuckin' confused, alright? I dunno what the fuck this is, or what we are, or if we even gotta call it anything or do it like that. We fuck, but we also don't just do that, and I wanna do other shit with ya but I don't even know if we can. I just don't fuckin' know, Kei. I don't know. I don't deserve this. I wasn't supposed to have this. Not anythin' like this, or you.
And then it's like... what if... what if in the end all'a this is gonna get fucked anyways. I dunno what you're doin'. I really don't anymore. I thought you were a spy. I thought you were gonna betray us, but now... I'm so fuckin' confused. I shouldn't even be tellin' ya that.
[he knows he's rambling, but he can't stop himself. it's always all of this in his head. it's a war up there every time they talk, even more so when they fight, because he's so in this, but he knows he shouldn't be.]
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I actually would love to tell a lot people about it. I was kind of...happy, when they took that picture of us. Even if no one can tell who you are, I knew. I wanted to tell the media that you were my boyfriend and that they weren't privy of your identity.
[he laughs, although feeling a little embarrassed over his admittance. it's almost nice to talk like this though, telling dabi things he only thought to himself.
keigo does stay close as the villain turns from him. he looks over him worriedly, but listens. and, by the end of it, he can't help the sad look the takes to his features. he always knew this was bound to happen, that he would be faced with a hard choice. he just didn't expect it here. and now.]
Dabi...
[he trails off, not sure what he should say or do. what was right, and what was wrong. what was worth more and what wasn't. he knows what his heart wants. he's known that for awhile.
keigo turns away, leaning against the counter, eyes averted.]
I need to tell you more. About me. And why...why I want you to save me. I don't think I can handle it on my own any longer.
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[ and called him keigo's mysterious boyfriend. part of him was annoyed, sure, especially back then. but now? he's kinda proud of it, and maybe that's what bugged him even more about this date thing, and how that got in some skeezy hero magazine as well.
he knows it's stupid, though. they can never be out and about like that, and dabi has never wanted to be. like he said to keigo, this isn't the kinda life he ever thought he'd have, or deserve. hell, it's not even the kind of life he has now. all he has is a pipe dream of what this could be. ]
Boyfriend, huh.
[he says quietly. he knows he's freaked out about that word in the past. with good reason. it all stems back to the same things, though. how can they ever possibly be anything like that to each other?
even now, he glances over with furrowed eyebrows as keigo responds, something turning in his stomach at the look on the other man's face.]
What is it?
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more than that though, he wish they could be...more. just, more together. living together. going out on secret dates. he wonders if dabi would still want that with him after...]
That a label you're willing to be?
[he doesn't want to make his lover uncomfortable. he knows how all too well the villain reacted before about it.
swallowing, he feels a whole new set of nerves building up. but he can't keep running from this. their time was running out. dabi may kill him here, and maybe that's what he deserves, but keigo knows what he wants out of all of this.]
...I..my handlers, they bought me off my mom when I was a kid. After hearing that I saved some people with my feathers. From there, I belonged to them. Whatever they wanted of me, I had to do. I wanted to be a hero, but they molded me into the hero they desired. They sold me to politicians, heroes, anyone with money or power, even villains. All for their own benefit. I...I hated it. But I loved keeping people safe, so I dealt with it.
[nervously, he runs a hand through his hair. he's never said such feelings out loud. it makes him scared.]
But, I couldn't keep doing that. I can't be someone they can sell. Sometimes, especially with heroes, I have to be forced to keep my quirk suppressed. I kept wondering how much longer until I'm just..killed. Honestly, I really didn't believe much in the motives of the League at the beginning, but, it started to get more clear when I spoke with Twice. When I taught him that book, I realized just what position I was in.
[he breathes out, feeling his nerves getting the best of him.]
I'm sorry...can we, um, can we sit down?
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dabi wonders what that would be like. ]
I... I dunno. I dunno how to be that, or what it even means. Just seems.... fuckin' weird. Not like us. But ya gotta call me somethin', right?
[like that last time, when it just slipped out. he doesn't want keigo to think it's a bad thing, but he's not sure if it's something he can do. and then there's the whole thing about keigo being a pro-hero, and this unrealistic thing they're doing here.
sounds a lot like that when keigo starts talking to him about the hero commission and what they've done.]
So that's why ya want to work with the League? That's why ya came to us?
[monsters. they're all monsters, and there's a part of dabi that can't believe what he's hearing, but he's also seen the kind of monsters that become pro-heroes and run the whole thing, so he knows it could be true.
it makes him want to kill keigo's handlers, too. but he has a feeling there's more to it than just this.]
Yeah... come on. Let's go sit down.
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[boyfriend was kind of juvenile, despite that keigo instinctively thinks of it when referring to the villain as his. maybe lover? he thinks of that term to describe dabi too.
the hero is grateful that dabi lets him speak, that the villain doesn't automatically come to conclusions without the details provided. keigo wanted to be honest here, because he does trust dabi. and he knows he can't do this all on his own.]
Yeah. But there's more to that too.
[more to everything. he is scared here, but keigo is also relieved in a way to admit all of this.
with a nod of his head, keigo leaves the kitchen, going to his couch. his wings are curled close to his body from his nerves, some feathers fretting enough to leave and fall to the floor. keigo leaves them be, will clean them up later.]
When I first searched you out, I thought maybe...we could use each other. Maybe you could kill my handlers and the entire hero commission operation before they could build back up. I'm sorry. It was selfish of me. I am glad I stuck around enough to see more to everything you and Twice and the others represent.
[again, he comes to swallow, feathers trembling. he has to say it.]
And, you were right before. I was hired as a spy. But I only accepted so I could finally get rid of them. My reports have been minimal with information. There was never anything about you and me, and barely what we discussed. I can show you my reports and my messages to them though, and their responses. I'm sorry, Dabi. I..I just, if I couldn't make it work with you, then I'm sure they would lock me away to service their business associates. I...I really thought maybe this was my way out of their control.
[he finds himself closing his eyes tightly. whatever relief he felt earlier is gone and he feels so damn cold and scared. he keeps telling himself that he trusted dabi though.]
But they were a step ahead. After one of our fights, a big one, I started to suspect they knew what you meant to me. They threatened to reveal your current location at the time to Endeavor. I..I don't know how they knew it, so I began investigating. As soon as I was introduced to Twice and the others, I cut off contact with my handlers. Or..I tried. I told them I was being watched and listened, hoping I was out of their reach far enough now that it was okay. But, a few weeks ago, they threatened to lock my mom away. I don't..she sold me, but, I..I still love her. Despite that, I didn't answer, and...they threatened you. Again, with Endeavor. They even brought up that they knew we were sleeping together, that I..I..that I was leaving them, to be with you. I don't know, I..I flew to Endeavor and gave them what they wanted. I don't know how they know all of this, but someone has been watching us. It's why I've been acting friendly to everyone in the army, so I can find them, and annihilate them before they can hurt you or Twice or anyone else. But I can't figure out who it is. And I know their first order is to get you to control me. And..I...I need help. I can't stop or hold them off any longer.
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[dabi never really though about that, but it could work. still, if keigo thinks about him a certain way he doesn't want to stop that. he thought maybe he did, but he doesn't really feel like it anymore. maybe a different thing to call each other would be better.
they clearly aren't enemies anymore. they're not even really fuck buddies either, are they.
seems like such a small thing though, considering the rest of what keigo tells him. dabi gets it. he gets every last bit of why keigo would want to leave him. why he'd turn his back on them and want to dismantle the whole damn thing. but... there's more to it than even that, and all dabi can do right now is follow keigo over to the couch and sit near him, a frown on his face.
he eyes the feathers falling along the floor for a moment. he knows that means this is bad and keigo is fucking nervous.
at first it's everything he though it might've been, but then slowly it just starts twisting into something dabi isn't even sure how he can deal with. it's a lot, and it starts twisting deep inside his gut, filling his veins with a growing anger and revulsion. the final straw is Endeavor, and it shakes him to his core. Do they know who he is? Does Keigo know who he really is?
dabi looks at him with fiery eyes, hands curling into fists. he can feel his emotions building, along with his heat, and he can't sit here anymore. not when all of this is being brought to light.
he wanted to fix whatever was going on with him and keigo, but now this is a whole different thing. this is why it would never work out between them. there's all this garbage in the way.]
And I'm just supposed to... what? Fuckin' believe this? After everythin', after findin' out you were a fuckin' spy. You... how the fuck am I supposed to believe you?
[he stands up, dragging his fingers through his hair as he moves away. he needs some space. he wants to get out of here. none of this makes sense, even though it very much should. this is bullshit.]
If this was true you would've fuckin' told me from the start!
[there was so much of this that keigo could have told him before, but didn't. if he had been hired as a spy but only accepted to get rid of them, keigo would have told him. but he didn't, and now it all just seems like a made up scheme. something for endeavor and the rest of them to weed him and the league out.]
Do you know? Do you know who I am, then? Did they tell ya?
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he might die here tonight. this was grounds for death. keigo, despite being a hero and understanding death quite well, he's scared of it. rather, he's scared of the impact it would have on dabi. he might be a villain, but dabi still had a soft side that keigo has seen. he hates that he's tarnishing it here though. he should have been honest a long time ago.
dabi's reaction is justified. more than that, even. keigo doesn't expect the villain to believe him. he expects his lover to turn away and never talk to him again, if he doesn't burn him down first.]
I know...I know you can't..and won't believe me. I'm sorry, Dabi. I am.
[like the villain, keigo gets to his feet. he does allow dabi his space though, coming to stand near the window, wrapping his arms around him. he's fretting even more now, feathers puffed from his upset nature, trembling that they'll be burn down, along with the rest of keigo.
lost, sad golden orbs come to focus back on dabi though, as the villain brings up his own person.]
No, I don't know who you are. Just as Dabi.
[he's honest, but how can the villain know that? in fact, he's surprised that the villain is so sure they know who he is. did they? despite demanding he find out?? he wouldn't be surprised, but...just, who was dabi then?
no. he didn't deserve to ask that. not here.]
Dabi, I...I know you can't forgive me or trust me again. But I do want to help you and the others. I can give you my notes, who I think might be watching us. If we can get them to talk, they might be able to provide more intel. And..and I do have my reports with my handlers. I recorded each one.
[but that was to use against them when the time came, for their illegal endeavors. even if it may have locked him up too. he didn't care. he had to get rid of that organization as a whole.]
Please, please let me help.
[they don't have a lot of time here. his handlers will find out soon. he has to give it one last shot, even if it kills him. he had to get rid of them, no matter the cost. his life can easily be replaced. but the hero commission will always be around.]
...before they kill or cage me, let me help where I can.
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[dabi asks, as if that's the most insane thing he's ever heard- because right now it is. how can keigo be sorry after all of this? how can he even begin to explain this in a way that's going to make sense?
and then there's keigo talking about Endeavor, and doing things for him, and how they threatened him with his father. If Keigo knows Endeavor is his father, then what? Is it all over? Is everything he's been planning just going to fall through his fingers?
he can't imagine keigo wouldn't make some sort of connection after that.]
I don't fucking believe you.
[dabi growls out lowly, and now he really doesn't know what do. does keigo not know who he is? is he lying? he has far too many questions, and he feels so... betrayed. he feels so hurt, especially after how much he wanted to fix things tonight.]
What makes you think I'd want anythin' from you? How the fuck do I even know what ya give me is real? I knew it. I fuckin' knew it. If ya wanted to give us the information, that's what you would've been givin' us all along.
[he should burn keigo alive at this point. his hands heat up as he looks at the other man, thinking exactly that.]
You fuckin' lied to me. All this time? I asked you. I fuckin' asked you. I was ready to... fuck. I was tryin'a figure this shit out to be with you, and you just...
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he desperately reminds himself that dabi deserved to know the truth, even if it meant tarnishing their relationship. he had to protect dabi. and twice. toga. the others there. he may not agree with using violence or pain, or those with psychotic tendencies, but he understood the villains he met. he even understood Re-Destro's book, and oddly clicked with it.
briefly, he can't find the words to say. he told dabi why. he doesn't want to repeat them. he knows how the villain can get when he's fixated on something, and he knows the spying is a sore spot. despite that keigo hadn't provided his handlers much of what they didn't already know. hell, their other informant must be providing more now, especially knowing of his relationship with dabi.
he can feel the heat in the room growing, and keigo can't stop the way he looks at his lover in fear. there's no secret how weak he is to fire. but the thought of someone he cares for this deeply to threaten him with it, that's a new fear he doesn't think he can hide. his feathers are useless, driven by his fear, and it oddly enough reminds him of his childhood days in that old broken home when his dad would get home...]
Dabi, please...
[and he looks to his door, as if expecting to see the parade of handlers coming by. they were always a step ahead. if his home isn't already bugged despite how often keigo checks for cameras and audio devices, dabi leaving angry may tip off the informant.
this might really be his last stand.]
It..It was the only way I could meet with you. They're always....They'll never let me go. Please..you said....you said you would save me. Please don't..
[his voice wavers from decades of fear and he can feel tears blurring his vision. he backs up to the wall, far more scared than he ever expected to be. death never scared him like this, not as a hero anyway. he could go into battle and fight, and if it meant his last fight, then that was fine. however, his handlers always knew how to keep him terrified, to use different techniques and punishments to keep him in line. hell, they often sourced out to anyone with a thick hand that can do their dirty work.]
I'm not lying! I'm not. I promise I'm not. Dabi...please..don't let them take me.
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the fact is, that to him, keigo's story doesn't make sense. bits and pieces of it do, but why didn't he just tell him from the start? dabi had asked him why he wanted to join the league. he asked him what keigo was after, but keigo said none of this.
what hurts the most are the lies of course... but that keigo didn't trust him enough to tell him before. all this talk of no secrets between them, and the two of them being together. Us. It all feels like a lie and it's tearing dabi up inside.
and then... keigo's handlers know? how did they find out about the two of them? and if they threatened him with Endeavor... they must know. they have to know who he is, even if keigo swears he doesn't.
it feels like everything he worked towards is crumbling apart. all his life, and here with keigo. ]
Ya did lie to me! Why the fuck did you lie to me!?
[he yells, feeling sparks of blue prickling his fingertips.]
I was gonna help you! I was gonna fuckin' save you! But ya didn't even tell me the truth. And now you're tellin' me they know about us? What are they gonna do?
[he curls his hands into tighter fists, trying to keep his flames from moving up his arms. he's so angry he could burn this whole place down. but keigo looks so terrified. he looks scared to death. dabi doesn't know what to do, and really, and a part of dabi thinks he deserves it.]
If ya didn't want them to take you, ya should've fuckin' told me. Ya should've trusted me. Sounds like they know all about me now too, though. No fuckin' way am I stickin' around.
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[they were always watching and keigo could never pinpoint where. there was always that thought that dabi could have been an informant for them, given what little detail he could discover of the villain. but as time grew, he learned to trust the villain. and then his goals shifted and other issues were created.
the blue fires coming to life get keigo to return his fearful gaze back on the villain. it has him trembling again. he would back up more instinctively, but he's already pressed against the wall.]
I never told them about us! I always..I never told them anything about you. But they know. They know I would do anything for...you.
[but who was always watching them? who could keep so many eyes on them when they're together?]
I don't...
[he trails off, feeling his breath leaving him. it crushes keigo to hear dabi pulling away from him, and he can hear his heart beating in his ears. his chest pulls hard from the buildup of anxiety. fear was so impossibly strong that it makes his legs quiver, almost ready to drop the hero to the floor.
he wasn't going to make it, he's coming to realize. no. maybe he knew he wouldn't when he decided to tell dabi all of this. the lying was obviously too big for dabi to save him here. it's like his handlers were already here, wrapping a thick collar tight around his neck. he can't breathe, but keigo realizes he's holding it back himself.
his one last stand has slipped from under him, and he's like icarus that got too close to the sun. what more can he say?]
...go. You should probably go then.
[his handlers might even be on their way too. he wants to doubt it, but he doesn't know where they're listening from. he's only told dabi about needing to be saved outside of his home purposely for a reason. defeated and dejectedly, he slides down to the floor. he can't tell if it was worst to be burned alive by someone he cared so much for, or whatever punishment waiting for him by his handlers.]
Please...before you're caught.
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It makes Dabi think that there's more to it, and that Keigo really is a spy who is going to give him up to his handlers. There's no way out of this for the villain. Endeavor must know who he really is by now.
Why couldn't Keigo have waited till they had the safety to talk? Dabi is sure that's a dead giveaway.]
How the fuck did ya think this was gonna work out if you were bullshitting me the whole time!
[Dabi growls, realization hitting him about so many things.]
You knew they knew about us. Ya fuckin' acted like ya didn't want em to find out about me but they already knew and ya kept puttin' me in danger! Or is that what ya wanted? Did ya give Endeavor all the information about me too? Let me guess, his dick's bigger than mine.
[Dabi narrows his eyes at the pitiful sight in front of him. That Keigo even has the nerve to react this way is really something.]
All this fuckin time you were askin' me to believe in ya, to help ya. But all you were doin' instead was givin' me bullshit. You reap what you sow, ya lying piece a shit.
[Dabi came here because he wanted this so badly. Because he thought maybe he could have something good, something worth opening up for. He's never felt so betrayed in his life. With a sound of disgust he let's his flames die out and goes to grab his things.]
Hero scum, just like the rest of em. I'm gonna burn ya all down.
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all he can do from here to protect him and the league however he can.
still, he can't help how his gaze shows his hurt over dabi's accusations of endeavor. he never slept with the hero. never had any intention of doing so. he liked the hero enough, but he's only really wanted dabi after their relationship began to deepen. even when he didn't have to, he was faithful to the villain in front of him.]
I didn't..I never told him anything.
[he says with a shaky, small voice. he doesn't know why he tries here, considering how dabi's jealousy tended to take over, and with such anger and pain, he doubts it would help any to deny anything.
he tries even not to wince when dabi deliberately says he deserves this. maybe it breaks him even more. keigo can't find it within himself to fight because his lover is saying just what his inner, darker thoughts do. it makes him...give up, and he stares down at the floor, no longer able to fight, because dabi is right.
he hears the villain speaking more, and if he had any will, he'd try to beg his lover to kill him. but he doesn't. he doesn't even know what dabi is doing or grabbing. it doesn't matter anymore, does it? he tried. he did. he tried his best to explain, but it didn't matter. nothing ever did in his case. he really thought dabi could protect him, save him like he begged, but the secrecy that keigo hid himself in was just too much.
someone like dabi was too good to be true.
if he's lucky, maybe his old lover will read his thoughts and set this building on fire for him.]
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[how many lies did keigo feed him? how many times did he swear he was telling the truth, when he was hiding all of this, over and over again. he knew he shouldn't have trusted a damn pro-hero, but he got so stupid. he let keigo in, and he'll never make that mistake again.
the worst part is, it hurts. it hurts so intensely as he gets ready to leave this place and never come back. how stupid of him to think that he could ever be worth something good. that he could ever have something real. especially with a hero, no less. he can't believe how stupid he was.
he doesn't look back as he leaves, knowing full well he has to warn the others. he doesn't know how he's going to break this to them, because he doesn't even want to give them the details. how can he tell them about what the two of them did? what they had? how can he explain it coldly as if none of this ever meant anything to him?
dabi makes it to the elevator before he stops, realizing there's blood running down his face. this is the end of it. this is the end of everything. if even a little bit of what keigo said is true, they're going to go after the army with full force, and he'll never see keigo again. what will they really do to him? dabi can't stop thinking about that terrified look on keigo's face. he knows that look. he used to have it on his own face all the time when he was younger. would they really do that to the famous number two?
without even thinking he turns. he moves quickly back to the penthouse, his hear hammering hard in his chest. he feels like he's choking on his own breathes, dizzy as his mind races with all the terrible ways this could end. dabi isn't a hero. he's a villain, through and through. when touya died and dabi raised from the ashes, it was never going to be any other way. but as he heads back inside and over to keigo, he does what he wishes someone would have done for him. it's what he dreamt about every night. ]
Come on. Get the fuck up. Let's get outta here.
[he holds a hand out to Keigo, staring at the curled up form crouched on the floor.]
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and, honestly, he can't find the motivation to do that. it would mean putting dabi in harms way, more than before. twice too. everyone he's begun to care about. maybe even his little intern. the hero commission didn't stick to boundaries of what was right and what was wrong. they did as they pleased. they were the true evils of the world.
to have some secret informant under their care, it must mean they've always doubted him. or planned to use him. he was disposable. it didn't matter that he was the number two hero. he can see the headlines that 'number two hero hawks forced to retire due to villain incident' and he would be swept under the rug, under the hands of the hero commission. he only made it to the number two spot by being forced to sleep with those who could make the decision. he hated it. but it was decided of him.
everything was decided of him, from the moment he was born.
keigo doesn't realize the puddle of tears that begun to gather on the floor. he feels so cold, about to face his greatest fear. he's always been threatened to never bite the hand that feeds him. they've promised to destroy him immensely, make him beg for death. he failed in his endeavors to put a stop to them. they'll easily replace him with someone suitable. they'll kill twice, toga...dabi..
the door opening has him freezing and he's sure this is it. they really were that fast? he can't even look up, heart hammering in his chest, a look of dread in his eyes. this was it. to face the greatest evil he knew-
dabi's voice fills the room and keigo snaps his head up. he can't hide away his fear, but there's confusion there. dabi...left, didn't he? was this just his imagination playing tricks on him? no way was dabi here, offering his hand out.
he tries mouthing words, can't find his voice from his fear. he wants to take the hand though. wants to desperately be saved. that's all he wanted. but he doesn't deserve it. dabi was right. he deserved everything coming to him.]
I..don't...
[deserve you to save me.]
They'll..catch you. You have to go.
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